Help needed for single married mother plz

[MjC772 94]

Just curious here (if OP comes back), does he have any children with his USC wife?

[Boiler 46,404]

No mention of children with his Wife and sounds like they were not married very long.

[dawning 212]

7 hours ago, BlessedAssurance said:

On the other hand, while not condoning the actions of the male, the OP went on to have a marriage knowing the male had a wife. His marriage having problems is not sufficient reason to justify marrying him in any form.

 

4 hours ago, Amadia said:

Just to add on to others' comments.....being from different cultures or religious practices does not mean that what you and your kids' father did was okay - cheating is cheating, no matter how you dress it up.

You knew he was married already but you still put yourself with him and had kids....not judging....just pointing the obvious.

He knew what he was doing each time he visited and left you pregnant....you possibly could not see that....again, not judging.

 

Each comment now would be moot as the situation already occurred and cannot be reversed. Coming to America is the least of your worries, what would you do if he decided to only visit you in your country and not file for you to come to live in the USA?

As human beings, we all make commitments when we think love is involved.....marriage....children.....financial co-mingling, etc.

Once the smoke clears, it is only then that we realize it was all a farce and infatuation that made us make the decisions we did. 

 

I'm sorry but your only solution would be to have him come visit you and not the other way around.

I'm thinking they may come from a culture where it's considered normal for men to have multiple wives. So "cheating" may not be how she, or he, sees it.    Even the USC wife may have familiarity with that concept, although that is not at all clear. 

However, as several other posters have mentioned, the difficulty is when their cultural norms rub up against US law. 

[Amadia 711]

13 minutes ago, dawning said:

 

I'm thinking they may come from a culture where it's considered normal for men to have multiple wives. So "cheating" may not be how she, or he, sees it.    Even the USC wife may have familiarity with that concept, although that is not at all clear. 

However, as several other posters have mentioned, the difficulty is when their cultural norms rub up against US law. 

I can understand that but it does not change what the law is. We can argue tomato and tom-ah-to, but for OP to knowingly 'marry' and have children with an already married man would be bracketed as adultery whether he, or she or you see it otherwise. Also, OP never stated what country she is from so we have no way of knowing what is acceptable regarding bigamy and poligamy. 

 

Poligamy and Bigamy is accepted in very few countries but as per the USA, bigamy is illegal in every state and lands the offender up to 5 years imprisonment. A list of countries can be found here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bigamy 

 

Adultery, however, is not illegal.

 

[dawning 212]

24 minutes ago, Amadia said:

I can understand that but it does not change what the law is. We can argue tomato and tom-ah-to, but for OP to knowingly 'marry' and have children with an already married man would be bracketed as adultery whether he, or she or you see it otherwise. Also, OP never stated what country she is from so we have no way of knowing what is acceptable regarding bigamy and poligamy. 

 

Poligamy and Bigamy is accepted in very few countries but as per the USA, bigamy is illegal in every state and lands the offender up to 5 years imprisonment. A list of countries can be found here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bigamy 

 

Adultery, however, is not illegal.

 

I think that's why she referenced cultural differences.  You bracket it as adultery, as do many people in this country, but perhaps it's not in her country.  It all depends on who gets to handle the brackets. 

I count 14 or 15 countries on the list you reference where it may be legal.  And there are a lot of countries not on the list.

However, as you and others point out, it doesn't matter what is legal in her country if it's illegal in the US, for immigration purposes. 

I do think labeling as cheating regardless of location is inaccurate; that was the point of my post.

[Ash.1101 1,756]

2 hours ago, Boiler said:

No mention of children with his Wife and sounds like they were not married very long.

Yeah I'm not sure. The OP says that they got married SIX years ago and that at that time he was still married to a USC, and that the OPs husband and his american wife went  for divorce before ROC. 

So.. I can't really get a good time line on all of this. I'd ASSUME that they were married for less than two because of the divorce happening before he received his 10 year GC. But at the same time, he could have been living in the US prior to that. We don't know how he got to the US.


Again, the whole thing really just sounds like he came to the US, to eventually bring the OP and their children over here.

[geowrian 22,338]

Was the USC spouse aware of the woman abroad? Culturally the norm or not to have multiple wives where they came from, all wives are to be aware of the others. If the USC wife wasn't aware of the wife and children, then this isn't just a matter of a difference of cultural norms...it's just plain cheating and hiding information like anybody else.

If she was aware, then I can see the cultural aspect, but that doesn't change the law...nor the papers signed before getting a green card asking about intent to practice polygamy in the US.

[Unidentified 2,930]

1 hour ago, geowrian said:

Was the USC spouse aware of the woman abroad? Culturally the norm or not to have multiple wives where they came from, all wives are to be aware of the others. If the USC wife wasn't aware of the wife and children, then this isn't just a matter of a difference of cultural norms...it's just plain cheating and hiding information like anybody else.

If she was aware, then I can see the cultural aspect, but that doesn't change the law...nor the papers signed before getting a green card asking about intent to practice polygamy in the US.

If it remember correctly I believe I saw that she wrote that the wife knew and didn't really have a huge reaction to it.

[Boiler 46,404]

Begs the question how would she know, have they spoken?

[Unidentified 2,930]

5 hours ago, Boiler said:

Begs the question how would she know, have they spoken?

She mentioned in the initial post that she knew about the OP and asked her not to come to the states and OP said she had responded that she wouldn't. 

[Boiler 46,404]

Came across to me as stuff the father of her children had told her, but could be wrong.