Violence Against Women Act and me

[Turboguy 6]

That is really helpful. I wonder if it would be possible to get married, get a dutch residency and do a DCF. I am starting to get a little frustrated by the whole thing. I could be in A/R for years. I don't like the idea of withdrawing the K-1, and starting a K-3 which is slower and we could hit A/R again. I may check into the dutch residency thing.

I will agree that I have only ever ran into one person there who was not fluent in English but still it is not the primary language but it may be a good option. Thanks

[Chuckles 0]

I would agree, it is probably not time to do anything drastic. Your AR is only coming up on 4 months (yes I know it seems like forever). I don't know how your other K1 went, but I do not think you have run into any 'unusual' delays yet.

As far as the other posts in this thread, everyone is different, no matter what country they are from. However, I do see similarities in all our situations that you would not see with, say, the Canadians and the British people who come here. My wife has managed to find a job and has lots of friends very fast, which is a little unusual compared to others, but it sure has not been an easy transistion, similar to how it has been for all the other women who moved from Russia, or similar cultured countries. She is a money saver and I am a spender, so money has always been an issue with us. She is so used to being careful with money, and never using credit. She can't understand home loans, credit scores, and all that other American garbage. In the end, I think we are both learning alot. I am cutting up my credit cards and ... well maybe I am the only one learning ! She hasn't really changed...

The other problems she will probably get mad at me for mentioning, but she never reads this site She couldn't take a ####### for weeks after she came (teehee) so we experimented with lots of constipation medicine. It was the change in diet and sleep obviously. She also had a break out of acne, which she says was unusual for her. She hadn't traveled outside of Europe so it was certainly different for her.

She misses her family (of course). We never had a problem with the phone though. There are so many options for cheap or free calls... Anyway, hope Marc comes back soon and gives an update! I hate when bad things happen here. Maybe they still have a chance to work through things.

[Turboguy 6]

As far as my situation I was dealing with the A/R calmly, positively and patiently until about two days ago. The first thing that happend was when I made my bi-weekly call to be told nothing had changed in the status. I had another question I asked her. My NOA-2 had an expiration date of May 22nd. Most of us go through that about intenview time and they automatically extend it. I asked the girl about mine and if it would be automatically extended. She told me no. If I don't ask for an extension it will be cancelled on the 22nd. I asked who I should contact to extend it and she said, Dahh, well it's not here so you can't contact us. Dahh, Dahh. Finally she gave me a phone number after 5 minutes of hemming and hawing. I will be surprised if it is the right number to do anything but that bothered me a bit. I have had PM's from a number of others in AR. About then I got a PM from someone who had been in A/R for 2 years and 4 months. That was not real encouraging.

Yes, I wish Marc would come back and give us an update too. Perhaps he feels we were not too sympathetic about the phone bill. I think we do understand that there are times in our lives when we must be very careful with money and he is evidently in one of those. It was not all that much money but still there are times when not that much money is a lot of money.

Thanks for sharing the story of what you experienced Chuckles. It was interesting. I think some people who don't have a lot of understanding think a woman from the CIS will fit in like an American woman would and no matter how dedicated they are it is just not going to happen. I think when they arrive we need to be totally dedicated to helping them.

[slim 1,530]

Update on OP....

My wife talked to Olga (Marc's wife) on the phone yesterday, and she (my wife) didn't say too much about "the incident." She said they were arguing over something while Olga was cooking, and she slammed her hand down on the counter, cutting herself on the knife. Now, how that turned into "she cut herself and threatened VAWA actions" I'm not real sure, and only Marc can tell us how that happened. I don't know what really happened, or what was said, all I know is Olga told my wife her side of the story, which may or may not be true, and she didn't really say anything about the VAWA. My wife summarized that Marc and Olga weren't talking for a couple of days because they were in a disagreement and when they were arguing over something, that's when Olga cut herself. I asked what's going on now, what's going to happen, etc., and she said she didn't know because they're not speaking to each other. I specifically asked about the VAWA accusations and she gave me the "what the hell are you talking about?" look followed by a "ne znayu." Apparently Olga didn't bring that part into their phone conversation.

So, Marc, if you're reading this.... talk to Olga about what's really going on!!! What I got from Elena was that the cutting was unintentional (at least that's the way it came across over the phone) so maybe there's no "big" issue here, other than she's lonely/bored/etc., and needs you to work out your other stuff with her. (Like the phone bills.) Maybe the VAWA stuff is the only real way she knows to get your attention. It is serious, so do what you can to work it out, and let her know how serious the VAWA is for your case, and for your life! Good luck, and please give us an update soon!

As for the "racism" toward "FSU wives", what I gathered from Galina's posts wasn't that she was mad over the FSU, CIS, Russian-wife, etc., label, but moreover didn't like being put into the "trophy wife" category that most "FSU wives" are automatically put in simply because they're different from American wives. The only thing I can tell you is this: The wives/fiancees of the members of this board are different. That's why we have a special thread on VJ. You are automatically labeled as a "mail-order bride" and/or "trophy wife" when you get here because the average American person hasn't ever interacted with a "real" Russian lady, let alone one who came here specifically for the purpose of marrying an American man. I understand where you're coming from. My wife still tells me (in my voice) that she's not my toy, and not something to be played with. She needs to be respected, treated like a lady, and reassured that I love her not just because she's a mindless hottie (sarcasm) but because she's who she is. Im not the best at conveying that to her, but the simple fact that I married her is proof enough that I hold her in that regard. It baffles me that wherever we go, she's by far the most attractive woman there, and even though she knows it, she's gotta hear me say it. Not because she wants her ego stroked, but because she wants me to acknowledge that the most beautiful woman in the place is there with me, and that brings the respect right back around. I've got to treat her like a lady because she is! Not just because she's hot, but because she's hot..... and with me!

I know that, Russ knows that, we all know that. We just may not be the best at "describing" it here on the forum. And remember, not only are you trying to understand what we're saying in English, you're trying to decipher what we mean in "guy language." The guys on this forum can say something about the women in our lives and we'll all understand each other just fine. A woman looking at that same couple of posts may get the wrong idea. Just remember, sure you came here to be with your husband, but he agreed to marry you, and for guys, that's the equivalent of "leaving everything behind to be with the one we love."

Sure there's a descriptive tone in the way we (guys) post, but it's in no way derogatory. It's more of a realism than a description anyway, and is not posted to degrade the women we post about, but moreover to reenforce the collective bond that we all share here in the Russia forum that as stated, the British and Canadian folks probably wouldn't really understand. There are similarities and differences in women, all women. But one thing's for sure, you "FSU wives" are special!!!

The other problems she will probably get mad at me for mentioning, but she never reads this site She couldn't take a ####### for weeks after she came (teehee) so we experimented with lots of constipation medicine. It was the change in diet and sleep obviously. She also had a break out of acne, which she says was unusual for her. She hadn't traveled outside of Europe so it was certainly different for her.

My wife is still getting acclimated to the food and stuff here, so she's also been "irregular" from what she was in Russia. The things she's found that help her most are: yogurt (Activia), a "dieter's tea" called 3 Ballerinas (which she said is also available in Russia... they've got it at the Russian shop) and some Kefir milk/yogurt/cream stuff that we get from the Russian shop, imported all the way from the Mother Land. I've tried to tell her about White Castle Slyders, McDonald's, Chinese Buffets, etc., but she's sticking to the soups and salads with the occasional cheeseburger here and there. And no matter how hard I try, no "yucky-yucky pizza" (well, only a slice or two every month!) on a regular basis.

You know, this is the type of info we need on VJ. Sure it's not the most "lady-like" topic, but it happens. And it seems to happen to most of them. Why shouldn't we share it? Good on you Chuckles for posting this!

[russ 1]

English is the "official" language of most big corporations in Holland. You can get by with no problem speaking only English.

Your fiance probably does not even need to be married to you to get a residency permit. Basically, you fill out the application, take it to city hall, and they stick a "temporary" 6 month residence permit in your passport. You would probably use the "Dutch America friendship act" as the basis of your residence. Her relationship with you is enough to cover her on the same application.

That is really helpful. I wonder if it would be possible to get married, get a dutch residency and do a DCF. I am starting to get a little frustrated by the whole thing. I could be in A/R for years. I don't like the idea of withdrawing the K-1, and starting a K-3 which is slower and we could hit A/R again. I may check into the dutch residency thing.

I will agree that I have only ever ran into one person there who was not fluent in English but still it is not the primary language but it may be a good option. Thanks

[russ 1]

Important safety tip for the "dieter's tea" - do not mix it with spicy food, tabasco sauce, etc.

Галина всегда на диете.

Russia. The things she's found that help her most are: yogurt (Activia), a "dieter's tea" called 3 Ballerinas (which she said is also available in Russia... they've got it at the Russian shop

[tmma 467]

-- this is russ, posting from Galka's account

I lived there for many years. Amsterdam is really an English speaking city. It is also one of the easiest places for an American to get a visa in Europe. Your spouse will automatically get one (doesn't matter what country they are from).

Put $22,000 in a bank account and you will get dutch permanent residency. It is pretty easy.

It's about to ( or already has ) become much more difficult to get a NL residency visa.

Under the new policy, which went into effect last month, would-be immigrants seeking a residency visa will have to pass a "civic-integration examination" before they arrive in the Netherlands. Applicants will have to pass a Dutch-language test administered at the Dutch Embassy in their country of origin.

http://www.rferl.org/featuresarticle/2006/...618628a283.html

[tmma 467]

and I sincerely hope she keeps reading here.

I hope she does too! I also hope she keeps posting.

[russ 1]

I've followed these rules pretty closely. They have numerous exceptions. These rules have little impact on expats or those earning more than 40,000 EUR. From what I have seen living in Holland, these laws are mostly designed to stop Moroccans and Turks, not anyone else.

Americans do not need an MVV to enter Holland, this can all be done there.

The only (bad) thing about doing business in Holland are the obscene startup costs imposed by the guilds. Articles of Incorporation cost a few hundred dollars in the states. It is more like $10,000 in The Netherlands. Look at the amount of capital below. It is a very small number (you need more like $1,000,000 to get such a visa in the states).

The Requirements

In order to get a residence permit to operate a business under the Dutch American Friendship Treaty, the applicant must have the following:

1. Registration of the business with the Chamber of Commerce;

   
   

2. A business plan demonstrating commercial activities in the Netherlands;

   
   

3. A financial report, prepared by a qualified accountant or tax advisor;

   
   

4. A valid passport valid for at least one year from the application date;

   
   

5. Health Insurance;

   
   

6. Substantial personal capital invested in the business, and proof that the amount will be maintained above the minimum level required by the IND. Borrowed funds are not considered.

   
   

The amount of capital required depends on the legal form of the business:

1. For an 'eenmanzaak' (a sole entrepreneur), the minimum amount of capital is €4,500.
   
2. For incorporated businesses, the amount is at least 25% of the minimum capital stock required by law (€45,000), or €11,250.
   

Under the new policy, which went into effect last month, would-be immigrants seeking a residency visa will have to pass a "civic-integration examination" before they arrive in the Netherlands. Applicants will have to pass a Dutch-language test administered at the Dutch Embassy in their country of origin.

http://www.rferl.org/featuresarticle/2006/...618628a283.html

[Galina 0]

Update on OP....

My wife talked to Olga (Marc's wife) on the phone yesterday, and she (my wife) didn't say too much about "the incident." She said they were arguing over something while Olga was cooking, and she slammed her hand down on the counter, cutting herself on the knife. Now, how that turned into "she cut herself and threatened VAWA actions" I'm not real sure, and only Marc can tell us how that happened. I don't know what really happened, or what was said, all I know is Olga told my wife her side of the story, which may or may not be true, and she didn't really say anything about the VAWA. My wife summarized that Marc and Olga weren't talking for a couple of days because they were in a disagreement and when they were arguing over something, that's when Olga cut herself. I asked what's going on now, what's going to happen, etc., and she said she didn't know because they're not speaking to each other. I specifically asked about the VAWA accusations and she gave me the "what the hell are you talking about?" look followed by a "ne znayu." Apparently Olga didn't bring that part into their phone conversation.

If it was a real deal (a suicide attempt, a demonstrative suicide, a self-inflicted injury with the purpose of getting attention) she would never confess to actually doing this. "The weapon of choice" can tip him off on that one - a razor blade and a tub full of cool water or a knife in the kitchen over a chopped salad. That would be pretty obvious.

As for the "racism" toward "FSU wives", what I gathered from Galina's posts wasn't that she was mad over the FSU, CIS, Russian-wife, etc., label, but moreover didn't like being put into the "trophy wife" category that most "FSU wives" are automatically put in simply because they're different from American wives. The only thing I can tell you is this: The wives/fiancees of the members of this board are different. That's why we have a special thread on VJ. You are automatically labeled as a "mail-order bride" and/or "trophy wife" when you get here because the average American person hasn't ever interacted with a "real" Russian lady, let alone one who came here specifically for the purpose of marrying an American man. I understand where you're coming from. My wife still tells me (in my voice) that she's not my toy, and not something to be played with. She needs to be respected, treated like a lady, and reassured that I love her not just because she's a mindless hottie (sarcasm) but because she's who she is. Im not the best at conveying that to her, but the simple fact that I married her is proof enough that I hold her in that regard. It baffles me that wherever we go, she's by far the most attractive woman there, and even though she knows it, she's gotta hear me say it. Not because she wants her ego stroked, but because she wants me to acknowledge that the most beautiful woman in the place is there with me, and that brings the respect right back around. I've got to treat her like a lady because she is! Not just because she's hot, but because she's hot..... and with me!

I know that, Russ knows that, we all know that. We just may not be the best at "describing" it here on the forum. And remember, not only are you trying to understand what we're saying in English, you're trying to decipher what we mean in "guy language." The guys on this forum can say something about the women in our lives and we'll all understand each other just fine. A woman looking at that same couple of posts may get the wrong idea. Just remember, sure you came here to be with your husband, but he agreed to marry you, and for guys, that's the equivalent of "leaving everything behind to be with the one we love."

Sure there's a descriptive tone in the way we (guys) post, but it's in no way derogatory. It's more of a realism than a description anyway, and is not posted to degrade the women we post about, but moreover to reenforce the collective bond that we all share here in the Russia forum that as stated, the British and Canadian folks probably wouldn't really understand. There are similarities and differences in women, all women. But one thing's for sure, you "FSU wives" are special!!!

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but...

I read you loud and clear, Slim! Your position on this is very common, I've seen/heard it before and it's not what pisses me off about this board.

Yes, American women are a little spoiled (although not all of them, and some American men are pretty spoiled too, I've dated both so I know what I am talking about ) Yes, American men are gorgeous (I wish I could be married to more than one - but apparently an open marriage is not an option for my significant other). From first-hand experience, it does drive guys insanely excited when their dinner is not only home-made but cooked by something with long legs and perky boobs and served with something like "You are so tired, darling! You've worked so hard! Enjoy your food, I'll take care of everything else!" Yes, it's fun to look down at local gals sometimes (fat, not groomed, wearing God knows what).

Not only are we pretty toys, we are also exchangeable (non-refundable, thought - would be nice, ha?) - if you don't like the one you have you can give it back and get another one! And this board is totally about the purchase and the maintenance of the merchandise.

The whole deal over "allowance" and how many hours a week to talk on the phone is discussed here without even asking the girls themselves how much they want (Jee, I am pretty sure 70% of your wifes don't even speak the language!) or need. And the talk about usage of proper terminology - FSU or CIS - reminds the discussion of "Black or African-American".

Yes, all couples have problems with money, but correct me if I am wrong, marriage is about sharing, right? Stuff is not his or mine, it's ours, so it would be fare to have access to it, or half of it (yeah, right, Galka, dream on - I don't even know how many bank-accounts/credit cards my husband has, it's totally untraceable information ). You guys want to keep ladies happy and protect your assets. I can't blame you for it but I also can't help feeling in a particular way...

It's a complicated matter, all in all. It's a whole concept of immigration - to blend in and become one of yous and to give up cultural identity or to try and protect it and be a "rare aves" forever. Both scenarios are equally sad, I know people who have tried both - impossible. So the topic will stand burning forever.

But it's just my opinion. I can be wrong...

[tmma 467]

I've followed these rules pretty closely. They have numerous exceptions. These rules have little impact on expats or those earning more than 40,000 EUR. From what I have seen living in Holland, these laws are mostly designed to stop Moroccans and Turks, not anyone else.

Americans do not need an MVV to enter Holland, this can all be done there.

The only (bad) thing about doing business in Holland are the obscene startup costs imposed by the guilds. Articles of Incorporation cost a few hundred dollars in the states. It is more like $10,000 in The Netherlands. Look at the amount of capital below. It is a very small number (you need more like $1,000,000 to get such a visa in the states).

The Requirements

In order to get a residence permit to operate a business under the Dutch American Friendship Treaty, the applicant must have the following:

1. Registration of the business with the Chamber of Commerce;

   
   

2. A business plan demonstrating commercial activities in the Netherlands;

   
   

3. A financial report, prepared by a qualified accountant or tax advisor;

   
   

4. A valid passport valid for at least one year from the application date;

   
   

5. Health Insurance;

   
   

6. Substantial personal capital invested in the business, and proof that the amount will be maintained above the minimum level required by the IND. Borrowed funds are not considered.

   
   

The amount of capital required depends on the legal form of the business:

1. For an 'eenmanzaak' (a sole entrepreneur), the minimum amount of capital is €4,500.
   
2. For incorporated businesses, the amount is at least 25% of the minimum capital stock required by law (€45,000), or €11,250.
   

Under the new policy, which went into effect last month, would-be immigrants seeking a residency visa will have to pass a "civic-integration examination" before they arrive in the Netherlands. Applicants will have to pass a Dutch-language test administered at the Dutch Embassy in their country of origin.

http://www.rferl.org/featuresarticle/2006/...618628a283.html

I didn't realize that the immigration to the Netherlands discussion here was " entrepreneur" or "business" based-sorry. You are correct, then the requirements are different.

Also agree on the new laws in the Netherlands seem to be "targeted" ( for want of a better word) at the influx of non-Dutch speaking Turks and Moroccans wanting to immigrate to NL to live.

[tmma 467]

And this board is totally about the purchase and the maintenance of the merchandise.

The whole deal over "allowance" and how many hours a week to talk on the phone is discussed here without even asking the girls themselves how much they want (Jee, I am pretty sure 70% of your wifes don't even speak the language!) or need. And the talk about usage of proper terminology - FSU or CIS - reminds the discussion of "Black or African-American".

Yes, it's stunning on this forum ( and do not misunderstand me here it's rampant on other forums too and not just from the American male petitioners but sometimes from the American female petitioners) that their immigrating SO's are characterized like " a breed of dog"; generalizing certain characteristics " within the breed". It must be very demeaning to the immigrating SO to be spoken about like that.

There are also sweeping statements like "American women are spoiled, fat and don't want to work" when in reality that's NOT the case with ALL American women.Besides there are alot of men and women of all nationalities who are spoiled, fat, ugly and don't want to work.

There are lazy bums and spoiled fuglies from everywhere.

[russ 1]

Even as an employee, it is pretty easy. You need an employer willing to hire you for some length of time. For anyone making more than 35,000 EUR, this is almost automatic now. It helps if you are an engineer/scientist/IT worker.

It is generally difficult for fire someone in Holland. Expats on short (1-2 year) contracts are desirable, since they are so easy to get rid of. Given how easy it is to form a business, this is still probably the way to go, unless you already have a job lined up. Contract work is fairly plentiful, since European workers tend to favor job security. Many Americans are accustomed to having none.

There are plenty of networking groups for American expats - they can be helpful in lining up work too.

As an expat, I would also look at the Bahamas, Tenerife and Thailand.

Of course, as an American, it is very easy to move to Canada as well. Get married and then deal with Canadian Immigration, which may or may not be easier. (I would guess easy for the spouse of an American, can any Canadians please correct me?) You would include your spouse on your application for Canadian Residency.

I didn't realize that the immigration to the Netherlands discussion here was " entrepreneur" or "business" based-sorry. You are correct, then the requirements are different.

Also agree on the new laws in the Netherlands seem to be "targeted" ( for want of a better word) at the influx of non-Dutch speaking Turks and Moroccans wanting to immigrate to NL to live.

[Galina 0]

And this board is totally about the purchase and the maintenance of the merchandise.

The whole deal over "allowance" and how many hours a week to talk on the phone is discussed here without even asking the girls themselves how much they want (Jee, I am pretty sure 70% of your wifes don't even speak the language!) or need. And the talk about usage of proper terminology - FSU or CIS - reminds the discussion of "Black or African-American".

Yes, it's stunning on this forum ( and do not misunderstand me here it's rampant on other forums too and not just from the American male petitioners but sometimes from the American female petitioners) that their immigrating SO's are characterized like " a breed of dog"; generalizing certain characteristics " within the breed". It must be very demeaning to the immigrating SO to be spoken about like that.

There are also sweeping statements like "American women are spoiled, fat and don't want to work" when in reality that's NOT the case with ALL American women.Besides there are alot of men and women of all nationalities who are spoiled, fat, ugly and don't want to work.

There are lazy bums and spoiled fuglies from everywhere.

Yeah, I didn't mean to offend American women - they are all different, and I know a lot who are very pretty and smart and "level-headed" and generally hot!

Thanks for agreeing with me on the whole topic - it is demeaning. I like the comparison - "a breed of dogs"... What's funny though... My husband is the only man I know around here who makes me feel like this... Other American male species, talking to me, hitting at me or interacting with me in any other way, including professional, think of me as an interesting person, pretty girl, or talented journalist first and Russian second.

I do get the regular bunch of jokes every once in a while, about me being a spy 'cause my English is so good (the last one of this type was said by an ex FBI agent and that scared the living s$$$t out of me) or drinking vodka like water but it's more about national stereotyping than me.

Does this attitude come with the Tiffany's wedding band or K-1?

[tmma 467]

And this board is totally about the purchase and the maintenance of the merchandise.

The whole deal over "allowance" and how many hours a week to talk on the phone is discussed here without even asking the girls themselves how much they want (Jee, I am pretty sure 70% of your wifes don't even speak the language!) or need. And the talk about usage of proper terminology - FSU or CIS - reminds the discussion of "Black or African-American".

Yes, it's stunning on this forum ( and do not misunderstand me here it's rampant on other forums too and not just from the American male petitioners but sometimes from the American female petitioners) that their immigrating SO's are characterized like " a breed of dog"; generalizing certain characteristics " within the breed". It must be very demeaning to the immigrating SO to be spoken about like that.

There are also sweeping statements like "American women are spoiled, fat and don't want to work" when in reality that's NOT the case with ALL American women.Besides there are alot of men and women of all nationalities who are spoiled, fat, ugly and don't want to work.

There are lazy bums and spoiled fuglies from everywhere.

Yeah, I didn't mean to offend American women - they are all different, and I know a lot who are very pretty and smart and "level-headed" and generally hot!

Thanks for agreeing with me on the whole topic - it is demeaning. I like the comparison - "a breed of dogs"... What's funny though... My husband is the only man I know around here who makes me feel like this... Other American male species, talking to me, hitting at me or interacting with me in any other way, including professional, think of me as an interesting person, pretty girl, or talented journalist first and Russian second.

I do get the regular bunch of jokes every once in a while, about me being a spy 'cause my English is so good (the last one of this type was said by an ex FBI agent and that scared the living s$$$t out of me) or drinking vodka like water but it's more about national stereotyping than me.

Does this attitude come with the Tiffany's wedding band or K-1?

Oh, I know you were not saying ALL American women.....

This topic gets wheeled out every so often ( the way the petitioners refer to their SO-while at the same time dogging their own country's men/women) and it irritates me the generalizations made, that's all.

Galina, I am enjoying your interesting and insightful posts! Thanks!