Violence Against Women Act and me

[russ 1]

I'm waiting on 6 invoices to come in now. This is Galina's least favorite part of my work (waiting to get paid). At least they are net 30, and they are more or less on time.

I have no job security whatsoever, and I also have to hope that my client pays his invoices, or then I am really screwed.

Cheers!

AKDiver

[Galina 0]

Funny. From my military days, I remember this concept called "zero budgeting." It meant that if your budget was 10 million, but you only spent 7 million that year - you would only get 7 million the next year. As a result, generals would buy 50,000 tons of paper clips on the last day of the fiscal year and bury them.

We always have enough for the essentials (rent, taxes, food, gas, insurance, tuition, etc). I pay the bills and consider it my job. I wouldn't mind Galina doing it, but she doesn't really want to. The "discretionary" stuff is always a debate. Makeup and clothes can easily be $5,000 a day for Galina. I can spend as much sailing, flying, or skiing. Such is life.

The problem with an allowance system is that it tends to create a desire to spend money. The thought process goes like this, "I get $X per whatever to spend on anything I want. This is MY money. Therefore, I will spend $X per whatever on anything I want." There TENDS to be less thought given to what one really needs to spend, or should

Ok, hi, people!

This is crazy horrible $5000-dollar-at-a-time-spending-not-willing-to-work-not-knowing-the-price-of-money-FSU Galina!

My, my, my! Where do I start?

First of all, we might all be exotic animals, luxury items or a means for self-compensation for you, guys, but we also happen to be human beings! "To give her money or not, 2 hours a week on the phone or 2 and a half..." Something is telling me such-like topics wouldn't occur with American wifes. And don't even try to tell me that all local gals work, 'cause I know they don't, at least not all of them.

Honestly, all these talks sound like discussions of a new car or some computer gadget that my husband is so fond of.

The advise of a Russian woman (somebody here asked for it) - change the attitude!!!

The situation with work that my significant other complained about:

From day one in college in Russia I've never asked anybody for any money! I had my source of income that was enough to pay for everything, including my first trip to the States on the student visa for the summer (when I met Russell). I am not sure if he told you about this or not, but my first journey had taught me a lot about making and spending "easy" money. One little fact (since we are counting here, ladies and gentlemen) - during our first date in Miami, our first trip to Tampa and Disney I not only paid for myself but also covered a lot of his expenses (entertainment business was good in Chicago that summer!).

The ticket to Paris, European visa to see him was also paid from my pocket.

When we settled down here, the first thing I asked was if I should work as soon as I could. His reply was: "No, darling, we can afford for you to go on your education and choose a career of your dream without you working"

When money got tight and we needed cash instantly I was the one to bring my jewelry (some of which, like a 3-carat ruby ring, was a family heirloom) to the pawn to pay for Russell's ticket to fly to work.

So the stereotype of Russian wifes being helpless kids here doesn't stand.

Also just for the record: I buy clothes at TJMaxx and cosmetics at CVS. Once I was granted a trip to Saks and an Armani lipstick was bought for me ($25), add there a couple of trips to Aveda ($150 total for almost 2 years of marriage) and a Macks pressed powder ($35 approximately) The biggest amount of money ever spent in the mall in this country was $700 last winter ($350 Boss dress shirt for him, plus Boss tie and Boss perfume for him also)

Allowance? Ha! Twanny bucks if I wanna go out by myself is thrown in my purse like a bone!

Yes, he pays the bills and I am not complaining but all these accusations of me (or any other Russian wife, I'd imagine) being a Big Spender are simply ridiculous!

Yes, cost of living is different, and the scale of its measurement is also moved up the line, but your everyday simple living seems like a luxury for us so we don't demand much!

About the girl cutting herself:

keeping in mind this totally racial attitude (heck, my word or opinion means more to my fellow students and professors at the university, where I am getting my master's in Journalism, than to my own husband) to Russian wifes as a special type of people would drive anybody crazy! Would that guy also consider about putting locks on kitchen cabinets to control how much she ate and not to waste more than necessary on food?

What leaves a hope: not all men in this country share the opinions of this forum!

Thank you for attention and Good Night!

[Nancy2015 2]

keeping in mind this totally racial attitude (heck, my word or opinion means more to my fellow students and professors at the university, where I am getting my master's in Journalism, than to my own husband) to Russian wifes as a special type of people would drive anybody crazy!

Yeah, I agree. Some people say things like "my FSU wife", which I find very annoying, rude and inappropriate. Aren't we all just people, or do we absolutely have to stereotype this way? I would kick my husband in the rear if he ever called me anything like that

Well, it's all relative you know. For some people, $50K is like "my ship has come in". In my case, my first job out of school paid $40K, and that was in 1997. To drop back to that kind of pay 11 years later would definitely qualify as crappy. Think about it this way - just think if you were now making whatever you were making 11 years ago. (:

Cheers!

AKDiver

I started my first "real" full time job two months ago, so maybe 11 years from now I will talk just like you! Wish me luck

[Galina 0]

keeping in mind this totally racial attitude (heck, my word or opinion means more to my fellow students and professors at the university, where I am getting my master's in Journalism, than to my own husband) to Russian wifes as a special type of people would drive anybody crazy!

Yeah, I agree. Some people say things like "my FSU wife", which I find very annoying, rude and inappropriate. Aren't we all just people, or do we absolutely have to stereotype this way? I would kick my husband in the rear if he ever called me anything like that

Well, it's all relative you know. For some people, $50K is like "my ship has come in". In my case, my first job out of school paid $40K, and that was in 1997. To drop back to that kind of pay 11 years later would definitely qualify as crappy. Think about it this way - just think if you were now making whatever you were making 11 years ago. (:

Cheers!

AKDiver

I started my first "real" full time job two months ago, so maybe 11 years from now I will talk just like you! Wish me luck

Well, about this whole FSU thing... I have seen it before, I do consider it a big problem and since I have a chance to talk about it and be heard I am going to write about it in the local media. It smells like white slavery and it has to be stopped at some point.

[Turboguy 6]

Well, about this whole FSU thing... I have seen it before, I do consider it a big problem and since I have a chance to talk about it and be heard I am going to write about it in the local media. It smells like white slavery and it has to be stopped at some point.

I think you are making something from it to be bigger than it is. I don't call my fiancee my FSU fiancee but it is just choice of words. I think there was no insult intended. There is no connction to White Slavery. The wives all came of their own free will and desire, love their husbands, decided to marry them and could return home if they wanted.

[Galina 0]

Well, about this whole FSU thing... I have seen it before, I do consider it a big problem and since I have a chance to talk about it and be heard I am going to write about it in the local media. It smells like white slavery and it has to be stopped at some point.

I think you are making something from it to be bigger than it is. I don't call my fiancee my FSU fiancee but it is just choice of words. I think there was no insult intended. There is no connction to White Slavery. The wives all came of their own free will and desire, love their husbands, decided to marry them and could return home if they wanted.

Well, it's great that you don't call her this way!

But I am not blowing it out of proportion. Yes, we all come here on our own free will and desire but we expect to be treated like human beings not like mindless pieces of flesh. And when we encounter such attitude we keep wondering - why?

why were we professionals, beauties, perfect women there and here, out of the blue, are nobody? Not nobody in the social or economic meaning (we are totally capable of providing for a family) but nobody in the eyes of our own husbands, of somebody who is considerably the closest person ever? That is what makes me worried. That is what makes me calling it white slavery (and for the record, I am not in the worst position)

And the whole tone of the discussion in this forum does smell like racism. I can't get rid of this smell.

[akdiver 3]

I started my first "real" full time job two months ago, so maybe 11 years from now I will talk just like you! Wish me luck

I wish you nothing but the best of luck (:

Cheers!

AKDiver

[Chuckles 0]

As much as I love the way this thread has changed to something more juicy (racism accusations and money grubbing men), I have to wonder what happened with Marc and Olga?

[akdiver 3]

As much as I love the way this thread has changed to something more juicy (racism accusations and money grubbing men), I have to wonder what happened with Marc and Olga?

When they post, we will know (:

Cheers!

AKDiver

[Turboguy 6]

Marc and Olga! Who are Mark and Olga? Just kidding. He probably had to hock his computer to pay his phone bill. Just kidding again. I hope he updates us but perhaps he did not like some of the things he heard.

Galina, I don't know what to say to you. I have a lot of free time as I sit in an endless waiting time for my wonderful fiancee to get her visa so we can build a life together. She is the most wonderful woman I have met in my life and I will think of her that way both before and after she arrives. I will never treat her as property or as a sex slave. She is special and will always be treated as special.

It is very possible that I will be years getting my visa. I spend a lot of my time waiting on forums, both this one and several for RW-AM relationships. I have a lot of friends with Russian wives and I don't see it as a bad thing to "say" they have Russian wives or FSU wives. I don't see any that treat their wives badly or as property. They all seem to devote their lives to each other far more than I see with men with American wives.

Yes, there are some people who are not suited for this who do get involved in it. It is sad but there are both good and bad people in any country. I would like to hear more of your story and more of the things you have seen that make you feel this way. I think if we heard more of the story we could understand your feelings and thoughts more but I think it would help more to hear the facts that made you think the way you do and not so much the conculsions you have reached. I think your story might help us all understand what happens from a Russian woman's standpoint then the relationship is not all it should be.

[Galina 0]

As much as I love the way this thread has changed to something more juicy (racism accusations and money grubbing men), I have to wonder what happened with Marc and Olga?

Sorry, Chuckles, but Playboy is juicy! This is an everyday hell - money and racism... Nothing funny about it...

I hope she sues the last dime off his a$$!

[Galina 0]

Marc and Olga! Who are Mark and Olga? Just kidding. He probably had to hock his computer to pay his phone bill. Just kidding again. I hope he updates us but perhaps he did not like some of the things he heard.

Galina, I don't know what to say to you. I have a lot of free time as I sit in an endless waiting time for my wonderful fiancee to get her visa so we can build a life together. She is the most wonderful woman I have met in my life and I will think of her that way both before and after she arrives. I will never treat her as property or as a sex slave. She is special and will always be treated as special.

It is very possible that I will be years getting my visa. I spend a lot of my time waiting on forums, both this one and several for RW-AM relationships. I have a lot of friends with Russian wives and I don't see it as a bad thing to "say" they have Russian wives or FSU wives. I don't see any that treat their wives badly or as property. They all seem to devote their lives to each other far more than I see with men with American wives.

Yes, there are some people who are not suited for this who do get involved in it. It is sad but there are both good and bad people in any country. I would like to hear more of your story and more of the things you have seen that make you feel this way. I think if we heard more of the story we could understand your feelings and thoughts more but I think it would help more to hear the facts that made you think the way you do and not so much the conculsions you have reached. I think your story might help us all understand what happens from a Russian woman's standpoint then the relationship is not all it should be.

Well, first of all, let me guess - you are not American, are you? It does make all the difference in the world - for your Russian wife!

There is not much of a story here - I just happen to speak the language and understand a little more what's going on around than my husband wants me.

A little fact that makes me feel like a new shiny Benz:

I was dragged to a party that I didn't want to go to, to see people that I particularly hated, with a huge headache, after not sleeping for 48 hours (insomnia as a result of changing time zones). And the reason why my precious husband had brought me there was that a bunch of his "friends" liked the way I looked on their new deck. Apparently, it meant more to my husband what they thought or wanted than how I felt. Not only did we go to that party but we also joined his other buddy later that night who wanted to go clubbing and Russell couldn't say no...

It took me a while to fight back my freedom to see people that I want to see (and not to see those whom I don't like) and to go (or not to go) to any party, my "freedom of fun". So... My conclusion of feeling like a mindless pretty doll is reasonable.

[akdiver 3]

I dunno - whenever I see the term "FSU women" I think of the gals at Florida State University. It took me a while to realize it means something else here, and even then, I'm not sure what. Former Soviet Union maybe?

Cheers!

AKDiver

[Galina 0]

I dunno - whenever I see the term "FSU women" I think of the gals at Florida State University. It took me a while to realize it means something else here, and even then, I'm not sure what. Former Soviet Union maybe?

Cheers!

AKDiver

Yeah, it does mean Former Soviet Union and it seems to be a very widely used term on this forum and a couple of others.

[Turboguy 6]

Yes, FSU stands for Former Soviet Union. Probably most of the guys wanting to look for a woman go to Ukraine or Russia, but there are some who find the woman of their dreams in Belarus, Kazahkistan, Ajerbaijan, and so on. FSU is what would be currently the CIS states or what was the USSR. When we talk about looking for a wife there we don't want to leave guys and women out of the discusson who happen to be from someplace besides Russia.

Galina, Yes, I am an American. Sometimes it is good to understand a little more than people think you do. It can make things very interesting.

Galina, for most of us marrying a wonderful woman from Russia is not something we do often so we sometimes don't know what to expect and we can all be stupid sometimes and do wrong things.

There are men who want what we call a "Trophy wife" They want a beautiful woman on their arm so that others will envy them and be jealous and it can make them feel important, just as you said like a shiny new luxury car in the driveway. I don't think that is a good thing and most people don't.

Personally I don't care what others think of me and would rather they like me for the way I am and try to treat people and trust me because I seem honest and like I can be trusted than to have them even think about the wife (if we ever get our visa) I have as someone other than someone I love very much and have a wonderful marriage with. I don't need people to envy me.

Yes, there are people that way and your husband may be one. Sometimes though we just don't understand what doing things properly are. We try, but do things that are dumb. The fiancee I have now is actually my second. I was very much in love with another woman from Russia and brought her here two years ago but her motives were not what I expectd. Origionally I expected here here in early August. We got a 221-g and did not get the visa for several weeks. A few days after she arrived we had our company picnic for the business I own. I had hoped she would be here for several weeks before it but she was only here for days. She went and was very uncomfortable around so many new American women. She ran into the woods crying. I took her home and felt very bad that I had put her into a situation where she was not comfortable.

It could be that your husband hoped you could meet his friends and to help you adapt. Men with Russian wives are a little unique and it is bound to create some conversation and curiosity. It will pass in time but you are new to them and you are going to be something special to them and it may not be that he thinks of you like an expensive car.

It sounds like you have not been here too long. Be patient and give it some time and it may be fine.