Fiancee just got Denied

[p-ana 933]

2 minutes ago, WokTheDog said:

UPDATE:   My fiance and daughter arrived on August 27th.  Things were going good, then i found out be accident, something her daughter said, that she was cheating on me for months.   They have a couples tattoo of a King and Queen of hearts on the wrist.    I haven't told her I know yet, but will do so the next few days.   I don't want the child involved in our discussion.  Anyway, I don't want to marry her anymore and was wondering if I should get the engagement ring back since she broke her promise to me.   I am also thinking I should message the boyfriend and have him pay her way back to the Philippines.   Appreciate all feedback.  Thanks.

 

Bob

Talk to her and come up with a plan. If you’re sure you don’t want to get married, there’s no path for her to stay. 

Set a date for them to leave your house, who’s paying for flights back, if you get the ring back, etc. it’s really up to you guys. 

Involving her bf it’s adding much more drama you don’t really need

[SalishSea 17,772]

5 minutes ago, WokTheDog said:

UPDATE:   My fiance and daughter arrived on August 27th.  Things were going good, then i found out be accident, something her daughter said, that she was cheating on me for months.   They have a couples tattoo of a King and Queen of hearts on the wrist.    I haven't told her I know yet, but will do so the next few days.   I don't want the child involved in our discussion.  Anyway, I don't want to marry her anymore and was wondering if I should get the engagement ring back since she broke her promise to me.   I am also thinking I should message the boyfriend and have him pay her way back to the Philippines.   Appreciate all feedback.  Thanks.

 

Bob

I am so sorry!  Man, that sucks.  Best wishes and luck with whatever you decide.

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

Sorry to hear this news. Is this matching tattoo friend someone from back in the Philippines or someone in the USA? If he is from the Philippines, did you have a verbal agreement that your relationship was exclusive while you were apart? Long distance relationships have a lot of built in stress and they're not strengthened in any way if such things like exclusivity aren't fully talked out. Sounds like you haven't seen her in almost a year. I'm not excusing her behavior but you might consider all of the issues before you make a big decision like this. As p-ana advises, you need to talk this out with her.

 

I'm 18 years older than my wife and even though I visited her in Colombia for 8 years before we married, there were still lots of things to work out when she finally arrived in the US on a CR1 visa. There are lots of compromises that both she and I have made to make this marriage work. I wish you the best no matter what you decide.

 

By the way, I also suggest leaving the bf out of this. If you want her to pay her own way back to Phil, let her find the means to do that on her own.

[Carpe Vinum 2,327]

1. Leave the boyfriend out of any discusssion as others have said. He will not pay. You have been paying for their relationship during this past year of separation, I fear.

 

2.  You will pay for the ticket home.  You should have this money set aside before she arrives just in case something like this happens. 1000-1500 dollars is too much for her or the vast majority of Filipinos to come up with on short notice.  Bite the bullet and pay. 

 

3. Do not get into any kind of verbal or physical altercation over this. Keep your cool.

 

i am sorry for your problems and wish you good luck...

[Boiler 45,411]

I would pay to get out asap.

 

(If you are engaged to be married then that is a pretty exclusive agreement)

[Enas 21]

How they perceive a marriage is based on what they think is normal. I remember reading a story about a woman who's husband was denied a Canadian because they didn't think the marriage was legit. Why? Because they had a big age difference (she was older than him by a couple of years), they weren't related to each other and they came from different villages. (They were from Pakistan) 

 

He was denied a visa and when given the reason the above was stated because it's not the "norm" in Pakistani culture for a woman to be older than her husband, and for them to be from two different far away villages and yet not be related. 

 

So yes it does happen that some people are rejected just because the marriage or engagement don't fit what is deemed normal by the Embassy. 

[geowrian 22,337]

US precedent is that an engagement ring is a promise fulfilled when you get married, and therefore remains the original owner's sole property until married. (Although this may vary by state)

Enforcement of the above is difficult, especially since she has such a short time left in the US.

If you don't want to marry (understandable IMO...been there), the best thing is to tell her and offer her a plane ticket home to just be done with it.

Edited September 12, 2018 by geowrian

[SalishSea 17,772]

58 minutes ago, Enas said:

How they perceive a marriage is based on what they think is normal. I remember reading a story about a woman who's husband was denied a Canadian because they didn't think the marriage was legit. Why? Because they had a big age difference (she was older than him by a couple of years), they weren't related to each other and they came from different villages. (They were from Pakistan) 

 

He was denied a visa and when given the reason the above was stated because it's not the "norm" in Pakistani culture for a woman to be older than her husband, and for them to be from two different far away villages and yet not be related. 

 

So yes it does happen that some people are rejected just because the marriage or engagement don't fit what is deemed normal by the Embassy. 

Have you read the entire thread?   Thats not the issue now.  She was approved and is in the US.

[IndigoPhantom 35]

4 hours ago, WokTheDog said:

UPDATE:   My fiance and daughter arrived on August 27th.  Things were going good, then i found out be accident, something her daughter said, that she was cheating on me for months.   They have a couples tattoo of a King and Queen of hearts on the wrist.    I haven't told her I know yet, but will do so the next few days.   I don't want the child involved in our discussion.  Anyway, I don't want to marry her anymore and was wondering if I should get the engagement ring back since she broke her promise to me.   I am also thinking I should message the boyfriend and have him pay her way back to the Philippines.   Appreciate all feedback.  Thanks.

 

Bob

😮😲🤯🤯.....I was reading the whole thread and did NOT see this twist coming 🤯🤯. WOW! Guess the CO at the embassy was onto something after all. Sorry for the way things turned out for you OP. 

[Enas 21]

31 minutes ago, Jorgedig said:

Have you read the entire thread?   Thats not the issue now.  She was approved and is in the US.

Yea sorry I just read the whole thing after I posted  and now understand the new problem. Well I guess the person who rejected her the first time had good vibe senses because goodness that's a horrible situation to be in. To go through all that trouble for someone to be so deceitful. What can OP do now? 

Edited September 12, 2018 by Enas

[SalishSea 17,772]

6 minutes ago, Enas said:

Yea sorry I just read the whole thing after I posted  and now understand the new problem. Well I guess the person who rejected her the first time had good vibe senses because goodness that's a horrible situation to be in. To go through all that trouble for someone to be so deceitful. What can OP do now? 

He has some choices.   Fortunately, since they are not yet married, she will be required to return to her country.

[Ontarkie 14,193]

~~One post removed. Do not post any personal information, pictures, names, FB chats or anything that can identify another individual.~~

~~Thread also moved to Effects of Major Family Changes, from K1 P&P~~

Edited September 12, 2018 by Ontarkie

[TBoneTX 45,155]

Pay for the ticket back and not one red cent more.

[WokTheDog 17]

1 hour ago, Ontarkie said:

~~One post removed. Do not post any personal information, pictures, names, FB chats or anything that can identify another individual.~~

~~Thread also moved to Effects of Major Family Changes, from K1 P&P~~

Sorry about that, was angry and just trying to vent.  I shouldn't have posted that

[Shiran 1,134]

12 minutes ago, WokTheDog said:

Sorry about that, was angry and just trying to vent.  I shouldn't have posted that

It is understandable, you put it seemingly your heart and soul (and money) into just to be betrayed and lied to in seemingly the worst way possible.