How to deal with your son/daughter

[Greenbaum 12,259]

It starts with the parents. Both have to be on the same page and both need to dish out punishment when needed. Children need controls. If you don't abide by that then you will get a rebellious child no matter what age. I have a son who is now 24 and he was a handful. We would knock heads and sometimes we wouldn't speak for days. Now he is at an age and is on his own that he is starting to realize what I had to say holds true has be faces hurdles like all of us on a day to day basis. He does have the common core on how he will face life changes.

 

Sending them back to the Phil is not going to change this. All you are doing is passing your "problem" back to your relatives which I don't see fair to them or to your daughter. Unless of course she goes and lives in Duterte's house, I'm sure that attitude will change.

[Hank_ 9,174]

1 hour ago, Cyberfx1024 said:

There is privacy then there is a door slam because they are mad. I am waiting for the door slam so that I can take the door off the hinges and poof no door. 

EXACTLY!!

 

There is something very missing with many children today ....  they aren't taught it here   (where it abounds in the Phils)

 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T 

 

 

[Faithfully03 2]

Thank you guys! There is nothing worse for a parent knowing your child is going to the wrong direction. I have been there and absolutely not wanting my daughter to have the same mistake. I wish I would have listened to my parents and I would have probably finished college. I was with the wrong friends and got pregnant and gave birth at 17. My daughter's dad had no intention with her.

 

There is nothing wrong adapting the American culture I did not really mean it to sound bad. I have chose to moved her here and worked so hard for that to happen. All I'm saying is I want her to know where she came from and not loose respect and be responsible so that when she is on her own she will not have a problem how to take care of herself, keeping a job and such in the future.

 

I posted here because I am hoping that there are people having to deal with the same situation when they moved they child/children here in the US from the Philippines and could tell me how are they coping and dealing with their preteen/teenager. My husband and I are so lost and do not know how to discipline her anymore. We had given her almost everything she asked for. We are not rich but we work so hard to provide for our children. My husband has a 13 y/o son who acts no where near like my daughter. My daughter is either in school or just home that is why I am so shocked where is she learning all these things she is doing and saying to us. She recently took $50 from us without asking so she can get her nails done. I did not find out until 2 days later when I was going to deposit the money and went to ask my husband if he took the money. My daughter told me that her friend's aunt paid for her nails. I was so mad and went after my daughter and sure enough she admitted she took the money and then I took her phone away and came to find out  when she had sleepover that weekend (she barely have sleepover and not having any lately because she has been getting in so much trouble) that she was offering her friend to pay for their nails. The nails that my daughter only kept for a week and take it off. I have been in the US for 7 years and have done my nails here once! They are very expensive! Now we are giving her allowance again even though she is not really doing chores at home so that she will not take money that does not belong to her. But once she have the money she immediately want to spend it for the things that are not necessary and if I get in a way and not let her buy the things she wanted to buy and tell her to save her money for now and spend it for something she could really use later she will get mad at me and we will get in a fight.

 

Yes sending her back home was a thought. I asked her if she wanted to do that, to go to school in PI. All she tells me is "I don't know" I try to ask her what can we do to get this resolved and what does she want and why is she acting the way she does she will tell me "I don't know" She won't give me an answer and will always tell us she don't know.

[Faithfully03 2]

2 hours ago, Hank_ said:

EXACTLY!!

 

There is something very missing with many children today ....  they aren't taught it here   (where it abounds in the Phils)

 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T 

 

 

Totally agree! I always get compliments at work when they find out I'm from the Philippines and they'll tell me people from the Philippines are nice, smart and respectful.

[Faithfully03 2]

4 hours ago, Cyberfx1024 said:

There is privacy then there is a door slam because they are mad. I am waiting for the door slam so that I can take the door off the hinges and poof no door. 

Exactly what my husband want to do sometimes.

[Ontarkie 14,228]

I may not be from the PI, but my Canadian mostly raised children are much different than their US friends. My 4 older now kids never got a cell phone until they got a job and bought it themselves. That wasn't until college. 

 

I see a few things that wouldn't fly in my house. Allowance would  never happen, on top of it she's not even working to get it. You are just teaching her that she throws a big enough fit she will get what she wants. If you're determined to give her one make her earn it. Once that money is her money you don't get to tell her what to spend it on. You gave it to her she can do what she wants with it. When she has none left too bad for her.  

 

You say she just does school and home. Maybe she's bored, maybe she is being bullied at school. If she is paying for others to get their nails done. It could be because she is trying to fit in or be cool. Kids that age are total brats. This is where she is learning all the horrible things she says to you. Someone she is hanging out with at school is either saying it to others or to her and she is joining in or the one being picked on. 

 

Corporal punishment is a good way for her to call the cops on you. These days they do learn that in school.  Plus at her age it's not going to work. Counseling is something that can help you two talk. Oh and please do not be comparing her to her step brother. Boys and girls are a totally different breed of teenager. 

Edited April 11, 2019 by Ontarkie

[Carpe Vinum 2,327]

I can always tell by members' comments who have raised children and who have not)))))) I raised 4 sons (with a great ex-wife) who are all successful adults. Corporal punishment really does not work. Plus, I never really had the heart for it. Actions have consequences. This must always be stressed. Also be consistent with punishment. Praise must be given as well. Acknowledge the positive changes she may make. Good Luck! It will get better)

[Carpe Vinum 2,327]

5 hours ago, Ontarkie said:

I may not be from the PI, but my Canadian mostly raised children are much different than their US friends. My 4 older now kids never got a cell phone until they got a job and bought it themselves. That wasn't until college. 

 

I see a few things that wouldn't fly in my house. Allowance would  never happen, on top of it she's not even working to get it. You are just teaching her that she throws a big enough fit she will get what she wants. If you're determined to give her one make her earn it. Once that money is her money you don't get to tell her what to spend it on. You gave it to her she can do what she wants with it. When she has none left too bad for her.  

 

You say she just does school and home. Maybe she's bored, maybe she is being bullied at school. If she is paying for others to get their nails done. It could be because she is trying to fit in or be cool. Kids that age are total brats. This is where she is learning all the horrible things she says to you. Someone she is hanging out with at school is either saying it to others or to her and she is joining in or the one being picked on. 

 

Corporal punishment is a good way for her to call the cops on you. These days they do learn that in school.  Plus at her age it's not going to work. Counseling is something that can help you two talk. Oh and please do not be comparing her to her step brother. Boys and girls are a totally different breed of teenager. 

God or whoever knew I could not survive this...)))

[Going through 5,671]

6 hours ago, Faithfully03 said:

Yes sending her back home was a thought. I asked her if she wanted to do that, to go to school in PI. All she tells me is "I don't know"

Well, in all fairness---it might have popped in her mind when you asked her that you were sending her away/didn't want her around anymore like a punishment tactic.  At her young age, that may have been a frightening thought of "you want to be with your new family instead of her".  Obviously this is not what you meant, but may have been how she viewed it and responded with the "I don't know".

 

Just be careful how the idea of going back home is brought up to her, and how frequently it's brought up to her, is all I'm trying to say.  The last thing you want to put in her mind is that you're abandoning her because she's a bad kid (not that you're doing this, again how she may come to view it).

 

6 hours ago, Faithfully03 said:

I try to ask her what can we do to get this resolved and what does she want and why is she acting the way she does she will tell me "I don't know" She won't give me an answer and will always tell us she don't know.

Remember that she's only 12.  At 12 she really doesn't know how to resolve a lot of stuff that's going on for her at that age.

 

In the interim, is there a school guidance counselor/social worker she can talk to?

 

 

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

1 hour ago, boris64 said:

I can always tell by members' comments who have raised children and who have not)))))) I raised 4 sons (with a great ex-wife) who are all successful adults. Corporal punishment really does not work. Plus, I never really had the heart for it. Actions have consequences. This must always be stressed. Also be consistent with punishment. Praise must be given as well. Acknowledge the positive changes she may make. Good Luck! It will get better)

I have 1 son (10) and 3 daughters (12, 5, and 2). Corporal punishment does work when it is done in moderation. When I got custody of my 2 older kids I had to use it to bring them in line because their mom let them be wild kids. Now they are fine for the most part even though my 12 year old has some problems because she is a teenager, but she knows she won't slam the door in my house.