How do people cope

[Sarah G 170]

I travel to the US twice a year for 2-2.5 months each time. The longest we have been apart is five months and the shortest is three months. I have a job in the UK that I work 22 hours a day, seven days a week to be financially able to do this. My time off to visit is unpaid so I save every penny I earn when I'm working. Basically to be able to be with my husband I have given up most of my freedom in the UK, but it is the only way I can be with him the amount that I am, and that is worth it. My last day off work was January 16th. My next will be April 20th.

 

We talk on the phone every night before I go to sleep and we text throughout the day as and when we are able. Nothing about this is easy, but we keep reminding ourselves that this is temporary, and someday we will be together permanently. 

Edited February 13, 2019 by Sarah G

[msrodriguez 267]

Well, this was very eye opening for me. The longest we have gone apart has been for a span of 4 months. I am going to see him next week. Wooo hooo!! I say eye opening because I feel like such a spoiled brat. Every time he goes out with his friends for an evening and we don't talk .. I get really mad. We talk pretty much all day every day and all night until we go to sleep and that includes, video/voice chats as well. I think I need to have a little more gratitude after hearing what some of you go through. My best wishes to all of you. We have a saying that we tell each other when we are feeling sad... "let's be rebellious and love each other in spite of what the distance may try to do".  

[KayMFrench 19]

I visit my husband every three months. Any longer than that and I’d probably go insane. 🤣

Literally the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that this situation is only temporary. I have to tell myself this multiple times throughout the day to get through it. It’s so hard being so far away from the person you love. 

My husband and I always tell each other, “One day, one way.”

Basically that one day, the plane ticket will be one way and we will finally be together. ♥️

 

Edited February 13, 2019 by KayMFrench

[Redheadguy03 505]

Some of you get really good vacation time!!! Wish I could have visited the Philippines during the process, but it's so costly. Luckily, my wife is here now. 

[JISnJRS 22]

14 minutes ago, Redheadguy03 said:

Some of you get really good vacation time!!! Wish I could have visited the Philippines during the process, but it's so costly. Luckily, my wife is here now. 

I can relate how costly it is the visit the Philippines, I met my fiance 4 years ago, traveled to meet her April/May 2017. I proposed to her while visiting, I cant wait until her annulment is finalized (hopefully) this year. I will go there again to Marry her and come home to start the Cr1 process. In the meantime, we talk on Skype video calls at least 3x a day, everyday of the week. I been on Workers comp since 2006, and cant afford to get there as often as I like to..I cant when I visit there again, get married to start the paln to bring here to the States!

Edited February 13, 2019 by Luk Dit Mo
missing items

[KlametJourney 11]

Ever since joining the VJ, I am learning each new each and every single day, I can't believe the enormous burden we are all going through to reunite with our loves one.  I sincerely believe, if congress are serious of reforming immigration laws, they shouldn't look beyond the experience of VJ members, we have first hand experience of what it takes to bring loves one in this country.

 

[DGF 730]

I'm not sure I belong in this thread because as a Canadian I am, thankfully, incredibly privileged in this aspect. 

For the first 4.5 years, I would visit him for a weekend every 6 weeks. I took a lot of red-eye flights and had a lot of days where I went straight to work from the airport after having "slept" on a plane in order to stretch my vacation days. In May I moved to Vancouver so that we could be on the same coast, which required moving in with my parents again. Now I visit for a weekend every 2-3 weeks (which I know I am very lucky to be able to do). I am also incredibly lucky that I am now able to take a train to see him, which significantly cuts down on costs. 

We talk on the phone usually twice a day and will message each other a few times a day as well. We've never really video chatted except for the rare occasion in which the phone wasn't an option.

It's still really hard and after 5+ years I'm so done with being apart, but I know it's nowhere near as hard as the situations the rest of you are dealing with, and my heart goes out to all of you.

[SalishSea 17,824]

We've all been there!  My husband and I did the long distance thing for just over three years before he came over on the K-1.  We were lucky to have been able to have frequent visits, but we did go 6-7 months at least once, without a visit.  The saying goodbye always killed us! 

[AfricanQ 241]

Well, I've traveled to see my husband 4 times. I try to see him in Ghana  atleast every 5-6 months.  We video chat 2 or 3 times a week but talk every day. 😍 we are currently awaiting for approval sp hopefully hea here with me before the  Thanksgiving Hoilday. I've been able to get tickets on sale from South Africa airline for $818 round trip. 

 

* 1st trip Feb 2017 (Engagement)

* 2nd trip October 2017 (My birthday)

* 3rd trip  April 2018 (Wedding went my mother)

* 4th trip October 2018 ( My birthday)

* 5th trip April 2019 (Ticket booked) for our 1 year anniversary going with my mother)

* 6th trip will be for his interview. 

 

 

 

[The Khans 2]

Ah! finances. My wife visited me in Islamabad once every year. I know you would just want to be with your spouse all the time. I've been there and I completely understand.

 

Suggestions

1. It is hard but if you can stack your money and invest it in something that gives you a nice return, you might be able to quit your job and live a more happy life with your spouse in the long run. Remember, spouses are forever, you must think long term. 
2. Secondly, in the mean time, while you are away from your spouse, hangout with friends more often. Trust me, good friends can make a year go by quickly. 

Lastly, a rule of thumb for making financial decisions is this: Direct the flow of your money towards investing in things that make you more money and away from spending on things that don't make you more money.

[SunflowerHoneybee 19]

We voice chat daily and we've visited each other around every 6 months for the past 3 years, Takes a bit out of the savings, but we're strong enough to cope. Always hard to leave but it'll all be worth it.

"This isn't goodbye, it's see you soon my dear." 😢

[JFH 12,190]

We were very fortunate that I could visit every 6 weeks. I visited over 40 times before I got my visa. At one point it did seem that this would never be over and we would never be together. My husband was denied a UK spouse visa and then the CR-1 (which became an IR-1 during the process) seemed to take forever.

 

Keep busy! Always have three things to look forward to. Not just things involving your spouse but very simple things like meeting a friend for lunch, watching a movie you have been excited to see. I was constantly counting down to something. I also picked a date that I would have as my “milestone date”. I chose the 19th because my birthday is on the 19th. Focus on something completely unrelated to this process and have that date as your “treat day” and continue to count down to your treat day and reward yourself on that date for getting through another month. 

 

I also took time to really see my home country before I left. Soak it all in. Make wonderful memories. 

 

And know that this too shall pass. 

Edited February 14, 2019 by JFH

[s007rrt 7]

Greetings, just sharing as well.

I visit my husband every school break as a teacher. So, a couple weeks over winter break, a week for Spring break and the summer. However, like most I am beyond over it.

[naz94 88]

Those who gets to visit their spouse often are super lucky. I married my husband in August. Came back to the states in September and submitted the paperwork in October (PD 10/12/18 Potomac SC) thankfully it’s one of the fastest SC but I won’t be visiting my husband for 1 year. Planning to go back in July/August of this year to celebrate my bday/our anniversary/a religious holiday and hopefully have his interview so I can bring him back with me. It’s too expensive to travel so often and especially during summers. My parents went through this process in the early 90’s and they waited 3 years (had my sister in the meantime) so 12-14 months is wayyyy better. Best of luck to everyone. 

[CappuccinoMo 48]

Every 3 months here! 2 times after marriage, and 4 times after submitting our application (oh yea the CO asked me how many times we met in person)  starting this journey i had no idea how unbearable it would be, i am usually very patient but THIS ? omg i went insane!  i did have mantra saying this is temporary this is temporary this is temporary and used this long time to prepare everything the best i can! time is good, and now i come to the conclusion : 1 year is just OK to gather all documents to prepare, organize and to train ourselves for the interview! 

knowing more about each other going through a stressful and frustrating situation  : my husband is way  better than me being under pressure and i am way better than him being organized 🤣🤣

please stay positive and strong everything will be alright! it will be alright