Fiancee just got Denied

[CEE53147 559]

Do not continue to live with her to avoid being accused of DV so she can use VAWA.  Close any accounts you added her to to avoid financial ruin.  Be proactive to protect yourself legally and financially.

[Going through 5,671]

Sorry this happened to you after all that you've already been through with this woman.

 

Option 1:

 

Offer to buy her the tickets to go home.  Offer her a lift to the airport and watch her go through the passenger gates.  Don't offer her any spending money.

Then go back home, turn off your cellphone/screen your calls, and don't respond to her for a few days at least (if you even want to respond to her after that)

If she doesn't get on the plane, then it's her decision to remain in the country illegally and nothing to do with you any longer since she cannot do the AOS without you.

 

 

Option 2:

 

The two of you somehow work it out and go on and get married.  You might live in wedded bliss, or you might always hold it in the back of your mind that you'll never be able to fully trust her again.  She may commit herself to you forever, or she may have it in the back of her mind to dump you once the green card has been achieved and then divorce you to bring the new boyfriend to the US.

[E & J 2018 132]

Have an eye witness with you when you open this discussion. Take the ring and then offer to pay for her flight home. I would book the next available flight and be done with this relationship. Block her from all means of contact. You will never be able to trust her, again...… That's just my opinion.

[Unlockable 7,314]

15 hours ago, WokTheDog said:

UPDATE:   My fiance and daughter arrived on August 27th.  Things were going good, then i found out be accident, something her daughter said, that she was cheating on me for months.   They have a couples tattoo of a King and Queen of hearts on the wrist.    I haven't told her I know yet, but will do so the next few days.   I don't want the child involved in our discussion.  Anyway, I don't want to marry her anymore and was wondering if I should get the engagement ring back since she broke her promise to me.   I am also thinking I should message the boyfriend and have him pay her way back to the Philippines.   Appreciate all feedback.  Thanks.

 

Bob

Wow. This update kind of puts the initial denial in a whole new perspective. Sorry to hear about the news.

 

Switch to CYA mode:

• Do NOT involve the child in anything. That includes speaking to her to get more information on your ex-fiance and her lover.
• Do not have any arguments or heated discussions what so ever. We know you are emotional but you have to have restraint.
• Document EVERYTHING.
• Save and document ALL correspondence (text, emails, written notes).
• Do not make demands from her or anyone in her family.
• Try not to be alone with her. I know this sucks and may be difficult. But if police are called, it will be her word against yours.
• Pay for her return home. First class if you have to. Trust all of us who are advising you to do so. It will be the biggest and safest investment of your life right now.
• Be extremely cautious if she counters with promise to work things out or make ammends. This could be a tactic to stay.

 

 

Sometimes these things happen. If you need to vent, call a friend or family. You can PM me or other members to get things off your chest. The goal is to redirect your pain from her and your situation.

 

ETA: As for the ring. I personally would take it as a loss. Peace of mind and dodging a big bullet is probably more valuable than what it is worth.

 

Best of luck to you!

 

Edited September 12, 2018 by NuestraUnion

[HP+IC 292]

A 5 year old said her mom is cheating and the proof is a tattoo. Is it possible that the OP hasn't noticed a love mark on his fiancee wrist (hardly)? Has it been there before? Maybe it has been there by the disco time? Maybe the CO noticed a matching one on somebody in a photo? Maybe this tattoo thing is just rubbish (I mean, like Johnny Depp making a Winona Rider eternal love tattoo and then removing it for the sake of Vanessa Paradis) and the kid is fantasizing? Too many questions and no solid evidence whatsoever. To me, 5-year olds words do not sound sufficient to break the engagement. However, the OP may well change his mind and not proceed to marriage without any sound reason at all, as may his fiancee. An open discussion is a good idea with the kid certainly out of view.

Edited September 12, 2018 by HP+IC

[Carpe Vinum 2,327]

The tattoos were shown on a now deleted post....

[Boiler 45,575]

I was wondering who was who in that photo.

[WokTheDog 17]

6 hours ago, HP+IC said:

A 5 year old said her mom is cheating and the proof is a tattoo. Is it possible that the OP hasn't noticed a love mark on his fiancee wrist (hardly)? Has it been there before? Maybe it has been there by the disco time? Maybe the CO noticed a matching one on somebody in a photo? Maybe this tattoo thing is just rubbish (I mean, like Johnny Depp making a Winona Rider eternal love tattoo and then removing it for the sake of Vanessa Paradis) and the kid is fantasizing? Too many questions and no solid evidence whatsoever. To me, 5-year olds words do not sound sufficient to break the engagement. However, the OP may well change his mind and not proceed to marriage without any sound reason at all, as may his fiancee. An open discussion is a good idea with the kid certainly out of view.

The 5 year old never said her mom was cheating.  Earlier I was told that pic at the disco with my fiance, that the guy wasn't her friend at all.  She told me he was gay and was the asian guys friend.   All i did with the child is ask if she knew the guy in the picture.  she immediately said The guys name, which was the same name I had found.   She said he is mom's friend, but her mom told her not to mention him to me.  That I should never know about him.  That same day the child tells me they video chatted with Nick.

 

When i confronted my fiance about this guy, she first said he was not a friend, but a guy that confronted her at the pool a few times and wanted to date her.   Then the story changed to that he was just a friend.  Then it changed again to He is a good friend.  Then finally he is a good friend that wanted to marry her.   she denied posting on facebook about that tatoo, then i showed her the pic with her posts.   she denied again.   I said that was a  couples tattoo and friends don't get those kind of tattoos with that kind of picture. 

 

anyway, I am 100% sure she was cheating on me based on these facts and other things i came up with.   I removed my valuables from my house, just as a precaution, since i no longer trust her.  I now need to get a plan to remove her from my house and send her home.   last night i asked her what she wants to do and she said go back home, so as I was booking her flight, she then tells me she will need money to re-establish herself in her condo.  I didn't ask how much, but knowing her, I am assuming 5,000usd+.    I'm not going to pay her that, but I will pay for her ticket home.    I am mad at myself.  I saw all these signs a year ago and went forward anyway.   lesson learned.

[WokTheDog 17]

7 hours ago, NuestraUnion said:

Wow. This update kind of puts the initial denial in a whole new perspective. Sorry to hear about the news.

 

Switch to CYA mode:

• Do NOT involve the child in anything. That includes speaking to her to get more information on your ex-fiance and her lover.
• Do not have any arguments or heated discussions what so ever. We know you are emotional but you have to have restraint.
• Document EVERYTHING.
• Save and document ALL correspondence (text, emails, written notes).
• Do not make demands from her or anyone in her family.
• Try not to be alone with her. I know this sucks and may be difficult. But if police are called, it will be her word against yours.
• Pay for her return home. First class if you have to. Trust all of us who are advising you to do so. It will be the biggest and safest investment of your life right now.
• Be extremely cautious if she counters with promise to work things out or make ammends. This could be a tactic to stay.

 

 

Sometimes these things happen. If you need to vent, call a friend or family. You can PM me or other members to get things off your chest. The goal is to redirect your pain from her and your situation.

 

ETA: As for the ring. I personally would take it as a loss. Peace of mind and dodging a big bullet is probably more valuable than what it is worth.

 

Best of luck to you!

 

I really appreciate your information.   Thanks much.   I will not ever marry her, so things can never be worked out.   Once I lose trust, its over for me.

 

• Do NOT involve the child in anything. That includes speaking to her to get more information on your ex-fiance and her lover.    That was my plan.
• Do not have any arguments or heated discussions what so ever. We know you are emotional but you have to have restraint.  I never argued with her, just told her what I have concluded based on what I found.
• Document EVERYTHING.  Document our talks?  what kind of things?
• Save and document ALL correspondence (text, emails, written notes).   I have every whatsapp conversation for  a year
• Do not make demands from her or anyone in her family.   I don't make demands.
• Try not to be alone with her. I know this sucks and may be difficult. But if police are called, it will be her word against yours.  So I should not sleep there?   Thats not a problem, because i can stay at my sisters.
• Pay for her return home. First class if you have to. Trust all of us who are advising you to do so. It will be the biggest and safest investment of your life right now.   I am pretty sure she doesn't care about first class.
• Be extremely cautious if she counters with promise to work things out or make ammends. This could be a tactic to stay.   There is nothing she can say to change my mind.

[E & J 2018 132]

I would buy the airline ticket and forget about the ring, but I wouldn't give her a dime! If the relationship ended naturally and honestly,  I would help her..... It is obvious what she has been up to..... Run...… very fast!

[WokTheDog 17]

1 hour ago, E & J 2018 said:

I would buy the airline ticket and forget about the ring, but I wouldn't give her a dime! If the relationship ended naturally and honestly,  I would help her..... It is obvious what she has been up to..... Run...… very fast!

She is demanding i give her $4000 usd.    I don't have the cash since she spent it all, so I told her she would have to wait or I will send it to her when she gets back home.   she didn't like that.

[Going through 5,671]

2 hours ago, WokTheDog said:

 last night i asked her what she wants to do and she said go back home, so as I was booking her flight, she then tells me she will need money to re-establish herself in her condo.  I didn't ask how much, but knowing her, I am assuming 5,000usd+.    I'm not going to pay her that, but I will pay for her ticket home.    I am mad at myself.  I saw all these signs a year ago and went forward anyway.   lesson learned.

She's certainly got a set of ***** on her to have the audacity to ask for that, or think that should be your concern in any way.

 

Glad you dodged a bullet with that one.

[Going through 5,671]

11 minutes ago, WokTheDog said:

She is demanding i give her $4000 usd.    I don't have the cash since she spent it all, so I told her she would have to wait or I will send it to her when she gets back home.   she didn't like that.

I'm' curious----what is her basis for this demand, considering she's the cheater?

 

Tell her she can sell the engagement ring if she needs quick cash, since it obviously didn't mean much to her in the first place.

Edited September 12, 2018 by Going through

[Unlockable 7,314]

11 minutes ago, WokTheDog said:

She is demanding i give her $4000 usd.    I don't have the cash since she spent it all, so I told her she would have to wait or I will send it to her when she gets back home.   she didn't like that.

Careful, the next step if she does not get anything out of this could be a VAWA claim. Going back home with no immediate prospect of immigrating to the US, shamed, and with no money could make her resort to drastic measures.

[Going through 5,671]

Do you have her demand recorded in any way?  Text message/phone message....

 

This would be an example of one of those things you would document as suggested by someone earlier..