Looking for advice

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

2 minutes ago, EM_Vandaveer said:

bankruptcy is NOT an option. we get gas checks (royalties) every month. Roughly 2k. We'd lose that (extremely valuable) PLUS our land as well as destroy our credit.

Sorry. He had a CISCO sysadmin cert (one of the higher ones) but let it lapse.

I went back and edited my previous post after seeing your prior post. 

 

He needs to go back and either get a CompTIA or a Cisco cert ASAP. 

[Cathi 5,771]

People in this thread have given you very sound advice and you've had an excuse to make for every answer you've been given. Why ask for advice if you're not going to take it? 

 

You can easily get you drivers license. Just because you failed once and were pregnant 3 times is no excuse whatsoever. My husband had his license within 6 weeks of being here. I failed my driving test first time around and it didn't stop me from trying again and succeeding. 

 

My husband is a computer engineer, he couldn't get a job in his field with no US experience even WITH a degree and a lot of experience, so he worked at Walmart loading trucks until he found an entry level intern position. Your husband need certifications and in his field the most important one to have is CompTIA A+. Each course expires in 2 years and the recert tests are inexpensive. If he worked for a tech company they pay for all courses and cert tests.

 

If you want an online job then work around your husband's hours and he can watch the kids. 

 

Your credit is already screwed up and claiming bankruptcy will only prevent you from buying a home for 2 years as long as you start building your credit after doing so. In 2007, my ex husband and I lost our business and as a result we lost our home. We had NOTHING after having everything. We had 2 young children and had to move in my sister in law's basement office. Four of us slept on a mattress on the floor. My SIL worked 70 hours a week, my husband got a new job and worked 6 days a week in sales and I still managed to get a part time job working around their schedules and my kids school schedules. We paid rent, our part of the utilities and for all of our own food and we still managed to move out and rent a townhouse within 6 months. A year and a half later we bought another home after the bank foreclosed on our business and our other home 2 years previously. We went through Hell and back and we did it. And just to add, I have Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis and Sjogren's Syndrome. Three separate and distinct autoimmune diseases. Each of which has very painful, debilitating symptoms- I worked through it all. I'll also add that my younger son(he's now 20) is Autistic and he had a crazy schedule because of specialized classes in school.

 

NOTHING is impossible if you try and you put your mind to it. You have to bite the bullet and stop making excuses. If your husband REALLY wanted to support his family like you he says he does he's get his GED, put his own company on hold for a while, and get a job for a high tech company until you get on your feet and you'd get your license and get a part time job. There are a lot of people in this country struggling who have it a lot worse than you do and they figure it out.

 

My now husband started in this country 5 and a half years ago loading trucks with an engineering degree then took an intern position for $10 an hour just to get his foot in the door of a tech company. Within 6 months they hired him full time in a help desk position and he kept moving up from there and we managed to buy a home. Two and a half years into working for that company he was laid off for 10 months and the only income we had was from my part time job and what little he had from 6 months of unemployment checks. We had a mortgage, 2 car payments, my older son was in college so we had his tuition payments on top of it all. We managed to hold on until my husband got a new job. He's been at that job 2 years and was recently promoted to manager of an IT department of 35 people. Hard work and determination pays off. You can do it.

[Jaquelly 1,647]

You mentioned that those gas checks CAN pay every month, but that they don't always.

 

Can you sell your royalties to get the money to pay off of some of your CC debt?

 

It's not wise to max out your debt, even if you can pay it on credit.

 

You're digging a hole here. No one is judging you, but you will NOT get out of this by burying your head in the sand. Your husband needs to get a job. If he has to work two jobs that pay less than 60K a year but MORE than $800 a month, he needs to. If he won't do it, he can work on building his small business while YOU go out and work entry level positions.

 

Beggars cannot be choosers. If you want out of this situation, the only people who can make it work are you.

 

I have no college education, but I managed to get out of a position where I was essentially homeless with no car, no license, no place of my own. I worked three jobs - waitress, cashier, cashier. All at the same time, all different shifts. I walked. I needed money to get out of the hell I was living in. I don't have kids, but they should definitely make you desperate enough to swallow your pride (and your husband as well, because currently you don't HAVE money to invest in his business) and go out there to make the money that you need NOW. 

[EM_Vandaveer 2,408]

1 hour ago, Cathi said:

People in this thread have given you very sound advice and you've had an excuse to make for every answer you've been given. Why ask for advice if you're not going to take it? 

 

You can easily get you drivers license. Just because you failed once and were pregnant 3 times is no excuse whatsoever. My husband had his license within 6 weeks of being here. I failed my driving test first time around and it didn't stop me from trying again and succeeding. 

 

My husband is a computer engineer, he couldn't get a job in his field with no US experience even WITH a degree and a lot of experience, so he worked at Walmart loading trucks until he found an entry level intern position. Your husband need certifications and in his field the most important one to have is CompTIA A+. Each course expires in 2 years and the recert tests are inexpensive. If he worked for a tech company they pay for all courses and cert tests.

 

If you want an online job then work around your husband's hours and he can watch the kids. 

 

Your credit is already screwed up and claiming bankruptcy will only prevent you from buying a home for 2 years as long as you start building your credit after doing so. In 2007, my ex husband and I lost our business and as a result we lost our home. We had NOTHING after having everything. We had 2 young children and had to move in my sister in law's basement office. Four of us slept on a mattress on the floor. My SIL worked 70 hours a week, my husband got a new job and worked 6 days a week in sales and I still managed to get a part time job working around their schedules and my kids school schedules. We paid rent, our part of the utilities and for all of our own food and we still managed to move out and rent a townhouse within 6 months. A year and a half later we bought another home after the bank foreclosed on our business and our other home 2 years previously. We went through Hell and back and we did it. And just to add, I have Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis and Sjogren's Syndrome. Three separate and distinct autoimmune diseases. Each of which has very painful, debilitating symptoms- I worked through it all. I'll also add that my younger son(he's now 20) is Autistic and he had a crazy schedule because of specialized classes in school.

 

NOTHING is impossible if you try and you put your mind to it. You have to bite the bullet and stop making excuses. If your husband REALLY wanted to support his family like you he says he does he's get his GED, put his own company on hold for a while, and get a job for a high tech company until you get on your feet and you'd get your license and get a part time job. There are a lot of people in this country struggling who have it a lot worse than you do and they figure it out.

 

My now husband started in this country 5 and a half years ago loading trucks with an engineering degree then took an intern position for $10 an hour just to get his foot in the door of a tech company. Within 6 months they hired him full time in a help desk position and he kept moving up from there and we managed to buy a home. Two and a half years into working for that company he was laid off for 10 months and the only income we had was from my part time job and what little he had from 6 months of unemployment checks. We had a mortgage, 2 car payments, my older son was in college so we had his tuition payments on top of it all. We managed to hold on until my husband got a new job. He's been at that job 2 years and was recently promoted to manager of an IT department of 35 people. Hard work and determination pays off. You can do it.

Actually I appreciate the advice! I thank you everyone who took time out their busy day to give advice. My intention was NOT to give excuses but to explain our side. Believe me or not I'm very acutely aware that 1) I need to get my DL ASAP. 2) Somebody needs to bring in more $$$$$.

 

I do wish my MIL was more co-operative but the fact is she'll have to deal with it either way. My husband will take me to an ALDI hiring event in a couple of weeks & we'll go from there.

 

He's NOT entry level. He also does not need a certification to run his business more. He can get basically any CISCO certification pretty much (if he studies the books for a month or two) but right now he needs to make money, so certifications aren't a priority.

In time I'll get him to get one. Like I said, he had a CISCO sysadmin cert (one of the higher ones, I don't know the name of it) he just didn't recertify (I believe you have to every two years.)

 

I agree bankruptcy would be stupid.

 

We aren't struggling as such and he's a great provider. We never lack anything & we are a family of 6 counting MIL who also greatly relies on him financially. I think it's unfair to say that he should take a minimum wage job instead of working on taking his business to the next level. He had this business for 15+ years.

He does not want to be an employee. He'd rather work for himself & later become and employer.

 

We just need to budget better, I need to work & we'll get ahead.

 

Thank you again for your input. I truly appreciate it.

[kris&me 572]

lots of good advice to choose from

1st of all the two of u need a heart to heart talk

BTW with low credit scores no chance to refince

 

[EM_Vandaveer 2,408]

52 minutes ago, Jaquelly said:

You mentioned that those gas checks CAN pay every month, but that they don't always.

 

Can you sell your royalties to get the money to pay off of some of your CC debt?

 

It's not wise to max out your debt, even if you can pay it on credit.

 

You're digging a hole here. No one is judging you, but you will NOT get out of this by burying your head in the sand. Your husband needs to get a job. If he has to work two jobs that pay less than 60K a year but MORE than $800 a month, he needs to. If he won't do it, he can work on building his small business while YOU go out and work entry level positions.

 

Beggars cannot be choosers. If you want out of this situation, the only people who can make it work are you.

 

I have no college education, but I managed to get out of a position where I was essentially homeless with no car, no license, no place of my own. I worked three jobs - waitress, cashier, cashier. All at the same time, all different shifts. I walked. I needed money to get out of the hell I was living in. I don't have kids, but they should definitely make you desperate enough to swallow your pride (and your husband as well, because currently you don't HAVE money to invest in his business) and go out there to make the money that you need NOW. 

Yes, it's an option to take out a loan with the gas royalties as surety. They do pay 99% of the time. Last year only 1 month we didn't get a check. Even then it was because they screwed up (BP Oil) & sent us a too big a check the month prior.

We'd prefer not to do this because this is our "insurance" against an accident or something preventing my husband from working for a while. The checks always cover the mortgage & some bills, at least.

 

I agree that I need to work. He promised he'll take me to an ALDI hiring event in two weeks, I'd be ideal because they don't require retail experience & pay above minimum wage.

4 minutes ago, kris&me said:

lots of good advice to choose from

1st of all the two of u need a heart to heart talk

BTW with low credit scores no chance to refince

 

It's middling (560s) & house is in MIL's name so it's her who'd refinance.

[EM_Vandaveer 2,408]

I forgot to mention that there is no money needed to invest in his business so to speak (other than the office rent, but when the lease is up we'll decide to keep it or not based on if it actually brought more profit).

He's essentially selling his skills just like an employee does.

[Wooderz 314]

He’s been building his business for 15 years and only makes $800/month?  What is he doing differently now that makes you think in a few more months he will be more successful? Honestly, he needs to get a job somewhere. I understand that he doesn’t feel like he is entry level, but that’s temporary. Even an entry level help desk job will pay more than his business is bringing in. If he’s as good as you say, he will be promoted quickly. He can continue to build his business at night and on the weekend.

[Lemonslice 4,911]

What about your expenses? 

Cell phone and cable TV?  Prepared meals? Netflix?Anything you could cut?

 

Otherwise, I think you should try to work when your husband is home - waiting tables can be a good income with tips.  Other jobs can pay ok with a short training (Nurse assistant, accounting clerk - look up your local community college for options).  

 

Please don't buy a house until your debt is much, much lower and/or your income has increased significantly.  Now it's the stress of living with your MIL, but financial stress is not much better for couples...

 

Take care

[poolemit 25]

40 minutes ago, Wooderz said:

He’s been building his business for 15 years and only makes $800/month? 

This. Something's not adding up.

OP, buying a house in this situation is a bad idea. Get a DL, then a job. Uber, lyft, grocery stores, cleaning, fast food, nurse aides, many opportunities out there. Getting "taken to a hiring event" sounds off. If MIL had wanted to help, she would have. Become independent and move on.

[Lemonslice 4,911]

1 hour ago, EM_Vandaveer said:

I forgot to mention that there is no money needed to invest in his business so to speak (other than the office rent, but when the lease is up we'll decide to keep it or not based on if it actually brought more profit).

He's essentially selling his skills just like an employee does.

If he can't sell his skills full time, then he needs to add a part-time job or move to a full time job with a part time business.  Geek squad would pay more at this point... and he seems more qualified than that.

 

One of my colleague has a crazy commute, 2 hours 1/2 each way. He comes in the office 4 days a week usually.  While it sounds crazy, it allows his family to live on his salary only in a beautiful location... I know your family life is different, and I don't think anyone should have such a crazy commute, but usually you have to sacrifice something (time with family, own or bigger home, unessential goods/services, to make it work) to make it all work.  You should discuss what's a reasonable solution for your family.

[Marieke H 2,519]

1 hour ago, EM_Vandaveer said:

2 hours ago, Jaquelly said:

 

Yes, it's an option to take out a loan with the gas royalties as surety. 

I don't think Jaquelly was suggesting to take out another loan... sell the royalties, so you can pay off the debts you already have. You're digging a hole, and getting more loans might sound good as a short term solutions, but it will only make things worse. Focus on increasing your income; a loan is not income.

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

3 hours ago, EM_Vandaveer said:

He's NOT entry level. He also does not need a certification to run his business more. He can get basically any CISCO certification pretty much (if he studies the books for a month or two) but right now he needs to make money, so certifications aren't a priority.

In time I'll get him to get one. Like I said, he had a CISCO sysadmin cert (one of the higher ones, I don't know the name of it) he just didn't recertify (I believe you have to every two years.)

I agree he might not be entry level but right now he is acting entry level or selling his services for super freaking cheap to people. How much does he charge per project, hour, or whatever? Because I am going to lay out for you and I am sorry for being rude for this statement:

 

As someone who is in the CS Industry right now working basically what he is drawing in a month is not even entry level wages, in fact it is something that a intern would bring in. 

 

I completely understand that he wants to be independent and have his own thing going on right now, working towards something bigger and better for himself. But he wanting to be too proud to take a lower paid desktop support job is just dumb in my book. He can do desktop support during the day and his own job at night if he wants and it is doable. 

Also is he paying taxes on this income, is he a 1099 IC, does he have a business license? These all things that can come back to bite y'all if they are not done right. So he could have a hug tax bill come due on the business on top of the credit card debt that you have. 

Edited August 3, 2018 by Cyberfx1024

[Cathi 5,771]

3 hours ago, EM_Vandaveer said:

Actually I appreciate the advice! I thank you everyone who took time out their busy day to give advice. My intention was NOT to give excuses but to explain our side. Believe me or not I'm very acutely aware that 1) I need to get my DL ASAP. 2) Somebody needs to bring in more $$$$$.

 

I do wish my MIL was more co-operative but the fact is she'll have to deal with it either way. My husband will take me to an ALDI hiring event in a couple of weeks & we'll go from there.

 

He's NOT entry level. He also does not need a certification to run his business more. He can get basically any CISCO certification pretty much (if he studies the books for a month or two) but right now he needs to make money, so certifications aren't a priority.

In time I'll get him to get one. Like I said, he had a CISCO sysadmin cert (one of the higher ones, I don't know the name of it) he just didn't recertify (I believe you have to every two years.)

 

I agree bankruptcy would be stupid.

 

We aren't struggling as such and he's a great provider. We never lack anything & we are a family of 6 counting MIL who also greatly relies on him financially. I think it's unfair to say that he should take a minimum wage job instead of working on taking his business to the next level. He had this business for 15+ years.

He does not want to be an employee. He'd rather work for himself & later become and employer.

 

We just need to budget better, I need to work & we'll get ahead.

 

Thank you again for your input. I truly appreciate it.

My husband wasn't entry level, either, he had many years of IT experience with a computer engineering degree, but you have to do what you have to do. You both need to put your egos aside and do what's necessary to support your family. I had no help from anyone when we were struggling and we did it, so can you!

 

I wish you the best. Just set your mind to it and trust me, you'll be fine.

[EM_Vandaveer 2,408]

3 hours ago, Cyberfx1024 said:

I agree he might not be entry level but right now he is acting entry level or selling his services for super freaking cheap to people. How much does he charge per project, hour, or whatever? Because I am going to lay out for you and I am sorry for being rude for this statement:

 

As someone who is in the CS Industry right now working basically what he is drawing in a month is not even entry level wages, in fact it is something that a intern would bring in. 

 

I completely understand that he wants to be independent and have his own thing going on right now, working towards something bigger and better for himself. But he wanting to be too proud to take a lower paid desktop support job is just dumb in my book. He can do desktop support during the day and his own job at night if he wants and it is doable. 

Also is he paying taxes on this income, is he a 1099 IC, does he have a business license? These all things that can come back to bite y'all if they are not done right. So he could have a hug tax bill come due on the business on top of the credit card debt that you have. 

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