Family approval

[Bluepanda92 33]

1 minute ago, stacyt said:

as long as you have a good way to work around the i-864, you should be ok...another thing to consider, they send notifications (hard copies) to his home address. So if his parents see the letter before he does, they will know about the whole thing in about 10 days from the day you apply.

 

It can get really tricky keeping it a secret, I actually feel they might get nasty if you guys don't tell them about your marriage and do it behind their backs. They will definitely blame everything on you, you're 6 years older and they will think you're in charge of the whole affair. Don't know if that's the way of becoming a family...up to you though

I know it sounds funny but I recommend you watch "90-day fiance" (the TLC show) they have quite a few couples who did everything secretly, seriously good to watch other people's examples and how everything turned out. 

yeah i get what you mean, id prefer to tell them really, i think we are just worrying over nothing

[debbiedoo 2,339]

How many times have you actually MET him? How long have you been together?

[yuna628 9,677]

If he is mature enough, then he should have the courage tell his parents. Because things are going to get really awkward, considering you intend to live in their home. Just from personal experience, a 19 year old is not mature enough on a level that many women will be looking for, and unless you have known him for a very long time, it is doubtful you will have spent enough time to determine his true maturity level that a young American male has to offer. But this is the relationship you have chosen. It is their home and you will have to respect their wishes, and come to terms with any fallout or potential consequences of their displeasure especially if he decides not to tell them.

[Roel 7,192]

Honestly if my 19 year old son told me that he is bringing a 25 year old immigrant to my house and that they will marry.. I'd say hell no.

 

Sorry but if you make big decisions like that then it means you're old enough to move on to your own place and take responsibility for yourself and your new spouse. 19 year old kids are just kids still. Not matter how mature they think they are. 

[SPaul 9]

Hi,

 

I do not think it would directly affect your application. You are both of legal age to get married without parental consent. But there are several other things to consider besides just an application like are you too really ready to get married? Why are you so afraid to tell your parents? No judgement here, but I don't think that is a wise way to start a marriage. If he is the American citizen, is he financially able to support the both of you according to the income guidelines for a CR-1 visa, which is more than a K-1 visa? Have you guys really considered the options? And if not, who will be his sponsor if he cannot ask his parents? I really hope everyone is on the same page before this marriage happens. All the best

[geowrian 22,337]

Yes, you can do the process without family approval.

Is it wise to do it behind their back? Probably not. I'd personally rather a family not happy with my decision than one not knowing of it and then being more unhappy with it later (potentially with blaming of anything bad that happens  going around).

[Jaquelly 1,647]

Right. I apologise for my original comment; I had you mistaken for another couple that had an incredibly similar backstory.

 

1. He's 19, he's not even old enough to drink. The kid still lives at home and might still be on his parents' health insurance. You should keep that in mind. I see where his mom is coming from, seeing as how your fiance is only two years older than my kid brother.

2. Life is America is NOT like life in the UK. There are similarities, but I think you need to give that more thought before you commit to a life here. 

3. You NEED to talk to his parents about living with them, as the paperwork will go to their house. It's their house, so their rules. Their son. There needs to be equal respect.

4. This is a COSTLY process. $23k a year might be over the poverty line, but you're gonna be stiff on cash until you get your right to work.

 

Have you really thought this through?

Edited August 30, 2018 by Jaquelly
clarification

[stacyt 209]

Actually, I think you should go for K-1 visa....it won't be such a big shock for the family, plus it will give both of you time to see if you really want this. And you need less income fore the affidavit of support as well as numerous other reasons

[Ahmed&Freda 628]

46 minutes ago, Bluepanda92 said:

We are going to tell his parents before we apply for the visa, if they don't approve then will it effect the visa application, is it possible to go through with the application without telling his parents and putting a note in the application to say that we didn't tell his parents would that get our application denied 

It wouldn't affect the decision of the consulate of which you are applying.  He's an adult so unless he is mentally un-capable  it would not matter what his parents thought.   However because of his age you may have some issues with the financial responsibility you'll need to make sure you have that covered before the NVC stage.  In addition if they do not agree with the marriage this could jeopardize the living situation as well.   

 

[mushroomspore 3,044]

Whoa this thread kinda blew up.

 

I completely didn't even realize that age was a factor here. It does bring other considerations to the forefront then. I agree that it's better to at least tell the family, especially since immigration is involved. How they react to isn't a factor in the actual immigration process.

 

But now there are practical things to consider. If the US citizen is only 19, how will he able to sponsor without a joint sponsor (who would presumably someone from his family)??? 19 is REALLY young. He's not technically out of his teen years yet. And the human brain develops quite a bit from 20-25. For men, the decade from 20 to 30 years old tends to be very revealing and particularly transformative. I simply say this to offer a modicum of caution as marriage is obviously a huge commitment and most of us go into with the prospect of being married to our spouse for life. It may be wise to develop and solidfy your relationship (and by extension, your relationship with his family too) before embarking on a lifelong decision and the life-changing immigration process. Greater gains in the long run, in my opinion.

[Bluepanda92 33]

I understand that men under the age of 20 are young, but im sorry i dont need you all assuming how mature he is, I KNOW who he is I KNOW how mature he is, none of you have seen how mature he is, we have known and planned this already for one year, it was a simple question to tell his parents or not, i dont need everyone telling me that he is young and immature, sorry to offend i dont mean to, im just saying that I KNOW he is young, but i also know who he is, and what he most certainly is, is mature 

[Roel 7,192]

Just now, Bluepanda92 said:

I understand that men under the age of 20 are young, but im sorry i dont need you all assuming how mature he is, I KNOW who he is I KNOW how mature he is, none of you have seen how mature he is, we have known and planned this already for one year, it was a simple question to tell his parents or not, i dont need everyone telling me that he is young and immature, sorry to offend i dont mean to, im just saying that I KNOW he is young, but i also know who he is, and what he most certainly is, is mature 

Then tell him to move out from parents place and get you two your own house. He's so mature he doesn't need to live with his parents and you won't have to worry about their approval. Simple as that. 

[stacyt 209]

36 minutes ago, Bluepanda92 said:

yeah i get what you mean, id prefer to tell them really, i think we are just worrying over nothing

how many times have you met in person and how long did you spend together? how did you meet? everything will be affecting the petition if you give us more info this can help to see the big picture and how telling parents or not may affect things

 

sorry we may have been overly judgemental here. just trying to share our experience. either way, hope everything works out for you!

Edited August 30, 2018 by stacyt

[Bluepanda92 33]

1 minute ago, stacyt said:

how many times have you met in person and how long did you spend together? how did you meet? everything will be affecting the petition if you give us more info this can help to see the big picture and how telling parents or not may affect things

we been dating over a year, i went to visit him and lived with him for 3 months in 2017, and i am visiting him again next week for 1 month, we talk on mic every single day, we spend at least 10-15 hours a day talking every day literally with no breaks, ive asked him time and time again if he is 100% sure about going through with this and he has told me every time he is sure and not to worry about it, as for his parents they are fine with me they like me and they support our relationship,and they will probably even be just fine with us getting married, its just me being stressed and worrying about everything 

[Jaquelly 1,647]

I don't think any of us are being intentionally rude.

 

What we are expressing to you is that this is a huge process. When I was 19, I wasn't even ready to commit to what car I wanted, let alone a marriage. I stand by what I say, though. If you plan to live with his parents, you need to have open communication with them. 

 

You don't need their permission to file that immigration form, but everything else, good luck. You're going to need them in your corner.