IS IT EVER HOPELESS????

[mybackpages 0]

The petition I filed makes no mention of my religion, ethnicity, language skills, familial national origin, or where I grew up. Those are things that can't be known off hand without probing, or without it having been included in the petition on my own. If they don't ask, how do they know what your differences or similarites are beyond what you tell them? And often they never ask.

You can infer some of these things by the language and photos within the petition. Sometimes the interview seals the deal.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I think the whole cultural/ethnicity/background difference thing is not the MAIN reason for denials. I think that denials are often a combination of red flags. I don't think anyone here can put their finger on EXACTLY why people get denied and I think every case is different. Even if we don't know exactly what the CO's are thinking or for what exact reaon they are denying people I think we can at least speculate in order to try to help others who go through Casa in the future. I don't think there's anything wrong with telling someone that their age difference or lack of common language etc. might have a negative impact on their case in order to prepare them for the worst which I personally feel is the best tactic when going through Casa. By preparing for the worst people really help themselves out in case something does go wrong.

I think it's generally pretty clear which couples will have a hard time and which ones won't. Having said that though I still think it's best to be fully prepared for anything going through that Consulate.

Edited May 7, 2007 by sarah and hicham

[Sofiyya 1,687]

There is no main thing, there is no one thing, that creates a denial, but in no way can culture, ethnicity or background be shut out of the considerations, and couples need to understand that too. I don't see anything wrong with telling them that either. It certainly isn't a lie.

If it was so clear which couples will have a hard time and which ones won't, what makes it clear? What are the patterns that have been mentioned before? We've been told that there is gossip about it, but maybe that's not where the notions need to remain. Is it gossip because there is no way to be tactful about it? I know that prior to this thread, when I've stated what I see as problematic, it's caused a big uproar. Is that why such things are mentioned, but not stated outright? Or are they simply speculative and unproveable? Inquiring minds want to know.

[mybackpages 0]

Or are they simply speculative and unproveable? Inquiring minds want to know.

I wouldnt describe it as speculative and unprovable. I would say it is a hypothesis based on facts as they are prented here by the posters themselves. At best an educated guess based on what we do know fromm here, from other experiences and general knowledge of what is and isnt. At worse - the wrong conclusion because we do not know all the facts.

[peezey 0]

There is no main thing, there is no one thing, that creates a denial, but in no way can culture, ethnicity or background be shut out of the considerations, and couples need to understand that too. I don't see anything wrong with telling them that either. It certainly isn't a lie.

If it was so clear which couples will have a hard time and which ones won't, what makes it clear? What are the patterns that have been mentioned before? We've been told that there is gossip about it, but maybe that's not where the notions need to remain. Is it gossip because there is no way to be tactful about it? I know that prior to this thread, when I've stated what I see as problematic, it's caused a big uproar. Is that why such things are mentioned, but not stated outright? Or are they simply speculative and unproveable? Inquiring minds want to know.

I have found no matter one's delivery, bringing up these issues is always an uproar (obviously not in this thread) when someone asks a question specifically about their own case and people answer honestly. The blinders come on, people sensitive to the same issues come out in defense (of what, exactly, I don't know).

I think that's why there is a lot of gossiping. Tact might not get your point across, bluntness gets people pissed.

[Caladan 19]

There's a big uproar because people confuse tact with being passive-aggressive.

[Ban Hammer 13,283]

There's a big uproar because people confuse tact with being passive-aggressive.

it's tact if you get along with the person who said it, passive-aggressive if you don't

[Minya's wife 24]

There's a big uproar because people confuse tact with being passive-aggressive.

it's tact if you get along with the person who said it, passive-aggressive if you don't

touche'

[Sofiyya 1,687]

When we can't distinquish between tact and passive-aggressive, then it is pretty hopeless .