Surname Question

[barashka 97]

12 minutes ago, CM&KV said:

We are trying to embrace as much of his culture here as much as possible, even our rings are on the right hand, on my left I have an old ring my mom and I brought that matches. (He bought my a heart shape locket as the engagament ring)

 

He even thought about switching his name to my last name. Or do the combo name. Since I'm an old fashion person that comes to marriage traditions, I wanted to follow his culture rules.

As an ethnic Russian, I appreciate your respect. I, too, will wear my rings on my right hand, despite being born and raised in the United States. I am very loyal to my ethnic culture. Maybe this is why I chose a girl from my ethnic motherland, ahaha! I also have the utmost respect for my nation of birth, as well. I don't want anybody to get the wrong idea here.

Edited June 3, 2018 by barashka

[Alabamak1 688]

3 minutes ago, barashka said:

As an ethnic Russian, I appreciate your respect. I, too, will wear my rings on my right hand, despite being born and raised in the United States. I am very loyal to my ethnic culture. Maybe this is why I chose a girl from my ethnic motherland, ahaha! I also respect my nation of birth, as well. I don't want anybody to get the wrong idea here.

I hope you don't encounter too many problems and find a way on doing all this. As far as i am concerned, it it aint broke, don't fix it. lol. Trust me, we had a long discussion with my wife about all this and if and why i don't mind her keeping her name and what other russians would say. 

[DaveAndAnastasia 2,093]

I'm suddenly rather glad A intends to take my surname (not ethnic Russian, and probably at least a little Anglicized from the original German because there's no one with my surname outside of the US as far as I can tell)  … 

[Amy_and_Victor 159]

We have a little different situation than OP, I was actually born and raised in Russia while my wife was born and raised in the US, and we first met as grown up adults. About all these cultural differences we kinda found a middle ground but we're both flexible about it so it didn't cause any drama.

Amy took my last name at marriage, but to avoid all this mess with -ov and -ova in Russian last names she took exactly the same -ov spelling of my last name. I don't care that it sounds weird from Russian perspective since we don't really travel back to Russia, and it helps us to avoid a lot of legal issues and questions.

We both wear rings on left hands. It's not a big deal for me and we're both not religious at all, so we wear it on left hand like everyone here does. However when I traveled to Russia a couple of times for emergency reasons, I put a ring on my right hand like it supposed to be worn there.

 

- Victor from Russia

[Dashinka 24,651]

My wife and I tend to embrace both cultures as much as possible which feels right.  As to her patronymic name, we chose to use that as he middle name which seems to have worked fine.  Since I do not have a masculine Russian family name, the masculine/feminine surname was never an issue.  The only issue we are still dealing with is her Russian passport that still shows her maiden name.  This is bringing up questions as to what to do once she receives her US passport in a few weeks which will have her current family name.  We looked into changing her Russian passport a few years ago, but the general advice was that it is difficult due to the need to also change the domestic passport which we heard could only be done in country and takes a relative long amount of time and requires a legal name change document and not all marriage certificates are accepted by the Russian government (ours does not have a specific section for a name change).  I mentioned to her that she should call the Russian consulate in Washington to see if this process is still the same, but so far she hasn’t.  We just buy tickets in her maiden name and she always keeps a copy of our marriage certificate with her when traveling.

 

As to the OP, I don’t have any real experience with the surname conundrum, I would just either take your masculine name temporarily and then at the N400 naturalization stage, request an official name change to the feminine version.

 

Good Luck!

[CM&KV 72]

28 minutes ago, Alabamak1 said:

I hope you don't encounter too many problems and find a way on doing all this. As far as i am concerned, it it aint broke, don't fix it. lol. Trust me, we had a long discussion with my wife about all this and if and why i don't mind her keeping her name and what other russians would say. 

Well luckily I'm the USC and have most things with my married name on it I should be fine. I don't have a passport yet, and one bank account is refusing to change my last name with out him physically here, couldn't do that on his last business trip since he left the passport with the transliteration of his name back in Russia. The bank wouldn't even take marriage certificate and both ids ans ssn cards, even when our main bank allowed us.

 

 

 

[barashka 97]

1 hour ago, CM&KV said:

So I want to give you some facts before I tell you my story....

• I have a special type of drivers license that allows me to travel to Canada and Mexico and a few other places by boat and car without a passport. It goes thru DHS.
• My husband has been to the USA a few times before us getting married
• He has two different passports, Ukraine and Russian,

 

I don't even know what I did was correct, my husband's last name follows your example, and I had problems at the DMV after we got married. Keep in mind I have no ties to Russia besides being married to my husband, to that I know of. When we got our marriage license we put his patronymic as his middle name (because that's how his past visas were setup as). NO WHERE on the marriage license even asks you for new names, I had to fight for my female version of my husband’s last name. I got was "Well there is no "a" on here etc etc. and I can't give it to you etc etc etc." "Where do you plan on living when you are old (I said we were going to work and live here in the USA and retire in Russia)" "This might cause problems later on." It took 5 hours at the DMV to finally leave it with them finally giving me the female last name of my husband. My husband and his family and I choose to go with the female version of his last name and my closest friend and family members thought it was cool that were are trying to celebrate his culture as best as we can. His family understood that if the USA government refused to give me that A.

Before I even went to the DMV I went to the social security office to get my name changed, the girl that was helping had to talk to her boss to get an okay, which took less than 3 minutes. I left that office with  my card with that A on it. But sadly that card never showed up because I wasn't registered with my new last name on my mailbox...... more than 45 days later I went in and they refused to help since my IDS mismatched... so I had to go to the DMV. DMV told me that my names better match what was on file with the SS office and that my last name with that A could be seen as a nickname.....(like #######?!?!) You would think in a country like this one would have a guide book going in depth of the last names of each country or something. Who do people with many last names do this!?!?!

 

And yes I was told I could get a court order to change my last name..... Also what we are doing as a just incase is having a will made out with my current legal last name and my birth last name. and we have copies of our certificate to show my ties to him. 

 

 

How did you get the feminine version of your husband's surname in the first place? They allowed you to do that with an "a" at the end?

[CM&KV 72]

44 minutes ago, barashka said:

As an ethnic Russian, I appreciate your respect. I, too, will wear my rings on my right hand, despite being born and raised in the United States. I am very loyal to my ethnic culture. Maybe this is why I chose a girl from my ethnic motherland, ahaha! I also have the utmost respect for my nation of birth, as well. I don't want anybody to get the wrong idea here.

I was born into a military family and was stationed near the capital of USA. My father did work on for the President and vice president. After I was 1 we moved to Japan for nearly 6 years. During my education there we were taught to be respectful of others etc, we even had culture classes that taught us the history of Japan and their language. It was a great experience that I will never want to exchange for. I do think it helped give me a better understanding of where forigeners felt like in the USA, I had blond hair my sister had red, we stuck out like a sore thumb in the 80s when ever we travelled off base. Everyone was so nice to us and polite, I still see it as my home.

[DaveAndAnastasia 2,093]

3 minutes ago, barashka said:

How did you get the feminine version of your husband's surname in the first place? They allowed you to do that with an "a" at the end?

In California, when you apply for a marriage license, you can give the surname you want to be knowns as after marriage as any of

• Current last name of the other spouse or last name of either of the spouse give at birth
• A name combining into a single last name all or a segment of the current last name or the last name of either spouse given at birth. (mostly applies to hyphenating)
• A combination of the last names.

It seems probable that if Petrova married Ivanov and wanted to go by Ivanova after the marriage, that would fall under the last case as far as California was concerned (yes, this isn't actually what you'd be doing, but it would look like that to anyone who was unfamiliar with Russian naming conventions). Other states are probably different.

[CM&KV 72]

5 minutes ago, barashka said:

How did you get the feminine version of your husband's surname in the first place? They allowed you to do that with an "a" at the end?

The people at the social security office asked a supervisor for the okay which granted it to me with in a few minutes. Since my license is an enhance drivers license, which is only given to USC, I had to fight for my "A". I have done college and delt with teachers that were difficult to deal with, never fought so hard for an "A" in my life. What I learned was that this type of drivers licence HAS to match what the social security office has on file. So the DMV was forced to give me the A. (Each person at each step kept telling me that they wont give me the A.) Even my picture has be partly crying since I was so upset. I honestly didn't feel like we were man and wife till all my goverement ids were aline with his last name, per his cultural rules.

 

My suggestion is to go get the SSN card 1st before getting married (before i-94 expires) so she is at least in the system. After marriage see about the name change with the A to see if they can do it per your culture. And I would honestly wait till you have the new SSN card when you go into the DMV. And use the A on any forms. 

 

I don't know if me having the A would effect our process, even the noa1 had him with no A and me with the A. I'm currently still waiting in NOA2.

[barashka 97]

4 minutes ago, CM&KV said:

The people at the social security office asked a supervisor for the okay which granted it to me with in a few minutes. Since my license is an enhance drivers license, which is only given to USC, I had to fight for my "A". I have done college and delt with teachers that were difficult to deal with, never fought so hard for an "A" in my life. What I learned was that this type of drivers licence HAS to match what the social security office has on file. So the DMV was forced to give me the A. (Each person at each step kept telling me that they wont give me the A.) Even my picture has be partly crying since I was so upset. I honestly didn't feel like we were man and wife till all my goverement ids were aline with his last name, per his cultural rules.

 

My suggestion is to go get the SSN card 1st before getting married (before i-94 expires) so she is at least in the system. After marriage see about the name change with the A to see if they can do it per your culture. And I would honestly wait till you have the new SSN card when you go into the DMV. And use the A on any forms. 

 

I don't know if me having the A would effect our process, even the noa1 had him with no A and me with the A. I'm currently still waiting in NOA2.

I guess what I will do is have her keep her maiden surname, "Petrova", and then after she gets her Green Card, change her to my last name, feminized, such as "Ivanova", through our local courthouse. As an ethnic Russian, it just seems too bizarre for me to have her as "Ivanov", ahaha! She wouldn't want to have a masculine surname, neither. We just can't do that, it totally seems odd. How does this plan sound? Or, can I legally change her last name to "Ivanova" before I submit the AOS, EAD, AP documents?

[CM&KV 72]

47 minutes ago, DaveAndAnastasia said:

In California, when you apply for a marriage license, you can give the surname you want to be knowns as after marriage as any of

• Current last name of the other spouse or last name of either of the spouse give at birth
• A name combining into a single last name all or a segment of the current last name or the last name of either spouse given at birth. (mostly applies to hyphenating)
• A combination of the last names.

It seems probable that if Petrova married Ivanov and wanted to go by Ivanova after the marriage, that would fall under the last case as far as California was concerned (yes, this isn't actually what you'd be doing, but it would look like that to anyone who was unfamiliar with Russian naming conventions). Other states are probably different.

 

If your county has a section what the new last names would be, then you shouldn't have to worry about this mess. Unfortunately my county has no area what his or my new last name will be, which is why I had to deal with this headache. I'm trying to see if I can look up what your certificate would look like.

 

[TBoneTX 45,659]

Six argumentative posts have been removed, including one with name-calling that would normally warrant a suspension from the site.  If a post is offensive, hit the Report button -- avoid engaging in-thread.  Please remain respectful toward one another.

 

VJ Moderation

[Dashinka 24,651]

It is my understanding that regardless of how the marriage certificate looks (specific name change section or not) it functions as a legal name change document for surnames for either the husband or the wife (not for first/given names).  I would simply fill out the AOS forms with the surname desired (feminized version of the husband) and get the GC and any other cards in that name.

 

Good Luck!

[millefleur 5,047]

Wow...this whole thread made my head spin a bit...

 

I'm the USC. I married my Russian husband in Russia, my last name is "-ova" and his is "-ov"....and we have had no problems at all! Since our Russian marriage certificate clearly states what our names are on it (it shows mine with an "a" and his without), we haven't encountered a single problem with this concerning documents or IDs. We get questions about it from time to time and one time we got a piece of mail where my husband's name was "-ova" lol, but other than that, no issues.

 

I hope the OP gets it sorted out. This was a useful thread as I'm sure many people married to Russians will encounter this unusual trait of the language/culture. A lot of Russian women living in the US sadly just drop the "-a" completely from their Russian surnames...it's kind of sad to let it get so anglicized, that's why I think it's worth fighting to keep it. I agree with the OP that it just looks weird to see a fully Russian female name with "-ov" at the end.

 

As with any name change: SSN number comes first and foremost. Even via a court-ordered name change, the first thing to do is to get a new SSN, and then change all other ID's and vital docs.

Edited June 27, 2018 by millefleur