A Broken Journey

[Marry American 0]

Just a question VJ...since her husband was sent to jail...will he be made to leave the country (fiance asked)????

God, I hope so... but I don't know. If he actually has an AOS interview, the arrest will come up and hopefully AOS will be denied. If there is no interview, I'm not sure how things will work... heLL, I'm not sure of any of it, but I sure as heLL hope he gets sent back to Egypt.

That is what my fiance thinks should happen to him. I don't really have an opinion. I think it is awful any kind of abuse from anyone. I hope appropriate measure will be enforced.

[Marry American 0]

People I know that have gone through this experience or worse has had the support of family and friends until the very end!!!

if you have never been in this situation how can you comment on friends and family reactions?

just because, you know of someone dont mean that other 99% of the abused ladies/ girls dont get blown off by friends and family members. dont get support and respect confused.

when you returned to your attacker - your family does loose respect for you. because, they know you better! They know that you were not the person the attacker made you become! let me tell ya, my friends got upset with me, they also blew me off. when I made the choice to get out of the marriage they were there for me 100% They showed up with the police and that man was forever out of my life. they also involved me with things to keep my mind off the situation.

No, I have never been in that situation, but again the people I know that have been through this kind of ordeal has always gotten support from family and friends!!! Their families did not lose respect for them either.

[Marry American 0]

This is true. Even if it's not abuse but something else like cheating, friends and family get tired of hearing the boo hoos and watching the loved one crawl back to their abuser. I can tell you from experience, it's extremely frustrating to deal with someone who doesn't love themselves enough to stop accepting abuse.

I would get tired of hearing the boo hoo and the same awful stories too, but lose repsect for the victim, no! Lose respect for the abuser, yes!

[noura 0]

I would get tired of hearing the boo hoo and the same awful stories too, but lose repsect for the victim, no! Lose respect for the abuser, yes!

I'm sorry, but yes, I would lose respect for someone who continually went back to an abuser. It's not to say I wouldn't be there to help when they **really** wanted/needed help, but how can you respect someone who has so little respect for themselves and would continually choose a situation like that?

I'm sorry.... it's tough love time!!!!!

[ya falaha! 0]

Like I said before, I've had experience dealing with a friend who kept going back for more and I basically washed my hands of the situation...I told her I didn't want to hear anymore until she decided she didn't want to take anymore shet. I would help her in the end (if she finally decides she's had enough). Until then, I don't even want to hear the man's name mentioned.

I would get tired of hearing the boo hoo and the same awful stories too, but lose repsect for the victim, no! Lose respect for the abuser, yes!

I'm sorry, but yes, I would lose respect for someone who continually went back to an abuser. It's not to say I wouldn't be there to help when they **really** wanted/needed help, but how can you respect someone who has so little respect for themselves and would continually choose a situation like that?

I'm sorry.... it's tough love time!!!!!

[~ Karima ~ 0]

Just a question VJ...since her husband was sent to jail...will he be made to leave the country (fiance asked)????

God, I hope so... but I don't know. If he actually has an AOS interview, the arrest will come up and hopefully AOS will be denied. If there is no interview, I'm not sure how things will work... heLL, I'm not sure of any of it, but I sure as heLL hope he gets sent back to Egypt.

Wouldn't this arrest show up in security checks? One would hope that the gov't wouldn't allow an abuser to stay here.

I would think she can call USCIS and put a hault on the AOS since it has not yet been approved.

[*JG* 2]

My prayers are with you.

[Mandolin_68 0]

In abolutely NO WAY am I defending what Muhammad has done or the completely horrendous way in which he has treated you, but I too have noticed a change in my husband since his arrival in the U.S. We lived together in Jordan for several months and everything was wonderful. I was forced to return to the U.S. and wait for his arrival here a year later. A few days after his arrival I noticed him withdrawing into himself and becoming quiet. His smiles disappeared and his words fell nearly silent. He refused to leave the house, he refused to socialize, and although he remained polite with my family he had no desire to see them. Out of what I think is fear, he began to criticize the American culture and way of life....everything from the way we build our houses, to our street laws and other aspects of our lives. He NEVER became physically abusive with me but I knew something was wrong even though he refused to talk to me about it.

It is VERY difficult for these men to come here. Most have never traveled outside the city they were born in much less beyond their country and to a whole new world. It takes a tremendous emotional toll on them and many have trouble dealing with this. They have left everything they have known all their lives, not knowing when they will return - if ever, and it is a huge blow to their egos to come here and live in a woman's house with many of us whom work jobs while they are stuck at home waiting for theor EAD. Many of these guys were prominent members of their community back home and worked respectable jobs and now that they are here they have trouble getting hired at Wal-Mart and are constantly reminded that they are not as good as U.S. Citizen and made to feel sub-human. This is A LOT to handle and many simply snap.

Again, this is NO EXCUSE or REASON to EVER EVER hit another human being, much less your wife - the person who has stood by your side and done so much for you. I am already researching counselors and am doing my best to help my husband through this difficult time. I've pushed and finaly goten him to talk to me and we have begun to work it out together but I am still seeking professional assistance. I hope you are able to recover and heal from this terrible ordeal and my thoughts and prayers are with you, but please remember that you are NOT alone.

[ya falaha! 0]

Mandolin, I'm sorry to hear that your husband is struggling but I have to say that not all MENA men have this reaction. My husband has had a positive reaction so far. He has shown no signs of depression or withdrawal. Sure it bugs him that he has to stay home while waiting for his EAD but it's something that he knew would happen. He helps around the house...washing dishes, making the bed, straightening up, etc. to make up for the fact that I'm out working and he's at home. He's only made good observations about life here. This is man who lived in a rural farming town all his life and had never traveled outside of his country before.

[Nasturtium 500]

Amanda-- that is really quite common and it's part of culture shock. I've gone through it when I moved to the South, and I am currently in stage 2 with Jordan LOL.

[maggieNomar 0]

All any of us can do is love you Jean. Take care and let us know if we can do anything for you.

[peezey 0]

Amanda-- that is really quite common and it's part of culture shock. I've gone through it when I moved to the South, and I am currently in stage 2 with Jordan LOL.

Nothing in there about hitting, beating, or bruising someone else during any of the stages.

[Marry American 0]

My fiance has been here for a month. I see no signs of him struggling. I always ask questions about here and there, but I always get a positive response. I know for sure he really misses his mother; I make sure he calls her regularly. I hope if something bothers him at some point, I will notice something.

[Henia 11]

You are my dua Jean.... I am truly at a lose for words. I can say Allah works in mysterious ways...and it is all the Qadr of Allah.... Be strong and we ( I ) am here for you enchallah!

[Nasturtium 500]

Nothing in there about hitting, beating, or bruising someone else during any of the stages.

Umm of course? Because that's not whom I was replying to Peezy. Amanda also did not mention anything about any of these things.