Female friend. Go for it or be happy with what I have?

[dingding 0]

Hey all. Havent posted for a while but always lurk and read. Here for some more wise advice!

This actually kinda continues from and old post a few months back. There have been some developments.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...mp;#entry673999

OK so what has happened since? We carried on being friends, well kinda friends. Hello's goodbyes etc. She then fell out with me totally. Couldnt stand being around me. I hadn't done anything wrong. She apologised to me and admitted this, saying it was all her fault It wasnt really anything to do with me she was just taking something else out on me. From there we actually became more open. The awkwardness went away and we started hanging out and talking a little more. Over the past couple of months things have gotten even better. Were actually really good, pretty close friends. We had a few good chats and good nights out (although never just the two of us). She has said she thinks alot of me, that I am one of only two people she can open up to, that she really likes that I dont judge her etc. She has held my hand some times when weve been out. Has asked me to hug her to keep her warm when were in line for a bar. One particular night she kept getting me to feel her butt cos it was wet. Sometimes she is quite flirty. We'll touch each other when we talk. Last night she really missed her son (who spends the weekends with his dad) and she started crying in the taxi and clung onto me crying on my shoulder.

I think I really am going to have to wait and see what happens. I mean we literally are just friends now, but really good friends. People have commented that she seems to be warming to me and she has commented to a mutual friend that she hasnt ruled out something developing between us. Thing is I would rather have what we've got than nothing at all. I do sometimes admittedly get jealous when she sometimes flirts with other guys, I try not to be, and she has every right to do so as we ARE just friends. Ultimately yes I definately want more. But Im not sure Im prepared to risk scaring her off and losing her completely by making a move. It isnt purely a sexual thing. When we met and kissed that night I thought she was cute, but didnt know her at all. As ive gotten to know her I think she is gorgeous but I really do care about her a heck of a lot. We are going out to a theme park tomorrow again with two of our female friends. I guess I should just suck it up and be the friend she wants and see what happens and leave it to her. The big test will come if she starts seeing a guy though. That will take some strength, will be happy for her of course but will be tough. Any advice? Should I just go with the flow and see what happens and explore other options in the mean time? Should I try and test the water a little and ask her somewhere just us two, even if its just shopping or something? Im really, really torn between being so happy with what weve got considering how we started off and wanting more. Am I being greedy?

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Ok, I haven't read your past posts so I have no idea what the history is.

So forgive me if I ask the obvious - are you married/engaged? I ask that because, well, this is VJ. Most of us are.

[dingding 0]

Ok, I haven't read your past posts so I have no idea what the history is.

So forgive me if I ask the obvious - are you married/engaged? I ask that because, well, this is VJ. Most of us are.

Hi Gupt. Im actually divorced. Ive been a member of VJ since my ex wife and I first became engaged. I liked the site and its members so Im still around a year since the divorce went through.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Aah, I see. Good luck then

[Emancipation 2]

So.. read your first post.. and read your second thread & I have one question.. You mentioned that she has a son.. Did she have a previous relationship that was particularly painful/destructive/or suffered abandonment ??. She sounds like she wants to let you in, but is afraid to or hesitant to.. I dunno.. You also mentioned she works in a bar... perhaps guys hit on her all the time and she is wondering what your "real" motive is? I dunno.. some inital thoughts.. I'm sure you've had before..

[broma25 2]

I say in for a penny in for a pound.

Ask her out on a date just the two of you...see what she says.

What can you lose?

[dingding 0]

So.. read your first post.. and read your second thread & I have one question.. You mentioned that she has a son.. Did she have a previous relationship that was particularly painful/destructive/or suffered abandonment ??. She sounds like she wants to let you in, but is afraid to or hesitant to.. I dunno.. You also mentioned she works in a bar... perhaps guys hit on her all the time and she is wondering what your "real" motive is? I dunno.. some inital thoughts.. I'm sure you've had before..

Thanks for her response. Her last relationship wasnt really a bad one. It just ran its course really. They split up just after her son was born two and a half years ago. They kinda stayed together for the kid, but it didnt work. We've had some real hear to hearts recently and she know my intentions are good. She commented that she had a true friend who actually likes her for who she is, who doesnt judge. And personally i think that could be part of the problem. Maybe she isnt used to being with guys who treat her well and think of her like that. Infact our mutual friend said she reckons that she maybe doesnt feel she deserves someone "good" whos actually nice to her. I think in the past she has beed out with some bad apples. And she has said herself I am the first man that she has been able to open up to, but maybe thats not what she wants. i mean im definately no angel, and im not "nicey nice" all the time, she just hasnt had cause to see any other side of me yet. I guess time will tell. I guess im happy enough if I am stuck firmly in the "friend zone".

I say in for a penny in for a pound.

Ask her out on a date just the two of you...see what she says.

What can you lose?

I could lose a really good friendship. I would rather have what weve got that nothing at all. So i guess that answers my question. Sit back, go with the flow. Be a mate and see what happens.

[Ban Hammer 13,345]

nothing ventured, nothing gained

good luck

[Jenn! 918]

Well, it seems to me that all of the "I want you to ask me out" signs are there, but sometimes I just don't understand women.

[broma25 2]

So.. read your first post.. and read your second thread & I have one question.. You mentioned that she has a son.. Did she have a previous relationship that was particularly painful/destructive/or suffered abandonment ??. She sounds like she wants to let you in, but is afraid to or hesitant to.. I dunno.. You also mentioned she works in a bar... perhaps guys hit on her all the time and she is wondering what your "real" motive is? I dunno.. some inital thoughts.. I'm sure you've had before..

Thanks for her response. Her last relationship wasnt really a bad one. It just ran its course really. They split up just after her son was born two and a half years ago. They kinda stayed together for the kid, but it didnt work. We've had some real hear to hearts recently and she know my intentions are good. She commented that she had a true friend who actually likes her for who she is, who doesnt judge. And personally i think that could be part of the problem. Maybe she isnt used to being with guys who treat her well and think of her like that. Infact our mutual friend said she reckons that she maybe doesnt feel she deserves someone "good" whos actually nice to her. I think in the past she has beed out with some bad apples. And she has said herself I am the first man that she has been able to open up to, but maybe thats not what she wants. i mean im definately no angel, and im not "nicey nice" all the time, she just hasnt had cause to see any other side of me yet. I guess time will tell. I guess im happy enough if I am stuck firmly in the "friend zone".

I say in for a penny in for a pound.

Ask her out on a date just the two of you...see what she says.

What can you lose?

I could lose a really good friendship. I would rather have what weve got that nothing at all. So i guess that answers my question. Sit back, go with the flow. Be a mate and see what happens.

I dont think you should sit back and go with the flow.

She may get fed up of waiting. Just ask her out, if she says no you will understand she just wants to be friends.

[Alex+R 0]

Well, it seems to me that all of the "I want you to ask me out" signs are there, but sometimes I just don't understand women.

I agree.

I will also add that you obviously can't be friends. Friendship doesn't last when one party (at least) wants something more. Don't fool yourself thinking you can "be happy with what you have" because you won't have it for long.

[sereia 0]

Well, it seems to me that all of the "I want you to ask me out" signs are there, but sometimes I just don't understand women.

I agree.

I will also add that you obviously can't be friends. Friendship doesn't last when one party (at least) wants something more. Don't fool yourself thinking you can "be happy with what you have" because you won't have it for long.

totally agree with jenn and alex!!!!!!! just get it over with. you won't end up being friends forever if you have feelings like this anyway. (speaking from lots of experience in this dept)

[JVKn'CVO 11]

Well, it seems to me that all of the "I want you to ask me out" signs are there, but sometimes I just don't understand women.

I agree.

I will also add that you obviously can't be friends. Friendship doesn't last when one party (at least) wants something more. Don't fool yourself thinking you can "be happy with what you have" because you won't have it for long.

totally agree with jenn and alex!!!!!!! just get it over with. you won't end up being friends forever if you have feelings like this anyway. (speaking from lots of experience in this dept)

I agree #3...Go for it!!

[Lizzy 0]

Go for it, ask her out for a date just the two of you, if she agrees on the date don't push it just wait a while and then ask her out again the word here in this problem - take it SLOW.

Good luck:)

[CountryBoy 0]

Explain to her that you don't want to lose the friendship that you have, but you would really like more ..

if she says, "No way." .. then stay friends, if she says, "I don't know" (or something similar) give her some time, if she says "Maybe" (or anything slightly positive) then ask her out for one date, no strings attached.

I'm with Jenn .. I don't understand women either ..

Edited May 13, 2007 by CountryBoy