Separation from husband before green card interview

[CécileMai 8]

Hello everyone,

 

I moved from Montreal to Brooklyn in March 2017 to live with my fiancé with a K1 visa. We got married, applied for AOS and the interview for the green card was supposed to be this summer. Long story short, the relationship became abusive and I had to escape from him, I wasn't safe. So I packed my things and I'm back in Montreal since the 18th of June.

It's been hard but now I'm better, I want to end things "by the books" with USCIS.

I know that I have to write them a letter to withdraw my application "including all informations that I find relevant". What does it mean? Should I mention the abuse and the drugs?

How the withdrawal will impact my future travels in the US (I'm a dual french and canadian citizen)?

 

Also, I don't know if some of you guys had an experience with a divorce in NY state, do I have to come back for the divorce? I've contacted lawyers here in Montreal and they all told me that I have to prove that I've been living in Canada for an entire year before being able to divorce. I'm a little bit scared because my husband is indebted - a lot. Fortunately, we don't have kids or any common property.

 

Thank you for your help,

 

Cécile

 

 

 

 

 

 

[GarryAndMarie 147]

On 7/23/2018 at 11:12 AM, CécileMai said:

I've contacted lawyers here in Montreal and they all told me that I have to prove that I've been living in Canada for an entire year before being able to divorce.

 

Just an observation, but... since you came to the US as a "visitor" and then filed for (but did NOT receive) AOS, doesn't that imply that you were still just a visitor here the entire time? I mean, you never attained official "resident" status -- which in turn implies that your official residence remained Canada, not the US. Or are the Canadian lawyers implying that you were residence-less during this time period? But that wouldn't make any sense either, since you still have a Canadian passport - that alone should reflect that you're still a resident of Canada for the entire time.

[CécileMai 8]

Thank you for your answer GarryandMarie!

 

I know it's confusing because I didn't have the permanent resident legal status in the US but what the lawyers told me is that I was physically living in the US and that is what they take into account. So I would be able to launch the procedures from here only next year.

I'm thinking about contacting my husband in September if he's willing to start the divorce procedure from Brooklyn, which could be faster and cheaper. This can be tricky however, I don't trust him very much so I don't want to rely on him. It's 50-50, he can either accept or decide to punish me for leaving him, his thing is "control" and "winning". For now, in the few texts he sent me he sounds rational but I know how fast it can change.

If he doesn't want to do it, my plan B will be to hire an American lawyer from here. But I need to find a job first because I guess it will be expensive...

For USCIS, I will write them a basic letter. I still don't know if I have to justify why I left. I don't want him to have problems if I'm talking about the drug problem or the abuse. On the other hand, I don't want any woman to go through the same experience as I did. It's difficult. I'm happy I left but I'm still confused. Sorry for the venting.

 

Anyway thank you for your insight and taking the time to answer me

 

If some people have experiences of divorcing from Canada with a US citizen, I would take any advice!

Thank you,

Cecile

 

[Going through 5,671]

15 hours ago, GarryAndMarie said:

Just an observation, but... since you came to the US as a "visitor" and then filed for (but did NOT receive) AOS, doesn't that imply that you were still just a visitor here the entire time? I mean, you never attained official "resident" status -- which in turn implies that your official residence remained Canada, not the US.

By filing the AOS, the OP was in "authorized stay" pending an approval/denial...which legally allowed her to reside in the country until a final decision on the AOS.  She was not "just a vistior" in the US the entire time, in the eyes of USCIS, due to the "authorized stay".

 

On 7/23/2018 at 2:12 PM, CécileMai said:

I know that I have to write them a letter to withdraw my application "including all informations that I find relevant". What does it mean? Should I mention the abuse and the drugs?

You do not need to mention the reasons for the divorce/separation.  If you feel you must give a reason---mention that divorce is pending, and therefore you are no longer eligible to adjust status through your marriage.  You are not required to mention any reason for withdrawing if you don't want to.

 

You can withdraw the i-485, but only your husband can withdraw the i-130 (if he's already withdrawn the i-130, then you don't need to do anything as your i-485 would be automatically impacted and ended).

 

 

 

[Villanelle 4,122]

Are you interested in living in the US at all? You probably qualify for VAWA so you can get a GC with out your spouse.

 

Divorce laws vary by jurisdiction. You have to qualify to file where you live. If thats a year then you have to wait. Have you discussed with attnys filing a separation agreement? It may offer you some protection. If not- typically courts do not assign joint liability to debts incurred during separation.

[CécileMai 8]

On 7/26/2018 at 11:40 AM, Going through said:

By filing the AOS, the OP was in "authorized stay" pending an approval/denial...which legally allowed her to reside in the country until a final decision on the AOS.  She was not "just a vistior" in the US the entire time, in the eyes of USCIS, due to the "authorized stay".

 

You do not need to mention the reasons for the divorce/separation.  If you feel you must give a reason---mention that divorce is pending, and therefore you are no longer eligible to adjust status through your marriage.  You are not required to mention any reason for withdrawing if you don't want to.

 

You can withdraw the i-485, but only your husband can withdraw the i-130 (if he's already withdrawn the i-130, then you don't need to do anything as your i-485 would be automatically impacted and ended).

 

 

 

Thank you Going through,

 

I don't know if he did anything on his side, he really wanted me to stay with him until the GC. I will follow your advice and send a simple letter with also my new address in Canada and keep it simple. Anyway, it's too early for me to open up about this relationship, especially to an administration.

Thank you very much!

Cécile

[Going through 5,671]

51 minutes ago, Damara said:

Are you interested in living in the US at all? You probably qualify for VAWA so you can get a GC with out your spouse.

 Would she qualify for VAWA since she's already moved back to Canada and set up residence there?

I thought one had to still be *in* the USA to apply for VAWA?

Edited July 27, 2018 by Going through

[CécileMai 8]

38 minutes ago, Damara said:

Are you interested in living in the US at all? You probably qualify for VAWA so you can get a GC with out your spouse.

 

Divorce laws vary by jurisdiction. You have to qualify to file where you live. If thats a year then you have to wait. Have you discussed with attnys filing a separation agreement? It may offer you some protection. If not- typically courts do not assign joint liability to debts incurred during separation.

Hello Damara,

 

An immigration lawyer/friend told me about VAWA after hearing my story. Ironically, that's when I realized that I was in an abusive relationship. I thought a lot about staying in the US without him, but no, my home and friends and life is in Montreal. I moved to NYC for him, and us so we can be together. And now, I'm just relieved to have this international border between us. I was so scared of him the past months. Now I'm safe.

I will check with lawyers here about the separation agreement, that could be interesting, I just don't know if he would agree. Concerning the debts, even during marriage, he told me everything and the contrary during this year together. I don't know the truth, I just want to end this link and be protected.

Thank you for your insight and advice,

Cecile

[Villanelle 4,122]

VAWA can be filed up to 2 years after you divorce. You can also file for VAWA outside the US. You'd have to check with Sandra on the specifics but usually she posts along the lines of 'if you left the US due to the abuse you can file for VAWA overseas'. (which the OP says she did)

 

 

Is he filing a divorce in NY? It stinks because there is no way to 'make him' file one. You can only force him to respond to your filing. I know in some extreme cases people have 'moved' to places easier to divorce in. I believe somewhere in the US (nevada maybe?) you can establish residency in as little as 2 weeks and file for divorce. Its been mentioned in the forums. Or Im sure you can find info on google on where to get a quick divorce...

 

Also I dont know if you would be able to get a separation agreement in NY or Canada. Call attnys in both locations and ask. I dont know much about separation agreement specifics- it may be like the divorce where he has to acknowledge it- it may not.

 

Keep all the proof of the abuse. In many jurisdictions it can be used to offset debts and liabilities. Consider setting up ID protection for your SSN. They can alert you if accounts are attempted to be open in your name. Check your US credit reports. You can get all 3 for free. Get a copy now (and every year). Prepare all the account numbers you know about. What kind of debts does he have that you are worried about? In the US debts are not consistent. Meaning some can be considered joint and some individual. 

 

 

 

[CécileMai 8]

11 minutes ago, Damara said:

VAWA can be filed up to 2 years after you divorce. You can also file for VAWA outside the US. You'd have to check with Sandra on the specifics but usually she posts along the lines of 'if you left the US due to the abuse you can file for VAWA overseas'. (which the OP says she did)

 

 

Is he filing a divorce in NY? It stinks because there is no way to 'make him' file one. You can only force him to respond to your filing. I know in some extreme cases people have 'moved' to places easier to divorce in. I believe somewhere in the US (nevada maybe?) you can establish residency in as little as 2 weeks and file for divorce. Its been mentioned in the forums. Or Im sure you can find info on google on where to get a quick divorce...

 

Also I dont know if you would be able to get a separation agreement in NY or Canada. Call attnys in both locations and ask. I dont know much about separation agreement specifics- it may be like the divorce where he has to acknowledge it- it may not.

 

Keep all the proof of the abuse. In many jurisdictions it can be used to offset debts and liabilities. Consider setting up ID protection for your SSN. They can alert you if accounts are attempted to be open in your name. Check your US credit reports. You can get all 3 for free. Get a copy now (and every year). Prepare all the account numbers you know about. What kind of debts does he have that you are worried about? In the US debts are not consistent. Meaning some can be considered joint and some individual. 

 

 

 

I didn't know about filing Vawa outside of the US. It may be useful for people who need to leave the country to save themselves but ultimately want to live in the US. For me it's too much, this all story disgusted me, I need to be surrounded in a known, friendly place.

 

I will contact lawyers here for separation agreements. I need to play it smart though if I want him to agree for that, or even the divorce. Our communication (by text) is sparse but respectful, for now. I know it can change very quickly.

 

I have all the proof of abuse on the advice of my lawyer friend: mostly texts and emails, I recorded one of his memorable rage on my phone too. I also have pictures of the various powders and pills I have found in the apartment. I took pictures of his diary (I know it's bad). I also have emails that I've sent to myself when I was locked in the bathroom, scared about delusional behaviors, describing how he was acting. I don't know how much of a proof it is though.

 

For the SSN number, can I just simply cancel it? as far as i'm not leaving in the US anymore? I will check that online. And yes ID protection is an excellent idea, thanks.

We never had a joint bank account, and I closed mine when I left the country. His debts are mostly credit card debts, and a student loan of 100000$, but this was 20 years ago. He told me that he had paid the credit cards debt off before I moved in NYC in 2017. But then, a few month later, he had 30000$ on his credit cards. I haven't seen any document, he refused to show anything to me or to answer any questions about this amount ("you're not respecting my privacy!"- dude, we are married...). I still don't know if this was manipulation to get me to work more or if it's true.

On the other hand, all his credit cards (that I know of) were only in his own name. If not, it's fraud! He pushed me to get my own credit cards, but I refused.

 

This helps a lot! With this ID protection, I will feel more secure and protected. Thank you so much Damara!

Cecile

 

 

 

[Ontarkie 14,236]

I think the lawyer in Montreal either misspoke or you miss understood. In Canada you have to be separated for 1 yr before filing for divorce. Even one night together in the same house starts your year over. SO he may have meant to say that rather then one year of you being back in Canada. Regardless it's a year to get the divorce done. Now you can go to the courts and start the process of him being served papers. That will work as your separation agreement and start the clock on his notice of being served. 

 

That is what I did. I filed 5 months after I finally stuck to my guts. Once the 1 yr mark hit the date my divorce papers hit the judges desk. I didn't have to get my ex served again or fight anything because it was all said in done months earlier. The judge signed off on it then I just had my 30 day waiting period. 

 

My ex was so caught up with his woes is me didn't even look at the papers he was served months earlier or didn't care. He thought he could still stop the divorce after it was all said and done. Which is exactly what my lawyer said would happen. 

 

So depending on what you want from your divorce you might be able to do the same. I just wanted to be free of him. I made it easy for him to agree with what I wanted.

 

I knew he would never see the kids again or pay child support. I didn't mention abuse or his cheating and that would have just made him mad and come after me. 

 

 

[CécileMai 8]

14 minutes ago, Ontarkie said:

I think the lawyer in Montreal either misspoke or you miss understood. In Canada you have to be separated for 1 yr before filing for divorce. Even one night together in the same house starts your year over. SO he may have meant to say that rather then one year of you being back in Canada. Regardless it's a year to get the divorce done. Now you can go to the courts and start the process of him being served papers. That will work as your separation agreement and start the clock on his notice of being served. 

 

That is what I did. I filed 5 months after I finally stuck to my guts. Once the 1 yr mark hit the date my divorce papers hit the judges desk. I didn't have to get my ex served again or fight anything because it was all said in done months earlier. The judge signed off on it then I just had my 30 day waiting period. 

 

My ex was so caught up with his woes is me didn't even look at the papers he was served months earlier or didn't care. He thought he could still stop the divorce after it was all said and done. Which is exactly what my lawyer said would happen. 

 

So depending on what you want from your divorce you might be able to do the same. I just wanted to be free of him. I made it easy for him to agree with what I wanted.

 

I knew he would never see the kids again or pay child support. I didn't mention abuse or his cheating and that would have just made him mad and come after me. 

 

 

Thank you Ontarkie,

 

Was it a Canadian lawyer? or an American lawyer? It seems that you had a really good one! Do you still live in the US or did you go back to Canada?

I've contacted 5-6 lawyers here in MTL and they all told me that I had to be a resident of Canada for the past year to start the divorce procedure in a Canadian court, that if I wanted to start earlier I would have to hire a lawyer in the US.

I didn't know that if I start it earlier it would serve as a separation agreement. I just have to spare money to hire a lawyer. I will able to work in September hopefully. In the meantime, I will try to get him to go the court house to start the procedure - which would be cheaper and faster (plan A).

I keep in mind that you didn't mention the abuse and cheating to make it easier and smoother. It's smart. I know my husband will retaliate if I do so.

I don't want anything else than being free for him too, we don't have kids, or common property. It's just a question of him letting go now. Hopefully he will be in a good place in September and start the procedures.  Otherwise I'll go with a lawyer.

 

I hope that everything is going well for you and your kids now. It's such a tough situation, divorce and immigration, an explosive cocktail

 

Thanks again for your help!

Cecile

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Ontarkie 14,236]

2 minutes ago, CécileMai said:

Thank you Ontarkie,

 

Was it a Canadian lawyer? or an American lawyer? It seems that you had a really good one! Do you still live in the US or did you go back to Canada?

I've contacted 5-6 lawyers here in MTL and they all told me that I had to be a resident of Canada for the past year to start the divorce procedure in a Canadian court, that if I wanted to start earlier I would have to hire a lawyer in the US.

I didn't know that if I start it earlier it would serve as a separation agreement. I just have to spare money to hire a lawyer. I will able to work in September hopefully. In the meantime, I will try to get him to go the court house to start the procedure - which would be cheaper and faster (plan A).

I keep in mind that you didn't mention the abuse and cheating to make it easier and smoother. It's smart. I know my husband will retaliate if I do so.

I don't want anything else than being free for him too, we don't have kids, or common property. It's just a question of him letting go now. Hopefully he will be in a good place in September and start the procedures.  Otherwise I'll go with a lawyer.

 

I hope that everything is going well for you and your kids now. It's such a tough situation, divorce and immigration, an explosive cocktail

 

Thanks again for your help!

Cecile

 

 

 

 

 

 

All is good now, I'm in the US, still married to my USC spouse.   

 

This was all in Canada. My ex was Canadian too. Divorced him 12 yrs ago.  I used the lawyer through the courts. They offered free consults twice a week to help fill out the forms.

Yes the early filling works as a separation agreement at least it did in Ontario. I went to the court house to speak to a free lawyer about starting a separation agreement and She just started filling out the forms for divorce. Told me the courts pretty much just sit on it until the 1 yr date is met. Then they start processing it.  

 

I had no idea they was a 1 yr residency requirement. I had to google it. It seems to be 1 yr residency just from moving from one province to another, it's bad enough to have to be separated for a yr before filling.  That is just crazy but I guess is catches the 1 yr separation that way too. 

 

Yes definitely try to get him to file. You can also let it slip that he would be able to control things so much easier if he files there

 

I hope you are able to convince him to file. Maybe if he knows he can do it without lawyers for a lot less he might just might file. 

 

Good luck, I'm happy you're safe now. 

 

 

 

 

[CécileMai 8]

8 minutes ago, Ontarkie said:

All is good now, I'm in the US, still married to my USC spouse.   

 

This was all in Canada. My ex was Canadian too. Divorced him 12 yrs ago.  I used the lawyer through the courts. They offered free consults twice a week to help fill out the forms.

Yes the early filling works as a separation agreement at least it did in Ontario. I went to the court house to speak to a free lawyer about starting a separation agreement and She just started filling out the forms for divorce. Told me the courts pretty much just sit on it until the 1 yr date is met. Then they start processing it.  

 

I had no idea they was a 1 yr residency requirement. I had to google it. It seems to be 1 yr residency just from moving from one province to another, it's bad enough to have to be separated for a yr before filling.  That is just crazy but I guess is catches the 1 yr separation that way too. 

 

Yes definitely try to get him to file. You can also let it slip that he would be able to control things so much easier if he files there

 

I hope you are able to convince him to file. Maybe if he knows he can do it without lawyers for a lot less he might just might file. 

 

Good luck, I'm happy you're safe now. 

 

 

 

 

Thank you Ontarkie,

 

I didn't know about free lawyers at the court, that is excellent! I will try that option if he refuses to file or delays it too long. The money and the control argument is something that can decide him to file in NYC though... We'll see how it turns out in September.

Thanks a lot, everything will be fine now, I went through the hardest part. I need to turn towards the future, close that chapter and move on.

Cecile

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Ontarkie 14,236]

47 minutes ago, CécileMai said:

Thank you Ontarkie,

 

I didn't know about free lawyers at the court, that is excellent! I will try that option if he refuses to file or delays it too long. The money and the control argument is something that can decide him to file in NYC though... We'll see how it turns out in September.

Thanks a lot, everything will be fine now, I went through the hardest part. I need to turn towards the future, close that chapter and move on.

Cecile

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's worth checking out if the court near you does that too. Hopefully he will do it.