cultural differences

[EmilyW 1,438]

You're welcome.  Others shared why they like living here or why they prefer living elsewhere (without correction I note) so I offered my thoughts.

 

 

Edited June 14, 2018 by EmilyW

[Paul & Mallory 1,398]

8 hours ago, Scandi said:

I knew USA is way worse than my home country in many ways, so no, it was never an issue. Imo, everyone should do research about the place they're moving to, to prevent any major surprises if possible. Especially if they never even visited the country before.

Sweden vs. US was definitely a hard decision for us, lol! Ultimately, it came down to who we felt would more easily integrate between the two of us. We've never taken Sweden off the table, though; who knows where we'll end up down the road. I like having both countries as home now, though.

[Nuj 28]

2 minutes ago, EmilyW said:

You're welcome.  Others shared why they like living here or why they prefer living elsewhere (without correction I note) so I offered my thoughts.

 

 

I'm not correcting I think your input is a great part of the conversation.

[Nuj 28]

5 minutes ago, Paul & Mallory said:

Everyone has different perceptions, and it even varies within the states. My husband lived in the states before for his job at the time on the west coast. I live in the south on the east coast - VERY different, lol. He says sometimes it feels like he's completely brand new, that he hasn't lived over here before. So even if a non-USC visits a certain area of the states... if they live in/move to another area, it can still be a bit of a culture shock.

 

I think that's one (of many) reasons someone should spend a lot of time visiting before embarking on the fiancé or spousal visa to essentially move here. And really try to have a realistic perspective and not a "vacation state of mind".

Yes you are very right. The west coast is a whole different world from the south east. I'm from GA btw so I understand.

[mcdull 474]

Tax is much much higher in the States. I was well aware of this since I work in tax and finance.

 

Regardless, I was very happy when my husband and I traded our 450 sq ft apartment (which is considered big in Hong Kong)for a 4-bedroom house.

 

 

[Michelle M 133]

Even though I tried to paint a realistic view of life in NYC my husband was still shocked that the streets had potholes.  

[Nuj 28]

1 minute ago, Michelle M said:

Even though I tried to paint a realistic view of life in NYC my husband was still shocked that the streets had potholes.  

That's funny, coming to NY will definitely open your eyes to a realistic view of America  

[Little_Vixen 1,869]

What struck me most about America is the vastness and diversity. I am Dutch. My country is a quarter of the size of the state I will be living in and has twice as many inhabitants. If I drive for 5 hours I pass through 5 different countries. You can speak about 'the Dutch' or 'the French' but you cant speak of 'the American'. That's like saying 'the European'. All the different states are as diverse as the countries in Europe are. Each has their own mannerisms and cultures, all they really share is a language (and technically they don't even do that, lol).  I have learned that there is no 'the American'.

 

What we do to get me adjusted is we share our day. He walks me through his finances while catching up his checkbook. He explained the way taxes work when he had to file those. When he went to pay car insurance and buy a new license plate he explained why he needed to do that. It helps me understand the daily things that need to be done and its also a very interesting conversation starter cause we often end up talking for hours comparing the United States to the Netherlands. He also sends me loads of pictures. A car he is looking at for me. Or his dad and him golfing. A squirrel playing in the yard. Just normal every day things that get me used to the scenery and the life over there.

What I love most are the phone calls during supper or when he is cooking. The kids are home and they are joking around together. Sometimes singing songs or talking about their day. It makes me feel like I am there. It's not just him and me talking lovey dovey (although we do that a lot too) but its us as a family functioning in an American culture.

[Barry Krebs 13]

I moved from Toronto, ON to Buffalo, NY in 1990.  Main difference is that it is more blue collar (though that has changed) and that most people here know that Canada exists but still don't know everything about it.  Those that do tend to have either themselves been born in Canada, had relatives over there and/or moved over here.  There are many Canadians who live and/or work here.  Like anything it took quite a while to acclimate to my surroundings but I think I've adjusted.  It helps when you've been coming here since you were a kid-we very astute cross-border shoppers back in the day and we've been coming to Buffalo forever.  And if you look around, there is a lot to see and do here.  And there is a substantial Canadian influence-Thank you Tim Horton's. 

[old-fella 109]

the big issue was not having Jet Spray in the toilet to clean my Butt .. Wiping butt with just TP was too rough on me. 

 

Funny story.. We walked into a hotel during our long road trip. The hotel upgraded us to a suite room and informed us while we were checking in. The first thing that i said was "does the suite room has jet spray" 

[TexasHeartsIndia 371]

1 hour ago, Little_Vixen said:

What struck me most about America is the vastness and diversity. I am Dutch. My country is a quarter of the size of the state I will be living in and has twice as many inhabitants. If I drive for 5 hours I pass through 5 different countries. You can speak about 'the Dutch' or 'the French' but you cant speak of 'the American'. That's like saying 'the European'. All the different states are as diverse as the countries in Europe are. Each has their own mannerisms and cultures, all they really share is a language (and technically they don't even do that, lol).  I have learned that there is no 'the American'.

 

What we do to get me adjusted is we share our day. He walks me through his finances while catching up his checkbook. He explained the way taxes work when he had to file those. When he went to pay car insurance and buy a new license plate he explained why he needed to do that. It helps me understand the daily things that need to be done and its also a very interesting conversation starter cause we often end up talking for hours comparing the United States to the Netherlands. He also sends me loads of pictures. A car he is looking at for me. Or his dad and him golfing. A squirrel playing in the yard. Just normal every day things that get me used to the scenery and the life over there.

What I love most are the phone calls during supper or when he is cooking. The kids are home and they are joking around together. Sometimes singing songs or talking about their day. It makes me feel like I am there. It's not just him and me talking lovey dovey (although we do that a lot too) but its us as a family functioning in an American culture.

I love this! He sounds like a very caring and thoughtful guy. And not to mention it makes your relationship more meaningful and rich. I wish you two all the best  

[TabeaK 517]

2 hours ago, Paul & Mallory said:

Sweden vs. US was definitely a hard decision for us, lol! Ultimately, it came down to who we felt would more easily integrate between the two of us. We've never taken Sweden off the table, though; who knows where we'll end up down the road. I like having both countries as home now, though.

Same. I knew moving to the USA would mean a lot of sacrifices on my end; living in Germany is -in my opinion - better than the US. Nevertheless, it came down to who would have it easier to integrate in the other spouses country. And due to my education and language background, that job fell to me.

Never expected the USA to be some kind of paradise - it isn't and thus I was not disappointed moving here.

[Michelle M 133]

3 minutes ago, LizM said:

This. What is up with the potholes haha? I had been to NYC plenty of times but never really by car before and jeeze, I never knew the roads were so bad. Also, I knew the city was expensive, and I was expecting the rent and health insurance to be costly. But I was still surprised by the ridiculously large fees you pay the broker when you sign the lease for a RENTAL apartment. That is just not a very common thing in Sweden. 

Highway robber if you ask my opinion, because most of the time they go nothing to warrant the cost. As for the potholes.... I blame it on the winter ( the freeze, the thaw and the salt to make the streets drivable).  

[TexasHeartsIndia 371]

Financially speaking, one of the most helpful things I did to help my husband is show him my monthly budget. I have a great Excel sheet that I update monthly with our income and expenses. He was shocked to see that my check is around $800 less than my gross, between taxes, insurance, SS, etc. He was also surprised to see how quickly basic living expenses add up, without any luxury! But it helped him understand why we can't buy certain things or take more trips, etc. Now he understands why I have so little savings and why I needed to work extra side jobs to help pay for the wedding!

 

One of the hardest adjustments for my husband has been language. He started learning English when he was in fourth grade, has a Bachelor's degree in English, taught English in secondary schools, spoke mainly English at work and yet he still struggles to understand American accents and slang. He was so confident in his English (and he really speaks well) so I think it caught him off-guard to realize that it wasn't going to be an easy transition. He really depends on me to translate for him especially in casual conversations. I don't know how to prepare someone for this kind of adjustment other than to explain it to him/her. The only remedy is to gain experience in speaking with Americans. 

 

One funny event... I woke up in the middle of the night one time because my shoulder was really hurting. I guess my moving around woke him up and he asked me what was wrong. I told him, "My shoulder hurts. I think I layed on it wrong." He said, "No, you lay wrong. Lie. Lay. Lain." Then rolled over and went back to sleep. My husband corrects my English grammar in the middle of the night!! 

[ronniebreda 120]

1 hour ago, TexasHeartsIndia said:

 

One funny event... I woke up in the middle of the night one time because my shoulder was really hurting. I guess my moving around woke him up and he asked me what was wrong. I told him, "My shoulder hurts. I think I layed on it wrong." He said, "No, you lay wrong. Lie. Lay. Lain." Then rolled over and went back to sleep. My husband corrects my English grammar in the middle of the night!! 

This cracks me up. My husband had English in school, but he mostly taught himself English and he did a damn good job. He corrects my grammar all the time, usually when I am being sloppy, lol. 

I find this to be a very interesting thread because depending on where your partner is from, then they come with different kinds of expectations or lack of. 
My husband is Dutch and like many others have said he gave up many great things or part of the country that the US lacks, but he also gained. Since he knows English and his job is needed anywhere, it was apparent that him moving to the US was the best option for us, even though moving to the NL could be in the future for us. 

 

Pros: He makes 3x what he did in the Netherlands because taxes are so high and individual achievement is not as rewarded there. We live in a house twice the size of his house because houses are more affordable in the US. He thinks taxes are low in the US, hah! He loves how friendly Midwesterners are even though he had to get used to it because he thought it was fake friendliness at first. 

Cons: Europeans, especially Dutch, are very direct people and here in the Midwest, people are not used to it and sometimes do not like it. He has had to really adjust this, especially in the workplace. The healthcare we have is extremely expensive and bad compared to the NL Healthcare.  

America is certainly not perfect and it is all about give and take and what works best for you as a couple. I just find it hilarious that everyone thinks the taxes are so high when we constantly talk about how much lower they are compared to where my husband is from. 

 

I think that involving your partner as much as you can in your everyday life helps them see what life is like here. Skyping, talking and sharing what is going on, sending pictures, talking about American issues and what is going on in our society. It will be an adjustment no matter what.