clueless

[florida racer 73 200]

1 minute ago, Ksenia_O said:

Well.... then  if someone provides for you while you don't work (for whatever reason) and don't contribute a dime, you should be grateful, not demanding...  This is what marriage is about, right? To respect each other and care about each other.  And seems like those things are missing , towards to you and your family,  in the situation you've described.... 

 

Sorry, didn't mean to hurt you.. Telling us your story means   you are already, probably, hurt, or you see the things are not quite as they are supposed to be. Or you were hoping they would be...

 

Whatever you decide - I wish you all the best... 

I appreciate it. It is hard to try to diagnose your own relationships because a person will always second guess themselves.

 

I was unsure if it was her and her nature or if it was because of our different backgrounds.

 

thank you for giving me some great input.

[Eric-Pris 1,607]

16 minutes ago, Hattivatti said:

... immigration process is hard, different people react differently to stress and changes. People do have different personalities, so none of us are the same. So, we don't know. As poster mentioned, most of the time conversations are pleasant etc.

I get all that.  My fiance and I were living apart for over a year and then another 5 months for the k-1.  But not once did she ever say a mean word to me, or I to her.  When you love somebody, you don't let stress dictate your behavior towards them.

 

I see several red flags.  And chances are that this will probably get worse rather than better.  And once she has her visa, he's on the hook for 10 years (if she works), or until she naturalizes.

[little immigrant 801]

Question. The house you have, does your family live in it and do you expect her to move in WITH your family?

 

To be honest I lived with my mother in law and it was planned that way but I had a bad gut feeling about it. And I was right. She didn't stay out of our marriage and would ways side with her son while I had no one here. By the way, our marriage failed. 

 

So if that's her wanting an apartment for privacy reasons I totally agree with her. 

[Ksenia_O 696]

1 minute ago, Eric-Pris said:

I get all that.  My fiance and I were living apart for over a year and then another 5 months for the k-1.  But not once did she ever say a mean word to me, or I to her.  When you love somebody, you don't let stress dictate your behavior towards them.

 

I see several red flags.  And chances are that this will probably get worse rather than better.  And once she has her visa, he's on the hook for 10 years (if she works), or until she naturalizes.

This.

 

 

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

5 hours ago, florida racer 73 said:

when we are together everything seems to be fine.

In all of the reflection you do during this process, don't forget the point you made, above. The immigration process - especially when you're already married and waiting to be reunited - is an artificial and highly stressful situation. When you're together - that's real.

 

I laughed when I read the comment where the guy and his wife waited patiently apart for over a year and never had a bad word for each other. Well good for them! Too bad all 7 billion people on the planet aren't exactly the same as those two. We probably wouldn't even have any wars.

 

The fact is, most people get impatient. Most people, especially married couples, will have arguments. What you're experiencing is not out of the range of normal for married couples who are forced to spend long periods apart. I'm not saying to blindly endure her anger. Communicate. Try to get to the bottom of what's bothering her. Tell her of your concerns. As you say, there are 3 sides to every story. Try to understand the other 2 sides. Good luck.

[Villanelle 4,122]

16 hours ago, florida racer 73 said:

 

 

I guess my question to the community is, I see alot of red flags, is this just a cultural difference or is this something I should be really concerned about and end this now before NVC goes any further?

 

 

This is a silly question. 

 

The only reality there is is your perception. So if you are seeing red flags and considering ending the visa process and relationship, it doesnt matter why (if its cultural or fraud) it only matters that you see something that worries you enough to end your marriage. 

[Abby&Mario 100]

17 hours ago, florida racer 73 said:

 

In the begging of our marriage, I used to send her 50.00 usd for food and things, then it went to 100.00 now she tells me things cost more and demanded 150.00 every 2 weeks out of me. I have been over there 5 times on trips for 30+ days each trip and no matter what I do she still finds something to argue about.

 

I have recently taken over a house from my family, I just have to pay the mortgage, the mortgage is less then an apartment would cost, my wife refuses to live in this house and wants an apartment because my family has lived in this house and she does not like them and constantly talks bad about my family.

 

Unless inflation in Ukraine is really high (you should Google it and find out), that one sentence is enough for me to think you should get out of this before she moves to the U.S. The apartment thing is also weird. Best of luck.

[David & Diana R 1,005]

I would get the hell out while the gettin's good.  I mean you are already married but once you bring her to US you will really have a miserable life.  Run man, run!!!

[Sav&Har 142]

You should probably cut the sending money part completely and see how that goes. If she turns worse, not worth a marriage.

[bad4tatt 168]

21 hours ago, florida racer 73 said:

Hello family,

 

I have a problem and I do not have anyone else to ask or speak to so I hope that you can give me some advise. The back story is I married my wife, a Ukraine national on September 8, 2016, everything and life was great but lately she is very demanding, I filed her I-130 in November and it took us 10 months to get thru Nebraska, we are currently at NVC, I have sent my documents and the I-864 in but she is becoming very rude and demanding. She does not work all day and I am self employed in Florida. She seems to look for a reason to argue with me in viber messenger and when I start to get mad, she does not respond to me, I had a trip planned to Odessa on June 20th and all she has been messaging me was that I bring one of her cats back with me, she did not say a word about me coming she was more concerned with the cat. In the begging of our marriage, I used to send her 50.00 usd for food and things, then it went to 100.00 now she tells me things cost more and demanded 150.00 every 2 weeks out of me. I have been over there 5 times on trips for 30+ days each trip and no matter what I do she still finds something to argue about.

 

I have recently taken over a house from my family, I just have to pay the mortgage, the mortgage is less then an apartment would cost, my wife refuses to live in this house and wants an apartment because my family has lived in this house and she does not like them and constantly talks bad about my family.

 

It seems as if nothing I ever do is sufficient for her to please her, I guess my question is: am I being played for a fool here? Tonight she was yelling and arguing with me over a facebook page that we created when we were married, it has our wedding photos and other trip photos, she wanted me to delete it, so I did but she was still yelling at me for no reason. Is it possible she is looking for another man on the side? She does not want our wedding photos public?

 

I did not get married to live my life like this and I will not put up with this abuse. I am asking for opinions, now I know that there are 3 sides to every story, mine, hers and the truth.... but I am telling the facts as they happen.

 

I guess my question to the community is, I see alot of red flags, is this just a cultural difference or is this something I should be really concerned about and end this now before NVC goes any further?

 

 

Run and don't look back! There is no excuse for her actions. Proud spouses show them off not hide them and don't get me started on the laziness of not working and riding the coat tails of her husband... Just RUN.

 

 

[OlayemiLoray 172]

GET OUT like Jordan Peele!!! It will probably get worse later.....

[Mr.Jose 64]

On 5/25/2018 at 10:25 AM, florida racer 73 said:

Hello family,

 

I have a problem and I do not have anyone else to ask or speak to so I hope that you can give me some advise. The back story is I married my wife, a Ukraine national on September 8, 2016, everything and life was great but lately she is very demanding, I filed her I-130 in November and it took us 10 months to get thru Nebraska, we are currently at NVC, I have sent my documents and the I-864 in but she is becoming very rude and demanding. She does not work all day and I am self employed in Florida. She seems to look for a reason to argue with me in viber messenger and when I start to get mad, she does not respond to me, I had a trip planned to Odessa on June 20th and all she has been messaging me was that I bring one of her cats back with me, she did not say a word about me coming she was more concerned with the cat. In the begging of our marriage, I used to send her 50.00 usd for food and things, then it went to 100.00 now she tells me things cost more and demanded 150.00 every 2 weeks out of me. I have been over there 5 times on trips for 30+ days each trip and no matter what I do she still finds something to argue about.

 

I have recently taken over a house from my family, I just have to pay the mortgage, the mortgage is less then an apartment would cost, my wife refuses to live in this house and wants an apartment because my family has lived in this house and she does not like them and constantly talks bad about my family.

 

It seems as if nothing I ever do is sufficient for her to please her, I guess my question is: am I being played for a fool here? Tonight she was yelling and arguing with me over a facebook page that we created when we were married, it has our wedding photos and other trip photos, she wanted me to delete it, so I did but she was still yelling at me for no reason. Is it possible she is looking for another man on the side? She does not want our wedding photos public?

 

I did not get married to live my life like this and I will not put up with this abuse. I am asking for opinions, now I know that there are 3 sides to every story, mine, hers and the truth.... but I am telling the facts as they happen.

 

I guess my question to the community is, I see alot of red flags, is this just a cultural difference or is this something I should be really concerned about and end this now before NVC goes any further?

 

 

From what I’ve read you seem like a nice person, but at the same time your politeness and honesty makes you a perfect target for women that are seeking someone they can control.

 

Women like that have a plan, and unfortunately not a good one, she wants control, and trust me the apartment is only the beginning, new car is next, credit card, bank account, you’ll end up working two jobs while she goes out partying. 

 

Try This.

Next time she asks for money say NO, and don’t give a reason.

Next time she mentions apartment, say we’ll live in the house and that’s final, no discussion. 

Try to Skype, you and her together talk to your mom, father, brother, sister, etc.

Try talking with her father, mother, brother, sister, friends, they usually define her behavior and tell you stuff she won’t tell.

 

And don’t feel emotional. Take control.

[Teemo 252]

Big fat red flags that unfortunately mirrors other stories where one is just a green card gold digger. End this process now or expect to be on a divorce forum in a year or two asking questions about that process. Sorry, that hurts, but it's just so obvious

[Eric-Pris 1,607]

On 5/25/2018 at 3:37 PM, Russ&Caro said:

 When you're together - that's real.

Not necessarily.  Many are on their best behavior when together.  I know a couple that didn't work out in the end (after she came to the US), but when they were together (before her visa was issued), it was heaven.  He later told me that looking back, it was a good show that she put on for him.  She was a good actress, he bought it.