Immigration wait destroys marriages?

[Queeniam1963 7]

37 minutes ago, Ayesha Kakar said:

The main reason for posting this question was merely curiosity. Many things factor into relationships not making it. And it isn't a matter of not loving each other either. The stresses of this process, regardless of knowing what you sign up for in the beginning, can become more than one or both ever expected. Yes, you should know what you signed up for when you start this whole relationship, marriage, immigration process. And majority do, and believe they can make it through these stresses....but no one knows the extent until you go through it. 

 

This was not a post in relation to my own marriage or our own stresses with this wait to be together.  It was just as I said, merely curiosity.....thank you everyone for their opinions. 

Yes I do agree, it’s very very stressful emotionally and mentally on a “”not so good days! “” I believe that if the marriage continues to remain loyal ,, keep trust and husband and wife keep  each other’  strong ,, if you’re separated by distance ,, sing to each other,, play your fav song and listen together!! I didn’t know much about the process , but I’m committed and people need to realize : REAL LOVE TAKES STRUGGLE & tears sometimes!! Faith and trust speaks volumes! If you treasure your loved one , stand by them ,, until the end!! Yes it’s tremendously hard day by day! Grow together , listen, live, love 💕 and learn!

what God has for you ,, NO MAN CAN TAKE AWAY! Blessings & peace to everyone on their Journey- no matter where you are!! VICTORY TO EVERYONE WITH A PURE ❤️ HEART OF REAL ❤️ ❤️LOVE❤️

Edited October 10, 2018 by Queeniam1963

[Ryan H 3,812]

***Post violating the TOS (language filter evasion) removed.***

[Jeanne Adil 1,651]

1 hour ago, NuestraUnion said:

A direct contrast to OP's questions is, how many marriages/ relationships end soon after the immigrant arrives.

 

Here is a hint, take a browse through Effects of Major Family Changes section or search "Divorce or Separated before AOS or ROC". You'd be amazed on how many couples don't even make anniversary.

and this doesn't include all of them as many are not members on VJ

[GreatDane 366]

I would argue that there is probably a higher level of divorce. Between those who have short relationships before getting married/never lived together, long waits where people/priorities change, the stress of being apart, the moving abroad/outside of your support network/stress restarting a career while at a disadvantage, the cards are more stacked against us. But I think real relationships last. Maybe it weeds out real relationships faster because of the additional stress? Higher divorce rate short term that evens out to the average?

[Jeanne Adil 1,651]

59 minutes ago, Ayesha Kakar said:

The main reason for posting this question was merely curiosity. Many things factor into relationships not making it. And it isn't a matter of not loving each other either. The stresses of this process, regardless of knowing what you sign up for in the beginning, can become more than one or both ever expected. Yes, you should know what you signed up for when you start this whole relationship, marriage, immigration process. And majority do, and believe they can make it through these stresses....but no one knows the extent until you go through it. 

 

This was not a post in relation to my own marriage or our own stresses with this wait to be together.  It was just as I said, merely curiosity.....thank you everyone for their opinions. 

there really is not even good stats on US couples divorcing / maybe because some marry and divorce multiple times

[Ywjammin30 34]

8 hours ago, Roel said:

How many married couples have ended up separating, divorcing before, or divorcing after * having countless issues where immigration times are the smallest portion of it*  all because of *not loving and carrying for each other enough and not being mature enough to survive few months apart*  and the depression and anxiety created from being in a *miserable relationship that if it didn't survive immigration process, would probably fall apart anyway* ?

 

There, I fixed you post.

I forward to reading your responses. Straightforward no chasers

[turkishdelight 185]

If anything the struggles have brought us closer. After this, we know we can tackle anything. 

[Echel0n 27]

Am a bit shocked of the arrogance of some people here. Indeed the stress caused by the immigration process is incredible. Not everyone can handle that and not every relationship/marriage survives. Just to say smth like they didn't love each other enough shows lack of empathy and humility. I agree to comments before that you only know what you are facing once you are in it. There is nothing that can prepare you for the emotions you are going through. The pain, anxiety, loneliness can be more than overwhelming especially paired with the uncertain timeframe of immigration. I am glad I am from an Esta country and was atleast able to visit a couple of times. No idea how relationships survive for a year without seeing each others in person. I am sure the number of relationships together with raise of depressions regards the immigration process isn't small. Unfortunately there is no statistic for that.

[Olichka 186]

I think that if a couple was having issues prior to this process, then this process would just add stress to all the other problems, and then when all the problems are piled up then the divorce/separation happens. I don't think the waiting and anxiety is the only problem that would cause a couple to end the relationship. 

[ajay007 43]

3 hours ago, Luckycuds said:

In my opinion those marriages that broke up “due” to the immigration process wouldn’t have lasted anyway. If you can’t get through this how can you get life’s up and downs?

 

i think going through this actually makes the relationship stronger!

I totally agree with this statement. This statement bit straight forward but true.

[SalishSea 17,829]

4 hours ago, kris&me said:

if you love, you love

If you dont love, you are just in a hurry to get that green card

This assumes that all divorces in such marriages are instigated by the alien spouse....I doubt that.

[dawning 212]

It's not just that divorces are hard to track; there are also a lot of stressful things about immigration aside from the wait times and uncertainty.  Moving to another country and acclimating is stressful.  (Of course it is more stressful for some individuals than others.)  Cross-cultural relationships do tend to have their own special set of challenges as well.  For some the real stress starts when the immigrant arrives, not during the wait.  Or it could  feel liketrading one stress for another. 

I do agree that it's simplistic to say that if a marriage doesn't survive, it's because the partners didn't love each other enough.  Almost as simplistic as blaming it on immigration processes.

[bakphx1 789]

I would say the truer test isn’t waiting for a visa.  It’s the K1 visa and arriving to a new country unable to work or study is worse after a few weeks.  The months of boredom for the person arriving and financial stress seem to have brought more VJ’ers who are trying to cope than the one spent time apart.  

[valentinasc 330]

If you separate/get a divorce solely because of the immigration wait you have to face then I don’t think you’re gonna make it through your marriage 

[TBoneTX 45,289]

2 hours ago, bakphx1 said:

financial stress

This was the first specific mention of this lurking factor, which affects every aspect of the whole process.

A couple can outwait USCIS, fight the consulate, but still be hosed once together in the U.S.

It's not only the "K-1 unable to work for months until EAD comes through."

It's the "I didn't think to bank the funds to pay for AOS, and we keep having life emergencies -- 

     our car broke down and needed repairs, he got sick and couldn't work, etc."

Or, "We can't afford a place of our own, and his parents don't like me living in their house at all,

     and I'm miserable, and it's stressing our marriage."

One needs to be aware of all realities and potential occurrences before undertaking 

     this infernal process, and, optimally, shouldn't undertake it if one's finances are tenuous.

He who fail$ to plan plan$ to fail.