Family approval

[mushroomspore 3,044]

2 minutes ago, Bluepanda92 said:

I think we will wait, all these replies have opened my eyes alot to the bigger picture, i havnt even matured myself as an adult yet,ive never had a job before, i have social anxiety so i have no friends at all, my whole life is him, i felt like the faster i can get there then i can start getting a life and maturing, but i need to learn to mature without other peoples help

Honestly, the fact you are saying this shows you are perhaps more mature than you think. We all understand being in love but it's also dangerous to be ruled by idealism. Realism has to enter the picture and the sooner it does, the better. Nobody wants to have their hopes dashed, but it's also foolish to have false hopes that could have been prevented with proper knowledge and management of your own expectations. 

 

It's important to remember, you had a life before you met your boyfriend. You have obstacles then that you overcame and it was 100% without him. I'm saying to remind you that we are all our own person, even those of us in committed relationships. It's important to foster your relationship with YOURSELF. We all have supportive significant others here. However, it's very damaging to any relationship if one becomes completely dependent on the other. As humans, we can't take that kind of responsibility, no matter how wise or mature we may be. We can't handle being someone else's savior, so in actuality and for the sake of your relationship's longevity, it is actually better to gain some independence and to work on our own flaws.

 

1 minute ago, Bluepanda92 said:

if anything its the opposite, i feel pretty good about the idea of getting myself a job and being able to still visit him once a year

For what it's worth, I think it's safe to say that we're all rooting for you. 

[Jaquelly 1,647]

1 minute ago, mushroomspore said:

For what it's worth, I think it's safe to say that we're all rooting for you. 

 

Absolutely, 100%. 

I say this occasionally, but if you need help (any of you) or just someone to vent to, I am here. You can message me. This is a process, and darn it, we're in it together.

[Bluepanda92 33]

cant believe this topic went from a simple question, to completely changing my future plans, was a lovely bunch of comments and opinions thank you to everyone 

[debbiedoo 2,339]

1 minute ago, Bluepanda92 said:

cant believe this topic went from a simple question, to completely changing my future plans, was a lovely bunch of comments and opinions thank you to everyone 

I can only speak for myself, but as a parent of a 20-year-old, I will yell at other 'children' as though they are my OWN... BECAUSE I care

 

If none of us cared, we wouldn't have spent all afternoon trying to shake some sense into you

[Marieke H 2,512]

I have to say it is great to see someone actually taking advice here. There are so many threads on here where people try to give advice and the OP gets defensive or rude or just disappears.

 

@Bluepanda92 I admire your attitude and willingness to learn. Good luck on your journey, whatever you decide to do!

[Jaquelly 1,647]

2 minutes ago, debbiedoo said:

I can only speak for myself, but as a parent of a 20-year-old, I will yell at other 'children' as though they are my OWN... BECAUSE I care

 

If none of us cared, we wouldn't have spent all afternoon trying to shake some sense into you

TRUTH. I've been refreshing this topic and hoping that you wouldn't get angry at us. We want the best for both of you.

[Bluepanda92 33]

Just now, MariekeH said:

I have to say it is great to see someone actually taking advice here. There are so many threads on here where people try to give advice and the OP gets defensive or rude or just disappears.

 

@Bluepanda92 I admire your attitude and willingness to learn. Good luck on your journey, whatever you decide to do!

Everyone here knows what they are talking about they have the experience, they been through it all before, everyone here knows its tough to wait so long, id rather take advice from people who know what they are talking about than to go off and do my own thing and then mess everything up 

Just now, Jaquelly said:

TRUTH. I've been refreshing this topic and hoping that you wouldn't get angry at us. We want the best for both of you.

the only thing that upset me is people suggesting that my boyfriend is immature XD

[stacyt 209]

14 minutes ago, Bluepanda92 said:

cant believe this topic went from a simple question, to completely changing my future plans, was a lovely bunch of comments and opinions thank you to everyone 

I honestly can't believe it either, it's so rare when people actually listen. Wishing you good luck whatever you decide, and be yourself, be happy and enjoy the time you have! 🥂😋💚

[yuna628 9,677]

48 minutes ago, Bluepanda92 said:

I will talk to him and we will decide if we should wait or not.. 
mainly the reason we want to do it so fast is because at the moment i cant really do anything with my self because im visiting him once a year,  i feel like my life is on a pause because if i get a job i will end up losing it because i take a holiday once a year to see him, i cant just not see him at all, how can i keep a job if i keep going on holidays once a year? you was from the uk do you have experience with this? 

Well, for what it's worth: I left the job market long ago to be able to take care of my mother. But from the UK side of things my husband put himself through college, university, and a few jobs and we still managed to see each other. He did what he had to do to save. Were there times we couldn't see each other? Yep. We once went three years (that was rough). But mostly, he was able to take some time out to visit a couple weeks every year and I was able to get over there when I could too (and stay a bit longer on my part). It can be done... is it easy? No. Can it be painful. Yep. But if two people really love one another, they make it work.

[Reqahmed 92]

3 hours ago, Bluepanda92 said:

we are getting married in september and submitting the application at end of september, and yeah i know 19 is young age, but he is honestly the most mature person ive ever met even more mature than me 

I am strongly agreed with you. Age not a matter. If person is good than he is same at 19 or 29. It's about person. Sometimes not doing right thing in right time can cause regret end of the day. Only love matter. Good luck.

Edited August 30, 2018 by Reqahmed

[debbiedoo 2,339]

4 minutes ago, Reqahmed said:

I am strongly agreed with you. Age not a matter. If person is good than he is same at 19 or 29. It's about person. Sometimes not doing right thing in right time can cause regret end of the day. Only love matter. Good luck.

love is great and needed, but it takes a WHOLE lot more than love to make a marriage or relationship work. Especially international ones. 

[Ketsuban 1,034]

I was kind of in a similar situation. I'm from the UK and I was in a relationship with my husband from when I was 15 and he was 18. We didn't meet until we were 21 and 24 and it was only for a week. At the same time, I got my first full time job and took annual leave to visit him once or twice a year. I saved and saved, we developed a bit more and then when we were ready, I flew over on a visit to get married to him when I was 23. Went back home and saved for the year it took to get the CR-1 visa. By the end of it, I was 24 when I moved to the States.

 

Another similar thing to you is that my husband initially didn't have his own place for a long time. He has mild learning difficulties and didn't move out or have a real job until he was 25. Luckily, his parents supported us wholeheartedly, so they helped out big time in helping him find his independence to facilitate our marriage together.

 

Even though I saved lots of money and was able to help with the bills while I was unemployed, I was still pretty overwhelmed with the move and the transition. The US and UK are similar in some ways, but I still had culture shock and even now 4 years later, I have anxiety over going out alone because it's so unfamiliar and I have social anxiety like you do. It's hard feeling out of your element and will be even more so if you're living in a house where you might be unwelcome. It would definitely be better if you could at least wait until he is established with his own home. You'll appreciate the privacy, trust me

 

Edit to add: There were definitely times where I was tempted to not go home and stay with him during my visits, but we just weren't ready in a practical sense. We missed each other so much, but there's no way we could have been happy together if we hadn't prepared ourselves adequately.

Edited August 30, 2018 by Ketsuban

[Bluepanda92 33]

Just now, debbiedoo said:

love is great and needed, but it takes a WHOLE lot more than love to make a marriage or relationship work. Especially international ones. 

So I spoke to him and he said he's fine with any decisions I make and that he will wait aslong as it takes, I had an idea that we tell his parents and then if they say they are ok with it then we will apply for the Cr-1 in September this year and if they aren't ok with it then we can wait a year or two, and we would so ask them if they would be ok for us to live with them rent free untill I get a job ( I know it's slot to ask to a parent but they are kinda rich so it wouldn't be an issue) if they aren't ok with it we can just wait what do you think of the idea 

[Reqahmed 92]

Just now, debbiedoo said:

love is great and needed, but it takes a WHOLE lot more than love to make a marriage or relationship work. Especially international ones. 

I think those are in relationship actually know what they doing. It's like asking someone if you ok? When he already said he is ok. There's nothing called international relationship.

[Crazy Cat 41,904]

6 minutes ago, Reqahmed said:

I am strongly agreed with you. Age not a matter. If person is good than he is same at 19 or 29. It's about person. Sometimes not doing right thing in right time can cause regret end of the day. Only love matter. Good luck.

You think love is all that matters?  Will love feed them?  Will love clothe them?  Will love provide them with a living?