Is it possible to bring husbands child but not mine to US

[JAMROCKJNJ 9]

Hello ran across this site trying to research my issue online. My husband came to the US in 2013 on a spouse visa. He doesn’t have any children. We have been trying to conceive for the past few years but unfortunately I have had several miscarriages. We’re exploring other options. IVF is not an option unless we use donor eggs which is more expensive. We don’t want to go through that grueling process and still possibly not have a child. So we are considering having a “donor” to have a child we would raise as our own. The child would be my husband’s biological child though. Don’t know if it would be someone here in the states or from Jamaica. We don’t have anyone in mind, just trying to see if this is even an option as far as immigration would be concerned if the child were born in Jamaica. My husband has a 10 yr green card and is eligible for citizenship, but unsure if he wants to take that route. 

1. Would it be possible for us to file for the child, being that my husband would technically have a child outside of the marriage after we were married. Because of course he didn’t have any children so there weren’t any listed on petition. 

2. Would my husband file or would I? Unsure if I would actually legally adopt the child, really just thinking of raising it as ours together.

 

I appreciate your feedback. 

[Roel 7,192]

Why trying to complicate all this?

Just find a person in the US.

 

 

[Illiria 980]

Sorry you are going through this, having dealt with this myself I know how much it bites. Surrogacy is pricier than IVF with donor eggs, also not going through an official agency runs many risks.

 

If you don’t do it officially (through an agency and folowing all of the surrogacy rules for the state/country) the other person is the legal parent so can basically hold you to ransom, even more so when doing immigration as well as you will either have to get their permission to take the child out of the country or you would have to get them to give up their rights in order to have you adopt the child. 

 

As to the immigration, it could complicate if you are going citizenship as spouse of us citizen under three year rule as it may impact on martial continuance. 

 

You could petition as step parent but this may also be highly scrutinized (especially if you go to a less well off country to do this as many have made it illegal due to the women being used and not treated well in this kind of arrangement) 

 

4 minutes ago, Roel said:

Why trying to complicate all this?

Just find a person in the US.

 

 

America surrogacy is around $100,000, some countries it is cheaper or done on the down low so you can get a false birth certificate and bypass the adoption side - this is exceptionally stupid because embassy does dna testing but still it happens. 

 

 

Edited November 21, 2018 by Illiria

[JAMROCKJNJ 9]

1 minute ago, Illiria said:

Sorry you are going through this, having dealt with this myself I know how much it bites. Surrogacy is pricier than IVF with donor eggs, also not going through an official agency runs many risks.

 

If you don’t do it officially (through an agency and folowing all of the surrogacy rules for the state/country) the other person is the legal parent so can basically hold you to ransom, even more so when doing immigration as well as you will either have to get their permission to take the child out of the country or you would have to get them to give up their rights in order to have you adopt the child. 

 

America surrogacy is around $100,000, some countries it is cheaper or done on the down low so you can get a false birth certificate and bypass the adoption side - this is exceptionally stupid because embassy does dna testing but still it happens. 

 

 

Thank you for your compassion. That's why we were hoping to take a less expensive route by maybe having a willing donor assist. So we are considering the legalities/complications you mentioned in terms of getting permission or holding it over our head...

@Roel because the situation is tough as it is and I think more complicated for me emotionally to have someone here. We could probably negotiate easier with someone from Jamaica as they might stand to benefit in the long run... Nothing in stone. Just thinking....

[CEE53147 559]

1 hour ago, JAMROCKJNJ said:

Thank you for your compassion. That's why we were hoping to take a less expensive route by maybe having a willing donor assist. So we are considering the legalities/complications you mentioned in terms of getting permission or holding it over our head...

@Roel because the situation is tough as it is and I think more complicated for me emotionally to have someone here. We could probably negotiate easier with someone from Jamaica as they might stand to benefit in the long run... Nothing in stone. Just thinking....

Are you saying that you expect the child to sponsor the mother when the child becomes 21? You realize that if you are just the Step-mother, if your DH were to die, the mother would have rights exceeding yours.

 

Why do you not adopt.  There are many children - even likely ones with Jamaican ancestry - that are in need of loving parents? You  could even go through an international agency dealing with chiklren from that country.

 

Before you go any further, you need to consult an attorney or two - immigration and adoption specialist(s).

[JAMROCKJNJ 9]

38 minutes ago, CEE53147 said:

Are you saying that you expect the child to sponsor the mother when the child becomes 21? You realize that if you are just the Step-mother, if your DH were to die, the mother would have rights exceeding yours.

 

Why do you not adopt.  There are many children - even likely ones with Jamaican ancestry - that are in need of loving parents? You  could even go through an international agency dealing with chiklren from that country.

 

Before you go any further, you need to consult an attorney or two - immigration and adoption specialist(s).

No I don’t “expect” the child to sponsor the mother but it is an option should he or she choose to do that. So someone from Jamaica might be open vs someone here who doesn’t have anything to gain other than having a good heart for someone who’s having a hard time conceiving . It’s not a matter of needed loving parents or giving to a child in need, it’s more so my husband having a child of his own blood and DNA. I have an older child already and we wanted at least one together. We looked into IVF but I’m not a good candidate. We’re just looking at other options and that was a topic that came up in our discussion - for him to have a child and the person would let us raise it as our own. SEEMS like the least expensive way although there could be other consequences such as those Illiria mentioned. Just trying to explore and weigh all options. Thanks for your response.

[Ontarkie 14,234]

3 minutes ago, JAMROCKJNJ said:

No I don’t “expect” the child to sponsor the mother but it is an option should he or she choose to do that. So someone from Jamaica might be open vs someone here who doesn’t have anything to gain other than having a good heart for someone who’s having a hard time conceiving . It’s not a matter of needed loving parents or giving to a child in need, it’s more so my husband having a child of his own blood and DNA. I have an older child already and we wanted at least one together. We looked into IVF but I’m not a good candidate. We’re just looking at other options and that was a topic that came up in our discussion - for him to have a child and the person would let us raise it as our own. SEEMS like the least expensive way although there could be other consequences such as those Illiria mentioned. Just trying to explore and weigh all options. Thanks for your response.

What you are planning is exactly why you would not get any immigration benefits for that child. Surrogacy needs to end that relationship between the donor/carrier. If your husband just goes and gets someone pregnant you can bet that will come up too. 

[geowrian 22,337]

That's lots of potential problems with having it done abroad outside a reputable agency.

Having part of the "deal" to involve potential immigration benefits is not wise. In addition to the items noted previously, there must be more than just a biological relationship between parent and child. Then there's the issues of ROC and/or citizenship where  a child is being born out of wedlock like this...it might raise quite a few eyebrows at the interview(s) that will be difficult to explain versus using an agency.

Edited November 21, 2018 by geowrian

[JAMROCKJNJ 9]

17 minutes ago, geowrian said:

That's lots of potential problems with having it done abroad outside a reputable agency.

Having part of the "deal" to involve potential immigration benefits is not wise. In addition to the items noted previously, there must be more than just a biological relationship between parent and child. Then there's the issues of ROC and/or citizenship where  a child is being born out of wedlock like this...it might raise quite a few eyebrows at the interview(s) that will be difficult to explain versus using an agency.

Thank you @Ontarkie and @geowrian. Guess this is the advice I’m looking for, whether or not it’s a realistic and/or doable plan. Not planning to offer any benefits for immigration and definitely not looking to fool immigration or lie in any way. Just simply looking to have a child. But whatever the child decides when he or she is grown is between them and the mother. And that’s an option if that’s what they decide to do but it’s not something we would put on the table as part of any deal. Our hands would be off that. We’re just looking at options to have a child bc IVF is not an option and surrogacy is so expensive. So basically we’re just throwing around the idea of asking someone to have a child for us and we could raise it. I think the idea may be uncommon or unconventional but certainly not unheard of. Again no plan, just an idea and was wondering if it was possible to bring a child here and raise as our own but it would be his biological child. Thank you. 

Edited November 21, 2018 by JAMROCKJNJ

[aaron2020 11,651]

If you want to pursue this, then wait for your husband to become a US citizen.

 

Then, do it legally.  Don't just come to an understanding with a willing woman.  Surrogacy is regulated in many countries to prevent human exploitation.  Reputable agency.  Reputable lawyers.  

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-28679020  Surrogate babies: Where can you have them, and is it legal?

 

[JAMROCKJNJ 9]

34 minutes ago, aaron2020 said:

If you want to pursue this, then wait for your husband to become a US citizen.

 

Then, do it legally.  Don't just come to an understanding with a willing woman.  Surrogacy is regulated in many countries to prevent human exploitation.  Reputable agency.  Reputable lawyers.  

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-28679020  Surrogate babies: Where can you have them, and is it legal?

 

Thank you. I appreciate all the feedback. It’s helping to balance my mind in this tender situation. And I can further discuss with my husband. Thank you. 

[SusieQQQ 11,586]

55 minutes ago, JAMROCKJNJ said:

But whatever the child decides when he or she is grown is between them and the mother. 

You are heading for a legal and moral minefield here, never even mind the emotional one. I echo the others, you need a formal surrogacy or adoption agreement. I get why you are proposing this but I honestly think that you have no idea of what you might potentially be letting  yourself in for, even apart from any immigration considerations. I say this because I know what happened to a friend of mine who had what turned out to be an invalid surrogacy agreement and the mother was deemed legally the mother. It’s been a total nightmare for them financially, legally and most of all emotionally.  What happens when the woman who has agreed to let you take and raise her child...changes her mind?

 

I also agree that if you’re not doing a surrogacy agreement inside the US, it’s probably best if your husband becomes a citizen first. On that note, be aware that average time to naturalization is around a year at present, so it’s probably best to file N400 soon to try ensure that’s done before a baby might arrive.

good luck...

Edited November 22, 2018 by SusieQQQ

[JAMROCKJNJ 9]

2 minutes ago, SusieQQQ said:

You are heading for a legal and moral minefield here, never even mind the emotional one. I echo the others, you need a formal surrogacy or adoption agreement. I get why you are proposing this but I honestly think that you have no idea of what you might potentially be letting  yourself in for, even apart from any immigration considerations. I say this because I know what happened to a friend of mine who had what turned out to be an invalid surrogacy agreement and the mother was deemed legally the mother. It’s been a total nightmare for them financially, legally and most of all emotionally. 

I also agree that if you’re not doing a surrogacy agreement inside the US, it’s probably best if your husband becomes a citizen first. On that note, be aware that average time to naturalization is around a year at present, so it’s probably best to file N400 soon to try ensure that’s done before a baby might arrive.

good luck...

Thank you. That’s why I’m asking. It’s been a tough journey and maybe my mind is irrational and all over the place. I definitely don’t want to make any rash decisions or wrong moves that might have irreconcilable consequences. We thought it was a simple idea but I’m realizing the legal aspect is more important. Thanks again. 

[Going through 5,671]

2 hours ago, JAMROCKJNJ said:

So basically we’re just throwing around the idea of asking someone to have a child for us and we could raise it. I think the idea may be uncommon or unconventional but certainly not unheard of.

Not unheard of, but doing it the way you're thinking can lead to so many legal complications for you in the long-run, not to mention the already present immigration complications for your husband.

 

If you plan on going outside a reputable agency, your safest bet immigration-wise is for your husband to become a US citizen first.  

The risks surrounding the non-legal "agreement" between you, your husband and the other woman still remain, of course---your safest bet is a legal adoption.

[Ontarkie 14,234]

It's not an easy choice to have to make. Just take your time make sure 100% everything is done according to the laws of the US and the country you pick. 

There has been more then one story in recent years that couples have gone this route only to find out that they cannot bring their child to the US.