Family approval

[debbiedoo 2,339]

9 minutes ago, Bluepanda92 said:

So you think we should wait and let him mature some more? 

That would be an AWESOME idea.

 

If it's meant to be, and you both truly love each other, extra time will do nothing but STRENGTHEN that bond and give you a solid foundation to build your future on

[Bluepanda92 33]

Just now, Jaquelly said:

We're in our 30s and it was still a pain in the rear to save the money to get the immigration forms paid for, moving expenses, medical, etc.

 

@Bluepanda92 PLEASE do not make hasty decisions. If you guys love each other, saving up money and growing together is a hurdle worth jumping. 

I will talk to him and we will decide if we should wait or not.. 
mainly the reason we want to do it so fast is because at the moment i cant really do anything with my self because im visiting him once a year,  i feel like my life is on a pause because if i get a job i will end up losing it because i take a holiday once a year to see him, i cant just not see him at all, how can i keep a job if i keep going on holidays once a year? you was from the uk do you have experience with this? 

[Crazy Cat 41,904]

4 minutes ago, Roel said:

You should wait until you both can afford a life together and on your own. That's a responsible thing to do. 

@Roel, I wholeheartedly agree with that.   

[Roel 7,192]

2 minutes ago, Bluepanda92 said:

I will talk to him and we will decide if we should wait or not.. 
mainly the reason we want to do it so fast is because at the moment i cant really do anything with my self because im visiting him once a year,  i feel like my life is on a pause because if i get a job i will end up losing it because i take a holiday once a year to see him, i cant just not see him at all, how can i keep a job if i keep going on holidays once a year? you was from the uk do you have experience with this? 

People all over a world takes annual holidays just fine. 

[Bluepanda92 33]

3 minutes ago, debbiedoo said:

That would be an AWESOME idea.

 

If it's meant to be, and you both truly love each other, extra time will do nothing but STRENGTHEN that bond and give you a solid foundation to build your future on

I dont know how much longer i could wait though, its so painful being apart like this, do you think waiting for 1 more year would be enough ?

[Jaquelly 1,647]

9 minutes ago, Bluepanda92 said:

I will talk to him and we will decide if we should wait or not.. 
mainly the reason we want to do it so fast is because at the moment i cant really do anything with my self because im visiting him once a year,  i feel like my life is on a pause because if i get a job i will end up losing it because i take a holiday once a year to see him, i cant just not see him at all, how can i keep a job if i keep going on holidays once a year? you was from the uk do you have experience with this? 

I am not from the UK, but my husband is.

 

However, our experience couldn't be any different. My husband had a great job in the UK (with holiday) but he also traveled to America for work often. We capitalized on that fact and got to see each other a lot more often than most couples.

 

With that being said, you need to do what is best for you, even outside of your relationship. You're a 25 year old woman. Honey, GROW YOUR SELF. I cannot say that enough. You're so young, you've got so much to do. Go get a job - whatever one you can - and start saving money. As much as you can. Your life absolutely is on pause, but imagine how lovely it'll feel when you're working, saving money and still going to see him on holiday? You'd also be able to put more toward the process once you guys start it.

It would also likely help your relationship if you're both working. If you're working on you, it's going to positively impact both of you, and it will help your fiance see that you can be successful on your own, which will likely make him more fond of you - I know it helped me with my husband.

 

I remember what life was like when I was 19. I also remember how much I loved the world when I was 25. There is so much to do. Do not rush this. 

Edited August 30, 2018 by Jaquelly
clarification

[debbiedoo 2,339]

6 minutes ago, Bluepanda92 said:

I will talk to him and we will decide if we should wait or not.. 
mainly the reason we want to do it so fast is because at the moment i cant really do anything with my self because im visiting him once a year,  i feel like my life is on a pause because if i get a job i will end up losing it because i take a holiday once a year to see him, i cant just not see him at all, how can i keep a job if i keep going on holidays once a year? you was from the uk do you have experience with this? 

People do it all the time. My fiance takes a 4 day weekend every 3 weeks to come here. Has for 2.5 years, now.

 

I work primarily for myself now, but when I had a full time 'real job' (up until a month and a half ago), I also took those days off. 

 

 

[mushroomspore 3,044]

1 minute ago, Bluepanda92 said:

I will talk to him and we will decide if we should wait or not.. 
mainly the reason we want to do it so fast is because at the moment i cant really do anything with my self because im visiting him once a year,  i feel like my life is on a pause because if i get a job i will end up losing it because i take a holiday once a year to see him, i cant just not see him at all, how can i keep a job if i keep going on holidays once a year? you was from the uk do you have experience with this? 

The thing is, your life is not 100% about him. Nobody's life is 100% about their significant other. The way I see it, you are preventing yourself from making certain responsible decisions because you are not physically with him. Your life does NOT need to be on pause just because you're not in the same country as him. You are making the choice to make your life that way.

 

You can still get a job, make money, tell your employer that you have an American boyfriend so you'd like to request vacation time during a specific month. Most employers would even appreciate the upfront attitude. A job of any kind means you won't be talking to your boyfriend 10+ hours a day. It means you can't just pick up and go. It means you have to PLAN ahead and think long-term and make long-term goals (which would be to eventually move to the US to be with him), even if you are tired and exhausted and sad in the short-term. But guess what?? These are all sacrifices we make as mature grown adults.

[debbiedoo 2,339]

7 minutes ago, Bluepanda92 said:

I dont know how much longer i could wait though, its so painful being apart like this, do you think waiting for 1 more year would be enough ?

Better than nothing. Give it time. Yes it sucks. we ALL KNOW IT SUCKS. But, you do what you have to, to ensure the relationship is strong, and that you are both at a point where it is a WISE decision.

[Bluepanda92 33]

Thanks everyone for all your mature replies, they make so much sense. now i really dont know what to do if to wait or not, we have planned this for a year, was going to start with it all next week aswell, what could be the worst that could happen if we was to apply for it now? surely it cant be that bad

[debbiedoo 2,339]

Just now, Bluepanda92 said:

Thanks everyone for all your mature replies, they make so much sense. now i really dont know what to do if to wait or not, we have planned this for a year, was going to start with it all next week aswell, what could be the worst that could happen if we was to apply for it now? surely it cant be that bad

Just wait. Give it time. Allow him to grow, and yes, mature. He needs to get financially stable and his life in order. I guarantee his parents dont want to support BOTH of you. 

 

You- go find a job. Be an ADULT. Allow HIM to LEARN to be an adult. Right now neither of you are thinking with the head on top of your shoulders.

[Bluepanda92 33]

3 minutes ago, debbiedoo said:

Just wait. Give it time. Allow him to grow, and yes, mature. He needs to get financially stable and his life in order. I guarantee his parents dont want to support BOTH of you. 

 

You- go find a job. Be an ADULT. Allow HIM to LEARN to be an adult. Right now neither of you are thinking with the head on top of your shoulders.

I think we will wait, all these replies have opened my eyes alot to the bigger picture, i havnt even matured myself as an adult yet,ive never had a job before, i have social anxiety so i have no friends at all, my whole life is him, i felt like the faster i can get there then i can start getting a life and maturing, but i need to learn to mature without other peoples help

[Jaquelly 1,647]

Just now, Bluepanda92 said:

I think we will wait, all these replies have opened my eyes alot to the bigger picture, i havnt even matured myself as an adult yet,ive never had a job before, i have social anxiety so i have no friends at all, my whole life is him, i felt like the faster i can get there then i can start getting a life and maturing, but i need to learn to mature without other peoples help

Try not to fret about the things you can't control. I hope that we've not depressed you. You're young and completely capable. It's time to see what you're made of.

[Bluepanda92 33]

Just now, Jaquelly said:

Try not to fret about the things you can't control. I hope that we've not depressed you. You're young and completely capable. It's time to see what you're made of.

if anything its the opposite, i feel pretty good about the idea of getting myself a job and being able to still visit him once a year

[debbiedoo 2,339]

4 minutes ago, Bluepanda92 said:

I think we will wait, all these replies have opened my eyes alot to the bigger picture, i havnt even matured myself as an adult yet,ive never had a job before, i have social anxiety so i have no friends at all, my whole life is him, i felt like the faster i can get there then i can start getting a life and maturing, but i need to learn to mature without other peoples help

Good girl

 

I have social anxiety too, but (1) theres pills for that and (2) ... I am in control... NOT my issues.  I have worked my ENTIRE life, have a family, friends, do fun stuff. I don't allow my issues to control my life.