Moving to the US from African/non-western cultures

[discerned1 0]

I have an unique situation. My husband was born and raised in Nigeria but he lived in Canada for 10 years. Canada is very identical to the US. My husband worked and struggled in Canada. He understands how the system works here.

It is funny to hear Southern Chic because my husband has a dream of owning a business and being rich. I stand behind my husband but I have continiously explained that the business world is different in the US than Nigeria. His family has a very very success family business in Nigeria. I believe he is comparing the USA to Nigeria. In Nigeria, there is no credit and bills. Anyone can start a business on the streets. I explain that you have to buy property, apply for business loans, and etc. I don't think my husband is getting the idea but my job is to stand behind him and to encourage his dream. I believe in God anything is possible. You never know our husbands could be the next business moguls!!!

I highly respect your mindset of standing behind your husband and encouraging his dreams. I've stated before, 'always encourage and support his desires'. But be careful as not to paint for him a 'false' picture; better yet - be sure that HE does not paint a false picture for himself. My husband too desires to start his own business. I'm believing in God that it will happen, and I will be with him every step of the way. Nevertheless, I am always a 'keep it real' type of person. I've shared with him the details of a Business Plan, what the bank considers, and why good credit is so important. In his case, this helps him to understand why he needs to hurry and establish some type of credit (he does not believe in credit cards). In addition, it also helps him to realize that having money to start a business is a real thing, and with all involved (loans, leasing/buying property, etc.) hard work and strong determination is important. Your husband (like mine) may not be getting the idea at the moment, but if he continues to think that dreams will come true over night, I believe it will become a 'set back' rather than encourage him to keep moving forward.

Just my thoughts, but as I mentioned ......... I highly respect your stance on standing by him, that's very important.

Boaz

Boaz,

I am a "keep it real" person too! I have explained the difficulties of starting a business to my husband millions of times. He is so determined on reaching this goal. He is enrolled in school and I always mention, "Why don't you get a degree and find a job with a good company?" He is not satisfied with working for someone else. I feel that my husband will have to learn the difficulties on his own! Just like when we were teens our parents constantly preached to have us avoid things in life. Many of us still went out and made mistakes. Now we have learned our lesson. Our husbands will have to venture out into the business world and learn the hardships for themselves! Our husbands might become successful and we could have stopped their dreams. If he fails at business than he has learned a lesson in life. As I stated before, I support my husband in any decision that he makes. He will have to learn for himself!

Just my two cents again!

Ombeni is the exact same way! He views working for somebody else as a terrible thing.

Ditto. My fiance is the same way too. He said that he'd rather work for himself. He already conjured up a plan in the computer realm.

Edited May 25, 2007 by discerned1

[southernchic 0]

I'm glad that the thread can be helpful. There are a lot of important issues that come with trasitioning to America (or any other country for that matter). Learning the common language and getting used to the the everyday cultural issues are two examples of what people will have to learn when they get here. Since my husband has been here there have been hundreds of little things for him to learn.

And what I've observed is that it can cause a significant amount of stress --- esp. if you're trying to be successful,, start a business and make a ton of money. I really would love to hear more from people who have transitioned or who are transitioning to get a sense of how they dealt with it all -- esp. those who've never lived outside if their own country.

Sonya

This is a great thread because it made me reflect on my own expectations as the American already living here.

Right now I am a university student, so working full time is quite a challenge. Though I am doing my best, my thinking up until reading this thread was that as soon as my fiance arrives, he would be able to start working too so that we would actually have enough money pay rent and bills, etc...and I am not even sure what kind of pressure he will have from back home to add to that!

But it occurred to me right now...how soon can fiance visa holders start work? Does it take several months to get the right paperwork... I know the SSN will take some time, but I was under the impression that there was a way to start work before having that.

I really appreciate any info so that my expectations dont get too crazy!

[Kanyiri 0]

My husband also turns his phone off when his family/friends are calling for money. We don't have much to give, but they all still think that the money is growing on trees. He gets very stressed when his family continually asks for money and we don't have that money to send.

For the first couple months that he was here, he had is EAD, but couldn't find a job. Nevertheless, every day he would either walk or take the bus to go apply for a new job. This is how he kept hiimself busy. We bought weights so that he could stay physically active (he had been a farmer his whole life), a book so that he could study for the GED, and the rest of the time he was out applying for jobs. I know he felt bad during the time that he wasn't working, but we couldn't help that. He did finally get a job through a temp agency about two months after he was here. He has actually been working at the same place since then. Luckily enough it pays much better than a McDonald's job would pay and half of his coworkers are Ghanaian. He has made a lot of friends and though he denies it, i think that has made all the difference in his happiness here. His friends there understand all the troubles he gets from back home and they speak a language he has known since childhood and are a culture that he is familiar with (not his tribe, but as close as we'll get).

[reeses16 8]

I have got to say I love this thread and everyone who contributes to it. I never thought about temp agencies as possible avenues of employment, Thanks Kanyiri!

Does anyone have GED prep and college admission advice to offer? Thanks! Our interview is June 26th, so soon I'll be able to post some of our experiences here.

-Dodie

[taurean 0]

I am enjoying this thread as well! I keep coming back to it to see the latest responses. And I find that since I started reading this thread, I keep asking my husband how the transition has been so far. Now that he's working he seems happy as a clam. He didn't go into a deep depression about the not working and the culture shock, but he did seem not *himself* on some days. When we discussed it on those days, he would say that he felt out of his element. Having felt that myself...I knew exactly what he meant. I had similar experiences when I was in his country for long periods of time. So we have that common bond of feeling like a fish out of water on each other's turf. But I learned just as he is learning that over time things even out and get much better (at least for me they did). That need to understand each other has gone a long way in increasing the bond between us. Didn't mean to get sappy, but I felt the need to share.