How to deal with your son/daughter

[Faithfully03 2]

So my daughter has been here for couple years now. She is turning 12 this year. For the last year we have been having to deal with her behavior. She has changed immensely and has adopted the American culture 100% and has zero filipino culture and unfortunately that is bad outcome. She is very defiant and have no remorse for what she did. Talks back a lot and been having c’s and d’s at school. Would totally lie and say she is not feeling well so she can skip school sometimes. I have asked her over and over to tell me whAt the problem is but she won’t tell me. I am so lost and don’t know what to do. Anybody who have the same problem or have gone through this?

[Roel 7,193]

3 minutes ago, Faithfully03 said:

So my daughter has been here for couple years now. She is turning 12 this year. For the last year we have been having to deal with her behavior. She has changed immensely and has adopted the American culture 100% and has zero filipino culture and unfortunately that is bad outcome. She is very defiant and have no remorse for what she did. Talks back a lot and been having c’s and d’s at school. Would totally lie and say she is not feeling well so she can skip school sometimes. I have asked her over and over to tell me whAt the problem is but she won’t tell me. I am so lost and don’t know what to do. Anybody who have the same problem or have gone through this?

Rebel - that's what teenagers do. It will pass eventually.

You moved her to the US, so don't complain that she'd adopting the culture.

 

All in all, that's hardly a question for the immigration forum. Maybe seek some family counseling or just let your daughter be whoever she wants to be, without judging her for not having a Filipino culture..

[Faithfully03 2]

1 minute ago, Roel said:

Rebel - that's what teenagers do. It will pass eventually.

You moved her to the US, so don't complain that she'd adopting the culture.

 

All in all, that's hardly a question for the immigration forum. Maybe seek some family counseling or just let your daughter be whoever she wants to be, without judging her for not having a Filipino culture..

Even though she says she wants to runaway and would rather live in hell because she is mad at us because we get mad at her because of the things she does that is so inappropriate and just wrong?

[Roel 7,193]

6 minutes ago, Faithfully03 said:

Even though she says she wants to runaway and would rather live in hell because she is mad at us because we get mad at her because of the things she does that is so inappropriate and just wrong?

Well, sounds like a typical teenager. 

To be honest my best advice would be having a calm talk with her, explaining that you're worried about her but you're willing to give her space if she follows some ground rules. Like homework or whatever. I'm not a parent but I was a rebellious teenager. There is nothing worse than a parent nagging at you. 

Especially if you're mad at her for being American when that's what she mostly knows... 

[WaterLeaf 201]

34 minutes ago, Roel said:

Maybe seek some family counseling

Could be the best option if you're willing to spend some money for it... Roel said the good stuff though.

[Hank_ 9,174]

Look more closely at who she calls "friends"     She have a cell phone .. "gone!"

[Roel 7,193]

1 hour ago, Hank_ said:

Look more closely at who she calls "friends"     She have a cell phone .. "gone!"

I'm pretty sure mother going through the daughter's phone will NOT make this situation any easier lol. Especially if daughter finds out.

[cyclone27 710]

^ called tough love and I’m sure said phone was bought by the parents.

 

You are a parent not a friend - start taking away privileges as punishment. Give back when she has an attitude readjustment and brings her marks up to something respectable.

 

 

[Hank_ 9,174]

21 minutes ago, Roel said:

I'm pretty sure mother going through the daughter's phone will NOT make this situation any easier lol. Especially if daughter finds out.

I didn't say  "Go through the phone" ....  remove the privilege ..  NO phone.      Going through the phone ... "especially if the daughter finds out" ?     .. really?    Child is a minor ..  it is that simple

[Roel 7,193]

23 minutes ago, Hank_ said:

I didn't say  "Go through the phone" ....  remove the privilege ..  NO phone.      Going through the phone ... "especially if the daughter finds out" ?     .. really?    Child is a minor ..  it is that simple

No.. not really. This is how your child stops trusting you forever. Might be a child but child needs privacy also.

Anyway. This is a wrong forum to ask this kind of questions.

[Chris Duffy 1,257]

6 hours ago, Faithfully03 said:

So my daughter has been here for couple years now. She is turning 12 this year. For the last year we have been having to deal with her behavior. She has changed immensely and has adopted the American culture 100% and has zero filipino culture and unfortunately that is bad outcome. She is very defiant and have no remorse for what she did. Talks back a lot and been having c’s and d’s at school. Would totally lie and say she is not feeling well so she can skip school sometimes. I have asked her over and over to tell me whAt the problem is but she won’t tell me. I am so lost and don’t know what to do. Anybody who have the same problem or have gone through this?

I am for tough discipline, at her age of 12 she needs tough love.  Whether it be having her kneel on salt, or corporal punishment with belts or switches when she acts up.  I have known many parents from Philippines who have raised their kids in the USA and for the most part they were able to raise them with the Filipino culture still embedded in them.

 

Hank make a good point about removing the phone, and I am sure her friend are influencing her as well.  

 

 

[Going through 5,671]

6 hours ago, Faithfully03 said:

So my daughter has been here for couple years now. She is turning 12 this year. For the last year we have been having to deal with her behavior. She has changed immensely and has adopted the American culture 100% and has zero filipino culture and unfortunately that is bad outcome. She is very defiant and have no remorse for what she did. Talks back a lot and been having c’s and d’s at school. Would totally lie and say she is not feeling well so she can skip school sometimes. I have asked her over and over to tell me whAt the problem is but she won’t tell me. I am so lost and don’t know what to do. Anybody who have the same problem or have gone through this?

12 is a very tough age.  My daughter is 12 now so I can relate.  Between body changes, hormonal changes, starting to become a teenager, etc. it does seem she's acting a bit defiant and it's common at this stage.  

 

Don't stress over her "adopting the American culture"....she lives in America, as she gets older the bulk of her life is going to be probably spent living in America (whereas the bulk of your life was living in another country)...so presumably she's going to end up adopting the American culture more as the years go by.   That's not to say she shouldn't recognize her roots---that's where you come in to keep her familiarized about that as she grows.  However her adopting the American culture shouldn't be disparaged at the same time....she can balance both, if she wishes to.

 

As far as school goes---set up a conference with her teachers if you haven't already done so.  Usually they can give you a good idea as to what issues she may be facing there from their own observations.  Not just academically but also socially.  The wanting to skip school is normal...how many times as adults did we wish/want to skip going to work?  How many times as children did we want to not go to school on a particular day?

 

12 is around the age where children start to really become more independent and spread their wings a bit more.  They are also quite impressionable at that age so yes, keep an eye on the types of influences around her.

[Hank_ 9,174]

52 minutes ago, Roel said:

No.. not really. This is how your child stops trusting you forever. Might be a child but child needs privacy also.

Anyway. This is a wrong forum to ask this kind of questions.

Wrong forum ?   .. this is the Philippine forum, it isn't a "just visa forum" .. if you haven't been to the Philippines and experience family there ...  well .. 'nuff said

 

As for "privacy" and her phone .. NOT

Edited April 11, 2019 by Hank_

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

3 hours ago, Hank_ said:

Look more closely at who she calls "friends"     She have a cell phone .. "gone!"

 

1 hour ago, Roel said:

I'm pretty sure mother going through the daughter's phone will NOT make this situation any easier lol. Especially if daughter finds out.

Sorry I have a 12 year old now who wants a phone and that ain't happening in my house at all. When she goes to her mom's every other weekend then she gets a phone over there to use and already has been texting/video calling another boy in one of her classes. Which I have already spoken to her about that and her grades overall. 

 

The key part here is being firm. 

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

25 minutes ago, Hank_ said:

Wrong forum ?   .. this is the Philippine forum, it isn't a "just visa forum" .. if you haven't been to the Philippines and experience family there ...  well .. 'nuff said

 

As for "privacy" and her phone .. NOT

There is privacy then there is a door slam because they are mad. I am waiting for the door slam so that I can take the door off the hinges and poof no door.