Abandon pending AOS consequences future visits US

[Carou 0]

Hi everyone,

I will first give you a short review of my case.

I entered with ESTA to visit my bf and the islands. He proposed and we married in good faith. We applied for AOS 1.5 months overstay in US. AOS is still pending as well as AP and Work permit. I'm in US under 180 days still.

 

Now my situation in US hit me hard and I did not expect any of this to be that difficult. After moving together we experienced some real compatibility issues which we didn't had at long distance relationship. We did counseling but it got worse. We don't know if we will make it. On top, I got really homesick, knowing my mom is getting sicker and my family is really close to me. Being isolated for so long where I live in the US I got depressed and cry a lot which takes a toll on the marriage (you would not imagine it is hard to make friends or volunteer here, I am an extrovert but I tried both unsuccessfully, my hub is an extreme introvert so he could not help me a lot). Not be able to work and not knowing what I will do here got me anxious as hell too.

 

I now am longing to go home before my AP is issued to safe my mental health. My AOS will be considered abandoned. First, my hub and I thought about filing CR1 from there but I don't think that I want to live permanently in the US since I got the experience now. When he retires in 3 years he wants to come live with me but you never know what will happen in the meantime. I still wish to visit the US in the future, since I got friends on the mainland and still care for my husband. 

 

My concern/ question now:

 

Will I ever be granted another tourist visa in future? If so, how long do I have to wait until it is safe to apply and be granted?

Is it smarter to get a divorce so I am more likely to get a tourist visa in future?

If I try again to work things out and then leave after 180 days but before GC, my situation will get worse right?

Any further advice on my situation?

 

Please help and thank you for your compassion and advice!

[Boiler 45,486]

Sounds like you currently have no ban, and seems unlikely that you will be getting a B anytime soon.

 

I would wait until you can show you are solidly based back in Germany, all the usual stuff that you would not leave before applying.

 

Married or not I would not think makes a difference, bit of an odd question.

 

 

[payxibka 10,045]

6 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Sounds like you currently have no ban, and seems unlikely that you will be getting a B anytime soon.

 

I would wait until you can show you are solidly based back in Germany, all the usual stuff that you would not leave before applying.

 

Married or not I would not think makes a difference, bit of an odd question.

 

 

It's the new uscis program, it's called "Divorce for visa" 

[geowrian 22,337]

You VWP/ESTA days are permanently gone due to even 1 day of overstay. You will need a visa to visit in the future.

 

Whether or not you will be issued said visa depends on your circumstances at the time you apply. I would not expect anything in the near future.

[Carou 0]

1 hour ago, payxibka said:

It's the new uscis program, it's called "Divorce for visa" 

Why I asked is because I still want to visit my hub and friends here but thought that maybe this marriage tie would cause a red flag for a new non immigrant visa. So I'd rather would get a divorce in order to have better chances to be granted a visa and be able to see him than having a marital status.

[Boiler 45,486]

You have plenty of more significant issues.

[Crazy Cat 41,845]

8 minutes ago, Carou said:

Why I asked is because I still want to visit my hub and friends here but thought that maybe this marriage tie would cause a red flag for a new non immigrant visa. So I'd rather would get a divorce in order to have better chances to be granted a visa and be able to see him than having a marital status.

Overstay and previous immigrant intent will limit your options in the future for some time, imo.

[ChibiBeckyG 21]

 

25 minutes ago, Carou said:

Why I asked is because I still want to visit my hub and friends here but thought that maybe this marriage tie would cause a red flag for a new non immigrant visa. So I'd rather would get a divorce in order to have better chances to be granted a visa and be able to see him than having a marital status.

Your marriage isn't so much the issue as is the fact you came into the US on a 90 day Visitors Visa and overstayed it. It might not be so much an issue if you had legally gotten a fiance visa. But the ESTA isn't going to take into consideration your failed marriage, because you were not supposed to use the ESTA that way in the first place. People will be less sympathetic here, because you effectively skipped the queue - you said your husband is 3 years away from retirement, so you were both old enough to have some idea that immigration isn't just a case of "oh I'll just stay here and get married"

I was 19-20  when I first looked into what I would need to do to marry my partner 10 years ago. Really no excuse for using the visitor visa for getting married and then going "lol made a mistake!" and your husband really should of cared more about your legal status, rather than rushing things in such a careless and selfish fashion. 

If you leave within 180 days of your overstay then you could avoid a ban, but you will always have issues applying for the ESTA in future and probably will have longer waits in passport control as I imagine they will be less keen to pass you though without question. When you entered the US you made a promise to stay only 90 days, you broke that trust and it will always be on your record. 

I've had to do an interview once when I accidentally gave off the idea I might stay beyond the ESTA by calling my partner my fiance on entry. US Passport Officials will keep you long as they want till they are satisfied you are not overstaying and are not obligated to be nice about it. 

Leave after 180 and you are absolutely getting a ban for at least 3 years. So personally I would make sure you leave before then if you are really that unhappy. If things are so bad that you had to go into counselling this quick, then he's absolutely not worth chancing a 3 to 10 year ban from travelling to the US and any future issues that would result from that. 

Also please, please if you leave to go back home, review this relationship and take time for yourself. This does not sound like a good relationship, and yet you are giving this person chances when he's already saddled you with a host of issues that will always be on your record. Be with family, and if the topic of doing CR1 does come up then don't feel like you have to do it because you are married. 

If your already in counselling within this short of time, it's really not worth it. Go home, detangle yourself and in future don't marry guys who propose on the first meeting. 
 

Edited April 13, 2019 by ChibiBeckyG

[geowrian 22,337]

As has been noted, the ESTA days are gone. One is no longer eligible - ever - if they have overstayed any entry.

[Carou 0]

20 minutes ago, ChibiBeckyG said:

I was 19-20  when I first looked into what I would need to do to marry my partner 10 years ago. Really no excuse for using the visitor visa for getting married and then going "lol made a mistake!" and your husband really should of cared more about your legal status, rather than rushing things in such a careless and selfish fashion. 

Thank you for your reply. I am taking responsibility for my naivity. I came to visit and we already did long distance for some time. We were so in love and happy to be together that he proposed and then we went to an immigration attorney to figure out the possibilities. He actually advised us the AOS from within the US but I was not aware of any of the harsh consequences for me back then. I should have looked into it further. After we applied things got worse all of a sudden. My homesickness kicked in and my husband changed too. Both made me depressed. Now indeed, it was my naivity to be convinced that the relationship will work out when we never lived together before.

[ChibiBeckyG 21]

Just now, Carou said:

Thank you for your reply. I am taking responsibility for my naivity. I came to visit and we already did long distance for some time. We were so in love and happy to be together that he proposed and then we went to an immigration attorney to figure out the possibilities. He actually advised us the AOS from within the US but I was not aware of any of the harsh consequences for me back then. I should have looked into it further. After we applied things got worse all of a sudden. My homesickness kicked in and my husband changed too. Both made me depressed. Now indeed, it was my naivity to be convinced that the relationship will work out when we never lived together before.

To clarify, I don't wish to cause upset because I can understand the temptation to rush into a relationship and have experienced what it's like to be in a bad one. But at the same time I do not want to downplay your situation. 

I knew my partner online before we met, I will say that online is very different to real life. But I had already experienced that lesson prior and took time with it. Online is a good start, but not really a proper substitute for getting to know each other. Too much can be easily hidden and more negative quirks less apparent + online rarely a situation where you have to learn to deal with each others less attractive qualities (or qualities that clash rather than harmonize) 

We took a lot of time and did a lot of visits to ensure we got past the "honeymoon" phase of dating and also had time to let the excitement of being somewhere new wear off a bit. It was love at first sight for us, but I don't regret taking the time because we both had things to work on. 

We had immigration attorney suggest it too when we enquired years back, and it was a bit tempting, but yes - doing it that way means there's 0 fallback for you if it goes wrong. At end of the day it's skipping the system, works fine if AOS goes thru and the marriage is fine. But means the US govt isn't obligated to give you slack when it goes wrong, because far as they are concerned, you were only visiting and broke the rules. 

But as I said at the end of the previous post, please give yourself time to process things. Get home and talk with family and spend time with people you care about. There's a remote off chance this thing will work, but do not fool yourself into thinking this guy will ever be the guy you thought he was when the relationship was online or that he magically will become so with time apart. The reality is likely what your seeing now -  is what your getting for the long term, and I'm gonna say it doesn't really sound like he's worth the trouble in the long run.