Violence Against Women Act and me

[Galina 0]

Even God hates Pittsburgh. (Seen on a T-Shirt here.)

God might, I love Steelers football as a "category", a notion.

Are you placing American men into a "category"???

I guess... A little. Learning from you...

Talent. My little brothers and I used to watch TV (with my mom present) and instead of saying the chicks on TV were hot or sexy or whatever, we'd say they were "talented." The irony of that is most men, when referring to women's "talent" do place a little of their sex appeal in with their abilities. For instance, a woman who works at your office may be just as good at the job as you, but you may be more "talented" because you're better looking. Sure you want to be recognized for your abilities, but your "talent" is what really gets you attention.

Why am I nor surprised?!

[Galina 0]

Damn Galina!

I am sorry that this rant has gone on for 5 pages, since I posted about my "FSU Wife". I was the culprit, I admit it. Good lord, I am anything but racist when it comes to my wonderful wife and certainly did not mean anything by this. If you took offense to this I am sorry, but I have never heard this term ever be called racist before. TurboGuy and I are long-time posters on other Russian-American relationship forums and I can never remember anything like this being said about that term.

Together with the term came the attitude, that's what was unpleasant...

I have read your posts and although I am sensitive to your predicament, i think you are being a bit too sensitive on the trophy wife thing. There are allot worse things to be.

No doubt! And I am not that sensitive on it...

I do admit that women "from your area of the world" do tend to stick out in the American Woman crowd. No arguments there. There is a huge amount of adjustments that you have to live through when you arrive here, I can vouch for that first hand. It takes a strong woman (and a strong man and relationship) to get through this ordeal.

Slim was also correct in that the stereotype husband of a FSU woman (I am too lazy to re-type the Politically Correct version mentioned earlier) is one of a controlling loser who can't get an American Woman, so he has to find a wife by traveling to some impoverished country to offer her sanction in this American paradise.

I just wanted to set the record straight. I hope all works out for you.

Thanks for doing it!

[Galina 0]

A Steeler fan in Floridia. Wow, Now I know there is at least one with good taste here.

Thank you, sir! Go, team! Tomlin is better be good. And I am not the only one here, that's for sure.

I have to agree with Voyager, FSU is a common expression in most forums which is easier than saying " a woman from Russia, Ukriaine,

Belarus, etc. This is the first time I have seen it offend someone. I know Voyager well and he is a good guy who respects all women and particularly Russian ones.

Talking about sterotypes, I visited an American Romance forum a while back and the gals were talking about romance between AM and RW and it was funny to see all the sterotypes. One of the posts was hilarious. I may see if I can find it and post it here and the other fourm I go to just to see what kind of comments it gets.

I already replied on that to Voyager. It's obvious I can't shift everybody's gears on the matter, it'll take generations to change the common opinion. So I rest my case.

[akdiver 3]

But even after one or two years of career, do you think I will be entitled to anything better than 2 weeks of leave? I doubt it.

An American employer does not have any choice in the matter. As a reward for getting knocked up, besides reduced taxes (paid for by the non-breeders), the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) states that you may take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave. This is federal law. Restrictions and particulars apply (such as employers with more than 50 employees, requirement to be employed for at least a year, and so forth), so you should read up on it if you are interested.

How would an American gal act in such situation?

My best guess? Go for the career, get knocked up later, take the day off to give birth, and hire an illegal immigrant to care for the child for $5/day while she is at work.

Cheers!

AKDiver

[russ 1]

How would an American gal act in such situation?

My best guess? Go for the career, get knocked up later, take the day off to give birth, and hire an illegal immigrant to care for the child for $5/day while she is at work.

In Holland, I remember maternity leave being 6 months (paid), plus a 4 day work week (for full pay) for the next few years. Moving there seems like a good strategy.

In the US - save a lot of money to be able to afford the unpaid leave. One of Galina's professors was back at work a few days after having a baby. Don't expect too much help from your husband, since he will be working 80 hours a week to pay for all of the baby expenses. (at least, that's how it is for everyone I know with kids).

[akdiver 3]

In the US - save a lot of money to be able to afford the unpaid leave.

Well, if one is able to breed right away, without ever working in the first place, then I don't think saving up money to afford it seems to be the issue. This seems to be what the OP has planned.

Cheers!

AKDiver

[Nancy2015 2]

It is the OP's right to to bring this back on topic. Otherwise, it is pretty slow here. There is not a "Russia - Off Topic" area or thread.

Blame the OP for not following up with us. If more original topic info is presented, I'm sure we will be glad to talk about it.

Oh, I quite agree. I wasn't the one complaining (:

Cheers!

AKDiver

Oh, I wasn't complaining - I just thought that if the OP decided to follow-up, he may be unpleasantly surprized. But maybe not, I don't know

But even after one or two years of career, do you think I will be entitled to anything better than 2 weeks of leave? I doubt it.

It depends on who you work for. A lot of companies in the SF Bay Area give employees more than that. If you work for the government, you get 15 days of vacation right away. At my job, I accrue 10 hours of vacation time and 8 hours of sick leave a month, and those who have been with the company for over 10 years accrue more than that. On the other hand, I think that 2 weeks of time off a year is enough - I don't want any more (partially because at this point I can't afford to go anywhere on vacation ). To each his own, of course

[akdiver 3]

If you work for the government, you get 15 days of vacation right away.

You need to be more accurate here. I believe what you mean to say is that one is entitled to BEGIN ACCRUING vacation time right away. It can take a year of working before one has the 15 days to do with as one pleases. This is a big difference.

Cheers!

AKDiver

[Nancy2015 2]

If you work for the government, you get 15 days of vacation right away.

You need to be more accurate here. I believe what you mean to say is that one is entitled to BEGIN ACCRUING vacation time right away. It can take a year of working before one has the 15 days to do with as one pleases. This is a big difference.

Cheers!

AKDiver

this is exactly right. Sorry for the confusion It would be really bizarre if one got vacation time as a hiring benefit... You start accruing immediately, but it takes from 6 months to a year till you can actually use it.

[Blues Fairy 0]

In the US - save a lot of money to be able to afford the unpaid leave.

Well, if one is able to breed right away, without ever working in the first place, then I don't think saving up money to afford it seems to be the issue. This seems to be what the OP has planned.

You guys seem to be surmising that I plan to rush into single motherhood, with no prior work experience or any financial support.

Actually I do have some money saved, since I've had a successful career for quite a while already, though not in the US. But remember my initial post - I said some form of financial dependence will be unavoidable and for me, it's a concept that requires much getting used to. I thought it was in tune with the previous discussion and hoped for some constructive comments.

AK, maybe I'm mistaken, but your "breed right away" phrase sounds a little contemptuous. I'll consider myself lucky if I get pregnant at all.

[slim 1,525]

Actually I do have some money saved, since I've had a successful career for quite a while already, though not in the US. But remember my initial post - I said some form of financial dependence will be unavoidable and for me, it's a concept that requires much getting used to. I thought it was in tune with the previous discussion and hoped for some constructive comments.

It is in tune with the previous discussion. Even with money saved, if you're "lucky enough" to get pregnant and breed right away, you will be arguing about phone bills. That is, if you're lucky enough to see your husband. As russ pointed out, he will be working 80 hours a week.

Here in the U.S., it is very hard to make it on only one person's income. Add another dependant to that, and it gets really, really hard. If you're going to have children quickly, as akdiver pointed out, you probably won't have too much vacation time accrued and won't be able to take the FMLA. From a financial standpoint, the best route is to work for at least a year and use your paid maternity leave (company policy) in conjunction with vacation time to have the kid, then FMLA if you want any more time off.

Or, just make sure your husband is rich!

[Blues Fairy 0]

Here in the U.S., it is very hard to make it on only one person's income. Add another dependant to that, and it gets really, really hard.

Just wondering, how many of this thread's posters' wives contribute to family income, and how significantly?

I've been reading VJ for some months now and I see that a fair share of wives start or will start working eventually, but it's my impression that their initial post-arrival time is covered by their husbands, more or less. Sometimes that includes education, where necessary. Am I to understand that all these husbands are immensely rich?

[russ 1]

Just wondering, how many of this thread's posters' wives contribute to family income, and how significantly?

I've been reading VJ for some months now and I see that a fair share of wives start or will start working eventually, but it's my impression that their initial post-arrival time is covered by their husbands, more or less. Sometimes that includes education, where necessary. Am I to understand that all these husbands are immensely rich?

Well, it isn't possible to work without authorization here. The only way you can get this upon arrival is at JFK, and even then, not everyone gets it. It is only good for 90 days. (My wife didn't get it). Then, until you are married and submit AOS paperwork, no EAD. It takes about 90 days. For most of us, it meant work was not an option for at least 6 months. After that, finding a job can be tough, with no US work experience, credit history, etc...

Galina is in school now getting a Master's degree. Tuition is cheap here in FL, about $3,000/year. A degree here should make it much easier for her to find a better job. It is possible to start school immediately, and this can make it easier to get a better job (more from networking, than anything else)

Other people I know here, recently married from overseas, are working as waitresses and grocery store cashiers. Other than engineering and technical degrees, it can be hard to find a good job quickly.

[Satellite 1]

Just wondering, how many of this thread's posters' wives contribute to family income, and how significantly? I've been reading VJ for some months now and I see that a fair share of wives start or will start working eventually, but it's my impression that their initial post-arrival time is covered by their husbands, more or less. Sometimes that includes education, where necessary. Am I to understand that all these husbands are immensely rich?

My wife started working within 4 months of arrival after getting her "walk in" in EAD. Granted the wedding cost, honeymoon, plane ticket, and immigration costs came mostly from me.

As far as contribution it various from 1/3 to 1/2 of our meager student income. We are both full time students and only part time employees. We finally broke the "federal" poverty line for 2 last tax year. Granted in San Francisco, more than 3/4 our income goes to rent.

Well, it isn't possible to work without authorization here.

What about those 12 million illegal immigrants? Last I heard most are working. If you want to "break" the law your wife can easily work for cash. Anything from baby sitting to housekeeping is really easy to get for cash only. Keep in mind that upon AOS based on marriage to a USC unlawful work and overstays are forgiven. But sadly, we can't promote that on VJ, although this information should still be available on an immigration forum concerning immediate relatives. Edited May 16, 2007 by Satellite

[Milenka 0]

Just wondering, how many of this thread's posters' wives contribute to family income, and how significantly?

I've been reading VJ for some months now and I see that a fair share of wives start or will start working eventually, but it's my impression that their initial post-arrival time is covered by their husbands, more or less. Sometimes that includes education, where necessary. Am I to understand that all these husbands are immensely rich?

Well, it isn't possible to work without authorization here. The only way you can get this upon arrival is at JFK, and even then, not everyone gets it. It is only good for 90 days. (My wife didn't get it). Then, until you are married and submit AOS paperwork, no EAD. It takes about 90 days. For most of us, it meant work was not an option for at least 6 months. After that, finding a job can be tough, with no US work experience, credit history, etc...

Galina is in school now getting a Master's degree. Tuition is cheap here in FL, about $3,000/year. A degree here should make it much easier for her to find a better job. It is possible to start school immediately, and this can make it easier to get a better job (more from networking, than anything else)

Other people I know here, recently married from overseas, are working as waitresses and grocery store cashiers. Other than engineering and technical degrees, it can be hard to find a good job quickly.

My fiance is a computer programmer, do you guys think he will be able to find a job rather quickly? He is planning to go through JFK to at least try and get the EAD right away...