Abusive Divorce

[Loura 0]

Hi... I've been married 18 months and have a Conditional Green Card for 9 months now. After months of fighting and misery and useless marriage counseling I'm planning to leave my husband. I'm scared: I know I can file a waiver for a 10 Year Green Card and these are usually approved and I have a ton of evidence of the marriage but my husband is nasty and vindictive - part of why I'm planning to leave - and says if we divorce he will call USCIS and tell them I lied and used him and he will have me deported. This isn't true and I have evidence of our marriage - the whole process of getting my Conditional went smoothly as such and I've since been building a portfolio of tax returns, bank statements, photographs etc - but he sure sounds convincing when he gets enraged and meanwhile I in turn have no evidence other than the words of my mother and a friend that he has been isolating me and verbally abusing me. He man I woman. I do what man says. Or all hell breaks loose. So I'm getting ready to leave him - another concern is that I now have my own bank account that he doesn't know about, could that be used against me if discovered?? but how else can I financially support myself if I leave him when the BofAm is in both our names?? - I obviously have a life here that I'm scared of losing. I was living here 5 years before we got married which might be seen as a good thing but unfortunately I was Out Of Status which might count against me. My biggest concern on walking out the door is that he picks up the phone and they come for me and I haven't done anything wrong. A lawyer told me (free advice consultation) to slog it out until I get my 10 Year and then he cant hurt me but how can I stay like this 2 more years? What do you think I should do?

[Unlockable 7,314]

First and foremost, if you feel you are in danger or are suffering abuse, then there is no need for you to "slog it out" as your lawyer suggests. Abuse is never ok and is something where immediate action needs to be taken. 

 

You husband can't have you deported like he is threatening he can. It is not as easy as you or him thinks. You entered the marriage legitimately so you have a right to be here. Keep all of your evidence of a bonafide marriage and when the time comes you can file for ROC with a divorce waiver.

 

The financial aspects of your separation and subsequent divorce of your husband is a civil matter. If you have an immigration lawyer then you should search for a separate divorce lawyer. A divorce lawyer would help you on figuring out the best way to leave your husband. You may have to separate your finances by getting your own bank account.  If the lawyer that gave you that advice about staying in an abusive marriage is a divorce lawyer, then you should seek another lawyer.

 

Protect yourself at all cost. There is no need to endure such drama.

 

Good luck to you!

Edited May 31, 2018 by NuestraUnion

[Unlockable 7,314]

*** Moved to "Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits" ***

[Crazy Cat 41,908]

23 minutes ago, Loura said:

I was living here 5 years before we got married which might be seen as a good thing but unfortunately I was Out Of Status which might count against me. My biggest concern on walking out the door is that he picks up the phone and they come for me and I haven't done anything wrong. A lawyer told me (free advice consultation) to slog it out until I get my 10 Year and then he cant hurt me but how can I stay like this 2 more years? What do you think I should do?

1.  Being out of status BEFORE YOU MARRIED A USC is irrelevant.  Remove that concern from your mind.

2.  Your husband's threats are like water.  They hold no strength.

3.  I personally disagree with your attorney.  I think that staying in a bad relationship will not strengthen your case at all.  If you feel you should end your marriage, then do it now, imo.

 

Stay safe and seek happiness for yourself..

 

[Paul & Mallory 1,398]

I've seen many stories come across the forums of people who have divorced or separated while in the same timeframe as you - I think you would be fine. And I find any lawyer who suggests you remain in an abusive or potentially abusive household/marriage to be a terrible one. Just my opinion.

 

If you entered into the marriage legitimately then you will be fine. Hold onto any and all evidence supporting that. With that, your husband has no grounds to deport you - he is just threatening you, probably as yet another form of control. If he is abusive - Get away. If you do not have friends or relatives you can stay with, there are women's shelters for women in situations just like you. Your safety is the primary concern right now - everything else can be sorted out.

[Eric-Pris 1,606]

On ‎5‎/‎31‎/‎2018 at 8:00 AM, Loura said:

A lawyer told me (free advice consultation) to slog it out until I get my 10 Year and then he cant hurt me...

A free lawyer is worth exactly what you paid for him.  NOTHING!

 

Divorce this guy and move on.

[old-fella 109]

 

it's not okay to be in an abusive relationship. An abusive relationship is not worth. [ funny story  - its been a week that I was working more than 14 hrs a day because we are integrating our software with a big brand. And Sunday night I picked my wife from the airport around 2 AM. Had to go to work early around  7 AM.  At the end of Monday, I was super exhausted and went home. I was a cranky and I snapped at something.

 

my wife says .. gosh u are a cranky today.. And she put me to sleep and laid next to me. I woke up around 9 PM and I felt so guilty that I snapped at her for no reason that evening. I apologized for being a cranky and this morning I woke up  6AM and fixed her breakfast in bed and wrote a couple of love notes for her before I left to work. 

 

one word don't stay in abusive relationship. 

 

[Vordana 6]

On 5/31/2018 at 8:00 AM, Loura said:

Hi... I've been married 18 months and have a Conditional Green Card for 9 months now. After months of fighting and misery and useless marriage counseling I'm planning to leave my husband. I'm scared: I know I can file a waiver for a 10 Year Green Card and these are usually approved and I have a ton of evidence of the marriage but my husband is nasty and vindictive - part of why I'm planning to leave - and says if we divorce he will call USCIS and tell them I lied and used him and he will have me deported. This isn't true and I have evidence of our marriage - the whole process of getting my Conditional went smoothly as such and I've since been building a portfolio of tax returns, bank statements, photographs etc - but he sure sounds convincing when he gets enraged and meanwhile I in turn have no evidence other than the words of my mother and a friend that he has been isolating me and verbally abusing me. He man I woman. I do what man says. Or all hell breaks loose. So I'm getting ready to leave him - another concern is that I now have my own bank account that he doesn't know about, could that be used against me if discovered?? but how else can I financially support myself if I leave him when the BofAm is in both our names?? - I obviously have a life here that I'm scared of losing. I was living here 5 years before we got married which might be seen as a good thing but unfortunately I was Out Of Status which might count against me. My biggest concern on walking out the door is that he picks up the phone and they come for me and I haven't done anything wrong. A lawyer told me (free advice consultation) to slog it out until I get my 10 Year and then he cant hurt me but how can I stay like this 2 more years? What do you think I should do?

Get out of that relationship. I left my abusive husband two months after GC was approved. Make sure you collect all your bona fide documents. 

I had a safe box in a bank.

[Jon&Margz 132]

Before you leave - please prepare yourself:

1)  Do you have a safe place to stay?

2)  Do you have enough money to pay your expenses?

3) If you divorce - do you know how much it will cost?

4) Do you have a job and transportation?

5) If you have a car ... who owns the car?  Your husband sounds like a control-freak and probably does not have you on the car title.  You don't want to take something (like a car) and your husband reports you stole it to the police. 

 

The best way to succeed in your life is to understand what is ahead and to be prepared BEFORE you make your next move. 

Edited September 10, 2018 by Jon&Margz