Have you discussed with your SO...

[MrMrsKnight 0]

You know sometimes you ain't given a choice!!! But the fact of the matter is that sex is normal and natural... I am not advocating promiscuity - I am far from promiscuous... but heck I cannot understand this need to be a staid spinster going to her grave a virgin if unmarried!!!

I just think people should have sex when they want to, when they feel comfortable about it. Some people don' feel comfortable unless they're married, some feel comfortable doing it with a friend.

I'll tell you that if I wanted to have sex and had had the chance to do it before I met Dave, then I'm pretty sure I'd have done it. On the other hand, I'm glad he was the guy that was here for me when I felt I was ready.

Also, I wasn't married to him then (it's strange to think we're not married.... it sure feels like it!!).... which proves that I wouldn't have waited for marriage I guess!

Also, I wasn't married to him then (it's strange to think we're not married.... it sure feels like it!!).... which proves that I wouldn't have waited for marriage I guess!

And that raises a question to me.....are we talking about sex before marriage or intended marriage???

Edited March 24, 2006 by MrMrsKnight

[LenJayUS 0]

Jay and I have talked about it... and I think I told her at the time that if she didn't want to tell me... that's fine... I didn't care if she was a virgin (kinda hard since she had a kid) or if she slept with hundreds... the past is the past. Most people have done SOMETHING in their past they aren't happy with.

The most important thing to me would be that what ever number it is.. that it doesn't go up at all, or only by 1 if the two of you have yet to take each other out for a test drive :-D

But she told me, and I told her what I could remember. No... not ALL guys know right off the top of their head who and how many. I don't. I actually have to sit down and make a list (not a long list... only in the teens) to try and remember how many. I do know that it's most likely higher then what I originally told her, and not from me screwing around... I have the memory of a gold fish at times lol. Hell, I don't even remember how many I told her... old age sucks.

[flipside 0]

He's probably telling the truth on how many because I sersiously have no idea. I lost count years ago. Neither of us think its important.

[daisy16 0]

numbers don't really matter as much as the situation. Think about how their past actions influence YOU!!

These things indicate character and what they'll do in your relationship. Was cheating involved?

Were they safe? Were they always one nighters or were long-term loving/caring relationships involved.

[ChristinaM 0]

I didn't want to know; in some way it makes me feel less special and I see it as some kind of threat - although I really don't need to. It's irrational. For example, he told me about sleeping with his ex on his desk when he worked in town, and that screwed my head over.

Likewise, I've never shared a number with him. I had a pretty crazy time in my life and sex was an easy way out, so it's a kinda larger number than I'd be comfortable sharing with him. I wouldn't want to make him feel the way I do sometimes, as paranoid as I am.

A slight deviation; it also bothered me when he was upset that his ex slept with a friend of his. She only did it to get back at him, and unfortunately it worked. I felt very insecure about that - and still do, in my darker hours.

Wow, that was a bit open and vulnerable.

[JayJay 4]

Ben: Marine. Wasn't married. What more can I say

Mind you, I reckon he exaggerates sometimes. Sure, he might have slept with 161,324 girls but you know - it's just as likely that he slept with about 7 and just exaggerates the numbers, as a heck of a lot of oher guys do I don't care - the only time I get irate is if he starts makin stupid comments or telling me exact circumstances...however, I tend to find that telling him an exact circumstance in return gets him to "zip it" so to speak.

Don't like doing that though, 'cus he gets more uoset than I do! That's why I think he's exaggerating....I'll learn him

Me? Oh boy....I've made some mistakes in my life, and unfortunately one of the number count wasn't permitted by me, if you see what I mean. Had a couple of unfortunate instances, attracted nasty people and really ended up in pickles - but, it's not all been bad. If I COULD go back and change anything, I'd remove all but...three of the guys I did sleep with - those three were nice, and meant me no harm. I don't regret them - they were not "the one", and relationships couldn't have survived for longer than they did, but they weren't bad people. The other few...ppfftt...I'd remove them!

Do I feel dirty? No, not anymore, because I gave Ben my soul, and let him into mine, and finally let someone close enough to be able to truly hurt me, and he didn't. THAT is a huge difference right there. I'd give up my life to save his, and vice-versa, so the bond there is massive and "real" Oh, and the rumpy pumpy can leave me walking like John Wayne, too :D

[KarenCee 3]

That's the crux of it all...giving your soul to "the one". No, I haven't slept around, I can count on one hand my experiences. I gave Joel my heart, my mind, my body, but most importantly...he has my innermost self. There is no way we could connect the way we do otherwise. I have never connected with another person the way I do with Joel...not even my ex.

[meddykomp 0]

I think some of this depends on age -- I would quite frankly have been more worried if he hadn't had sex with a few people before we started going out.

I agree. Just a note though, as a woman I don't want a man that is a virgin. Yuk.

There are advantages to a man who is a virgin. Especially one who learns quickly. Not all women respond the same to different things, if you are the only woman he has been with, then your responses are the only ones he knows .. so he effectively becomes an expert at pleasing you.

[sparkofcreation 0]

I've heard it said that you should never actually reveal your "number."

That said, he told me, but I can't even remember what his was! I think I'm his 6th (4th? 5th? 7th?) and that doesn't bother me at all. He's my 2nd, and that bothers him because he worries that I'll wish I'd been with more guys before settling down.

People - you are killing me here.

All of you girls that said "he told me and I didn't care" of full of #######! I'm sorry but I just have to call ya'll out. Nobody is that cool.

He told me. I don't care. Really, really don't care. Obviously we both got tested before we slept together the first time, so I cared about that. I care that he's got a tiny bit of baggage from one of the exes, but I don't care about the sex. With any of them. ('Cause he's told me I'm better. )

I forget why it came up, but he asked me (directly, I think: "Was J. the only man you've slept with?"). I told him. He told me. I promptly forgot what he told me. It's in the mid-single-digits is all I remember. I don't even think we were dating yet at the time, I think we were talking about British vs. American attitudes to sex.

He almost never talks about them, except indirectly, like "Hey, I really like doing X, can we try that?" and it's obvious that's because he's done it with someone else, but so what?

Edited March 25, 2006 by sparkofcreation

[luvaLimey 0]

Yeah, it's come up of course.

and it is a bit of an issue, but one we're working on overcoming together.

[Welshcookie 17]

When he became a single man again and we mixed in the same social circle he was a man ho....so I know ALL of those (when he asked me out on a date I laughed and turned him down....wasn't going to be just another notch on his bed post.. ).....so I dare not even ask his number...plus he spent a few years in the Phillipines...nuff said

But as I said before..history is history,best left in the past.

[Jasman0717 9]

[triaxiom 0]

Yes, it's a huge issue.

I abstained until I met her because of a shitty thing that happened to me as a kid, whereas she did anything but... working on it, but it'll probably always be an issue; too much of a clash not to be.