A Broken Journey

[Sofiyya 1,687]

PS - I know that women who are beaten by their SOs often blame themselves for their attacker's choices, and I got a hint in your post that this is happening to you, Jean. One thing to remember and believe is that what has happened to Moh is NOT YOUR FAULT! No matter how he is feeling, you do not deserve to be hit and you have NOTHING to feel guilty about. He is a grown man, made his own choices and didn't not respect your sacrifices to make a life for the two of you here. Keep that in mind. Bad behavior has consequences and you did the best you could.

[driss&allie 0]

I am so sorry that you had to go through this horror. My heart goes out to you and my prayers go up for you.

[kerewin21 2]

I'm so sorry Jean, I know what a difficult road this has been. You absolutely, positively did the right thing. It wasn't you who sent him to jail. He got *himself* sent to jail. He's the one who decided to hurt you, and only he is to blame for what has happened.

[babybunny 2]

This is another type of visa tale. While most write their "happily ever after" stories and experiences here, I am writing another type of story. Consider it part of my healing. I am tired of hiding. I refuse to be a victim even though I still have some pretty weak moments where I go off and cry rivers of self pity.

Most of you know the story of our visa journey. I lived almost a year in Egypt with Mohammed. We were as happy as Egypt would allow us to be. Our relationship grew strong and tight. I was forced to leave Egypt and return to the USA to rebuild my life with nothing but the suitcase I was lugging behind me on the promise I would bring him here. He was in the same boat in Egypt. I worked through my heartbreak to begin building my life, finding a job, securing a job and a car and as much sanity as I could muster so I could get him here as soon as possible. I missed him terribly and we were both in pretty desperate situations.

A year and a half after I had to leave him crying in the airport, his visa was granted and he arrived in the USA. Three days later we were married. AOS was filed. We happily made our plans for the future. Unfortunately this is where my story takes a turn.

Mohammed started acting very strangely. He would crawl off alone and sulk. When I would finally get him to tell me what was wrong he would give me some fairytale scenario about my plans to dump him, or something else equally ridiculous and I would explain endlessly these things were his own manifestations and not true. These episodes got worse. I realized he was placing blame on me for his own fears and frustrations as he struggled to adjust. I talked myself blue. Some days he would relax and be himself. Most days his mood was foul and his temper horrible and I found myself becoming more and more nervous. That's when he started hitting me.

Five times I suffered through his bruisings, each time was worse then the time before. Each time I would find myself getting more and more angry as my bruises throbbed reminding me what I sacrificed for him and that it was not returned. Tuesday was the last straw. As I suffered his hammering fists he punched me in the chest as hard as he could, right exactly where my heart is. It knocked the breath out of me and as I got up off the floor I made a decision. I called the police.

They took him away in cuffs. My bruises were photographed by an uncaring female police officer and I was given a rather stern talking to by the paramedics and the first police officer that arrived. "He will do it again." Those are the words stuck in my darkest nightmares now.

He is in jail. I was assured he would be released the next day at the time of his arrest, my family all but forced me to file the restraining order to protect myself and still it was not my will to do it. The next morning I discovered he was placed on $3,000 bond. He did something stupid I'm sure. This is not "normal". I will face him in court in a week and I have no idea what to expect or even what to do. I am financially ruined. I have no way to bail him out.

All I know is I'm alone again. My body is covered in bruises and it still hurts to take a deep breath. My husband... my god I sent my husband to JAIL. The man I yearned for, longed for, cried for, fought for and waited for... is now in jail. I cannot find the proper words to explain even how that feels. Medication helps me live with myself. I don't know what to do now.

I really don't want advice. I've already heard it all. It all just makes an ugly smelly mud between my ears that keeps me awake at night. I would not wish this on anyone and my prayers are that all who are awaiting their reunions are blessed with happy and wonderful lives. Thank you for reading my words. As I said, this is my way of attempting to heal and bring sense to the chaos my life has become.

I am glad you shared your abuse saga. your gonna hate me but, please dont. I have to be frank because, my besfriend is in the same situation. I have been in the same situation as alot of ladies on this board and in your community.

if you stay in the relationship and accept his abuse you cant say nothing!! ! - no one would want to hear it either!!! its true when ladies get abused they RUN BACK TO HIM!!! now you are running back to him!!! your situation is not unique. your not telling anyone here nothing new. your actully trying to justify his actions and your actions. now because, you got abused by him you are trying to mentally abuse your family members and friends. they want to help you ..when you run back to him your causng your those around you the same abuse and frustrations.

to make my point valid you are involving your family and friends with the intention to "RUN BACK TO HIM". so what is it you want your family and friends to do? you really think they wanna hear your justifications about your husbands actions or your actions? no they want you to move on and get over that monster. They want to help you be the lady they know you to be!!

when I got abused by my ex. the police did the same to me. my situation was a lot diffrent but, then not really. I got abused the first day he stepped off the plane from his country. unlike you I listioned to my friends and got out the marriage after 21 days of marriage. I know we all expect the perfect marriage and our knight in shinning armour. when that dont happen we justify things. I questioned maybe I did not love him like he wanted. no I cant love a rapist or an abuser. thats what he was doing to me. I like you was embarrassed to tell my family and friends. after all I petitoned for the SOB to come here.

My mom told me this.

"you can NOT make anyone love you!!!! "

I refuse to allow any one to love me to DEATH.

each beating - will be worse than the last. until you wind up in the hospital and left for dead like my best friend. oh and yeah she still is with the man that nearly killed her.

my advise to her is DONT EVER TELL ME WHEN HE HITS YOU. - I dont want to know. because, you refuse to do anything about it. and its the same advise to you I give!

I am sorry if I upset you. I did not mean to. I do hope you get healing and move on.

[Tinker 0]

I really have no words, (hug)

Know your not alone, and believe in YOUrself.

edit: I am sorry to say baby bunny is right though.

Edited May 27, 2007 by Tinker

[peezey 0]

edit: I am sorry to say baby bunny is right though.

I'm not sorry to say it, Shon is right, and we know she means well and speaks from experience.

[JODO 2]

I am so sorry you are going through this,but you did the right thing. Your husband is mentally sick and needs help and he can only blame himself for his predicament. It took a great deal of courage to post this,but you never know who also may be suffering and maybe you will be an inspiration to someone else to say enough.

[Angel7422 0]

Jean,

I am so sad to hear this has happened and I agree with everyone that you are a brave woman for telling your story. Whatever you do please dont feel guilty about having your husband arrested, your health and well being comes first, what he did was unexcusable.

I know from reading all the posts you wrote that you loved him and wanted to share your life with him. The only one at fault in this is him because he had a wife who loved him completely and did everything to bring him here and help him adjust and he threw it all away. You did nothing to feel guilty about and I hope you know this. If you ever want to talk or vent we are here for you.

[Ta Ta 1]

<<<HUGS>>> if there is anything I can do for you please pm me at any time.

I am so sorry. You did the right thing. It was not your fault.

You will get through this and a brighter day will come !

[Michaela_Hassan 1]

I'm very sorry, how devastating. Don't blame yourself in this, do what's best for you and protect yourself. You're in my prayers.

[noura 0]

(F) I'm am stunned and so sorry to hear this. I agree you did the right thing and I also agree w/ Shon. (F)

(((((hugs)))))

[Nasturtium 500]

No one will ever think you wanted this or asked for it, no one will ever think you didn't love him because of this, and no one will ever accuse you of doing this to him-- because none of that is true. But you do need to stick with this decision. After he either kills you or moves on, he will continue this. If you cannot do this for yourself, do it for other women. You can have him sent back I am fairly sure... use the current difficulties in immigration to your best advantage. Then, unlike American women with American abusers you can rest a bit easier, knowing you sent him back where he was happy but also? Where he is FAR, FAR away from you. This will not go away. And in the end, this will take you months and months to put behind you, maybe longer than the process took itself, maybe longer than you knew him for... but you will feel better during this time eventually, and you will learn to put it behind you. You won't feel like this forever.

[Peggy 1]

I am so sorry to read this

You did the RIGHT thing

[ya falaha! 0]

Well said.

I agree with both Julianna and Shon. If he can do it once, twice, five times...he can easily continue. Please take care of yourself, Jean.

No one will ever think you wanted this or asked for it, no one will ever think you didn't love him because of this, and no one will ever accuse you of doing this to him-- because none of that is true. But you do need to stick with this decision. After he either kills you or moves on, he will continue this. If you cannot do this for yourself, do it for other women. You can have him sent back I am fairly sure... use the current difficulties in immigration to your best advantage. Then, unlike American women with American abusers you can rest a bit easier, knowing you sent him back where he was happy but also? Where he is FAR, FAR away from you. This will not go away. And in the end, this will take you months and months to put behind you, maybe longer than the process took itself, maybe longer than you knew him for... but you will feel better during this time eventually, and you will learn to put it behind you. You won't feel like this forever.

[AInfante-Saraireh 0]

It's great that you came here to post and vent. Some of us have been through this with american men. Either way, it's wrong! I'm so sorry you had to go through this. May God be with you and keep you safe and peaceful!