Regarding Child Maintanence Abroad

[MrsDarby 0]

Hi,

I hope someone has some information regarding this or can give me some advice! Thanks in advance.

My husband and I live in the US-he is from England. He has a son and an ex-wife in England. This ex-wife is absolutely relentless. My husband was paying a certain amount in child maintanence while living in the UK. He is unable to pay that amount over here, because he makes less, cost of living is less, and the dollar is less than the pound. Well, ex-wife and my husband had finally agreed on a fair amount of child support after going back and forth through her lawyer. Ex-wife will not deal with my husband regarding child maintenance-she prefers to do everything through her lawyer.

Now ex-wife wants the difference in the amount from what he was paying before and what he is paying now from the last 14 months. Her lawyer had sent my husband an e-mail regarding this, and they said they would take legal action against my husband, and that they can regardless of us living in the US. My husband responded to her e-mail immediately and said that at the moment he is unable to pay back. He also offered to send copies of his bank statements to prove that he is in serious debt. He is significantly into his overdraft in his UK account. We do not own anything of importance over here-cars are paid off and no house payments. I'm currently on maternity leave with our new baby, so I don't have income right now either. Well, he hasn't heard from the lawyer in over a month which leads me to believe that they are over in the UK "hatching a plan" to go after us over here. Like I said, ex-wife and her lawyer (who is probably getting a lot of money out of this) are relentless.

Does anyone have any experience with this? I'm sure we wouldn't be required to pay back, because in their separation agreement it does state that if the earnings of my husband changed that would also change the amount of child maintanence. I feel really sick about this, because ex-wife is always after us about something. 4000 miles is NOT far enough away! I have a new baby that I'm looking after, and half the time I'm stressed out over this whole situation. I would like my husband to seek legal advice over here (even if it's just a one time meeting), but he thinks that would cost a fortune. He is currently at the beginning of getting his own business up and running, so finances are still tight.

Does anyone know what they can do to go after us over here? There is some sort of reciprocity between the US and the UK, but every website I look at is difficult to muddle through. Would we be required to attend court here? Would we have to pay for that? I can't imagine my husband would be required to travel to the UK for a court hearing.

She wants what we don't have. If you don't have the money-you can't pay it. I know it's as simple as that, and I'm sure the courts would see it that way (plus we have a child to support too). That being said, I'm still feeling ill over this situation.

Thank you.

[homesick_american 1]

I don't mean to take the ex-wife's side, but why should she get less in maintenance because the father of her child moved? It's not like it's costing HER any less to raise the child. :blink:

Frankly, this is something he should have considered when deciding to move abroad.

[MrsDarby 0]

Don't comment if you don't have advice for me. I was not asking for your opinion.

My husband pays way more than what he would be expected to pay based on his income. His child is definitely not going without. the one who suffers is our baby. So, maybe we shouldn't have had a child then?

[homesick_american 1]

Don't comment if you don't have advice for me. I was not asking for your opinion.

My husband pays way more than what he would be expected to pay based on his income. His child is definitely not going without. the one who suffers is our baby. So, maybe we shouldn't have had a child then?

Ask a question like that in public and you will get responses that perhaps you might not want to hear.

I reiterate that this is something you both should have considered prior to him emigrating, and I think it's kind of selfish to expect a free pass on supporting his child because of the exchange rate.

[MrsDarby 0]

I might also add that the agreed amount he is paying right now is more realistic. He paid a lot more while living in the UK to avoid court, because ex-wife and her lawyer kept threatening court which would've meant more money for him.

[MrsDarby 0]

Homesick-Can you read? He never asked for a free pass because of the exchange rate!

[homesick_american 1]

Homesick-Can you read? He never asked for a free pass because of the exchange rate!

Yes, I can read.

It looks to me like he's trying to get out of his obligations to his child, which I find nauseating. Nothing personal.

[Mags 112]

Mrs Darby ~ Was the most recent agreement a court order? Was there any legality regarding it (did a solicitor draw it up?)? Or was it just a verbal agreement between your husband and his ex-wife?

Edit: To be honest, I think you DO need to contact a lawyer yourselves. This is going to be a complicated issue which will require you at least taking some legal advice yourself.

Edited May 26, 2007 by mags

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

Don't comment if you don't have advice for me. I was not asking for your opinion.

My husband pays way more than what he would be expected to pay based on his income. His child is definitely not going without. the one who suffers is our baby. So, maybe we shouldn't have had a child then?

Until he was sure he could support his EXISTING child, no you shouldn't.

You weren't around when he had his first child, why should YOUR desire to have a child now impact on his child who was there before YOUR child was?

You say he paid extra to avoid going to to court which would have him paying more, obviously an honorable move....

Thank goodness my ex isn't like your husband.....

He never asked for a free pass because of the exchange rate!

Neither did his child ask to be affected by it.....Why should he pay less just because he fancied a new life and family??

You both are responsible for your baby's 'suffering'. How could you bring a child into the world at the expense of a child already there and then claim your baby is suffering as a result??

You CHOSE to have a child, therefore you should have ensured you could support it first.

Edited May 26, 2007 by AlienUKGirl

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

dup

Edited May 26, 2007 by AlienUKGirl

[adastra 0]

Mrs Darby--

I agree with the previous post that you really should get yourself a lawyer to sort all of this out. There are mechanisms in place that allow UK citizens to collect child maintenance allowances from former partners living abroad -- http://www.dca.gov.uk/family/remo/faq.htm, so your husband's ex-wife can potentially pursue the case in spite of your husband's residence in the US. You would have to seek legal advice to find out if your husband could be liable for the back-pay or not.

I also wanted to comment on some of the replies that you received, and say that I am disappointed at the small-mindedness of some of the replies in this forum. None of us understand the particulars of your situation and hence have no place judging you or your husband. It's a travesty that you came here for support and advice, and instead received a series of puerile responses from people whose opinions are rooted in personal experiences/views that have nothing to do with you.

Just wanted to let you know that there are some sympathetic souls out there, and that you probably should just ignore unhelpful replies as they are not worthy of your time and consideration.

Warmest regards,

Laura

[Leney 0]

First of all I apologise, if you want to get on to the actual on-topic part, skip to the second paragraph. For the rest of you lot, you know, I've held my tongue, I've even put people on ignore because they bring negativity and ignorance to nearly every thread. I'm not trying to win a popularity contest, so at the moment, I don't give a flaming poo what anyone thinks but wow seriously back to that whole bunch of cranky, obnoxious cussy funts thing I said previously. Grow up and get over yourselves. If you have nothing to say to help MrsDarby, here's and idea - don't post. Her husband is making an effort and trying to help in the upkeep of his child, that's more than I can say for many, many men world wide.

Situations change, support orders change to suit - the court/lawyers should review your husband's earnings, if it is less than he was making in the UK then they should adjust it accordingly, and not hold him to a ridiculously high standard that was set previously. When our oldest sons biological dipwad was paying support (hasn't in years now though), it was based solely on his income. He never appeared in court, and he was ordered to pay a fair amount based on his personal situation. They didn't take debt into account however.

[Dawny&Tommy 0]

First of all I apologise, if you want to get on to the actual on-topic part, skip to the second paragraph. For the rest of you lot, you know, I've held my tongue, I've even put people on ignore because they bring negativity and ignorance to nearly every thread. I'm not trying to win a popularity contest, so at the moment, I don't give a flaming poo what anyone thinks but wow seriously back to that whole bunch of cranky, obnoxious cussy funts thing I said previously. Grow up and get over yourselves. If you have nothing to say to help MrsDarby, here's and idea - don't post. Her husband is making an effort and trying to help in the upkeep of his child, that's more than I can say for many, many men world wide.

Situations change, support orders change to suit - the court/lawyers should review your husband's earnings, if it is less than he was making in the UK then they should adjust it accordingly, and not hold him to a ridiculously high standard that was set previously. When our oldest sons biological dipwad was paying support (hasn't in years now though), it was based solely on his income. He never appeared in court, and he was ordered to pay a fair amount based on his personal situation. They didn't take debt into account however.

Well said Leney.

MrsDarby,

I don't really have any helpful info for you, but I hope it all gets worked out.

Dawn.

Edited May 26, 2007 by Dawny&Tommy

[Candace 2]

Hi,

Firstly I have no experience of either having children nor maintaining them, but I hope the following may help. I don't know if you have tried this already, but I wonder if your husband could enlist the help of a Citizens Advice Bureau in the UK as an alternative in the first instance to a costly legal fee and the possible difficulties he might face in trying to get a consultation from a UK solicitor? They can help with matters like this, I have sought advice from them regarding some legal matters since I have been away, they are a free service and I have corresponded via email in the past. Their website is www.citizensadvice.org.uk.

If your husband has financial issues in the UK that he needs assistance with, there are several companies who offer free advice. Most are not used to clients living abroad but one that is is Myvesta (www.myvesta.org.uk) (they also have offices in the US - www.myvesta.org) and they may be able to help him organise his finances if he needs it.

Belated congratulations on your new baby, good luck and best wishes.

~Candace

[Mags 112]

Yup, be nice people!

No one knows the intricacies of Mrs Darby's life, she has just had a baby (emotions/hormones are flying) and regardless of whether or not anyone is right or wrong in their assumptions, she was just asking for some advice.