The USA should be the land of freedom but...

[carla s 4]

Hi, I am Carla and I am Italian. My american fiance and I are doing our paper work for the K1 Visa. We are in love form almost 3 years and we thought that we just needed to get married. Everybody in the world know USA as the land of freedom but I realized that there is nothing free in the USA. Is it right that we have to prove everything, that we have to show them our private life, our private messagges, chats, email, photos... I feel sad and I really don't know if I will feel american one day in the future. I am sure that I will miss the italian food, the italian colture, the italian weather (He lives in Oregon = it rains 350 days a year). I truly love him just I don't like the american way for to get married! Can somebody tell me where is the freedom in USA?

[Boiler 45,525]

15 minutes ago, carla s said:

Hi, I am Carla and I am Italian. My american fiance and I are doing our paper work for the K1 Visa. We are in love form almost 3 years and we thought that we just needed to get married. Everybody in the world know USA as the land of freedom but I realized that there is nothing free in the USA. Is it right that we have to prove everything, that we have to show them our private life, our private messagges, chats, email, photos... I feel sad and I really don't know if I will feel american one day in the future. I am sure that I will miss the italian food, the italian colture, the italian weather (He lives in Oregon = it rains 350 days a year). I truly love him just I don't like the american way for to get married! Can somebody tell me where is the freedom in USA?

It does sound like you might be much happier staying in Italy, have you discussed this with your Fiance?

[Illiria 980]

2 minutes ago, Boiler said:

It does sound like you might be much happier staying in Italy, have you discussed this with your Fiance?

This, there is nothing to say the non us fiancée should be the one to move. In some cases it is in fact the wisest for the foreign partner not to be the one to move. 

 

Do discuss this with your fiancé, explain your fears to him and make a frank assessment of the pros and cons of both countries.

[carla s 4]

2 minutes ago, Boiler said:

It does sound like you might be much happier staying in Italy, have you discussed this with your Fiance?

Yes, but he doesn't speak italian and he doesn't want that I support him. He loves Italy but he wants to be closer to his parents too because they are getting old. They live in Arkansas so I told him that I will stay in Oregon no more than 1 year and after that we will move to an USA state where the weather is more worm, like Florida or Texas so we can be closer to his parents and I can see the sun. I am leaving my county, my roots, my past life for to stay with him and trust me, it is not simple. I have a son in Italy (he is 20 years old), I have my parents, my friends, my dogs, my houses. I know that I am happy only with him and I will do my best for to adapt in the USA but it will not be simple

[Boiler 45,525]

He is 2,000 miles away from his Parents.

[carla s 4]

4 minutes ago, Illiria said:

This, there is nothing to say the non us fiancée should be the one to move. In some cases it is in fact the wisest for the foreign partner not to be the one to move. 

 

Do discuss this with your fiancé, explain your fears to him and make a frank assessment of the pros and cons of both countries.

He can't move to Italy because he doesn't speak italian and he doesn't want that I support him. Don't ask me why, but he doesn't feel a man in case that he doesn't work and I support him...

[carla s 4]

2 minutes ago, Boiler said:

He is 2,000 miles away from his Parents.

yes, now he lives in Oregon and he wants to move more closer to his parents that live in Hot Springs Arkansas. I don't like Arkansas, I love the sea and the ocean so Florida and Texas are good for me and he can be to his parent's home in some hours with a car

[Illiria 980]

4 minutes ago, carla s said:

He can't move to Italy because he doesn't speak italian and he doesn't want that I support him. Don't ask me why, but he doesn't feel a man in case that he doesn't work and I support him...

Has he tried to learn? Could he get work teaching English? He could save up so that he could cover his expenses until he could get a job. 

 

Is it his intention that after the move you can look after his parents?

Edited May 5, 2018 by Illiria

[carla s 4]

1 minute ago, Illiria said:

Has he tried to learn? Could he get work teaching English? He could save up so that he could cover his expenses until he could get a job. 

He works 70 hours a week, he doesn't have time for to learn italian and in Italy you have to have a degree in languages for to teach... and for him everything in Italy is very little, the streets, the houses, the cars, he is not use to drive in the mad insane traffic in Italy. He will be retire in 10 years so our idea is to live in USA for 10 years and after that move to Europe 

[T_P 872]

I`m sorry I have read every single suggestion here......This isnt about whether or not USA is/not a freedom country....it almost looks like you are victimizing yourself.

 

There are options out there...you and your husband as a adult couple can seat down and talk whether or not it is beneficial for you guys move to US, or get married in Italy. Whether or not he thinks you cant support or provide finally to you both has nothing to do with K1 or CR1 process, this is a personal issue. 

 

Lets just get down to earth and understand what are your options within your relationship and go from there, USCIS will not change and there are PLENTY of reasons why they require what they require for visa and what not. 

 

Edited May 5, 2018 by T_P

[yuna628 9,676]

OP: Until you discuss your feelings with your fiancé, I don't think you should honestly proceed. If YOU are not ready to leave your country behind, and he is unwilling to learn or make certain sacrifices for you, then this will only be miserable for you. When it comes to immigration your entire lives are laid bare for the government to see, and we've all had to make sacrifices to make our lives together. If you find yourself contemplating that you will be filled with regret.. think about how the future will be more, and if you're really ready for it.

 

America is a land of freedom, in that we have many personal freedoms and liberties that other countries do not. We also have many opportunities for those that are willing. But that does not mean everything is free, nor should anyone expect that. We are a country, unique as any other. How do you expect that a person feels American? Ask yourself what does it mean to feel American? America is filled with people... people that are immigrants, a melting pot of children and grandchildren and great grand children of immigrants. We each have our own cultures and differences, and not necessarily united under a notion of a specific identity. You should not expect to set foot here and suddenly 'feel American'... because there is really no such thing as that. You may likely experience culture shock for a very long time, you may adjust or never adjust. You may feel floundering for a while, and then slowly normalize. America will never be exactly like your home. Your home will always be your home and special to you.

[Chris Duffy 1,257]

7 hours ago, carla s said:

Hi, I am Carla and I am Italian. My american fiance and I are doing our paper work for the K1 Visa. We are in love form almost 3 years and we thought that we just needed to get married. Everybody in the world know USA as the land of freedom but I realized that there is nothing free in the USA. Is it right that we have to prove everything, that we have to show them our private life, our private messagges, chats, email, photos... I feel sad and I really don't know if I will feel american one day in the future. I am sure that I will miss the italian food, the italian colture, the italian weather (He lives in Oregon = it rains 350 days a year). I truly love him just I don't like the american way for to get married! Can somebody tell me where is the freedom in USA?

Take a trip down memory lane to World War 2 and that time period.  You will find your answer 

[Roel 7,192]

7 hours ago, carla s said:

Hi, I am Carla and I am Italian. My american fiance and I are doing our paper work for the K1 Visa. We are in love form almost 3 years and we thought that we just needed to get married. Everybody in the world know USA as the land of freedom but I realized that there is nothing free in the USA. Is it right that we have to prove everything, that we have to show them our private life, our private messagges, chats, email, photos... I feel sad and I really don't know if I will feel american one day in the future. I am sure that I will miss the italian food, the italian colture, the italian weather (He lives in Oregon = it rains 350 days a year). I truly love him just I don't like the american way for to get married! Can somebody tell me where is the freedom in USA?

Sorry this is not a Disney movie and love doesn't conquer it all. Law is law and love has nothing to do with the immigration rules. If not for those rules, you'll have scam marriages happening all the time. 

 

Also no one stops you from getting married in the US. You have all the freedom! You can go to Vegas and be married in 5 minutes. Most of the countries doesn't allow you to do that this fast. 

 

Plus no one forces you to move to the US. In the end it's your own choice and sooner you accept how things in US  works the better for you. 

 

Ps. Don't worry. Italian restaurants can be found on every corner. 

Edited May 5, 2018 by Roel

[debbiedoo 2,339]

You need to think long and hard about whether or not this is a good idea for EITHER of you.

 

Youre already complaining and you're not even HERE.

[shumway1756 304]

27 minutes ago, debbiedoo said:

You need to think long and hard about whether or not this is a good idea for EITHER of you.

 

Youre already complaining and you're not even HERE.

Very true. Attitude makes or breaks this process. If someone is already determined that America is a miserable place to be (as the OPs tone suggests to me), there is only pain in the future.

 

I’m temporarily living in a country that I particularly don’t like. But guess what? I do it because I’m committed to being with my wife. I’ve decided that I’m going to make it work for as long as I must before we can return to the states. OP, make that decision now, or have a serious talk with your fiancé about what you’re not willing to do.