To whom it may consern...

[Galina 0]

Well, it was time for me to wake up and smell coffee...

Insomnia is a great thing... I finally browsed through all the posts here about "our case". Now it's pretty clear for me what my husband (with all your support, ladies and gentlemen!) thinks about me and why I will never be able to be the same person again.

But just for the record: has it ever occurred to you that there might have been another perspective? That I have suffered more through this than anybody? That the marriage to this greatest generous angel was no picnic from day one?

He has never told you how it was from the very beginning... How he made me drink at all these crazy parties just not to be a "party pooper", how he made me start smoking again, or how he yelled at me for being afraid of driving HIS car, that's worth more than all my healthy organs sold on the black market (I just didn't want to total the damn thing and it is a stick, I have never driven before so it was a challenge for me. Support? Nah! "You stupid... It's easy! Drive!") Has he ever told you how hard I was trying to make a perfect home for him, real home, family, dissolve myself in him, his friends, his pleasures, to be everything he wanted for him? Or how he crushed it all with not paying a slightest attention to that, not noticing me, not even trying to understand who I really was?

Or how many evenings I spent begging him to stay with me, at home, our home, instead of going to see his "drinking buddies" (he used to do it every day of the week, right after his work was done, and I would understand if they were really friends, or if it weren't every day) I didn't ask for much attention, just a couple of calm hours every once in a while to watch movies together or simply have dinner that I just cooked.

He also omitted a couple of important details about that night when things went seriously south, like how he punched me in the belly so hard that I bled for a couple of hours (and yes, it was a miscarriage, and it was his child...) or how he threw me out on the street knowing perfectly well that I was hurt badly and had no place to go (I didn't sleep for two days, just walking around the city, being too scared to join the bums)?

There was no affair at that point, or much before that night. And there was no other engagement either.

He also, I believe, didn't mention what brought me to that suicide attempt... Or what his family really said about me, both to my face and behind my back...

It's an old deal, I know, I just wanted to set things straight here, since I have only got to know about it now.

But I think, you all have set your judgment already (as well as he has, and pretty much everybody who knows his side of the story), if to believe the tone of your replies to my posts. I understand it and hereon cease my posting and delete my profile from here, 'cause apparently, no matter how hard I'll try I am not gonna get anything close to an objective opinion or advice here.

I paid my bills, he seems happy now and I'll do my best to keep him this way. I don't care what he thinks about me anymore, his point of view, as well as yours, will never change. As to me, I guess I've never been meant to be happy anyhow, and who cares? Everything is calm and peaceful (well, almost, he still gets drunk every once in a while and looks for a scandal or an "argument", so I just leave and drive around for a couple of hours till he falls asleep, whatever it takes just not to break the peace) what else can you ask for, right? Again, he is happy now so it's all good...

With all that said, I rest my case. Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building...

[JamesT 12]

Well all I can say from this post is my jaw dropped when I was reading it. I admit I don't follow this forum that closely, at least not enough to remember all the individual people that well (with the exception of Slim who is easy to remember ), but I always thought russ is a good guy?? At least that's the impression I got. I'm sorry to hear about all your troubles Galina, my prayers are certainly with you.

[cartaverde 12]

Most people are approximately as happy as they decide to be. If you don't want to be happy, there is no way that you will ever be.

I didn't follow your original story, so just reading only this post makes me wonder why you stayed with him that long if it was that bad.

I have suffered more through this than anybody

How do you know what the other people here go or have gone thru?

Good luck on your fresh new start.

[slim 1,514]

I was wondering why you were posting so much on here lately. Never really heard from you before, then all of the sudden... numerous posts, and now this.

It seems there is a point at which some the "VJ wives" or "FSU wives" will eventually get fed-up with their husbands and start to take out their frustrations here on the board. I remember Mrs. Satellite's diatribe, and just this week, Jewel's rant about her husband as well. It makes me wonder... what's my wife got to say about me? That aside, I understand where you ladies are coming from, and why you post your frustrations here in this forum. We are a "group of friends" of sorts, and if you're not getting your husband's attention and cooperation at home, you have to get his friends involved. Hopefully too, you can find a commonality with someone on the board and you can better deal with the situation at home.

For the most part, things here are good between my wife and I, so I'm not really in a bad relationship. But I know plenty of people that are, and that helps me to see your side of this. Once again though, I'll post my motto about relationships.... You can't be happy with someone else until you're happy with yourself. If you can see yourself "getting happy" or working through the problems you're currently facing, then by all means, stay together and work it out. But if you're unhappy, (especially if you're unhappy to the point where there's physical abuse and/or suicidal gestures) then you need to be honest with yourself and your partner and decide (rationally, not emotionally) what is the best course of action for your collective future. If you're going to be able to work through your problems together, then do it. If not... don't waste your time trying to make something work just because you've been together for the last couple of years.

I don't know the whole story, and I'm not passing judgment on anyone here. What I do know is sometimes relationships get messed up, and that's just the way it goes. I also know that sometimes it looks really f'd up, and it's not that bad, and that's why people can stay together, even after significant things have happened. (Like physical abuse and/or suicidal gestures.) One of the most important things to do in these types of situations is to just be honest with yourself and to see it for what it is. Sometimes that means you need to see it from someone else's point of view, and that's why it's good that you're sharing it here on VJ.

We can't tell you what's best for you to do, but we can help you with the commonality of the situation and what we did, or didn't, do when we went through it. Please keep posting here as there are problems that all of us will face, or that maybe only one will face, but if we're able to help and support even just one of our own here on VJ, then it's worth it.

Galina, if you, or anyone else on here needs someone to talk to about anything like this, or any of the other issues that we collectively face being "FSU couples" keep posting it here, or if you don't want it on the public forums, you can PM me any time. It is important to talk about stuff like this. Make sure you do it. Do it with your S/O, if possible, and if you need more support.... we're all here!

Good luck with this, and I truly hope there is some way to work it out. I know there are bad parts in every relationship, but I know there's been a lot of good stuff posted on here as well!

[russ 1]

There are a few facts that Galina has left out here.

He also omitted a couple of important details about that night when things went seriously south, like how he punched me in the belly so hard that I bled for a couple of hours (and yes, it was a miscarriage, and it was his child...) or how he threw me out on the street knowing perfectly well that I was hurt badly and had no place to go (I didn't sleep for two days, just walking around the city, being too scared to join the bums)?

I had called the police that night, because Galina was being violent, and would not let me leave. She called her boyfriend, who picked her up, and went straight to his house the next day. I had a restraining order, it was not my choice that she had to leave the house. She called me while I was seeing my lawyer and said she was bleeding. We called to have paramedics sent, but she refused medical treatment.

There was no affair at that point, or much before that night. And there was no other engagement either.

This was in fact a month before, when they both told me they were in love and getting married. She stayed with him, and came home early the next morning. I think that most reasonable people would consider this an affair.

[KoshkaMoshka 0]

Well, it was time for me to wake up and smell coffee...

Insomnia is a great thing... I finally browsed through all the posts here about "our case". Now it's pretty clear for me what my husband (with all your support, ladies and gentlemen!) thinks about me and why I will never be able to be the same person again.

But just for the record: has it ever occurred to you that there might have been another perspective? That I have suffered more through this than anybody? That the marriage to this greatest generous angel was no picnic from day one?

He has never told you how it was from the very beginning... How he made me drink at all these crazy parties just not to be a "party pooper", how he made me start smoking again, or how he yelled at me for being afraid of driving HIS car, that's worth more than all my healthy organs sold on the black market (I just didn't want to total the damn thing and it is a stick, I have never driven before so it was a challenge for me. Support? Nah! "You stupid... It's easy! Drive!") Has he ever told you how hard I was trying to make a perfect home for him, real home, family, dissolve myself in him, his friends, his pleasures, to be everything he wanted for him? Or how he crushed it all with not paying a slightest attention to that, not noticing me, not even trying to understand who I really was?

Or how many evenings I spent begging him to stay with me, at home, our home, instead of going to see his "drinking buddies" (he used to do it every day of the week, right after his work was done, and I would understand if they were really friends, or if it weren't every day) I didn't ask for much attention, just a couple of calm hours every once in a while to watch movies together or simply have dinner that I just cooked.

He also omitted a couple of important details about that night when things went seriously south, like how he punched me in the belly so hard that I bled for a couple of hours (and yes, it was a miscarriage, and it was his child...) or how he threw me out on the street knowing perfectly well that I was hurt badly and had no place to go (I didn't sleep for two days, just walking around the city, being too scared to join the bums)?

There was no affair at that point, or much before that night. And there was no other engagement either.

He also, I believe, didn't mention what brought me to that suicide attempt... Or what his family really said about me, both to my face and behind my back...

It's an old deal, I know, I just wanted to set things straight here, since I have only got to know about it now.

But I think, you all have set your judgment already (as well as he has, and pretty much everybody who knows his side of the story), if to believe the tone of your replies to my posts. I understand it and hereon cease my posting and delete my profile from here, 'cause apparently, no matter how hard I'll try I am not gonna get anything close to an objective opinion or advice here.

I paid my bills, he seems happy now and I'll do my best to keep him this way. I don't care what he thinks about me anymore, his point of view, as well as yours, will never change. As to me, I guess I've never been meant to be happy anyhow, and who cares? Everything is calm and peaceful (well, almost, he still gets drunk every once in a while and looks for a scandal or an "argument", so I just leave and drive around for a couple of hours till he falls asleep, whatever it takes just not to break the peace) what else can you ask for, right? Again, he is happy now so it's all good...

With all that said, I rest my case. Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building...

Galina!!If you are unhappy WHY are you staying with him?When i read your post i couldn't believe!!

Good luck

Если тебе одиноко на душе -буду рада помочь тебе...

Я только не понимаю если он так с тобой обращается-почему вы вместе??

[JenT 0]

Russ and Galina,

Exactly WHY do you think it's helpful for you to be airing your dirty laundry in a public forum?

I will never understand why private matters have to become so public.

Jen

[JamesT 12]

Russ and Galina,

Exactly WHY do you think it's helpful for you to be airing your dirty laundry in a public forum?

I will never understand why private matters have to become so public.

Jen

Jen - actually this part I do understand.... sometimes (in fact almost always) it feels good to get something like this aired out in public rather then keep it all bottled up inside. In other words it's often a relief if you can get something like this off your chest. (Bottled up emotions can tear a person apart!)

[JenT 0]

Russ and Galina,

Exactly WHY do you think it's helpful for you to be airing your dirty laundry in a public forum?

I will never understand why private matters have to become so public.

Jen

Jen - actually this part I do understand.... sometimes (in fact almost always) it feels good to get something like this aired out in public rather then keep it all bottled up inside. In other words it's often a relief if you can get something like this off your chest. (Bottled up emotions can tear a person apart!)

Not disputing the need to vent and heal.... just questioning the venue. Do these people have no friends, families, therapists to talk to?

[john_and_marlene 162]

Post often and post detail. The masses are being entertained.

[JenT 0]

Post often and post detail. The masses are being entertained.

[Fandango 1,439]

I'll bring the popcorn!

Galina.....if it's half as bad as you say, GET AWAY FROM HIM FOR GOOD.

Edited May 18, 2007 by LisaD

[*JG* 2]

Galina, I am so sorry. I wish you the best of luck in wherever you go from here.

[akdiver 3]

All I can say is wow.

That's not true. I can say more.

Galina, I have had some private messages from Russ in the past on some issues, long before you started posting here. All I can say is that it is obvious he cares about you and wants you in his life, based on what he told me. If you guys are having issues, it would be good to seek some professional assistance in working them out.

Cheers!

AKDiver

[Galina 0]

Well, looks like I have to reply at least for the sake of politeness...

Thank you Slim, I knew from the very beginning that you are a solid guy!

I am not upset or frustrated, at this point I simply don't care - I am too tired... He seems satisfied, emotionally, communication-wise, sexually... I am trying to live... Now I can just walk away on any scandal so we keep it down, I "smile and wave" and everything is ok.

The point of posting was that it took me so long to get to know what his perspective was and what he really though (and thinks) about me, so that was surprising...

I was wondering why you were posting so much on here lately. Never really heard from you before, then all of the sudden... numerous posts, and now this.

It seems there is a point at which some the "VJ wives" or "FSU wives" will eventually get fed-up with their husbands and start to take out their frustrations here on the board. I remember Mrs. Satellite's diatribe, and just this week, Jewel's rant about her husband as well. It makes me wonder... what's my wife got to say about me? That aside, I understand where you ladies are coming from, and why you post your frustrations here in this forum. We are a "group of friends" of sorts, and if you're not getting your husband's attention and cooperation at home, you have to get his friends involved. Hopefully too, you can find a commonality with someone on the board and you can better deal with the situation at home.

For the most part, things here are good between my wife and I, so I'm not really in a bad relationship. But I know plenty of people that are, and that helps me to see your side of this. Once again though, I'll post my motto about relationships.... You can't be happy with someone else until you're happy with yourself. If you can see yourself "getting happy" or working through the problems you're currently facing, then by all means, stay together and work it out. But if you're unhappy, (especially if you're unhappy to the point where there's physical abuse and/or suicidal gestures) then you need to be honest with yourself and your partner and decide (rationally, not emotionally) what is the best course of action for your collective future. If you're going to be able to work through your problems together, then do it. If not... don't waste your time trying to make something work just because you've been together for the last couple of years.

Define happy.

I don't know the whole story, and I'm not passing judgment on anyone here. What I do know is sometimes relationships get messed up, and that's just the way it goes. I also know that sometimes it looks really f'd up, and it's not that bad, and that's why people can stay together, even after significant things have happened. (Like physical abuse and/or suicidal gestures.) One of the most important things to do in these types of situations is to just be honest with yourself and to see it for what it is. Sometimes that means you need to see it from someone else's point of view, and that's why it's good that you're sharing it here on VJ.

We can't tell you what's best for you to do, but we can help you with the commonality of the situation and what we did, or didn't, do when we went through it. Please keep posting here as there are problems that all of us will face, or that maybe only one will face, but if we're able to help and support even just one of our own here on VJ, then it's worth it.

Galina, if you, or anyone else on here needs someone to talk to about anything like this, or any of the other issues that we collectively face being "FSU couples" keep posting it here, or if you don't want it on the public forums, you can PM me any time. It is important to talk about stuff like this. Make sure you do it. Do it with your S/O, if possible, and if you need more support.... we're all here!

Good luck with this, and I truly hope there is some way to work it out. I know there are bad parts in every relationship, but I know there's been a lot of good stuff posted on here as well!

Oh, yeah, stuff will be ok now that I am sort of numb to it. Thanks for everything.

Russ and Galina,

Exactly WHY do you think it's helpful for you to be airing your dirty laundry in a public forum?

I will never understand why private matters have to become so public.

Jen

Jen - actually this part I do understand.... sometimes (in fact almost always) it feels good to get something like this aired out in public rather then keep it all bottled up inside. In other words it's often a relief if you can get something like this off your chest. (Bottled up emotions can tear a person apart!)

Not disputing the need to vent and heal.... just questioning the venue. Do these people have no friends, families, therapists to talk to?

I didn't start this. You were more than happy to talk about this dirty laundry with Russ some time ago, I considered it would be entertaining for you to know the other side...