I got married, my husband decided to divorce me, so I left US and what to do now

[Katerina Hall 8]

20 minutes ago, Kiolas said:

Hello @Katerina Hall

I was very upset to read that your husband betrayed you and filed for divorce. 

 

First of all, I totally understand you want your document back. But I am not sure how you can get it back if he doesn't want to give it to you. If you were here, in the U.S., you could file a police report with e-mail as a proof that he has your work permit.

 

You can try to get a tourist visa but considering your particular case it may be problematic. But at least, you have a chance to try to apply for it and see what happens. 

 

In addition, you may be eligible for spousal support and to try to get something from his assets. You deserve it because he did a bad thing to you - a miscarriage. It is his fault and he has to pay for it.

Thank you, that’s what my friend told me, if he doesn’t want to send it to me, then I should send somebody I know to his house with police and he would give it to them on my name, because he can’t keep my mail. I know it’s maybe for some people strange, that I want my mail with something, that is useless, but it’s still mine and I got like 5 letters and have no idea, what’s in it. And I dont think I have a need to argue with him over money after all.. I just want it to be done. But thank you so much!

[Katerina Hall 8]

7 minutes ago, Kiolas said:

@Katerina Hall I was searching for solution to your situation. Considering horrible things that your husband did to you, you may be eligible for VAWA (Violence Against Women Act) - have you heard about it?

 

You may apply for it even from another country. You can search this forum about VAWA. There is info on USCIS web-site https://www.uscis.gov/humanitarian/battered-spouse-children-parents#process

Thank you for your help, I will check it out

[Katerina Hall 8]

11 minutes ago, carmel34 said:

If you can afford an attorney in the US, where your husband lives, (and you should have one anyway in my opinion to have a better chance of getting a better divorce outcome and hold this guy accountable), work with the attorney by email and state that in addition to some of your husband's financial assets, you want the work permit that is yours, as well as any items you left behind that are yours and not your husband's.  What state did you live in together?  This is important, because your rights in a divorce, and what you are entitled to, is different depending on state law.  So sorry this happened to you.

That’s the thing I cant afford a lawyer now:(, we got married and lived in Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh. Anyway when I misscaried, I went to the hospital to do the surgery and we got a bill for 4000 dollars.. which I didnt have the money  and obviously he was working and I wasn’t, so now I dont know, what is gonna happen with that bill either.. I’m sure he didn’t pay it, especially, when it’s on my name. 

And that’s why I said either me or my lawyer should be presented at the divorce:/ but I cant afford the lawyer now.

[Kiolas 103]

12 minutes ago, carmel34 said:

If you can afford an attorney in the US, where your husband lives, (and you should have one anyway in my opinion to have a better chance of getting a better divorce outcome and hold this guy accountable), work with the attorney by email and state that in addition to some of your husband's financial assets, you want the work permit that is yours, as well as any items you left behind that are yours and not your husband's.  What state did you live in together?  This is important, because your rights in a divorce, and what you are entitled to, is different depending on state law.  So sorry this happened to you.

I had a very bad experience with lawyers. My personal opinion - they are after the money only. They do not care about the client or the client's interest.

 

Especially, a lawyer can take advantage of a person who is abroad. From another country the client is totally helpless to file a complaint about a lawyer if something goes wrong with that lawyer.

 

 

[Commish10 427]

You do not have to do anything. It will become a default judgement and the divorce will be finalized. However, you should make sure that you receive a certified copy of the final judgement. 

[mushroomspore 3,044]

1 hour ago, Kiolas said:

Hello @Katerina Hall

I was very upset to read that your husband betrayed you and filed for divorce. 

 

First of all, I totally understand you want your document back. But I am not sure how you can get it back if he doesn't want to give it to you. If you were here, in the U.S., you could file a police report with e-mail as a proof that he has your work permit.

 

You can try to get a tourist visa but considering your particular case it may be problematic. But at least, you have a chance to try to apply for it and see what happens. 

 

In addition, you may be eligible for spousal support and to try to get something from his assets. You deserve it because he did a bad thing to you - a miscarriage. It is his fault and he has to pay for it.

OP hasn't really said anything to suggest abuse. All she's said so far is that her ex left her alone and then went back to his ex. Unless she left something out (which I doubt), I don't think she qualifies for VAWA.

[Kiolas 103]

2 minutes ago, mushroomspore said:

OP hasn't really said anything to suggest abuse. All she's said so far is that her ex left her alone and then went back to his ex. Unless she left something out (which I doubt), I don't think she qualifies for VAWA.

I politely disagree. She did say about abuse. Miscarriage and cheating - what worse could he do?!

[mushroomspore 3,044]

7 minutes ago, Kiolas said:

I politely disagree. She did say about abuse. Miscarriage and cheating - what worse could he do?!

Miscarriage is unfortunate but unless he's the one who punched her in the belly or slipped her drugs to force the miscarriage, that's not abuse. Cheating is also horrible but doesn't always equate to "abuse" either. Unless there were deeper things going on that OP hasn't shared, these are events of an unhappy marriage and unhappy does not always equal abusive.

Edited January 9, 2019 by mushroomspore
spelling

[Bandt 87]

He could just write on the envelope "return to sender, addressee no longer at this address." and drop it in the mail. You would likely never get it and he would not be doing anything illegal.

[HonoraryCitizen 179]

People seem to just throw VAWA into the mix casually whenever a marriage fails under contentious circumstances. A miscarriage and cheating are not grounds for VAWA under any definition. No surprise there’s a groundswell of a movement to modify it because clearly it’s being abused, and sometimes used to destroy the life of an innocent spouse.

 

I may be an immigrant however I don’t condone trying to punish and destroy a US Citizen ex via domestic violence accusations and VAWA because a marriage fails. That’s malicious. Marriages fail, a lot. That’s the nature of the beast.

[Illiria 980]

49 minutes ago, Kiolas said:

I politely disagree. She did say about abuse. Miscarriage and cheating - what worse could he do?!

What!?! How did you get that he ‘did’ the miscarriage to her!?! Her having a miscarriage has nothing to do with VAWA, it sucks believe me I so know (I had my third this last September) but it isn’t a path to VAWA in itself nor is him being a (expletive not permitted) cheating piece of scum. Neither is him filing for divorce or pulling the affidavit of support. Life happens and sometimes marriage doesn’t work out especially after a loss like this which would have affected him as well as her. She didn’t say anything to indicate that he was physically, emotionally, or financially abusive. 

 

He could have sent the ead and it got lost in the post or he could have sent it back to USCIS as it does say if found return to them. Either way it is worthless piece of plastic as the adjustment of status has been denied. 

 

This is why I personally would never advise someone to adjust from a esta or visitor visa because things change and the risk of overstaying and losing ability to visit after is so much more likely. 

 

OP I am so sorry for your loss, my advice would be - do not get caught up in revenge but focus on yourself and healing.  

Edited January 9, 2019 by Illiria

[David & Diana R 1,005]

2 hours ago, carmel34 said:

If you can afford an attorney in the US, where your husband lives, (and you should have one anyway in my opinion to have a better chance of getting a better divorce outcome and hold this guy accountable), work with the attorney by email and state that in addition to some of your husband's financial assets, you want the work permit that is yours, as well as any items you left behind that are yours and not your husband's.  What state did you live in together?  This is important, because your rights in a divorce, and what you are entitled to, is different depending on state law.  So sorry this happened to you.

She's not "entitled" to any of her husbands assets after being married only 5 months.  She can not get spousal support...she left the country and was only married to him for a very short time.  In my humble opinion something is fishy here.  I mean it just makes no sense that she wants this invalid card so badly.  There is always two sides to every story and I have a feeling we are not even getting half of the truth here.  VAWA?  I didn't see any abuse allegations in her original post.  Katerina, with all due respect just move on with your life.  If this guy was as bad as you say why would you want to have anything to do with him?  Just move on.  Never contact him again.  Good luck... 

[aaron2020 11,651]

2 hours ago, Katerina Hall said:

Thank you, that’s what my friend told me, if he doesn’t want to send it to me, then I should send somebody I know to his house with police and he would give it to them on my name, because he can’t keep my mail. I know it’s maybe for some people strange, that I want my mail with something, that is useless, but it’s still mine and I got like 5 letters and have no idea, what’s in it. And I dont think I have a need to argue with him over money after all.. I just want it to be done. But thank you so much!

The police does not work that way.  The police will not show up at his house to demand your property back.  That's for the court, not the police. 

 

If you want your documents, then ask for the judge in your divorce case to make the order.  

55 minutes ago, Kiolas said:

I politely disagree. She did say about abuse. Miscarriage and cheating - what worse could he do?!

Miscarriage is VAWA?  How?

 

Cheating is VAWA?  How?  

[Kiolas 103]

2 minutes ago, aaron2020 said:

 

Miscarriage is VAWA?  How?

 

Cheating is VAWA?  How?  

If you read all of her posts on this forum, you maybe understand (or maybe not).

 

I'm surprised that people who post replies on this forum have so much negativity and are so judgmental against women, without any compassion towards women who experienced cruelty and abuse by men. People, be kind to each other! God bless you all🙏 

 

 

[carmel34 3,636]

4 minutes ago, David & Zoila said:

She's not "entitled" to any of her husbands assets after being married only 5 months.  She can not get spousal support...she left the country and was only married to him for a very short time.  In my humble opinion something is fishy here.  I mean it just makes no sense that she wants this invalid card so badly.  There is always two sides to every story and I have a feeling we are not even getting half of the truth here.  VAWA?  I didn't see any abuse allegations in her original post.  Katerina, with all due respect just move on with your life.  If this guy was as bad as you say why would you want to have anything to do with him?  Just move on.  Never contact him again.  Good luck... 

This is why she needs an attorney, if she can afford one, which apparently, she cannot.  To know her rights and what she might be able to do, if she wants to.  In Pennsylvania, where she lived with her husband, all assets and debts acquired during the marriage are considered joint marital property, and are equally divided when the marriage ends.  At the very least, the husband should be responsible for half of her hospital bill for the miscarriage.  Depending on the circumstances, such as in this case, husband working, wife not working, he may also be required to pay spousal support for a period of time.  I agree that walking away from this mess and starting life over in her home country is the best way to go for OP.  I was simply pointing out the legal options for her if she wants to pursue them.  And yes, most attorneys are only out for the money, but a few really do care about their clients if you look for them and shop around.  There are also law students who might do pro bono representation for someone in dire straits like she is.