Residency without signing I864

[Randyandyuni 2,682]

these type of actions make me sick, you need to know what you want before you act on it, man up and send her home, even if you change your mind, she deserves better 

[Russ&Caro 1,548]

This is sort of hail mary advice but you might consider going through some personal intensive psychotherapy to explore what your underlying fears are. Intensive = multiple times per week. You might find that you're short changing this woman due to your own insecurities. Even if the result is that she does return home, the therapy could set you on a better course for what you want to do next.

[PirateLiker 11]

17 hours ago, ineedadisplayname said:

And she didn't leave?

If you did that then you have to tell her to go home or move out or whatever. After that, it is her problem if she wants to stay illegally in the US, but  the two of you need an official breakup and somebody to move out from the place where the two of you are staying. Or if you want all the "benefits" she is brings then marry her and sign the papers and adjust her status...

Good points. You are right

[PirateLiker 11]

16 hours ago, dnyal said:

The instructions for the AOS from K-1 are clear in that the fiancée "will always have a green card available to" her as long as the marriage had happened within the 90 days after arrival. So, you could marry her before her I-94 expires and simply do nothing. After that period, she would be in an irregular immigration situation, but you guys could start the process of AOS at any moment later on (as long as the marriage had taken place within the 90-day period). Don't even try to submit the AOS package without the affidavit of support or without signing it; the lockbox facility would simply return the application.

Now, you signed an affidavit of support for the form I-129F: form I-134. If she got her K-1 visa approved, that means that for the embassy interview a signed form I-134 was presented. That means you are not off the hook with her. Even if you don't marry her and she stays irregularly in the US, if for some reason she applies for section 8 or receives food stamps or some other assistance, the US government will collect the money from you regardless. They can even take the money from your tax refund or even garnish your wages.

In any case, whether you sign the I-864 form or not, you already did sign an affidavit for the K-1 visa and if she stays, you will have the responsibility to support her. So, if you wanna be totally off the hook, your only option is to send her back.

Hmmm. This contradicts what others have said but it makes sense.

[Going through 5,669]

@PirateLiker you said you already gave her money for the return flight home---has she already bought her tickets?  When is she planning on returning, or is she planning on returning at all at this point?  Please don't let her get into an overstay situation on top of everything else.

[beloved_dingo 1,976]

3 minutes ago, PirateLiker said:

Hmmm. This contradicts what others have said but it makes sense.

While there are people who wait well beyond the 90 day period to adjust status, this is not advisable as she will still be at risk of deportation. To add to that, as others have stated, if she does not adjust status and get EAD etc then she is completely reliant on you. Honestly, this isn't about YOU anymore and what YOU are comfortable with. This is about what is best for her. You have made it abundantly clear that you do not want to make the commitments (to her, and legally with the I-864). So make a clean break and move on. I am honestly confused at your hesitation at this point. You know you don't want to marry her, so how does the advice stated above even make sense for you, even if it was accurate? 

 

You should NOT be considering going down ANY path that would allow or force her to be here illegally! I don't know how many times this can be said before it gets through to you.

[Crazy Cat 41,456]

5 minutes ago, PirateLiker said:

Hmmm. This contradicts what others have said but it makes sense.

What is the contradiction?

[geowrian 22,337]

5 minutes ago, PirateLiker said:

Hmmm. This contradicts what others have said but it makes sense.

It contradicts others because those contradicted parts are inaccurate.

1. I-134 is done. It has no meaning whatsoever now.
   1. As a side note, an I-134 has nothing to do with the I-129F.
   2. An I-134 is only a tool for the CO. Some don't even request one. Having a K-1 approved does not require a signed I-134. This differs from AOS or an immigrant visa, which does require a signed I-864.
2. AOS is available after the 90 days whether you marry in that time frame or not. The difference is marrying within the 90 days avoids having to file an I-130.
3. After the 90 days, unless AOS is filed, one is unlawfully present in the US and subject to removal like any visa overstay. There is no "irregular immigration situation" status...it's just unlawfully present like anybody else. Simply having a USC spouse confers no immigration benefit. The filing for AOS does.

[PirateLiker 11]

13 hours ago, Hypnos said:

 

 

This is what you would voluntarily subject someone you purport to care for to? From reading your replies I am going to draw the conclusion that you do not love her. Care for her a great deal? Perhaps. But not love. If it were love you would have signed your soul away to be with her and damn the consequences. So, if there is any part of you that does care for her, either get fully on board or let her go. This half-in half-out bullshit is not fair on her or you, but she is the one that's uprooted her life to come here for you. So if you cannot commit to filing for her AoS and letting her begin to have a normal life here (and coming from Ukraine it's going to take some time to adjust to US culture), let her know that it's time for you both to move on (unsure if you're married yet, so divorce may or may not be necessary). There is enough cruelty in this world; you should not aim to add to it.

You are exactly right. I'm sure some would estimate you are being generous by suggesting I care for her at all. But I do care for her. And yes you are right, I do not love her. I was married for 16 years and I think I loved her for much of that time. That was 10 years ago. I'm now in my mid 50s and question whether I am capable of love. I'm not like other people. You may not be able to understand me by thinking how you or others would handle this. I've spent a lot of time and money on therapists and haven't figured out how to be better. In fact, I am 75% finished with a graduate degree in psychology, trying to learn how the human mind works (and, presumably my mind as well).

 

This girl, who is 20 years younger than me, is very sweet and smart. She is not at her best now, because of the stress of the situation. She has lost weight and has stomach pain. So I get to watch this wonderful person suffer due to what I've done. It kills me. I look at her and think "I want her, I want this relationship, but I can't have it". What I have is sitting right there, in my house, available to me. But I can't have it. Because I'm 90% sure that if I move forward and marry her I'll change my mind. So how is that fair to her??? 

 

Some people look at themselves and their behavior and say "I don't want to be like that anymore" and they change. It doesn't seem to be that simple for me. Or maybe it is, and I don't actually want to change.

[Crazy Cat 41,456]

1 minute ago, PirateLiker said:

You are exactly right. I'm sure some would estimate you are being generous by suggesting I care for her at all. But I do care for her. And yes you are right, I do not love her. I was married for 16 years and I think I loved her for much of that time. That was 10 years ago. I'm now in my mid 50s and question whether I am capable of love. I'm not like other people. You may not be able to understand me by thinking how you or others would handle this. I've spent a lot of time and money on therapists and haven't figured out how to be better. In fact, I am 75% finished with a graduate degree in psychology, trying to learn how the human mind works (and, presumably my mind as well).

 

This girl, who is 20 years younger than me, is very sweet and smart. She is not at her best now, because of the stress of the situation. She has lost weight and has stomach pain. So I get to watch this wonderful person suffer due to what I've done. It kills me. I look at her and think "I want her, I want this relationship, but I can't have it". What I have is sitting right there, in my house, available to me. But I can't have it. Because I'm 90% sure that if I move forward and marry her I'll change my mind. So how is that fair to her??? 

 

Some people look at themselves and their behavior and say "I don't want to be like that anymore" and they change. It doesn't seem to be that simple for me. Or maybe it is, and I don't actually want to change.

Just stop the BS!!!   Send her home!!!  She deserves better!!!!!

[PirateLiker 11]

12 hours ago, geowrian said:

 

Not quite. The I-864 is rarely enforced, but is enforceable. There's a number of cases won VJ where this has happened regarding public benefits with the government, and a number where it has been pursued for 125% income level maintenance as a private civil lawsuit.

Enforcement could change on a dime.

 

 

I researched this a little. There are law firms that advertise that they will help beneficiaries with enforcement of this. I agree, it could change on a dime.

[aaron2020 11,651]

3 minutes ago, PirateLiker said:

I researched this a little. There are law firms that advertise that they will help beneficiaries with enforcement of this. I agree, it could change on a dime.

If you were my kid, I'd take you outside and beat the out of you.

[Crazy Cat 41,456]

OP-  You need to stop the psychology BS, and grow a pair!!!   or are you a troll?

[Going through 5,669]

5 minutes ago, PirateLiker said:

And yes you are right, I do not love her.

 

6 minutes ago, PirateLiker said:

Because I'm 90% sure that if I move forward and marry her I'll change my mind.

Does she actually know this?  Or have you been giving her signs that you "want to keep your options open" when it comes to her?

 

You need to make it very clear to her that you do not love her.

[Randyandyuni 2,682]

4 minutes ago, PirateLiker said:

I researched this a little. There are law firms that advertise that they will help beneficiaries with enforcement of this. I agree, it could change on a dime.

you agree you are not thinking of her welfare,  but your concerns still center around what can be done to you, do the right thing sooner rather than later