Coping through IR-1 when we have a child together

[CaroY 85]

Just wanting to vent/looking for advice.  We applied for IR-1 from Turkey but our son and I will have to leave ahead so he can start the school year in the US.  I’m just feeling very frustrated that there’s no priority for IR-1 over CR-1, particularly when there is a child who will be separated from a parent  Of course we will FaceTime/WhatsApp, but I’m worried my husband could be denied entry to visit, and it will be hard for us to visit, considering it is such a long trip and during the school year.  

I know that there are criteria to expedite at the NVC stage, and one is that the beneficiary’s child has started or will soon start school, but I assume that doesn’t apply if the child is also the petitioner’s.  

I’ve lived abroad with my spouse for 8 years, we share a child, and obviously our marriage is genuine.  No offense to those who apply for CR-1 shortly after marriage, but it just seems unfair that longer marriage aren’t more quickly processed, particularly when we will be separated for who knows how long with the current backlog.  

[SalishSea 18,139]

2 minutes ago, CaroY said:

Just wanting to vent/looking for advice.  We applied for IR-1 from Turkey but our son and I will have to leave ahead so he can start the school year in the US.  I’m just feeling very frustrated that there’s no priority for IR-1 over CR-1, particularly when there is a child who will be separated from a parent  Of course we will FaceTime/WhatsApp, but I’m worried my husband could be denied entry to visit, and it will be hard for us to visit, considering it is such a long trip and during the school year.  

I know that there are criteria to expedite at the NVC stage, and one is that the beneficiary’s child has started or will soon start school, but I assume that doesn’t apply if the child is also the petitioner’s.  

I’ve lived abroad with my spouse for 8 years, we share a child, and obviously our marriage is genuine.  No offense to those who apply for CR-1 shortly after marriage, but it just seems unfair that longer marriage aren’t more quickly processed, particularly when we will be separated for who knows how long with the current backlog.  

The queue is based on filing date, not marriage date.  Is there a reason why you waited 8 years to file?

 

Most everyone here has had to be patient with the immigration process....

[CaroY 85]

Yes, because we haven’t had the plan to move to the US for our entire marriage.  We were living our lives here. Circumstances change.  I know they’re processed by filing date, that’s why I said I was venting and looking for advice, not confirmation of what the process is.  I can be patient for myself, I feel less patient when I know my son and husband will be separated for months, processed at the same time as cases whose marriage dates are sometimes mere weeks before their application dates   Nothing against those cases!  I just wish there were separate piles for IR-1 and CR-1, that’s all.  Call me selfish.  

[CEE53147 559]

Choose between your child being near you both and starting school at a different time or starting school in Aug/Sept and being away from parent.  Complaining will not make a difference.

 

You admit that you had not planned to move to the US; many CR-1 people have likely had plans to move to US long before you changed your mind. You being angry will not get you anywhere, and  an "attitude" may hurt. He should be denied entry to visit as he is a likely overstay being too impatient to wait his turn.

 

You will not get any sympathy here from the many people who have waited and will wait far longer than your husband has or will. An attitude adjustment on your part will benefit your child as well as yourself.

Edited April 14, 2019 by CEE53147

[MrandMrsAlexander 44]

1 hour ago, CaroY said:

Yes, because we haven’t had the plan to move to the US for our entire marriage.  We were living our lives here. Circumstances change.  I know they’re processed by filing date, that’s why I said I was venting and looking for advice, not confirmation of what the process is.  I can be patient for myself, I feel less patient when I know my son and husband will be separated for months, processed at the same time as cases whose marriage dates are sometimes mere weeks before their application dates   Nothing against those cases!  I just wish there were separate piles for IR-1 and CR-1, that’s all.  Call me selfish.  

Ok “selfish. “

[CaroY 85]

Wow. Are most of you childless CR-1 filers?  Can you not empathize with a 6 year-old who will miss his father? Or parents who don’t want to see their child sad?  If the situation doesn’t applt to you, don’t feel compelled to respond. I’m asking for advice from those in a similar situation. I know we all feel there are reasons why we deserve a visa quickly. I don’t have an “attitude” and I, myself, am patient. For many reasons I have not gone into, our personal reasons and external circumstances have changed. We’re living with an economy that has rapidly declined (google “Turkish Lira” ).  Not that I deserve sympathy, but, as my Dad jokes, my husband has done his best to prove he hasn’t married me for a visa 😂 We chose to live here and now we’re choosing to live there. Everybody knows the backlog is terrible and the processing time has dramatically increased in the last year, as we’ve been making arrangements to move. 

 

As my first sentence said, I’m just venting and looking for those with advice. If you are posting to judge me, consider scrolling by  

[CaroY 85]

52 minutes ago, CEE53147 said:

You admit that you had not planned to move to the US; many CR-1 people have likely had plans to move to US long before you changed your mind. You being angry will not get you anywhere, and  an "attitude" may hurt. He should be denied entry to visit as he is a likely overstay being too impatient to wait his turn.

 

Not that I owe you an explanation, but we’re dealing with some health issues with my son that are much more easily handled in the US. We didn’t “change our minds” on a whim. Also, my husband and I have great respect for the law and he should not be denied entry on his 10-year visit visa, which he has used responsibly many times over the course of 7+ years, because he would *never* overstay. That’s a case of a few bad apples ruining it for the bunch. 

[AftM89 158]

The kind of advice or sympathetic words you are looking for ,I’m sorry to say you won’t get it here just like the others have said follow the process  and remember there will be no special treatment just cause you been married longer so just wait in line like everybody else and good luck

[CaroY 85]

Noted. Guess I assumed there would be other parents who have experienced this. Good luck to you all. 

[mniceguy16 187]

Does not matter Ir1 or Cr1 we all have same legal marriage certificates. Your logic simply means some people who get engaged and file the next month for a k1 should be separated from those who get engaged and file several years later for the same k1. Or maybe we the cr1 holders should be mad at the fact that k1s get approved at uscis,nvc and consulate faster than us? This is a free site and you can't come with "your attitude and expect people to come and give you "sweet" words maybe you could as well call uscis and tell them how you feel.

 

COMINNG FROM A DAD WHO HAS 2 US CITIZEN KIDS AND HAVE LIVED WITH THEM FOR OVER A YEAR AND A HALF IN A NEIGHBOURING COUNTRY WITH TURKEY and I guess you know Ukraine has a poorer economy thanTurkey and yes my kids are 6 and 3 years old they too have missed school for over a year.

Edited April 14, 2019 by mniceguy16

[AftM89 158]

2 minutes ago, CaroY said:

Noted. Guess I assumed there would be other parents who have experienced this. Good luck to you all. 

I’m a motherly and an IR2 my child has been separated from me for a couple of years but I won’t look for sympathy and have an attitude just cause things are not going my way...

[R&OC 371]

All you can do is make sure that all the forms and documents are in place so when you will get to the NVC stage, it will be possible for you to send off the required documents asap. As for your frustration, we all hear you because we all went through that in one way or the other. Your original post was perhaps phrased unfortunately but you won't find any sympathy from families who went through the same without feeling they should deserve a spot at the front part of the queue. Or primus inter paris - the first among equals. It just doesn't work that way unless your husband had tons of money to invest in the US economy and set up his business there. So I guess there is a platinum status after all. Just kidding.

 

Anyway, the process is frustrating. We all had some form of hardship and struggle. And the only thing you can do is making sure you have everything ready for the various upcoming deadlines. We went through the process in 12 months but could have done it in 10.5 months if not for a request for further evidence which was our mistake (RFE). I was separated from my children for similar reasons and one thing I do appreciate after all those months is that my kids and I learned to communicate so much better than before.

 

Nevertheless, some of us go through this a lot faster than others and I wish you and your family a speedy process.

Edited April 14, 2019 by R&OC

[Roel 7,193]

Sorry but you dont get a special treatment just because you're married longer or had a child. USCIS doesnt care and cant prioritize based on that because it would be discrimination towards couples who cant have kids, for example. 

 

Expecting special treatment based on that just makes you sound entitled. Short marriages are as genuine as long marriages and having. 

[Debzib88 85]

hey I'm sure there's plenty of people who get frustrated, I know I do. We all come close to losing our patience. It's only normal. This is a bloody hard process to deal with.  Long distance relationships are hard!! I get upset all the time. We have to go through so much just to be with the person we love. But it's worth it in the end. So just keep reminding yourself what's to come at the end of it.  Im currently apart from my husband and i had to go hospital yesterday because they thought I might have ruptured my waters, I'm only 19 weeks pregnant.  It was so scary going with out him. But Luckily baby's fine. I couldn't imagine how it would feel having to be apart and having the child go without seeing one of their parents not through choice. 😔 That just sucks!! But I'm just here showing some love, and hopefully you will be back with him soon. 🤞🏼💕

[Crazy Cat 42,293]

5 hours ago, CaroY said:

I’m just feeling very frustrated that there’s no priority for IR-1 over CR-1, particularly when there is a child who will be separated from a parent  

Here is another perspective: My wife and I are older than most on this forum.  When I submitted my I-130 in 2016, I was 63 and she was 58. We didn't have children immigrating and my children are grown.  Would it be fair to shove us back in line just because our life choices were later in life?  Can you imagine just how long it would have taken for my wife to immigrate if every couple who had a child was able to suddenly cut in line ahead of us?  Isn't separation from loved ones painful for EVERYONE?  

I think the current priority system is the most fair......after all, there is an avenue for expediting exceptional cases.........just my opinion.

 

Unfortunately, the current immigration process requires a great deal of knowledge, planning, time, patience, and money.......if anyone ever says that the process is fast or fun, then they are not truth tellers...good luck on your journey......every day is one day closer...

Edited April 14, 2019 by missileman