Worried (merged)

[Ontarkie 14,234]

2 hours ago, Jaffakin said:

She spend all his money with her children and grandchildren, I have kids in Africa she knows , is almost 4months, I haven't send money to them for their living and school fees and she dont care but she want me to spend money with her grown up children. She have two cars , she gave one to me , she later give it to her daughter  and I bought my own car, her daughter came and take her other car and now she is using my car to work she dont buy gas too.

You need to get on top of paying support to your kids. you can be denied USC later if you apply. Make sure you have a paper trail of those payments too. 

[David & Diana R 1,005]

1 minute ago, Ontarkie said:

Not really what is going on. The wife is funding adult children who have trouble with speeding tickets and paying their cable bill. All while driving the mothers car. He cannot even pay support to his own kids in Africa atm. 

Whoops!  I stand corrected.  I should have read the entire thread beforehand.  Mahalo and Mele Kaliki Maka,  David O

[NYCruiser 423]

2 hours ago, Jaffakin said:

Not for our cable tv for her children cable tv living in different town with his boyfriend 

Cut that off. I am a fellow African, if we cannot afford things, we go work for it. There are jobs in President Trump's America. Let them work!!

Edited December 21, 2018 by NYCruiser

[NYCruiser 423]

2 hours ago, JFH said:

Finances should always be discussed and agreed upon before marriage, not after the ceremony has taken place. 

Easier said than done. You have no idea what future responsibilities come up or enablement of lazy children

[JFH 12,190]

6 minutes ago, NYCruiser said:

Easier said than done. You have no idea what future responsibilities come up or enablement of lazy children

I don’t believe that these “children” just started taking from the Bank of Mother and Stepfather recently. I think this is something they have done their whole lives. I have borrowed money from my parents in adult life (although not for my cable bill or a speeding ticket!) but always paid it back as soon as I could. 

[EM_Vandaveer 2,408]

4 hours ago, CEE53147 said:

It sounds like this is a marriage of convenience or for an immigration benefit rather than a true marriage if you are complaining about paying for cable TV and other expenses that would normally be considered part of a family's obligations.

He also said car payments for the "children" who are 22 and 25. I'm not sure that should be his responsibility...

[Daniela M_______ 410]

3 hours ago, CEE53147 said:

OP seems to consider what he earns "his" and not the family's whether the "family" consists of wife alone or wife and children.  He was also complaining about his wife's expectations.  At the very least he should be contributing to a joint account for bills proportionately to his income.  Perhaps he should consider reimbursing his wife for the costs of his immigration processing since it came from "her" money.

 

It is much more difficult now for young people to get started in life.  The costs of ordinary living expenses are huge compared to years ago.  Job pay less (adjusted for inflation) than in the past.  Many children live with or with the assistance of parents while getting started in life.  They will repay their parents when the parents are older and need the children's help.

I come from a country that currently has an aproximated hyperinflation range of 830,000% (yes, you read it right) that means prices are up EVERY day and a month of salary gives you enough to buy an apple.

 

I (and MANY other young venezuelans) managed to leave and start a new life. I came to México with $260 in my pocket and not even one aquantance. 

 

One would think that an adult of 25 yo would have at least some income to pay for cable, and if don't, then don't get cable, no one dies because of not watching TV.

Edited December 21, 2018 by Daniela M_______

[ineedadisplayname 499]

4 hours ago, CEE53147 said:

They will repay their parents when the parents are older and need the children's help.

Or not. You can't know that.  Just go to a casino (Except Las Vegas) during the day and you will see a lot of lonely older ppl. Or assisted living business is blooming, because an older parent is inconvenience, they don't have space in the house, etc etc....

Sure, if you did everything right raising your kids then you might have a chance....

[Tilia 75]

Wait. You have been married to her for 3 years, yet you have a 4 month old daughter in Africa? How does that work?

[NikLR 13,227]

6 minutes ago, Tilia said:

Wait. You have been married to her for 3 years, yet you have a 4 month old daughter in Africa? How does that work?

You read that wrong. For the last 4 months he has been unable to send child support to his 4 children in Africa. 

[CEE53147 559]

He left FOUR children in Africa and came to the US to send money back to them!  It sounds like he is no better than his wife.  If she cannot give money to her children, he should not give money to his.  If his child support is court ordered, I sure hope he told his new wife about his obligations and if not advised her that "his" income was being earned to send outside the US.

 

Moreover, what parent desserts their children..  It definitely sounds more and more like this marriage is for an immigration benefit for not just himself but his first family.  I wonder if or when he intends to ask his new wife to sponsor her step-children?

 

As for elderly parents living in assisted living - they still need other family support. How do I know? Been there, done that.

[Jaffakin 1]

 is real marriage, we did at court 

[Jaffakin 1]

4 hours ago, Tilia said:

Wait. You have been married to her for 3 years, yet you have a 4 month old daughter in Africa? How does that work?

I said almost 4months I haven't send my children money in Africa.  Point of correction 

[NikLR 13,227]

2 hours ago, CEE53147 said:

He left FOUR children in Africa and came to the US to send money back to them!  It sounds like he is no better than his wife.  If she cannot give money to her children, he should not give money to his.  If his child support is court ordered, I sure hope he told his new wife about his obligations and if not advised her that "his" income was being earned to send outside the US.

 

Moreover, what parent desserts their children..  It definitely sounds more and more like this marriage is for an immigration benefit for not just himself but his first family.  I wonder if or when he intends to ask his new wife to sponsor her step-children?

 

As for elderly parents living in assisted living - they still need other family support. How do I know? Been there, done that.

Who are you to be attacking this person's character? You don't know him, his family or his situation beyond the little he's told us.  

 

So you took care of your parents doesn't mean everyone does.  Plenty of people living in assisted living or nursing homes with no family members caring for or about them.  Some actually have retirement and can afford that stuff themselves too.  Raising a child does not mean your child MUST support you when you retire or can no longer live on your own. 

 

Beyond that I hope parents never dessert their children. They really make terrible ice cream. 😫

[ThomasNC1988 762]

33 minutes ago, NikLR said:

Beyond that I hope parents never dessert their children. They really make terrible ice cream. 😫

Beat me to it. If you can't feed em guess you could always eat em🤣🤣🤣.