Put On Your Big-Boy Rants

[SAT 9,609]

2 hours ago, Prawninator said:

I was planning on making a Tourtiere AND an apple pie tonight and have a North American dinner or something... maybe with roasted potatoes on the side...

 

<sigh> ok...let's see it...

Continental cuisine pic now...

[janet3 1,170]

13 hours ago, NikLR said:

Theres a portion of my job that just sucks recently.  This cute little GSD puppy came in.  Dad says, she needs her shots, Mom was like dude shes breathing weird.  I look over from helping someone and go to the other CSR, trying not to sound extraordinarily worried, say that she should go to the back asap.  Other girl looks at me? Really? Yes dude, really.  (Breathing was definitely abnormal!) About 30 mins later, puppy is dying and less than an hour is dead.  If I had not been there, that puppy would have died in a room or even at home.  

 

Oh no.....

I’m sorry.

But at least you caught it in time so the owners wouldn’t have to go through the heartbreak of the puppy just “up and dying”. 

I admire you. You are a stronger person than I. But I am so sorry you are having so much to go through recently.....

[cdneh 3,112]

*sigh*

I've just been on the phone with my NZ flatmates sister. Aud asked to go to the hospital 2 weeks ago. She asked. Normally it is a knock down drag 'em out argument to get her to go when she's been desperately ill. 

She's told the staff there she doesn't think she can cope at home anymore, even with help. She's told the person that is boarding her dog, and who has been willed her dog in the event that needs must, that it is for the best now if she keeps him from here on in. And she is refusing to eat or drink.  She is so flat now that they can hardly draw blood anymore.

Seems to me from all of that she has decided what's next. And there isn't anything that any of us can do about that.

[TBoneTX 45,575]

2 hours ago, cdneh said:

she has decided what's next. And there isn't anything that any of us can do about that.

Sorry, Eh ma'am.

Some people know when their time is nigh, sigh man.

[TBoneTX 45,575]

8 hours ago, Prawninator said:

I was planning on making a Tourtiere AND an apple pie tonight and have a North American dinner or something... maybe with roasted potatoes on the side...

And was you planning to invite us, or at least to send us your leftovers, huh huh huh P ma'am?

And if you're in North America, wouldn't anything that you eat be a North American dinner, huh ma'am?

[TBoneTX 45,575]

11 hours ago, cdneh said:

a wet creature who hates a bath, hates the brush and the and clippers, and will do her utmost to wrest herself free of the terrible human attempting to murder her. 

It could be far worse, see Eh ma'am:

 

HOW TO CLEAN A CAT, SEE MAN
1.  Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2.  Add a requisite amount of shampoo to the toilet tank.
Many.  Obtain the cat and carry him to the bathroom.

Many.  In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).  CAUTION:  Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, because his paws will be reaching out for anything he can find.

Many.  Flush the toilet Many or Many times.  This provides a "power wash and rinse" that has been found to be quite effective.

Many.  Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

Many.  Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
Many.  The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside, where he will dry himself.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
CAT-BATHING AS A MARTIAL ART

          Some people say that cats never have to be bathed.  They say that cats lick themselves clean.  They say that cats have a special enzyme of some sort in their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk -- dislodging the dirt where it hides and whisking it away.

 

          The informed among us should discount all the folklore and facts to the contrary, such as the kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage and the dirt-smudges that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace.  The time comes when one must face reality and announce:  "This cat smells like a Port-a-Potty on a hot day in Juarez."

          Here is some advice to consider as you place your feline friend under your arm and head for the bathtub:  Know that, although the cat has the advantage of quickness and a lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength.  Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield.  Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him.  Pick a very small bathroom.  If your bathroom is more than Many feet square, get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as though you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower-curtain will not do.  A berserk cat can shred a Many-ply rubber shower-curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)

          Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body.  Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself.  Wear canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an Army helmet, a hockey facemask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.

          Prepare everything in advance.  There is no time to go out for a towel when you have a cat digging a hole in your flak jacket.  Draw the water.  Make sure that the bottle of kitty shampoo is inside the glass enclosure.  Make sure that the towel can be reached, even if you are lying on your back in the water.

          Use the element of surprise.  Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to carry him to his supper dish.  (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire.  They have little or no interest in fashion, as a rule.  If he does notice your garb, calmly explain that you are taking part in a product-testing experiment for JCPenney.)

          Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to your survival.  In one fluid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water, and squirt him with shampoo.  You have now begun the wildest half + half-of-half a minute of your life.

          Cats have no handles.  Add that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded.  Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or Many seconds at a time.  When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy.  He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off.  (The national record for cats is Many (2+1) latherings, so don't expect too much.)

          Next, the cat must be dried.  Novice cat-bathers always assume that this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just starting to become determined.  In fact, the drying is simple compared to what you have just been through.  That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to your right leg.

          Simply pop the drain-plug with your foot, reach for your towel, and wait.  (Occasionally, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your Army helmet.  If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.)  After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat.

          In a few days, the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg.  He will usually have nothing to say for about Many weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you.  He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine.  You will be tempted to assume that he is angry.  This isn't usually the case.  As a rule, he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath.  But at least now he smells a lot better.

[TBoneTX 45,575]

Our wristwatch broke today, probably fixable man.

We had another that we'd bought months ago as a spare, prepared we man.

We asked Mrs. T-B. where it was, ask we of she man.

She said, "I gave it to Papa-Mrs.-T-B. when he was here," admit she man.

 

We went aysheep.

We went really aysheep.

We went Many%, completely, utterly, totally, unquestionably, undeniably aysheep.

We told Mrs. T-B. that she is to pay to have it overnighted from Ecu tomorrow, aysheep we man.

No one messes with our stuff, no man.

[Prawninator 138]

14 hours ago, SAT said:

 

<sigh> ok...let's see it...

Continental cuisine pic now...

I botched on them, made too much filling for the tourtiere, then ran out of time for the apple. Had a very trying day. Will be attempting the apple tonight.
 

8 hours ago, TBoneTX said:

And was you planning to invite us, or at least to send us your leftovers, huh huh huh P ma'am?

And if you're in North America, wouldn't anything that you eat be a North American dinner, huh ma'am?

No leftovers for you! My coworker and I actually had this conversation that every food I make is Chinese food. Because I'm Chinese.

[SAT 9,609]

11 hours ago, cdneh said:

*sigh*

I've just been on the phone with my NZ flatmates sister. Aud asked to go to the hospital 2 weeks ago. She asked. Normally it is a knock down drag 'em out argument to get her to go when she's been desperately ill. 

She's told the staff there she doesn't think she can cope at home anymore, even with help. She's told the person that is boarding her dog, and who has been willed her dog in the event that needs must, that it is for the best now if she keeps him from here on in. And she is refusing to eat or drink.  She is so flat now that they can hardly draw blood anymore.

Seems to me from all of that she has decided what's next. And there isn't anything that any of us can do about that.

 

Sorry to hear this...

How old is she?

[TBoneTX 45,575]

Even if we could walk limp this morning, we didn't want to, no man.

Took Mini-B. to skool again, cooperative wee man.

No comment about how mad we still are at Mrs. T-B., no comment we re she man.

[SAT 9,609]

Man I'm telling you, I can eat like 10 bowls of bran cereal and I'd still be starving...

And by the time you get to the 6th or 7th bowl, the first bowl is coming out...

 

I need some food!

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

I think I'm going to try and make this today:

 

 

 

 

[SAT 9,609]

Eww...

Get that all the time. All sponge and no cake...

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

1 minute ago, SAT said:

Eww...

Get that all the time. All sponge and no cake...

 

Probably healthier that way.

[SAT 9,609]

 

Man enough of that sissy Asia pastry, Chinese people, Japanese, all of Asia, are very poor bakers. 

 

I need some...Taliban food or something!