Out of the Blue

[Sandra G. 5,048]

3 hours ago, fcchief said:

She would take her sleep aid then watch tv falling asleep. When she was back in Japan she would commonly fall asleep watching movies on her iPad or when I was there would fall asleep watching tv, in Japan there was no couch so she would be in bed and fall asleep there. Her Japanese friend is 68 yrs old (she is 53) and happily married. 

I did not insinuate that she will be living with her friend as a couple .I see often here people arriving in the U.S and soon after moved in with their friends. But the problem here is not her friend ,the couch or the  bed but that she doesn’t love you, you asked and she answered you.

 

 

 

[Randyandyuni 2,682]

I would not AOS with her, if she chooses to stay here it's on her. offer her assistance to go back to Japan or the Philippines. let her make any subsequent moves. it seems clear that something is grossly amiss 

[Paul & Mallory 1,398]

On ‎3‎/‎24‎/‎2019 at 8:08 AM, Chris Duffy said:

Let her go back and move on with your life, She has something going on and more than likely related to a male she has met or known in the past.  Whether or not she will go home or to Japan or stay in the USA not the issue, she is wanting to break away.

 

 

I don't think it's fair to immediately insinuate the wife has found someone new and that's the reason this is happening. I haven't seen anything in what he's describing, so far, that indicates she's cheating or met someone new in the US. See below.

 

 

On ‎3‎/‎24‎/‎2019 at 8:05 PM, fcchief said:

I will call her doctor tomorrow and see if I can find out if it is depression. She won't even talk to me today, just grunts and once I got up this morning she went to bed (she has been sleeping on the futon in the living room) she has not left the bedroom other than to go to the bathroom.  Either sleeping or looking at her phone.  I will try to get some answers tomorrow. If she does not snap out of this funk or is unwilling to talk, then will institute dissolution process, and then send her back to Japan.  In the upcoming weeks. I appreciate everyones input. After knowing her for 10yrs and dated off and on over those years, even living together for months at a time it is just mind numbing.  To say nothing of the heart.

 

On ‎3‎/‎25‎/‎2019 at 2:11 PM, Mollie09 said:

Chantix is no joke with their side effects, btw. I haven't taken it, but someone close to me has described it as the worst medication he's ever taken. It was so bad he went back to smoking.

Based on many comments on this thread, particularly along the lines of the above in bold, I agree that it is most likely something she is struggling with. Whether it's directly symptomatic of the medication she's taking, or it's a combination of other things (i.e. homesickness) in addition to the type of medication she is on, that's what it looks like to me. Were the two of you educated on possible side effects of mixing something like Chantix with whatever anxiety medication she is on? Some medications cannot be combined with other types of medication. I have a relative who was put on specific anxiety medication a few years ago, along with some other meds for something unrelated, and it literally made her a crazy person. She was not herself, and as soon as she was taken off the weird med combo, she returned to her old self.

 

I'm not saying taking your wife off one of the meds she's on will magically turn her back into the person you knew before this all began happening, but you just never know what meds can do to you, both physically and mentally. Sometimes it's out of your control and you don't even realize it in the middle of it.

 

I definitely recommend seeing if she'd be willing to see someone (therapist), either with you or at least on her own. As others said - if she leaves now without a green card or advanced parole, she won't be able to come back under the same circumstances she's currently here under.

[Carpe Vinum 2,327]

On 3/24/2019 at 8:11 PM, Paul & Mary said:

I'm lucky because Tampo here doesn't last more than 6 hours.

 

OP - if this hasn't past by monday, see if you can get her some medical or psychological help and access the situation.   

 

Sorry to hear the adjustment issues but they do happen.

We have a tampo free relationship...thankfully. I don't know if i could deal with it)

 

I tend to take people at their word and usually believe in not trying to overcomplicate a situation when a clear explanation is at hand. Sandranj and RandyandYuni are spot on. Do not start AOS. I know it is difficult to hear but I think she has made it clear how she feels.

Edited March 31, 2019 by boris64

[fcchief 1]

Ok everyone, I appreciate all the advice. She came out of it last Tuesday.  I found out it was a jealousy issue. Seems a local band I worked for on the weekends had asked me if I could help load equipment for a gig as my replacement was sick. I asked the wife if she would mind, knowing it was a bar where they were playing. She said go ahead hon. Well when I got home around midnight she was still up. I told her all went well, and a certain lady (who incidentally is just a friend, she does the publicity for the band on Facebook) was there (she attends all their gigs). Well wife does not like this woman because A) She has insisted wife get up and dance with her at a couple shows we attended and B) She is always inviting me to the bands shows as well as a show on Sunday where the guitarist plays an accoustic set with another guy, blues, country. I guess she saw the invites as her asking me to go out, even though over 100 people get the same requests.  I apologized and told her we would not go to any even where she might be.  No skin off my nose and I kind of understand since this woman is very vocal, talks your head off and after a few minutes even I tire of listening to her. So all is good, also had her Japanese friend her ask her out for a day date and then her and her husband came out later that night for drinks.  Thank you all for all the advice, some I did not agree with and other advice was very insightful. Maraming Salamat!!

[TBoneTX 45,329]

Good that this was something specific and simple.

If you wish for this thread to be closed (= up to you), hit the "report post" button and so request.

[millefleur 5,046]

**Thread now locked from further comment as per OP's request.**

 

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