I miss Canada oh so much :(

[Gypsyangel 11]

Hi,

 

Yes, it's quite an adjustment, especially after all the activity of immigrating and then actually moving. Then your spouse goes back to their life and you feel a little stranded. And isolated. The good news is that, if you're finding it had to adjust, it just means you're normal.  A couple of tips that I found useful:

 

1) Before you moved, I'm sure you had a picture in your head of your life together with your loved one. Keep that picture in your mind (feel the joy and excitement of it - you're one step closer to making that dream a reality), maybe adjust it a bit, but keep that dream alive in your heart as a goal. Maybe put something physical in your living space to remind you. It's not going to be fully realized until you get your feet under you, but you're a whole lot closer than you were before you moved.

 

2) You've made a huge change in your life. You left behind family, friends, a job/career, all the familiar things that feel like home. No matter how much you wanted to move, it's likely you're going to miss all those things. I think that's ok. Save a little time to be sad. Don't let it take over every day, but also don't talk yourself out of being sad. It is sad. Maybe you're going to wonder if you made a big mistake. It's completely normal to think that, but it doesn't mean it's true.

 

3) You've said good-by to the old, but it takes awhile to establish the new. You're in a gap. Gaps make us nervous, especially when we don't know where we're going. It makes us want to run back to what we know. And when you've moved to a whole new country, that is not easy. So, we're in the gap. My mantra in the gap is "I don't know what's going on, and that's ok." The good news is it's completely normal to feel homesick, and out of sorts. 

 

While waiting for AP, or even in the early stages, find those things that make you feel grounded and like home. Explore. Go for walks, make good food, get out of the house, even if just to go for coffee, establish new routines. It's going to be incumbent on you to reach out more to people - both back at home and in your new home. With technology, it's pretty easy. It's just different. 

 

Hang in there! You got this!

 

Karen

 

 

[amicablebride 25]

On 7/31/2018 at 2:26 PM, BRENTWOOD said:

 

Hello, I really can't thank you enough for sending such a beautiful and well thought out post. It truly means more to me than you will ever know!

 

I can 100% appreciate what you are saying about your transition. I think you are extremely brave to leave somewhere beautiful and choose a new life I just feel like maybe my coping strategies are not as strong as yours haha I can appreciate the advice I just need to get it into action. I guess i do not deal as well with transition as I had originally thought. Now looking back I definitely think it would've been smarter for us to move to Canada but I guess gold is tested by fire. So I can only hope I will become a stronger individual and us a stronger couple. Some days are obviously just tougher to get through as you know. 

This post helped me to not feel so alone.

 

How does your family deal with the transition? Are they 100% supportive? Did they give you any guilt or make you feel bad about your choices? I really love that you are from a tight knit family so you are able to understand how I feel better than most.

 

Also are you a writer? Because your writing is just so beautiful and well thought out!!!!!!!! It is a shame you can't work because you are clearly talented haha but yes you are correct all is within months reach.

 

I think I will write those three phrases down and practice them like a mantra.

 

1. Don't be too hard on yourself 2. Your family loves you 3. It will get better

That pretty much sums it all up and helps to ease some of the pain I am feeling.

 

Wishing you literally all the happiness in the world. Thank you for your kindness and positivity, it is going to go so far. So happy there are people like you in this world.

 

 

 

I’ve been in the USA for about 3 years now. I’m married to a lovely American. BUT, I miss home almost every day. The worst is when I go visit my family and friends back home, see how they’re going on with their lives without me, and then I have to come back to.... well.... just my husband. 

 

My coworkers aren’t welcoming or friendly. In fact, I was one of the only coworkers who were not invited to a wedding this past weekend. The other just gave birth, and another was stuck working a second job. Me? I drank wine alone while my husband consoled me and told me not to worry about them.

 

My in-laws haven’t been welcoming either. They only text me to ask how my husband is doing or if my husband is coming over. They don’t seem to give a rat’s butt about me, in spite of my numerous attempts over the last 3 years to try to be more like family with them.

 

The kicker? I’m not a negative person AT ALL, despite my posts on here. 

I’m friendly to everyone, it’s just a different attitude around here.

 

This forum is literally the ONLY place I can come to vent where people might be able to relate.

 

I’ve noticed that the most “popular” girl at work is one who brags about everything she can brag about, gossips and says bad things about others. Massive favoritism in the workplace too, everyone competes with each other more than works together... and I work at a school, so, how does that work? We all make the same wage, are unionized, and can’t really move up any corporate ladder. Yet, everyone seems to be out for themselves and will throw each other under the bus. 

 

My husband will never want to move to Canada. He makes it seem like I’ve made by bed, now I have to sleep in it. I made a life here... so, now we’re here. Don’t even get me started on the lack of maternity leave and horrendous health care system.

 

Anyway, if you ever feel like venting, I’m here to vent with you! Just shoot me a message