Another divorce (Morocco/US K1)

[kinmorocco 0]

Hi, all, 

 

After 8 years together and 6.5 years of marriage, we are separated and divorcing next year (my state requires a year waiting period). I think my old account here was deleted (kinmorocco or kristenmaroc). I was living in Morocco when I met my soon-to-be-ex (was there 5 years total), and understood his culture. He had lived abroad (Italy) and was super open-minded. We are the same age. 

 

It wasn't a scam. I don't even think it was primarily because of cultural differences, though they certainly played a huge role. It came down to a lack of communication and building up resentment... and he didn't tell me he wasn't happy until it was too late to repair things. I knew he was depressed, but thought it was due to lots of external issues he had going on (health problems, death in the family, unemployment, then working nights, etc.).  I think he also realized he didn't really want a strong woman and because of his own insecurities, he felt emasculated, no matter how much I built him up.  We still love each other, and we both wanted it to work, but he let things get too far without addressing them because of a fear of conflict. 

 

So. I never thought we'd be here. We didn't have the red flags, and I KNOW it wasn't a scam (he has had his citizenship for 2+ years now). It was a combination of culture, mental health issues, insecurities, and poor communication methods. 

 

I'm okay. I am hurting, but know I will get through it. He owns that it was preventable if he had communicated, that it wasn't fair to me, and that he doesn't think he could ever be a good husband to me. He told me he never knew how broken he was until now, and when our couples therapist said he was projecting a lot onto me that were his own issues, he ended up admitting it. He hasn't learned that we need to make our own happiness. He keeps looking for an excuse for his own happiness and blamed his unhappiness on us instead of working on things.  He avoids conflict until it builds to be too much, and then the fight-or-flight instinct kicks in and he runs. I've seen it before in other parts of his life (which should have been a red flag) but naively thought it'd never happen to us. Not without warning, at least. 

 

Good luck to you all. While there were other things happening besides cultural differences, it also shows that even after I've lived in Morocco for 5 years (I love his family; they love me) and he has succeeded in US culture, there can still be serious issues. 

 

At least after going through K1-AOS-ROC-Citizenship, the do-it-yourself divorce paperwork looks simple and uncomplicated (!). 

 

Much love to all. 

K 

 

 

 

[Unlockable 7,314]

*** Moved to "Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits" ***

[TBoneTX 45,375]

Sorry to hear it, K.  Good things end, too.  Everyone here wishes you the best as you move forward.

[R&OC 371]

I am sorry to hear. As previously divorced wife in a same nationality marriage, I can attest that all of the above can happen even if you are from the same nationality.

 

I just wish, you guys had a happy end to your marriage challenges. However,  I wish you healing and happiness on your path!