To whom it may consern...

[Fandango 1,439]

First off, for all those that happen to "stumble upon our threads", welcome to the forum! I'm glad you can be entertained by the intricacies of our relationships and the problems contained therein. I'm glad you find it amusing that you can visit the forum here and view what our members are posting about real problems and real issues in their real lives. But when you "stumble upon your keyboard" and add your two pence, it's really annoying! Thanks for helping with the "K-1 applicants must submit this..." but please save the "Russian women are so spoiled by their overbearing husbands..." for your own forum. Thanks!

For everyone "at home" here on the thread....

There are issues in each relationship. All of us on here. Sometimes we do need to vent a little, and sometimes the only place where we're going to find a common bond between couples is here on VJ. Unless you hang out with a lot of Russian/American couples at home, there's probably not too many that are going to relate. We have a unique situation from most other couples here in the U.S.

However, there are similarities as well. When young people get married... there are issues! Issues that sometimes need worked out in one way or another. Sometimes they don't make the right decisions, and sometimes they do. All I know is, even young people are adults, and can make up their own minds about what they will or will not do. It seems that everyone on this forum is intelligent enough to make rational decisions. Sometimes, we need to get a little advice first, or maybe see if others are going through the same thing before we take action. Or, maybe we just need a little reassurance or piece of mind.

I hope this forum can help all of us with that. Posting our "real-world, everyday, personal problems" on here isn't really airing our "dirty laundry", it's finding a forum in which we can get the best advice possible without having those around us that know us judge us for what we're going through. Better for a VJ poster to judge us than our best friends or our own parents, children, etc. Besides, they've already judged us anyway!

Good luck to all in their relationships, and I hope that we can post what we're going through, good and bad, here in the Russia forum, and that we can help each other out.

It really irritates me when people feel they own a forum.

And it IS airing dirty laundry in a public place. If people want to do that, that's fine...but when you put a thread on a public forum which expresses marital problems, I can't see how anyone is suprised when it attracts attention. If you want to post in the 'sanctity' of a few friends only, perhaps email or a private venue is best. I'm not saying don't air the laundry....just don't be suprised when others add their '2 pence'.

[JenT 0]

First off, for all those that happen to "stumble upon our threads", welcome to the forum! I'm glad you can be entertained by the intricacies of our relationships and the problems contained therein. I'm glad you find it amusing that you can visit the forum here and view what our members are posting about real problems and real issues in their real lives. But when you "stumble upon your keyboard" and add your two pence, it's really annoying! Thanks for helping with the "K-1 applicants must submit this..." but please save the "Russian women are so spoiled by their overbearing husbands..." for your own forum. Thanks!

For everyone "at home" here on the thread....

There are issues in each relationship. All of us on here. Sometimes we do need to vent a little, and sometimes the only place where we're going to find a common bond between couples is here on VJ. Unless you hang out with a lot of Russian/American couples at home, there's probably not too many that are going to relate. We have a unique situation from most other couples here in the U.S.

However, there are similarities as well. When young people get married... there are issues! Issues that sometimes need worked out in one way or another. Sometimes they don't make the right decisions, and sometimes they do. All I know is, even young people are adults, and can make up their own minds about what they will or will not do. It seems that everyone on this forum is intelligent enough to make rational decisions. Sometimes, we need to get a little advice first, or maybe see if others are going through the same thing before we take action. Or, maybe we just need a little reassurance or piece of mind.

I hope this forum can help all of us with that. Posting our "real-world, everyday, personal problems" on here isn't really airing our "dirty laundry", it's finding a forum in which we can get the best advice possible without having those around us that know us judge us for what we're going through. Better for a VJ poster to judge us than our best friends or our own parents, children, etc. Besides, they've already judged us anyway!

Good luck to all in their relationships, and I hope that we can post what we're going through, good and bad, here in the Russia forum, and that we can help each other out.

It really irritates me when people feel they own a forum.

And it IS airing dirty laundry in a public place. If people want to do that, that's fine...but when you put a thread on a public forum which expresses marital problems, I can't see how anyone is suprised when it attracts attention. If you want to post in the 'sanctity' of a few friends only, perhaps email or a private venue is best. I'm not saying don't air the laundry....just don't be suprised when others add their '2 pence'.

[kitkat1 5]

First off, for all those that happen to "stumble upon our threads", welcome to the forum! I'm glad you can be entertained by the intricacies of our relationships and the problems contained therein. I'm glad you find it amusing that you can visit the forum here and view what our members are posting about real problems and real issues in their real lives.

I am not entertained or amused - it's incredibly unsettling and just weird to see people posting their very personal problems on a forum available to the entire world to view. I also find it frightening, especially this:

I don't believe in psychology/marriage counseling

posted by someone who clearly needs marriage counseling (among other forms of help).

YIKES.

[Milenka 0]

Slim, I agree with you. It annoys me that people who don't understand Russian people or culture post on a thread about Russian/American relationships. In the end we are all just people, and like Slim said there are always issues. but culture is important, and we all have some different issues than say someone who is marrying an English person...My mother is from Russia and my father from Poland, so for me it's home. I am still rather new here, but the fact that there is a place to come where people are neutral is a nice feeling, to get some advice. What Jewel said makes sense, that it may be easier for Galya to talk about what happened on this forum than with friends or family...And really she just wanted for people who were commenting on her situation last year, to read her point of view. I never saw anyone trying to "own" a forum here by the way.

[JenT 0]

I never saw anyone trying to "own" a forum here by the way.

Really? Define interloper.

[akdiver 3]

Really? Define interloper.

How about posting on the Russian VJ forum when you are not directly involved in a Russian/American VJ?

I know I would view myself as an interloper if I went cruising through, say, the Chinese forum and posted opinions about what is going on with the people over there - but hey, that's just me. You do what you want, you're certainly entitled. I just think it is interesting that someone would feel the need to bother to cruise this forum and post their opinions when really, it has nothing to do with them, and ESPECIALLY when they get all judgmental on the posts of those who DO belong here.

It's kind of like posting a classified ad for pet snakes in an automotive category of the classifieds. Sure, you can do it, but people looking in the automotive category just are not interested in the pet snakes. They went looking in that category for a reason, and pet snakes are not it.

I never said or implied that *I* own this forum, but I would stay that it is, in a sense, "owned" by those who ARE directly involved in a Russian/America VJ. We don't come into this forum looking for the opinions of those who are not. There are plenty of OTHER forums where we can view such opinions.

Cheers!

AKDiver

Edited May 20, 2007 by akdiver

[akdiver 3]

We post in the Russia forum, as opposed to a more general forum, specifically because want discussion with our cohorts, not everyone under the sun. When we want input from the rest of you, we'll post in a more general forum, such as "Moving here and life in America" or something. Trust us. We'll let you know when we are interested in what you have to say.

The fact that many of us are telling you interlopers this and you continue to post here simply shows your lack of respect for how we feel. So, why would we want your disrespecting, judgmental posts? Dunno why this is so hard to understand.

Cheers!

AKDiver

Edited May 20, 2007 by akdiver

[Fandango 1,439]

Slim, I agree with you. It annoys me that people who don't understand Russian people or culture post on a thread about Russian/American relationships. In the end we are all just people, and like Slim said there are always issues. but culture is important, and we all have some different issues than say someone who is marrying an English person

Commenting on a wife saying her husand punched her in the stomach and caused a miscarriage goes well beyond 'cultural' difference...and one does not need to be in a US/Russa relationship to be qualified to give general advice. Do I need to be Russian to say 'that is unacceptable'? No.

And is making friends with an American or non-Russian woman that bad of an idea? To the Russian spouses like you who resent our presence in 'your' forum...did you ever think to yourself that talking to one of us might offer you another perspective? That maybe you'd feel more independant than just sitting in a forum of Russian women and the American men who give them allowances? I know that when I emigrated to England, I felt awfully alone, and welcomed female friendship as a means to find my own footing separate to my partner. Take it or leave it...just offering another perspective.

...My mother is from Russia and my father from Poland, so for me it's home. I am still rather new here, but the fact that there is a place to come where people are neutral is a nice feeling, to get some advice.

Neutral in what way? No one here is against you. Not even 'non US/R' couples.

What Jewel said makes sense, that it may be easier for Galya to talk about what happened on this forum than with friends or family...And really she just wanted for people who were commenting on her situation last year, to read her point of view.

My take on why Galina brought it up was because she noticed her husband was talking about it & wanted to give her side. I can understand that, that's natural. But I also would hazzard a guess that had Russ not brought it up, she wouldn't have either. I personally don't care if everyone puts their personal problems on here...I might wonder why, but hey, it's a free world....but again, at the end of the day, this is not a password protected area...this information is not said in some sort of secrecy...and is viewed by members and lurkers and anyone else who wants to see it. It's internet roadkill. So don't be suprised that it attracts attention.

If you want to control the flow of who sees what information, then it shouldn't be told over a loudspeaker.

I never saw anyone trying to "own" a forum here by the way.

may I direct you to your first two sentences? Ask yourself why it 'annoys you' that non US/R couples are posting. there's your proof.

[Milenka 0]

Really? Define interloper.

How about posting on the Russian VJ forum when you are not directly involved in a Russian/American VJ?

I know I would view myself as an interloper if I went cruising through, say, the Chinese forum and posted opinions about what is going on with the people over there - but hey, that's just me. You do what you want, you're certainly entitled. I just think it is interesting that someone would feel the need to bother to cruise this forum and post their opinions when really, it has nothing to do with them, and ESPECIALLY when they get all judgmental on the posts of those who DO belong here.

It's kind of like posting a classified ad for pet snakes in an automotive category of the classifieds. Sure, you can do it, but people looking in the automotive category just are not interested in the pet snakes. They went looking in that category for a reason, and pet snakes are not it.

I never said or implied that *I* own this forum, but I would stay that it is, in a sense, "owned" by those who ARE directly involved in a Russian/America VJ. We don't come into this forum looking for the opinions of those who are not. There are plenty of OTHER forums where we can view such opinions.

Cheers!

AKDiver

We post in the Russia forum, as opposed to a more general forum, specifically because want discussion with our cohorts, not everyone under the sun. When we want input from the rest of you, we'll post in a more general forum, such as "Moving here and life in America" or something. Trust us. We'll let you know when we are interested in what you have to say.

The fact that many of us are telling you interlopers this and you continue to post here simply shows your lack of respect for how we feel. So, why would we want your disrespecting, judgmental posts? Dunno why this is so hard to understand.

Cheers!

AKDiver

AKDiver summed up exactly what I wanted to say. Thanks AKDiver!

[Fandango 1,439]

Really? Define interloper.

How about posting on the Russian VJ forum when you are not directly involved in a Russian/American VJ?

I know I would view myself as an interloper if I went cruising through, say, the Chinese forum and posted opinions about what is going on with the people over there - but hey, that's just me. You do what you want, you're certainly entitled. I just think it is interesting that someone would feel the need to bother to cruise this forum and post their opinions when really, it has nothing to do with them, and ESPECIALLY when they get all judgmental on the posts of those who DO belong here.

It's kind of like posting a classified ad for pet snakes in an automotive category of the classifieds. Sure, you can do it, but people looking in the automotive category just are not interested in the pet snakes. They went looking in that category for a reason, and pet snakes are not it.

I never said or implied that *I* own this forum, but I would stay that it is, in a sense, "owned" by those who ARE directly involved in a Russian/America VJ. We don't come into this forum looking for the opinions of those who are not. There are plenty of OTHER forums where we can view such opinions.

Cheers!

AKDiver

We post in the Russia forum, as opposed to a more general forum, specifically because want discussion with our cohorts, not everyone under the sun. When we want input from the rest of you, we'll post in a more general forum, such as "Moving here and life in America" or something. Trust us. We'll let you know when we are interested in what you have to say.

The fact that many of us are telling you interlopers this and you continue to post here simply shows your lack of respect for how we feel. So, why would we want your disrespecting, judgmental posts? Dunno why this is so hard to understand.

Cheers!

AKDiver

AKDiver summed up exactly what I wanted to say. Thanks AKDiver!

I never saw anyone trying to "own" a forum here by the way.

[akdiver 3]

Commenting on a wife saying her husand punched her in the stomach and caused a miscarriage goes well beyond 'cultural' difference...and one does not need to be in a US/Russa relationship to be qualified to give general advice. Do I need to be Russian to say 'that is unacceptable'? No.

Commenting on the state of political affairs in Chile doesn't require you to be "one of us" either. So what?

And is making friends with an American or non-Russian woman that bad of an idea?

Of course not.

To the Russian spouses like you who resent our presence in 'your' forum...did you ever think to yourself that talking to one of us might offer you another perspective?

Of course it would. And if we WANT your perspective, we'll go to a general forum and ask for it. See my previous post.

but again, at the end of the day, this is not a password protected area...this information is not said in some sort of secrecy..

And that's a shame. I wish it were. It would protect us against those who want to violate social norms. See my pet snakes argument in my previous post.

Cheers!

AKDiver

Edited May 20, 2007 by akdiver

[Fandango 1,439]

AK, thank you for proving mine and Jen's comment to Milenka about 'ownership'!

And when Ewok tells me not to post in any regional forums but the UK, then I will stop. So either find a 'safe haven' to talk in confidence, or get over it.

Cheers!

LisaD

[kitkat1 5]

akdiver, this is all so strange. It's an OPEN forum. There are NO restrictions on what anyone reads or responds to. Many, many people simply click on "view new posts" and read those, without concern for what "regional" forum they fall into.

If someone wants to air their personal problems and "dirty laundry" on a forum available to the entire world, they will undoubtedly get responses from people outside of the "regional" thread. It doesn't matter if anyone WANTS perspective, it's just that's the way it works. If you want a private forum, you'll have to create one.

[Fandango 1,439]

btw, did you have a vote on this and you were elected He Who Talks For All?

lolz

[akdiver 3]

AK, thank you for proving mine and Jen's comment to Milenka about 'ownership'! And when Ewok tells me not to post in any regional forums but the UK, then I will stop. So either find a 'safe haven' to talk in confidence, or get over it.

And thank you, from all of those who belong here, for continuing to provide pollution on a forum where you KNOW it is not wanted. What a wonderful attitude.

btw, did you have a vote on this and you were elected He Who Talks For All?

Well, as you have indicated, what people in Russia want doesn't really matter does it?

AKDiver summed up exactly what I wanted to say. Thanks AKDiver!

Firstirst off, for all those that happen to "stumble upon our threads", welcome to the forum! I'm glad you can be entertained by the intricacies of our relationships and the problems contained therein. I'm glad you find it amusing that you can visit the forum here and view what our members are posting about real problems and real issues in their real lives. But when you "stumble upon your keyboard" and add your two pence, it's really annoying! Thanks for helping with the "K-1 applicants must submit this..." but please save the "Russian women are so spoiled by their overbearing husbands..." for your own forum. Thanks!

In case you have not noticed, there are a number of different, regular posters, who ARE Russian-VJ oriented, all telling you the same thing. It's not just me.

Cheers!

AKDiver

Edited May 20, 2007 by akdiver