Ex Husband's permission

[JFH 12,190]

1 hour ago, T&A2018 said:

I understand what you are trying to say. But , he doesn't much care about his  kid. He contacts the kid once in 3-4 months , doesn't help financially , even tho he makes good money . I don't want to to get into details , but he's doing that just to make her life harder. This topic isn't about him being a good father or not , or his rights. And yes, if it was me and i saw my kid once on 8 months and i knew that my kid would have better future in US , i"d permit the kid to leave. She offered to fly the kid to him during his vacation and etc. 

How do you know the child will have a better future in the USA? That’s a very stereotypical thing to say. Yes, you might have more money and the child might have a bigger house and more clothes but children need a lot more than material things. You are moving a child away from the only home he knows, away from friends, extended family, language, to a completely different environment. Sometimes that can do more harm than good. It might be better for you to move to them. At least the child will maintain some stability. 

 

I was pushed from one one country to another and my parents went through a very acrimonious divorce and not being able to see my grandparents and having to leave my school and friends was very hard. And I could speak both languages fluently so I didn’t have the language issue. But it was still an awful experience and I started to despise my parents for it. 

[proudtobabritgirl 126]

I've just been through the exact same thing. When you apply to the court you can actually state that the matter is urgent. I didnt state that it was urgent when I applied, but I received a phonecall from the court secretary saying that although I hadn't selected it as urgent, I should have stated it as urgent because there was a timeframe involved. 

It can take up to two years. Once I had changed the case to urgent it sped things up and took a year in total. 

Timeframe is hard to say as it also depends on the child's biological father and how much they contest against the child moving. 

In my case, my daughter was old enough to have an opinion in the court process, which helped massively. 

It won't take forever. The courts wouldn't do that. A decision has to be made as it is in the best interest of the child rather then have two parents indecisive.

I should add I didn't have a solicitor, I did however research that area of law extensively. You will need to prove the point with facts that you are moving the child for a better life NOT to take the child away from the father. 

One thing I did not do, was to badmouth my ex husband. I barely even mentioned him. I focused on my daughter and how it would be beneficial for her and the emotional impact it would have on her to not have permission to move. 

I also had a really good track record. As in, I'd taken our daughter to the USA many times and always stated when I would return, remained in constant communication, encouraged my daughter to keep in contact and updated with letters and phonecalls on what she had been up to, despite the trips on being for a couple of weeks or so. 

The more information you can get on the area you are moving too (school exam pass rates, local crime, opportunities) etc that is a must! 

Any more information please don't hesitate to ask me. 

[Boiler 45,522]

1 minute ago, proudtobabritgirl said:

I've just been through the exact same thing. When you apply to the court you can actually state that the matter is urgent. I didnt state that it was urgent when I applied, but I received a phonecall from the court secretary saying that although I hadn't selected it as urgent, I should have stated it as urgent because there was a timeframe involved. 

It can take up to two years. Once I had changed the case to urgent it sped things up and took a year in total. 

Timeframe is hard to say as it also depends on the child's biological father and how much they contest against the child moving. 

In my case, my daughter was old enough to have an opinion in the court process, which helped massively. 

It won't take forever. The courts wouldn't do that. A decision has to be made as it is in the best interest of the child rather then have two parents indecisive.

I should add I didn't have a solicitor, I did however research that area of law extensively. You will need to prove the point with facts that you are moving the child for a better life NOT to take the child away from the father. 

One thing I did not do, was to badmouth my ex husband. I barely even mentioned him. I focused on my daughter and how it would be beneficial for her and the emotional impact it would have on her to not have permission to move. 

I also had a really good track record. As in, I'd taken our daughter to the USA many times and always stated when I would return, remained in constant communication, encouraged my daughter to keep in contact and updated with letters and phonecalls on what she had been up to, despite the trips on being for a couple of weeks or so. 

The more information you can get on the area you are moving too (school exam pass rates, local crime, opportunities) etc that is a must! 

Any more information please don't hesitate to ask me. 

You did this in the Ukraine?

[ThomasNC1988 762]

Get the child out of the country no matter what, consequences be damned? Only option is the father to agree or a court order saying he has no say in the matter. The father has rights and it doesn't matter what you or anyone other than a court thinks of his parenting. This is perhaps one of the most desperate posts I've seen. If you take these desperate measures your fiance is headed for at best denial at worst prison. You will not get a Visa or out of the country without the fathers permission and if you do manage that you are in a whole other heap of trouble. Smuggling kids is the most illegal thing you can do with regard to immigration and I am not sure how you haven't been kicked off this site already for the suggestion.

[T&A2018 4]

3 minutes ago, JFH said:

How do you know the child will have a better future in the USA? That’s a very stereotypical thing to say. Yes, you might have more money and the child might have a bigger house and more clothes but children need a lot more than material things. You are moving a child away from the only home he knows, away from friends, extended family, language, to a completely different environment. Sometimes that can do more harm than good. It might be better for you to move to them. At least the child will maintain some stability. 

 

I was pushed from one one country to another and my parents went through a very acrimonious divorce and not being able to see my grandparents and having to leave my school and friends was very hard. And I could speak both languages fluently so I didn’t have the language issue. But it was still an awful experience and I started to despise my parents for it. 

You know how ? Cause the kid doesn’t even wanna talk to his dad . He calls me father . Cause the real “father” doesn’t spend time with him at all and he is not attached to him at all . Cause their country is at war , cause the corruption there is unbelievable. When it comes to his family , all he has is his mother and grandmother. The other side’s grandparents don’t even talk to him or take him to their house or anywhere else . If you don’t know the insides, don’t judge , I love the kid and the kid is so attached to me . It’s not about the money, it’s about having a complete family . 

[proudtobabritgirl 126]

1 minute ago, Boiler said:

You did this in the Ukraine?

Nope. In the UK. But the same proof would be needed for any court. 

[JFH 12,190]

1 minute ago, proudtobabritgirl said:

Nope. In the UK. But the same proof would be needed for any court. 

But the laws vary. 

[JFH 12,190]

3 minutes ago, T&A2018 said:

You know how ? Cause the kid doesn’t even wanna talk to his dad . He calls me father . Cause the real “father” doesn’t spend time with him at all and he is not attached to him at all . Cause their country is at war , cause the corruption there is unbelievable. When it comes to his family , all he has is his mother and grandmother. The other side’s grandparents don’t even talk to him or take him to their house or anywhere else . If you don’t know the insides, don’t judge , I love the kid and the kid is so attached to me . It’s not about the money, it’s about having a complete family . 

Doesn’t want to talk to his father or is not given the opportunity to? Maybe because the child has been told that the father doesn’t like him or other nonsense. The golden rule is to love the child more than you despise your former lover. That’s the man she chose to be the father of her child. It’s not about what you think anyway. As you will discover, the court’s opinion, whether you agree with it or not, will be the one that applies. 

 

If you just want to be a family with this woman and her child then surely location is irrelevant? Or is she also wanting a perceived “better life”?

[T&A2018 4]

Where did u see a suggestion about smuggling the kid or anything in that matter? The whole purpose of this topic is to see what options are available and to find someone who went trough the same problem .

[Ontarkie 14,226]

1 minute ago, T&A2018 said:

You know how ? Cause the kid doesn’t even wanna talk to his dad . He calls me father . Cause the real “father” doesn’t spend time with him at all and he is not attached to him at all . Cause their country is at war , cause the corruption there is unbelievable. When it comes to his family , all he has is his mother and grandmother. The other side’s grandparents don’t even talk to him or take him to their house or anywhere else . If you don’t know the insides, don’t judge , I love the kid and the kid is so attached to me . It’s not about the money, it’s about having a complete family . 

You need to keep the peace regardless of how terrible the father is. My older kids father lived 5 mins away. That was a 5 minute walk away. He couldn't bother seeing his kids. He drove past them and couldn't bother waving. Trust me I know what damage a lousy father can do.

 

The thing is if something ever were to happen to their mother the father is the one that child will be returned to. You as a step father have no legal rights to the child. No US court will keep them apart. Yes it will take time for him to act if he acts. But you need to keep the peace so that child has some sort of relationship with him. You never know what can happen. What we all are trying to say is get the court order even if it takes awhile or get him to sign permission and have that endorsed by the courts so it cannot be reversed easily. 

 

I'm not saying it's impossible there have been many going through that embassy that had to go through all of this too. It is possible and it will get done. 

[T&A2018 4]

1 minute ago, JFH said:

Doesn’t want to talk to his father or is not given the opportunity to? Maybe because the child has been told that the father doesn’t like him or other nonsense. The golden rule is to love the child more than you despise your former lover. That’s the man she chose to be the father of her child. It’s not about what you think anyway. As you will discover, the court’s opinion, whether you agree with it or not, will be the one that applies. 

 

If you just want to be a family with this woman and her child then surely location is irrelevant? Or is she also wanting a perceived “better life”?

Nobody forbids the dad to talk to the kid, he just does it whenever he feels like it . So , please, once you dont know the circumstances , don't make assumptions .

[Ontarkie 14,226]

~~One post removed for attacking the OP. He is here to look for advice and experience of others that have been through this.~~ 

 

~~Thread also moved to the RUB forum. As he needs more country specific advice about getting either permission from the father or the courts.~~

[GP1977 288]

I always believe that the children come first and you have to do what is in the "best interests" of the child.  Who knows if that means the child stays in Ukraine or if it means the child moves to the US.  However, if you want to do it another way - and as bad as this is going to sound -  as someone said earlier you might have to grease the wheels to get this to happen.  Otherwsie just move there.  He is the father and has parental rights.

 

 

 

 

 

[payxibka 10,045]

For a while this thread felt like Lt. Kaffee vs. Colonel Jesup

[T&A2018 4]

3 hours ago, proudtobabritgirl said:

I've just been through the exact same thing. When you apply to the court you can actually state that the matter is urgent. I didnt state that it was urgent when I applied, but I received a phonecall from the court secretary saying that although I hadn't selected it as urgent, I should have stated it as urgent because there was a timeframe involved. 

It can take up to two years. Once I had changed the case to urgent it sped things up and took a year in total. 

Timeframe is hard to say as it also depends on the child's biological father and how much they contest against the child moving. 

In my case, my daughter was old enough to have an opinion in the court process, which helped massively. 

It won't take forever. The courts wouldn't do that. A decision has to be made as it is in the best interest of the child rather then have two parents indecisive.

I should add I didn't have a solicitor, I did however research that area of law extensively. You will need to prove the point with facts that you are moving the child for a better life NOT to take the child away from the father. 

One thing I did not do, was to badmouth my ex husband. I barely even mentioned him. I focused on my daughter and how it would be beneficial for her and the emotional impact it would have on her to not have permission to move. 

I also had a really good track record. As in, I'd taken our daughter to the USA many times and always stated when I would return, remained in constant communication, encouraged my daughter to keep in contact and updated with letters and phonecalls on what she had been up to, despite the trips on being for a couple of weeks or so. 

The more information you can get on the area you are moving too (school exam pass rates, local crime, opportunities) etc that is a must! 

Any more information please don't hesitate to ask me. 

You know , it’s different when you are dealing with normal court system . But the court system over there is so corrupted , that even with 100% winner case you might not be sure if you win or not . Her ex has good money and connections , so he might influence the judge and the court .