clueless

[florida racer 73 200]

Hello family,

 

I have a problem and I do not have anyone else to ask or speak to so I hope that you can give me some advise. The back story is I married my wife, a Ukraine national on September 8, 2016, everything and life was great but lately she is very demanding, I filed her I-130 in November and it took us 10 months to get thru Nebraska, we are currently at NVC, I have sent my documents and the I-864 in but she is becoming very rude and demanding. She does not work all day and I am self employed in Florida. She seems to look for a reason to argue with me in viber messenger and when I start to get mad, she does not respond to me, I had a trip planned to Odessa on June 20th and all she has been messaging me was that I bring one of her cats back with me, she did not say a word about me coming she was more concerned with the cat. In the begging of our marriage, I used to send her 50.00 usd for food and things, then it went to 100.00 now she tells me things cost more and demanded 150.00 every 2 weeks out of me. I have been over there 5 times on trips for 30+ days each trip and no matter what I do she still finds something to argue about.

 

I have recently taken over a house from my family, I just have to pay the mortgage, the mortgage is less then an apartment would cost, my wife refuses to live in this house and wants an apartment because my family has lived in this house and she does not like them and constantly talks bad about my family.

 

It seems as if nothing I ever do is sufficient for her to please her, I guess my question is: am I being played for a fool here? Tonight she was yelling and arguing with me over a facebook page that we created when we were married, it has our wedding photos and other trip photos, she wanted me to delete it, so I did but she was still yelling at me for no reason. Is it possible she is looking for another man on the side? She does not want our wedding photos public?

 

I did not get married to live my life like this and I will not put up with this abuse. I am asking for opinions, now I know that there are 3 sides to every story, mine, hers and the truth.... but I am telling the facts as they happen.

 

I guess my question to the community is, I see alot of red flags, is this just a cultural difference or is this something I should be really concerned about and end this now before NVC goes any further?

 

 

Edited May 25, 2018 by florida racer 73

[milimelo 4,582]

Well if she waits until your 2nd wedding anniversary to enter into States she’ll get 10 yr green card. If before then it would be a conditional one and she’ll have to remove conditions two yrs later. Either case has you on hook with Affidavit of support until she’s worked for 10 yrs (40 quarters), naturalizes, she leaves the country or one of you passes away. Divorce doesn’t stop AOS. 

 

I would consider her asking about bringing her cat a good thing. That will help her settle better. She can also start looking into jobs to see what’s out there. 

[bakphx1 789]

Well, I hate to see someone waste time having come this far but it sounds like you are seeing the writing on the wall. 

 

If she is not affectionate in any way, no kindness toward you, then it sounds grim. 

 

I would tell her you need to take a break and you are unhappy with the arguing and you don't want to live that way.  Tell her you want to soul search and she should consider doing the same. 

[Hattivatti 35]

To be honest, that doesn't much sound like the marriage I would want to be a part of.

 

Why is she disliking your family? What is she planning to do after coming over? Why living in the house where your family has lived would be a problem? Does she plan to work, raise kids at home or something else on the future? Have you guys had a conversation about the life, money and both of your expectations for the future? When did this constant arguing and disrespectful behavior started (before or after filing)? Has she traveled to meet you?

 

As of right now, it sounds like you're a meal ticket. Maybe you should have honest conversation with her about these things and how you feel about her constantly arguing and demanding more and more financially. In worse case, you can try and withdraw your affidavit of support before the process is completed and file for divorce. With 300$ one can pay a month's rent in Ukraine (unless living in a posh area in the city centre). Is she living alone or with a family, studying or something else at the moment?

 

Then again, it might all be just the stress of being separated, the process etc. and things will turn out fine after you guys get to settle. But, adjusting to a life in the different country and culture can be really taxing and rough.

[florida racer 73 200]

The thought did cross my mind that I could be a meal ticket, when we are together everything seems to be fine. I was starting to think that maybe she does not fully understand what I say to her sometimes due to the language and cultural differences.

 

She does not work right now, I am her only means of support, she lives with her mother in an apartment outside of city center, we have discussed our future plans and we want to have children. I do pretty good being self employed so I will be able to provide while she stayed home and took care of the household. She told me the prices for food have increased, I have not been there since my last trip in January so I do not know about the prices for sure, so the need for more money could be true.

 

She is very affectionate and most times our conversations are nice, but she just like to argue and demand things be done her way sometimes and if I ask her to please stop the arguing she does not and just keeps on going, I assume that might just be her nature?

 

When our immigration is complete, we are bringing both of her cats with her to Florida, Could all of this be caused by the stress of the immigration process and all of the waiting and time apart, I know it is stressful for me.

 

 

She is anxiously waiting to come here, I am anxious also, but sometimes she is difficult to deal with. As far as her not liking my family, she has spoken to them on the phone or thru messages, she is pleasant on the phone with them but she speaks bad about them in messages to me. She has never been to the United States, we tried for a tourist visa but she was denied.

 

I know that she loves me, as I love her, I am thinking that this could be a combination of her having to much free time to be able to think about things due to her not working right now and the stress of the immigration process?

[Ksenia_O 696]

May I ask you?.. Why doesn't she work? Odessa is pretty busy city,  so are places around - there are always jobs there...

Edited May 25, 2018 by Ksenia_O

[florida racer 73 200]

16 minutes ago, Ksenia_O said:

May I ask you?.. Why doesn't she work? Odessa is pretty busy city,  so are places around - there are always jobs there...

She originally was working when we got married but the company moved it's office away and she could not get to it anymore. She also explained to me that it is difficult to get a job in Odessa with an American last name and that the employer would think that she would not stay at her job for very long due to her leaving for immigration to the United States.

 

I never really question this because it sounds like a reasonable explanation.

 

[Boiler 46,359]

How much time have you spent together.

[Ksenia_O 696]

3 minutes ago, florida racer 73 said:

She originally was working when we got married but the company moved it's office away and she could not get to it anymore. She also explained to me that it is difficult to get a job in Odessa with an American last name and that the employer would think that she would not stay at her job for very long due to her leaving for immigration to the United States.

 

I never really question this because it sounds like a reasonable explanation.

 

Yes, sounds reasonable.. Probably.  But I'm honestly surprised the last name has become an "issue" for a job search.

Besides Odessa ( and places around ) is multinational.. Like really MULTI. Now and has always been. Since don't remember what century... . There are so many people with all kind of different last names there. Now and then -  Ukrainians, Russians, Bulgarians, Greeks, Germans, Jews and others...Honestly I've never heard of an employer,  surprised with "non-Ukrainian " last name.. And that applies to the whole country, pretty much... 

[florida racer 73 200]

9 minutes ago, Boiler said:

How much time have you spent together.

over 6 months, I have made 5 trips over there for 30-45 days a trip

[florida racer 73 200]

1 minute ago, Ksenia_O said:

Yes, sounds reasonable.. Probably.  But I'm honestly surprised the last name has become an "issue" for a job search.

Besides Odessa ( and places around ) is multinational.. Like really MULTI. Now and has always been. Since don't remember what century... . There are so many people with all kind of different last names there. Now and then -  Ukrainians, Russians, Bulgarians, Greeks, Germans, Jews and others...Honestly I've never heard of an employer,  surprised with "non-Ukrainian " last name.. And that applies to the whole country, pretty much... 

I agree, like I said I cannot say if what she has told me is true or not because I have  no knowledge, I can only take her word for it.

 

The part about not wanting to hire someone because of a pending immigration makes perfect sense to me

[Eric-Pris 1,607]

Cancel the I-130 and 864 NOW.  This will only get worse.  You will never be happy in this marriage.  You are her meal ticket to a better life.  If she's this way now, it will get 10x worse when she arrives.  You will just end up paying more in the long run.  You want a headache that's in Ukraine or down the street from you?

 

And who will support her mother once she comes to the US?  I think that it will be on you.

 

Just my opinion. 

 

 

Edited May 25, 2018 by Eric-Pris

[Eric-Pris 1,607]

10 hours ago, Hattivatti said:

Then again, it might all be just the stress of being separated, the process etc. and things will turn out fine after you guys get to settle. But, adjusting to a life in the different country and culture can be really taxing and rough.

I'm sorry, but that's just looking for justification for her horrible treatment of him.

[Hattivatti 35]

6 minutes ago, Eric-Pris said:

I'm sorry, but that's just looking for justification for her horrible treatment of him.

No, it's not looking for justification. But, immigration process is hard, different people react differently to stress and changes. People do have different personalities, so none of us are the same. So, we don't know. As poster mentioned, most of the time conversations are pleasant etc.

 

But I do worry about what he said about how she is reacting to his family, bad mouthing behind the back and what not. It doesn't say good things about one's character. And we never did hear why she is disliking them, or the house since she hasn't even seen it for real. 

 

She over all sounds very high maintenance and demanding person, and not all pleasant nature either. If I would be in this situation, I'd take a time out and make sure to have prenup drawn and signed before getting her over, since it does sound a bit like divorce happening in close future.

[Ksenia_O 696]

40 minutes ago, florida racer 73 said:

I agree, like I said I cannot say if what she has told me is true or not because I have  no knowledge, I can only take her word for it.

 

The part about not wanting to hire someone because of a pending immigration makes perfect sense to me

Well.... then  if someone provides for you while you don't work (for whatever reason) and don't contribute a dime, you should be grateful, not demanding...  This is what marriage is about, right? To respect each other and care about each other.  And seems like those things are missing , towards to you and your family,  in the situation you've described.... 

 

Sorry, didn't mean to hurt you.. Telling us your story means   you are already, probably, hurt, or you see the things are not quite as they are supposed to be. Or you were hoping they would be...

 

Whatever you decide - I wish you all the best... 

Edited May 25, 2018 by Ksenia_O