k1 visa divorce Need some great K1 Visa advise on divorce!!!

[dawning 212]

2 hours ago, Delandman said:

A lot of good points and ideas here. I do not think she is here at all she loves the Philippines and is very tight with her family. She was also a nanny and loves kids just wants one of her own which I am 46 and have two teens. I thought maybe I wanted another one but after fighting so much it would not be a good idea. I rally don’t know what her intentions are. She can’t drive which sucks because I am at work for 24hours at a time I know she is bored and depressed. I don’t know which way to go with all this. I think she is a good person with a good heart but loves kids and wants her freedom. Her distancing herself from my kids have been a real problem and also very jealous of my Ex-wife because I have to pay child support and the ex and I get along. I guess in the Philippines they don’t do child support or get divorced like we do here in the states.

Sounds like a difficult situation.  It could be she has fraudulent intent, in which case advice to pull the I-864 and send her home would be reasonable; but it could also be that she is just homesick and struggling with life here not being what she expected.  If not having children is a deal-breaker for her, perhaps you should divorce and help her get back to her country? 

Maybe some kind of counseling or mediation could help the two of you to be clearer about what each wants and what each is willing to do and not willing to do. 

Perhaps going back to the Philippines for a visit could help her to get clear in her own mind what she wants?  

[Delandman 0]

The problem is that if she goes back before she gets her green card she will not be allowed to come back to the states because she forfeited her K1 Visa and didn’t go to the green card interview correct? It’s a tough one. I feel she is very homesick but also see her change her pics on FB with me no longer in them and pics of her back home with her family.

[vivostu 17]

4 hours ago, Delandman said:

She can’t drive which sucks

When the I-485 was submitted were Forms I-765 and I-131 also submitted? Those forms are for employment authorization and advance parole (for re-entering the US after travel abroad); the 2 forms were (and still are but unlikely to be approved within 25 days) free to submit in her case.

1 hour ago, Delandman said:

The problem is that if she goes back before she gets her green card she will not be allowed to come back to the states because she forfeited her K1 Visa and didn’t go to the green card interview correct? It’s a tough one.

Yes, her Adjustment of Status will automatically be abandoned if she leaves without an approved advance parole document; but if you reconcile and don't divorce then the IR-1/CR-1 would be the straightforward path to a GC.

Edited January 6, 2019 by vivostu

[nastra30 2,287]

Avoid the baby situation before things become more complicated. If she wants to go back I will say getting a ticket for her to go back will be cheaper than the troubles you are going to face. However, I'll say it's all up to you on how you want to proceed. Do what you have to do. 

[Delandman 0]

Yes we did file the I765 and I-131 for employment and advanced parole but thought the only time you could leave the country and come back is for emergency situations? This all is very stressful when you go through all this time money and effort to bring someone you love and think will be with forever and they do a 180and put new demands on you.

[vivostu 17]

23 minutes ago, Delandman said:

Yes we did file the I765 and I-131 for employment and advanced parole but thought the only time you could leave the country and come back is for emergency situations?

Were they approved? If yes, then a quick visit to her country, like @dawning mentioned, is possible. Travel on AOS advance parole can be done for any reason, not just an emergency; also travel on advance parole is very low risk:

In that thread there was a user that had to wait 2 hrs to be admitted, but ultimately was allowed re-entry (and that's what matters).

And if she has an EAD, then she could apply for a DL and get a learners permit.

[Stubmeister 31]

I'm kind of like most of the others here. Pull the GC app and send her packing to the PI. File divorce on grounds of abandonment or anullment, (if that is possible), and let her 'friend' or next bf worry about her entry issues.

[Paul & Mallory 1,398]

I think you mentioned she's been here a year (apologies if I'm wrong) - if so, does she not have work/travel permits? Has she not gotten her driver's license? If she has permits, why doesn't she take a trip home to visit family if it's only homesickness. If your instincts are that strong and it seems very apparent to you that she's here under false pretenses with regard to you/your marriage, make it a one way ticket. Definitely don't have a baby now - that's the last thing you need. Babies don't solve marital problems. If that's her ultimatum, so be it. Divorce can happen regardless where she is, so don't let that be the only factor. Her coming out and saying she wants to go stay with someone else out of state as soon as she has her GC is sketchy to me, to be honest.

[Aussielad 37]

On 1/6/2019 at 9:08 AM, Delandman said:

A lot of good points and ideas here. I do not think she is here at all she loves the Philippines and is very tight with her family. She was also a nanny and loves kids just wants one of her own which I am 46 and have two teens. I thought maybe I wanted another one but after fighting so much it would not be a good idea. I rally don’t know what her intentions are. She can’t drive which sucks because I am at work for 24hours at a time I know she is bored and depressed. I don’t know which way to go with all this. I think she is a good person with a good heart but loves kids and wants her freedom. Her distancing herself from my kids have been a real problem and also very jealous of my Ex-wife because I have to pay child support and the ex and I get along. I guess in the Philippines they don’t do child support or get divorced like we do here in the states.

This sounds like something out of 90 day finance but with the episode of the ex marine marrying that really rich lady from Indonesia who hates him having to pay child support and kicks out his own daughter out of their place.

[R&OC 371]

I know the GC concern is a valid one BUT what if... she is simply depressed. She is simply not seeing her life pan out the way she had dreamed it to be with you? A considerable amount of marriages fight and debate especially during their first year. Heck, in my first marriage to the same citizen/nationality, we even fought without all the adjustment, intercultural differences etc.

 

If you think she is a good person, then try marriage counselling. She may just miss "connection". You have your children, you have an ex-spouse you get along with... she may have no one when you guys are at odds with each other.

 

I lived in the States before and have a considerable amount of friends here but even I felt really lonely at times. And I still have the "pleasure" to work remotely and feel connected through that. I also have a car (which I barely use because of my work)... but I do miss being with friends and family in the same time zone.

 

You know her best. She may just express how desperate she is with no second agenda. She may just want your attention and connection but not leaving you. You haven't been married for a long time but you probably have a good sense for who she is as a person. Oh and one more thing, we are a blended family as well. And yes, it is really hard at times. My husbands kids are different than mine. And mine are different from his in character and upbringing. Sometimes, we both feel we need to distance ourselves from the other children because of the initial expectations we had. I honestly thought that by being a good friend, they would embrace me and include me. However, I know now that they are so busy with their own lifes that I am being ignored. I don't exist - neither in a positive nor negative sense. My role in their eyes is to keep their Dad happy. And that's okay! I had to lower my expectations. I am part of the family in terms of responsibility but not necessarily in terms of an emotional connection. Taking to my own parents who are both in blended families today, both mentioned to me that it took about 4-5 years to feel like a true family.

 

What I am trying to say, don't jump to assumptions. Try to see how she feels - and as a mother of two young children I know that sometimes people need love most when we deserve it the least.

 

Just throwing it in there. Hope you guys manage to work things out!

Edited January 8, 2019 by R&OC

[NikLR 13,227]

Many Filipinas are not happy about ex spouses or children from other marriages.  I recall reading this a time or 10 in the rant threads. 

[Stephanillia 30]

On 1/7/2019 at 2:46 PM, Aussielad said:

This sounds like something out of 90 day finance but with the episode of the ex marine marrying that really rich lady from Indonesia who hates him having to pay child support and kicks out his own daughter out of their place.

Was thinking the same thing. 

Edited January 9, 2019 by Stephanillia

[MikeMc 38]

21 hours ago, NikLR said:

Many Filipinas are not happy about ex spouses or children from other marriages.  I recall reading this a time or 10 in the rant threads. 

Depends,

Maturity levels plays a big factor, as well as her having kids of her own. She can't expect you to be a father to her kids if she's not willing to do the same for you.

Most times it's just problems with the Ex, I don't even like my ex so why does someone else have to? Which is understandable, happens with a lot of women not just Filpinas.

 

Back to OP, this "friend" to stay with out of state after getting GC is a flag and a half to me.

No We are married, once you leave, you stay gone, unless it's to go back home for a visit to family. Also keep your eyes and ears open, it's possible she's being coached what to do. If she keeps picking fights, leave the area or make sure there's witnesses. Don't let her get you and who know's maybe she's genuine in what she's saying. IT's more of your call than hers where the ball bounces now.

Edited January 9, 2019 by MikeMc