How do you feel about leaving your family, friends and career behind?

[BB&SVW 29]

My boyfriend (USC) have been together for 4 years and LDR almost half the time. I have been in the US on long visits and work multiple times. We finally decided on me moving to the US permanently. I love him very much and I trust that we are in the right place and time to do this. We carefully thought of every single decision hence took 4 years to finally do it.

 

 However, I also feel torn that I have to give up everything for the relationship - I know my boyfriend did too to be fair. I worked really really hard to have a nice place I paid for my own money and have extensively travelled with my job. My family has not been very supportive of our relationship as I have had a previously failed and abusive marriage and we do not really have a divorce culture in the Philippines. Out of that marriage I had children, who are adults now (over 18 years old) but I know still needs me as they go through college etc and through life! 

 

Everything I did led to this moment when I met my boyfriend and now I feel like I am giving it all up. I guess courage is the word I am looking for. 

 

How do you just pack your bags and go? 

 

[valentinasc 330]

You just do it. You don’t choose who you fall in love with, you just fall.. would you feel better to lose your boyfriend and stay in your comfort zone, in your country and all?

We grow up and need to start thinking about ourselves and happiness. Your children are 18+ ..adults, and vaccinated, they can be without you. If it’s a really big deal for you to make this change in your life then you need to find another solution. 

Good luck x

[NovaDC 270]

Literally, put things that are needed, zipped it close and go. 

I understand how you feel. At least for me I just have to pack 24 years of my life in my luggage. Base to your story ,i guess you have more stuffs in your luggage than I did. We, Filipinos have always been known to have a strong family tie and that will always be a part of us. The separation will always be painful. And that really demands to be felt.

But hey, look forward for the kind of life you'll have with your boyfriend when you get married. You'll just really need to embrace the choice you'll choose .

[BB&SVW 29]

1 hour ago, valentinasc said:

You just do it. You don’t choose who you fall in love with, you just fall.. would you feel better to lose your boyfriend and stay in your comfort zone, in your country and all?

We grow up and need to start thinking about ourselves and happiness. Your children are 18+ ..adults, and vaccinated, they can be without you. If it’s a really big deal for you to make this change in your life then you need to find another solution. 

Good luck x

It feels like a literal trust fall hoping that he will catch me, baggage and all! But thank you. It’s a tough decision and I know in my heart this is my destiny. I just need to trust it! 

[BB&SVW 29]

1 hour ago, NovaDC said:

Literally, put things that are needed, zipped it close and go. 

I understand how you feel. At least for me I just have to pack 24 years of my life in my luggage. Base to your story ,i guess you have more stuffs in your luggage than I did. We, Filipinos have always been known to have a strong family tie and that will always be a part of us. The separation will always be painful. And that really demands to be felt.

But hey, look forward for the kind of life you'll have with your boyfriend when you get married. You'll just really need to embrace the choice you'll choose .

It really is a heart breaker! As I mentioned I have travelled quite a lot and for months each time but I always come back. This time, I don’t know when I’ll be back... and home is no longer what it was! 

[Dee elle 1,368]

You realise the decision has to be made.. you can’t have both what you have now and what you really want.. there will be grief and loss over things people places and a lifestyle.. you can choose what you take... for me this was the decision I wish I never had to make .. but it needed to be made and , despite the hard things and the things I had to walk away from, I do not regret it. 

[Kowatti 189]

WOW!  That must be difficult, especially leaving your adult kids back home.  If I may, please think about your move.  If this is really what you want, you can always allow your adult kids to relocate to US, as students.  If you can financially assist them until they can find work while studying that would be an ideal situation.  Maybe they could rent a little 2 bedroom apartment, but they will at least be close to you.  Just a suggestion.  My fiancé, beneficiary, has custody of his 11 year old son & after we  get married & gets his green card, we plan on getting a visa for his son to come & live with us.  I cannot allow him to give up everything that is important to him because he is marrying me.  He will be leaving his friends & family behind & that is a great sacrifice to be with me.  It's only right that he bring his son here.  You see what I mean?  My dear, later you don't want to regret leaving your kids.  Try to find a way to get them here, after you get settled.  Love & success to both of you.

[Daniela M_______ 410]

9 hours ago, BB&SVW said:

My boyfriend (USC) have been together for 4 years and LDR almost half the time. I have been in the US on long visits and work multiple times. We finally decided on me moving to the US permanently. I love him very much and I trust that we are in the right place and time to do this. We carefully thought of every single decision hence took 4 years to finally do it.

 

 However, I also feel torn that I have to give up everything for the relationship - I know my boyfriend did too to be fair. I worked really really hard to have a nice place I paid for my own money and have extensively travelled with my job. My family has not been very supportive of our relationship as I have had a previously failed and abusive marriage and we do not really have a divorce culture in the Philippines. Out of that marriage I had children, who are adults now (over 18 years old) but I know still needs me as they go through college etc and through life! 

 

Everything I did led to this moment when I met my boyfriend and now I feel like I am giving it all up. I guess courage is the word I am looking for. 

 

How do you just pack your bags and go? 

 

I moved to Mexico by myself, not wanting to to be honest but political and economic situation back home was getting worse and this was my best opportunity for me and my family. I cam here alone no friends, no family. Left pretty much all my life behind because I only took 2 suitcases and it's so far the best decision I've ever made.

 

You know... Life is unpredictable, and think like jobs, money, friends... comes and goes, Sure is not easy, but your family and friend will be there for you still, and the other things... well you can make more friends and with time you'll see you'll find great people to be surrounded with, you'll get a nice job I'm sure and everything falls into place. Jut don't rush the process, it's a grief process and you need to leave each stage, from "I want to go back" to "I'm happy I did this" and in between good days and bad ones. 

 

I suggest you to read about migration grief, to have an idea of what are the feelings you will be facing and how to work with them...

[BB&SVW 29]

1 hour ago, Daniela M_______ said:

I moved to Mexico by myself, not wanting to to be honest but political and economic situation back home was getting worse and this was my best opportunity for me and my family. I cam here alone no friends, no family. Left pretty much all my life behind because I only took 2 suitcases and it's so far the best decision I've ever made.

 

You know... Life is unpredictable, and think like jobs, money, friends... comes and goes, Sure is not easy, but your family and friend will be there for you still, and the other things... well you can make more friends and with time you'll see you'll find great people to be surrounded with, you'll get a nice job I'm sure and everything falls into place. Jut don't rush the process, it's a grief process and you need to leave each stage, from "I want to go back" to "I'm happy I did this" and in between good days and bad ones. 

 

I suggest you to read about migration grief, to have an idea of what are the feelings you will be facing and how to work with them...

I know getting an EAD, a driver’s licence etc will take a while. The feeling of being completely dependent on another person to live drives me crazy! 

 

I really appreciate you sharing your story and about your own personal experience with grief. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one feeling sad/anxious about leaving their home countries. 

[joglen1210 10]

12 hours ago, BB&SVW said:

My boyfriend (USC) have been together for 4 years and LDR almost half the time. I have been in the US on long visits and work multiple times. We finally decided on me moving to the US permanently. I love him very much and I trust that we are in the right place and time to do this. We carefully thought of every single decision hence took 4 years to finally do it.

 

 However, I also feel torn that I have to give up everything for the relationship - I know my boyfriend did too to be fair. I worked really really hard to have a nice place I paid for my own money and have extensively travelled with my job. My family has not been very supportive of our relationship as I have had a previously failed and abusive marriage and we do not really have a divorce culture in the Philippines. Out of that marriage I had children, who are adults now (over 18 years old) but I know still needs me as they go through college etc and through life! 

 

Everything I did led to this moment when I met my boyfriend and now I feel like I am giving it all up. I guess courage is the word I am looking for. 

 

How do you just pack your bags and go? 

 

Trust in yourself and to the person you will be with is the primary key. When I left for the US more than 20 years ago, I held a senior management position for a huge electronics company based in Seoul Korea. I also travelled a lot, had all the luxuries and perks of being in the top. Its very difficult at first, especially in the first year (adjustments, acclimatizing, culture clashes, etc) - starting from scratch and trying to prove yourself once again. But through perseverance - you will get by. Follow your heart and deserve to be happy.

[Daniela M_______ 410]

4 hours ago, BB&SVW said:

I know getting an EAD, a driver’s licence etc will take a while. The feeling of being completely dependent on another person to live drives me crazy! 

  

I really appreciate you sharing your story and about your own personal experience with grief. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one feeling sad/anxious about leaving their home countries. 

I'm sorry for all the typos... I just re read myself and noticed it lol

 

Trust me that you are not alone, my best advice for you is don't be so harsh on yourself, live each stage, understand the process, and know that fear, sadness, anxiety etc are a part of it, it will really help to validate your emotions and give yourself time to assimilate the change... And... true that! you'll be very busy and distracted at first, maybe too busy to get sad or nostalgic. For me it took me like 6 months of being here (at first everything is new and you'll be in recon mission) until one day I started crying for no reason because I was alone in another country far from everyone, but again, I have no regrets.

 

Please feel free to DM if you ever feel like talking, I know how much it can help... Best of lucks!

[Lucky_Mimi 87]

Omg. This is exactly what I am thinking and feeling. It is a bitter sweet moment of being happy with our special someone yet leaving our friends, family and career behind. Sometimes I do over think and have panick attacks. Then I try to calm myself up. 

 

@BB&SVW This is the right time for us. Don't worry. Your kids are big already. They can handle themselves. You can go back to visit them again here in Phils or yet apply them for their visa when you're already in the States. I know exactly what you are feeling. I don't have kids yet but I have a mom. She's a single mother. It'll definitely break my heart to leave her.. 

[Daisy.Chain 317]

Don't jump blindly - if you're applying for a k1 visa you will be in the US for months with no way to work, and there is no guarantee that even when you can work you will find a comparable job. You're also unlikely to have a support system, similar foods or weather etc. I wish people would think through things rather than assume "love covers all" and jump.

 

Now if you've thought through it and made the decision to move, considering all the factors, then you do at some point zip stuff in a suitcase and go. Plan to come back to visit - this isn't a permanent goodbye, it's a "see you later."

[pb5446 56]

I've had many panic attacks thinking about this topic from my fiance's point-of-view: What if she doesn't like the US? How is she going to make friends here? How is she going to handle being so far away from family? What if she feels trapped or if she feels like she made a huge mistake and is afraid to tell me???

 

It's actually one of the reasons I insisted on a K1 instead of a CR1. She has never been to the US before and I wanted her to be able to have 90 days to make an educated decision instead of forcing her into a living situation she might not like. (Knowing what I know now... huge mistake. We should have gotten married and went with the CR1.)

 

Luckily, my fiance has been able to locate some friends and family that live in the US, and two who actually live in my state. It was a huge relief for me. Regardless, she tells me to stop worrying so much because she's lived away from family for over a decade now and she currently has zero friends in Hong Kong, so having just one friend in the US will actually be an improvement. (She thinks that's funny, lol)

 

We have a plan to keep her from climbing the walls while she can't work: I sell stuff on eBay as a side gig and she's going to help me with that. Between sourcing, taking photos, listing, and shipping; it's actually a lot of work. I currently have a huge pile of stuff (known as a "Death Pile" in the flipping biz) that will make me money, but I just don't have time to list it. 

 

I also can't wait to take her to estate sales, looking for items to flip. What a better introduction to a new city than to explore a bunch of different neighborhoods, go into people's houses and sort through all the ####### they've accumulated over the years. Welcome to the USA!!  It will be so fun doing that together... I can't freaking wait. 

 

Anyway, I'm pretty sick of worrying about hypotheticals and I just wish she was here so we can deal with stuff together as it comes. I'm sure most of you feel the same way too and I hope you all get your approvals soon and your transitions to the US go smoothly! Just know that there will be bad days, and stuff like homesickness and culture shock are normal and bound to happen sooner or later. Good luck!

[NikLR 13,227]

~~moved from K1 progress reports to moving here and your new life.  Topic is not visa specific is not immigration updates~~