cultural differences

[Nuj 28]

Has anyone dealt with miscommunication when it comes to helping your spouse prepare for travel to the United States. I feel like there seems to be a perception of America that is very rosy and inaccurate in other countries about the United States. I feel it is difficult trying to help your spouse have a more realistic perception/expectation? Does any one else agree/disagree?

[shumway1756 304]

This is always a challenge I think. It's just the nature of someone not having been to the US before (or any other country, for that matter). Some see the US as very rosy because of all the movies showing us living in huge houses, while others watch too much news and they think it's the wild west with guns blazing everywhere.

 

Be as realistic as you can. Share things with your spouse that you like about the USA, and share things that you don't like. If there are things about their country that you've come to appreciate more, share that with them. What you're aiming for is a balanced perspective. The rest they'll just have to learn once they get to the US.

 

Also, we of course share our own image of the USA based on our own lives and perspectives (and this is only natural). Experiencing something and being told about something is always a big leap.

Edited June 13, 2018 by shumway88

[Nuj 28]

1 minute ago, shumway88 said:

This is always a challenge I think. It's just the nature of someone not having been to the US before (or any other country, for that matter). Some see the US as very rosy because of all the movies showing us living in huge houses, while others watch too much news and they think it's the wild west with guns blazing everywhere.

 

Be as realistic as you can. Share things with your spouse that you like about the USA, and share things that you don't like. If there are things about their country that you've come to appreciate more, share that with them. What you're aiming for is a balanced perspective. The rest they'll just have to learn once they get to the US.

 

Also, we of course share our own image of the USA based on our own lives and perspectives (and this is only natural). Experiencing something and being told about something is always a big leap.

You have very helpful insight thank you. I have been trying to tell my spouse all the bad things to balance the rosy view lol . I will try your advice 

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

24 minutes ago, Nuj said:

Has anyone dealt with miscommunication when it comes to helping your spouse prepare for travel to the United States. I feel like there seems to be a perception of America that is very rosy and inaccurate in other countries about the United States. I feel it is difficult trying to help your spouse have a more realistic perception/expectation? Does any one else agree/disagree?

Yes, it is difficult for some people from other countries to fully understand that YES the USA does have problems too, that everything is not paved in GOLD and everyone are not millionaires. My wife was astonished to learn that the USA has homeless people when she came here. The only work she did was outside the Philippines in the Middle East and she thought it was weird that your employer doesn't pay for your housing expenses here in the USA. 

 

What country is your spouse from?

[Nuj 28]

6 minutes ago, Cyberfx1024 said:

Yes, it is difficult for some people from other countries to fully understand that YES the USA does have problems too, that everything is not paved in GOLD and everyone are not millionaires. My wife was astonished to learn that the USA has homeless people when she came here. The only work she did was outside the Philippines in the Middle East and she thought it was weird that your employer doesn't pay for your housing expenses here in the USA. 

 

What country is your spouse from?

OMG that's so funny he is from Ethiopia and so am I. When I go visit to my country everyone acts like we have Gold and they call America "paradise" and I'm like no its not paradise lol

[Ben&Zian 4,398]

Obviously everyone has a different view of the US and expectations about exactly what it is like.

 

My husband had been here in NY for two prior J-1 internships, but then moving to Houston with me obviously was completely different setting so he had to adjust abit; but had realistic expectations.

 

When someone has never been to the US, all they have to go by is movies, TV shows, magazine photos, ect... so some get high hopes and think everyone is made of money, and so on... then reality sets in when they see it isn't that way. Definately trying to give them a more realistic view of it all a head of time is a good thing.

[Nuj 28]

Yes you are right that is exactly what we have to do. It feels good knowing I'm not the only one who has these concerns I was starting to think I was being negative haha 

[Crazy Cat 41,888]

My wife didn't realize that income and property taxes are so high here......lol........

[usmsbow 801]

I think I "prepared" my wife by just talking about my own life and my friends and family. I clearly wasn't wealthy and that many of the problems in her home country were also here in the US. I also told her I thought it would be probably difficult for her to get a job, and that she should keep her expectations low. 

 

I don't know if that helped at all, but my wife was not surprised by the homeless or anything along those lines. Her biggest disappointment was in the DC Metro (and every other subway system she's now been on in the US ). She had incorrectly assumed they'd at least be as nice as those she had been on in Asia. She also was surprised that DC didn't have any skyscrapers, and when she flew into Dulles Airport, she wondered if it was an emergency landing because she thought they were landing in the middle of nowhere. She was also surprised how many Spanish speakers there are here (although the neighborhood I lived in at the time was predominately immigrants from Central America, so her experience was a bit skewed). 

 

So yes, I think it certainly helps to tell your partner about the US, but for better or worse, there is bound to be something you didn't "prepare" them for that will surprise them. 

[Nuj 28]

Just now, missileman said:

My wife didn't realize that income and property taxes are so high here......lol........

Lol yea I think most people outside the U.S. don't realize that most of our money goes to taxes and bills lol they think we are swimming in money 

 

[Nuj 28]

2 minutes ago, usmsbow said:

I think I "prepared" my wife by just talking about my own life and my friends and family. I clearly wasn't wealthy and that many of the problems in her home country were also here in the US. I also told her I thought it would be probably difficult for her to get a job, and that she should keep her expectations low. 

 

I don't know if that helped at all, but my wife was not surprised by the homeless or anything along those lines. Her biggest disappointment was in the DC Metro (and every other subway system she's now been on in the US ). She had incorrectly assumed they'd at least be as nice as those she had been on in Asia. She also was surprised that DC didn't have any skyscrapers, and when she flew into Dulles Airport, she wondered if it was an emergency landing because she thought they were landing in the middle of nowhere. She was also surprised how many Spanish speakers there are here (although the neighborhood I lived in at the time was predominately immigrants from Central America, so her experience was a bit skewed). 

 

So yes, I think it certainly helps to tell your partner about the US, but for better or worse, there is bound to be something you didn't "prepare" them for that will surprise them. 

That is smart of you to tell her about realistic expectations. Your right you can never prepare someone completely 

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

23 minutes ago, usmsbow said:

I think I "prepared" my wife by just talking about my own life and my friends and family. I clearly wasn't wealthy and that many of the problems in her home country were also here in the US. I also told her I thought it would be probably difficult for her to get a job, and that she should keep her expectations low. 

 

I don't know if that helped at all, but my wife was not surprised by the homeless or anything along those lines. Her biggest disappointment was in the DC Metro (and every other subway system she's now been on in the US ). She had incorrectly assumed they'd at least be as nice as those she had been on in Asia. She also was surprised that DC didn't have any skyscrapers, and when she flew into Dulles Airport, she wondered if it was an emergency landing because she thought they were landing in the middle of nowhere. She was also surprised how many Spanish speakers there are here (although the neighborhood I lived in at the time was predominately immigrants from Central America, so her experience was a bit skewed). 

 

So yes, I think it certainly helps to tell your partner about the US, but for better or worse, there is bound to be something you didn't "prepare" them for that will surprise them. 

My wife was astonished at this as well but it is skewed like you said because we moved to SoCal a week after her coming to the USA. She is Filipino but looks Hispanic so she gets mistaken ALOT. Also what really makes her go "HUH" is the amount of people that do not alot of English if at all, and it gets under her skin more than alittle bit. This is because she grew up in a Multi-Lingual country out in the provinces like Indonesia so she had to learn from a early age 4 different languages(English, Tagalog, Cebuano, and Illongo), then she picked up Danish as well when she lived in Qatar. So her way of thinking is "at least speak enough English to get around or get your idea across to other people". She may not be the most fluent in English but she can at least get her idea/thoughts across to people

Edited June 13, 2018 by Cyberfx1024

[Teepee 14]

well its a wonderful topic we have here. i really would say cultures are like pyramids submerged in an ocean, you only see the top from afar but when you get into the ocean u will find out that its deeply rooted and can be very devastating if u are caught unawares.

 

though i av never been to the states but i have couple of ideas from wife who is from Nigeria too, tourist from the states, friends from my high school even in canada and other parts of Europe.  sometimes the problem that allows so many Africans and 3rd world countries  to nurse the  migrating overseas is  because of what some of those who have stayed in the states is portray in  their stories of

1. how planned  the states is in terms of provision of certain basic infrastructure/ amenities

2. it is sometimes said that you can do an much as 3 jobs a day and u will make more money and when converted to the local currency , u can save more in ur home country. buy luxury cars and properties

3. social security  and other benefits.. (some times alot of the 3rd world still battle with no health insurance or even to access portable water)

 

 if not because i have been to some countries and i have ample idea  of what its like, i could still be in the pool of those who think going overseas is filled with money tree where u can just stretch ur hands and pluck money.

 

 though most of these African countries have deep leadership problem where corruption, and mismanagement of public funds  is the order of the day.

   

[Abies 1,713]

3 minutes ago, Teepee said:

well its a wonderful topic we have here. i really would say cultures are like pyramids submerged in an ocean, you only see the top from afar but when you get into the ocean u will find out that its deeply rooted and can be very devastating if u are caught unawares.

 

though i av never been to the states but i have couple of ideas from wife who is from Nigeria too, tourist from the states, friends from my high school even in canada and other parts of Europe.  sometimes the problem that allows so many Africans and 3rd world countries  to nurse the  migrating overseas is  because of what some of those who have stayed in the states is portray in  their stories of

1. how planned  the states is in terms of provision of certain basic infrastructure/ amenities

2. it is sometimes said that you can do an much as 3 jobs a day and u will make more money and when converted to the local currency , u can save more in ur home country. buy luxury cars and properties

3. social security  and other benefits.. (some times alot of the 3rd world still battle with no health insurance or even to access portable water)

 

 if not because i have been to some countries and i have ample idea  of what its like, i could still be in the pool of those who think going overseas is filled with money tree where u can just stretch ur hands and pluck money.

 

 though most of these African countries have deep leadership problem where corruption, and mismanagement of public funds  is the order of the day.

   

Very Sad but true. 

[Unlockable 7,314]

3 hours ago, Cyberfx1024 said:

My wife was astonished to learn that the USA has homeless people when she came here.

Yep. Many think America has no poverty.

3 hours ago, Ben&Zian said:

When someone has never been to the US, all they have to go by is movies, TV shows, magazine photos, ect... so some get high hopes and think everyone is made of money, and so on... then reality sets in when they see it isn't that way. 

 

 

3 hours ago, missileman said:

My wife didn't realize that income and property taxes are so high here......lol........

My wife is floored about how much taxes we pay. Whenever she talk about America she talks about how much money we spend on taxes. She once told one of her uncles how much we pay in taxes on our house per year. It was more than he made in a year. He naively asked if we were going to get the money back.

 

3 hours ago, usmsbow said:

Her biggest disappointment was in the DC Metro (and every other subway system she's now been on in the US ). She had incorrectly assumed they'd at least be as nice as those she had been on in Asia. She also was surprised that DC didn't have any skyscrapers, and when she flew into Dulles Airport, she wondered if it was an emergency landing because she thought they were landing in the middle of nowhere.

You and you wife never passed by a bad area of town when you were on your way to somewhere.  I've been to DC plenty of times and I know that the way it is laid out you can be driving along the same street and pass million dollar houses and 15 minutes later you are passing what looks like the slums without ever having to make a turn.