I miss Canada oh so much :(

[BRENTWOOD 14]

I don't know what I am looking for but I am feeling extremely down. We just got married last month and I just applied for AOS but I can't stop thinking about how much I miss Canada. I feel very alone in this process and I find it hard for my husband or my family to fully understand how I feel. I am the one that can't go home and can't work and it is starting to feel very overwhelming. My mom is actually visiting me right now and the thought of her going home tomorrow just tears me up inside I wish so badly I could go back with her and give my nieces and nephews and family and friends hugs and kisses. This process has been draining and I am just starting a new process of AOS which feels daunting. I am exhausting by it all. I haven't felt welcome in the States I don't love the area that we live I feel so much guilt for leaving my loved ones behind and I just don't really know what to do. I just miss Canada more than I ever thought possible. Any advice or help is so greatly appreciated. Hugs xx

[T_P 872]

2 minutes ago, BRENTWOOD said:

I don't know what I am looking for but I am feeling extremely down. We just got married last month and I just applied for AOS but I can't stop thinking about how much I miss Canada. I feel very alone in this process and I find it hard for my husband or my family to fully understand how I feel. I am the one that can't go home and can't work and it is starting to feel very overwhelming. My mom is actually visiting me right now and the thought of her going home tomorrow just tears me up inside I wish so badly I could go back with her and give my nieces and nephews and family and friends hugs and kisses. This process has been draining and I am just starting a new process of AOS which feels daunting. I am exhausting by it all. I haven't felt welcome in the States I don't love the area that we live I feel so much guilt for leaving my loved ones behind and I just don't really know what to do. I just miss Canada more than I ever thought possible. Any advice or help is so greatly appreciated. Hugs xx

I am sorry you feel that way and believe me, many of us here have felt the same way or even worse. Anyways I dont want to compare your situation but definitely I want you to try to see this from the bright side right? I mean, no doubt you do miss your friends, family and country, but think forward a bit, in just a few months once your EAD/AP and eventually your GC is approved you will be able to travel back home with your husband!! How awesome is that? Having everyone you love close and celebrating the beautiful journey you just went through...  

 

Right now you have your husband/wife to support you, this was everything you guys wanted for a really long time and it is happening, so enjoy this time, soon you will be able to get together again with the rest of you family. Meanwhile, read some books, try to focus on things that will empower you to the future and go from there....Good Luck

[Ben&Zian 4,397]

1 minute ago, BRENTWOOD said:

I don't know what I am looking for but I am feeling extremely down. We just got married last month and I just applied for AOS but I can't stop thinking about how much I miss Canada. I feel very alone in this process and I find it hard for my husband or my family to fully understand how I feel. I am the one that can't go home and can't work and it is starting to feel very overwhelming. My mom is actually visiting me right now and the thought of her going home tomorrow just tears me up inside I wish so badly I could go back with her and give my nieces and nephews and family and friends hugs and kisses. This process has been draining and I am just starting a new process of AOS which feels daunting. I am exhausting by it all. I haven't felt welcome in the States I don't love the area that we live I feel so much guilt for leaving my loved ones behind and I just don't really know what to do. I just miss Canada more than I ever thought possible. Any advice or help is so greatly appreciated. Hugs xx

 

As with most the transition can be tough but also something you needed to prepare yourself for a bit a head of time. While my husband had lived in the US prior to us meeting during a couple internships for about 18 month time period, so it wasn't exactly a huge deal for him, he still had to wait for everything to process. For him he preoccupied himself with gaming, we got a dog, he went to the gym. I tried to not travel for work as much and set weekly 'date' nights. It of course got very boring by the end of 5-6 months before finally being able to go work. For a lot of people volunteering can be a good option. See about maybe taking a trip or two (even just out of town for a weekend) to help break the routine up. There's a lot of activities that can be done to pass time, even find new hobbies or binge watch TV series'.

 

Home sickness is probably most common thing people feel. That I can't say how to overcome really... maybe can skype/video chat more regularly with friends and family to least make it feel more personable. As for how you feel about where you live, that is something you have to discuss with your husband. Depending on your living condition, like if you're in an apartment, discuss moving when the lease ends? We had same thing in a sense, not so much him not liking the area; but we were massively flooded during Hurricane Harvey (i lost my mustang), our parking lot had literally 5 1/2 feet of water in it. We stayed for awhile on the third floor before leaving; but when lease renewal came up this past February we decided to stay another year before looking this next January or so to buy a house finally. So you need to discuss this with your husband as that is between both of you. Feeling welcome in the US is hard sometimes... since you don't get out or can't work right now, feels even worse. Not everyone transitions easily or sometimes just aren't in the best of areas. Try to get out, go meet some local people. Coffee shops or both of you goto some bars and maybe meet other couples. 

[Roel 7,192]

What did you imagine will happen before you move though? You should have known that you'll be in a foreign environment and you won't be able to work for A while... no idea why you're feeling guilty by moving. You decided to start a new life, don't feel guilty about what you left being. It was your conscious decision to leave. 

 

Find yourself something to do. It's not hard. Adopt cat or dog. Volunteer. Find some local communities or organizations that you'd like to contribute to. Go on a hike. Go shopping. Netflix binge. Learn a new hobby. There are countless possibilities of things to do before you'll be able to work. See if you can get US driving license and start exploring the area. Look around for some free classes. 

 

 

[geowrian 22,337]

I suggest talking to your husband (Edit: or wife? Sorry to assume) about how you feel and why you feel that way (men generally need this part...just explaining a problem without knowing the cause or the ability to solve it is frustrating...at least for me!). From there you can figure out how to ease the homesickness...possibly by making you feel more at "home" in the US.

Or explore if living together in Canada  is something he would be up for.

Edited July 30, 2018 by geowrian

[Roel 7,192]

Also think about this- you're from Canada. Your family is apparently close enough to visit you. This is already a privilege that all other immigrants from Europe/Asia/Africa don't have. Many of us haven't seen our families for years. 

 

So be grateful for that. 

[JMK_IT 134]

1 hour ago, BRENTWOOD said:

I don't know what I am looking for but I am feeling extremely down. We just got married last month and I just applied for AOS but I can't stop thinking about how much I miss Canada. I feel very alone in this process and I find it hard for my husband or my family to fully understand how I feel. I am the one that can't go home and can't work and it is starting to feel very overwhelming. My mom is actually visiting me right now and the thought of her going home tomorrow just tears me up inside I wish so badly I could go back with her and give my nieces and nephews and family and friends hugs and kisses. This process has been draining and I am just starting a new process of AOS which feels daunting. I am exhausting by it all. I haven't felt welcome in the States I don't love the area that we live I feel so much guilt for leaving my loved ones behind and I just don't really know what to do. I just miss Canada more than I ever thought possible. Any advice or help is so greatly appreciated. Hugs xx

 

 

You are not alone. Most of the immigrants who are going through the process catch themselves in the same feelings.

I have been here for almost four months now and I will not deny I've been feeling miserable at times. Why wouldn't I? I can't work, I can't be fully engaged in society, I can't travel, I have not choice but being frugal, I have no friends and can't seem to adapt to how social interactions work down here in Miami. Everything about my lifestyle changed, I had to adapt to a new language, a new culture, a new environment.

But if I just focused on that, what would be the point of this immense sacrifice I've made? I remind myself that happiness has a price. I came here because I am in love with a wonderful man and with the perspective of building something extraordinary together. Despite I don't have full access to the endless possibilities of life yet, I keep in mind they are just months within reach. Months! 

And yes, nostalgia is overwhelming.  Before moving I had no idea how heavy it would become just to think about my family in Italy, my home in Italy, my friends in Italy, the entire personal circle I left behind. It was large and strong and perfect. But you know what? Sometimes circles decrease in size but increase in value. I made a choice and I was aware of the consequences, as you certainly were as well. Now it's only up to you to nurture your new dimension and make your new space deserve someone like you in it. 

Although I can't help you with much practical advice, here's what I think: 

1) DON'T BE TOO HARD ON YOURSELF

You have just started a new life and in stirring up expectations, reality started lagging behind. That just reflects your humanity and nothing else. You are out of your comfort zone, and not being able to be immediately at ease upsets you. 

You are in a state of personal isolation because in order to move on, you need to wait. Everyone you know and you interact with is not stuck as you are, your spouse, your spouse's friends, your spouse's family. It's not your fault. 

2) YOUR FAMILY LOVES YOU

This is coming from a person who belongs to a close-knit Italian-Canadian family whose members cried for days before I left.

Your family loves you and they want your happiness, not your guilt. I feel you more than anything on that, but don't. They know it's your life and they will never resent you for that. Distance is only mental.

3) IT WILL GET BETTER

Going from 0 to 100 in just a matter of months would be awesome, but it's unrealistic.

In choosing to move, we also committed to the unspoken aspects of adjusting, adapting, settling to the United States. 

You will never stop missing your old life, but you will start loving your new one... if you choose to.

You do not deserve to feel stuck, but you won't be forever. In the meantime, embrace and celebrate every new challenge and achievement. Get in touch with yourself. Establish your own presence in your new environment in your own terms.

 

More practical advice:Talk about your feelings with your spouse. Appreciate what you have. Explore new things, do new things. Focus on your present, not your past, not your future. Remember you are not being punished, you made a choice! Make the best out of it even in the most frustrating moments. Good luck!

 

Edited July 30, 2018 by ababsurd

[themollusk79 18]

One thing my wife did was to look for others from her country (Brazil) living in the area.  Look for groups on Facebook, etc.  That gave her a comfortable starting point to network, and in turn she has made a ton of friends (from both Brazil and the US) in the area and now has a more active social life than I do!  

[MjC772 94]

Canada to US ...really? I don't mean to demean your anguish but US and Canada aren't all that different. I married my wife in Peru in January 2010 and moved here to Peru in September 2010. I didn't speak but a few words in Spanish (and still don"t have a great grasp on the language). It is extremely difficult sometimes to understand the ways of the culture here....Long story short: be grateful, get your citizenship and then you can go wherever.

[NikLR 13,227]

19 minutes ago, MjC772 said:

Canada to US ...really? I don't mean to demean your anguish but US and Canada aren't all that different. I married my wife in Peru in January 2010 and moved here to Peru in September 2010. I didn't speak but a few words in Spanish (and still don"t have a great grasp on the language). It is extremely difficult sometimes to understand the ways of the culture here....Long story short: be grateful, get your citizenship and then you can go wherever.

It's a more different than you can realize, especially if you are used to being independent.  Unless you've lived in both places it can be hard to comprehend how different Canada and the USA really are.  No one would say the UK and Australia are the same. I wouldn't claim Mexico is just like Guatemala or Belize.  

I still get homesickness.  I havent left the USA since 2014.  I havent seen my mom in 2 years.  I have a niece I've never met.  Just because travel can be easier doesnt mean we can all afford it.  It is expensive in my area to live.  

Just because you dont understand how someone can feel a way doesnt mean they don't or that their feelings are less than. 

Edited July 31, 2018 by NikLR

[Ontarkie 14,190]

~~Moved to the Canada forum, form AOS Family K1/K3~~

[pajobra 1,395]

14 hours ago, MjC772 said:

Canada to US ...really? I don't mean to demean your anguish but US and Canada aren't all that different. I married my wife in Peru in January 2010 and moved here to Peru in September 2010. I didn't speak but a few words in Spanish (and still don"t have a great grasp on the language). It is extremely difficult sometimes to understand the ways of the culture here....Long story short: be grateful, get your citizenship and then you can go wherever.

Yeah what NikLR said it is quite different. 

 

I was very homesick in the beginning and even now just thinking of my family back in Canada brings tears to my eyes. I moved here last November and applied for AOS end of December. I did get my EAD and I started a new job yesterday and that is definitely helping because it keeps my mind busy. My Mum came for a visit a couple months ago and I cried like a baby when she left. She plans on coming in November because she misses me very much too. 

 

I really do love it where I am in Colorado. I find Colorado Springs a very friendly city and I love the mountains. The culture is different down here any Canadian will tell you that. I am less homesick now then I was the first few months. Best thing to do is get out there and join a group or volunteer. I volunteer at the local public library and will continue to do so even while I am working full-time because I love it so much. I have made some friends and go out to dinner with them or to the zoo. My husband knows I am homesick and he comforts me when I am sad. I guess I am lucky that in a way he does understand. He actually would love to move to Canada someday and we probably will in 15 or so years when he retires. But for now we make the best of things even though we are currently ships passing in the night.

[don_mar 18]

You can always move back to Canada! It's quite easy for an American to immigrate.

[BRENTWOOD 14]

On 7/30/2018 at 8:21 AM, T_P said:

I am sorry you feel that way and believe me, many of us here have felt the same way or even worse. Anyways I dont want to compare your situation but definitely I want you to try to see this from the bright side right? I mean, no doubt you do miss your friends, family and country, but think forward a bit, in just a few months once your EAD/AP and eventually your GC is approved you will be able to travel back home with your husband!! How awesome is that? Having everyone you love close and celebrating the beautiful journey you just went through...  

 

Right now you have your husband/wife to support you, this was everything you guys wanted for a really long time and it is happening, so enjoy this time, soon you will be able to get together again with the rest of you family. Meanwhile, read some books, try to focus on things that will empower you to the future and go from there....Good Luck

I really appreciate the positivity and I am happy there are people like you in the world. I am happy that you are able to give me some happiness because it is hard for me to see on the bright side lately. I am just internally really fighting with myself that we should've moved to Canada and I feel guilt for our decisions. You are right though once I have a job and I can travel back home it will definitely feel better. Thank you for the kind words and taking the time to answer it really meant a lot more to me than you know!

[BRENTWOOD 14]

1 hour ago, don_mar said:

You can always move back to Canada! It's quite easy for an American to immigrate.

I will need to research this! I just thought it felt like giving up but I guess it is an option.