shoot the breeze A Rant Thread named Desire

[NikLR 13,230]

This may be an unpopular opinion, especially in the USA, but why the heck are do people pay for their adult child's tuition?  They should be saving for their retirement.  They should be directing your funds towards themselves, not their adult child.  In the USA they have this thing where they feel like they have to pay for their kid's college education, but there are grants and loans.  Does it suck to start your working adult life in debt, SURE!!! But they are choosing to go to school.  I understand helping, like giving them a place to stay, helping buy books, food, or other necessities in life (which eventually they have to learn to pay for themselves too.) But I've never understood the compulsion for US (and even Canadian parents) to pay for their kid's continuing education.  I paid for mine.  I know veterinarians who have paid theirs off, several years out of school, but yet others who are still paying off the loans 10 years later.  That isn't stopping them from taking trips to Hawaii or buying new cars.  

 

Get it through heads, their kid isn't going to pay for their retirement.  Social security really doesn't pay for much.  In my state it doesn't even cover the cost of a place to live. 

 

If you can afford retirement AND tuition, by all means, help out!!  But don't pick a kid's tuition over your own retirement.  

[Ontarkie 14,325]

I have a killer headache. Doctor says it's normal and to keep rinsing. It's boy #3's 21st birthday today how are my babies growing up so fast!?!

 

 

Our pedi back in Canada. His last name was Leung pronounced like Lee young. Hillbilly's friend here last name is Leung but pronounced Learn. I always thought that was interesting and figured it was probably because of the area they are in. Maybe to make it easier on ppl saying the name? Anywho I thought it was interesting. These kind of things always has me curious 

[NikLR 13,230]

/end rant

Just now, Ontarkie said:

I have a killer headache. Doctor says it's normal and to keep rinsing. It's boy #3's 21st birthday today how are my babies growing up so fast!?!

 

 

Our pedi back in Canada. His last name was Leung pronounced like Lee young. Hillbilly's friend here last name is Leung but pronounced Learn. I always thought that was interesting and figured it was probably because of the area they are in. Maybe to make it easier on ppl saying the name? Anywho I thought it was interesting. These kind of things always has me curious 

It is interesting how regional areas say the same name differently.  I wonder which one is actually the correct way. 

 

Hope your headache goes away quickly. 

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

Concerning the costs of education for children... I'd say these costs in addition to all of the costs associated with children scared me off from having children. I married relatively late in my life and La Colombiana has agreed with me in regards to having children. And even without children, although we've saved for retirement, it's not going to be any plush lifestyle in 8 or 9 years when I start drawing from my various retirement accounts. So, I definitely see your point.

 

My question concerning your question is... when you implement the plan to not pay for your kids' college education, what will you do when your kid(s) come to you as an adult and complain that your lack of financial support has made their life horrible? Will you be content if they cut themselves and their children off from you, in retribution? What if your decision becomes a deal breaker for them?

[TBoneTX 45,704]

3 hours ago, SAT said:

uncultered

Who's uncultered now, huh man?

3 hours ago, SAT said:

The Brits standardized the spelling

Obviously not yours, no man!  

[TBoneTX 45,704]

16 minutes ago, Russ&Caro said:

what will you do when your kid(s) come to you as an adult and complain that your lack of financial support has made their life horrible?

Say, "you should have picked a course of study that would have enabled you to make a living, si man," si man.

 

Or, more likely, "you should have joined us in the massively lucrative Pre-Owned Toilet Seat business, si man," si man.

Edited August 21, 2018 by TBoneTX

[SAT 9,609]

2 hours ago, Ontarkie said:

I have a killer headache. Doctor says it's normal and to keep rinsing. It's boy #3's 21st birthday today how are my babies growing up so fast!?!

 

 

Our pedi back in Canada. His last name was Leung pronounced like Lee young. Hillbilly's friend here last name is Leung but pronounced Learn. I always thought that was interesting and figured it was probably because of the area they are in. Maybe to make it easier on ppl saying the name? Anywho I thought it was interesting. These kind of things always has me curious 

 

1- have a new baby 👶

 

2- leung is a Hong Kong spelling. Which is the standard. Which makes sense since Canada is full of Hong Kong people. 

[SAT 9,609]

2 hours ago, NikLR said:

This may be an unpopular opinion, especially in the USA, but why the heck are do people pay for their adult child's tuition?  They should be saving for their retirement.  They should be directing your funds towards themselves, not their adult child.  In the USA they have this thing where they feel like they have to pay for their kid's college education, but there are grants and loans.  Does it suck to start your working adult life in debt, SURE!!! But they are choosing to go to school.  I understand helping, like giving them a place to stay, helping buy books, food, or other necessities in life (which eventually they have to learn to pay for themselves too.) But I've never understood the compulsion for US (and even Canadian parents) to pay for their kid's continuing education.  I paid for mine.  I know veterinarians who have paid theirs off, several years out of school, but yet others who are still paying off the loans 10 years later.  That isn't stopping them from taking trips to Hawaii or buying new cars.  

 

Get it through heads, their kid isn't going to pay for their retirement.  Social security really doesn't pay for much.  In my state it doesn't even cover the cost of a place to live. 

 

If you can afford retirement AND tuition, by all means, help out!!  But don't pick a kid's tuition over your own retirement.  

 

All sound financial adviser will tell you not to permanently deprive yourself of a retirement for the sake of your child's education. 

A student loan is fairly temporary. 

A depletion of your retirement fund is permanent. 

 

When the kids were born, I opened four 529k accounts for them. I own 2 accounts, they own 2 accounts. I know they'll have to pay full boat tuition, unless they get scholarships.

I'm planning to pay for half of their educations (whether if I can afford to pay for their entire education or not). But I'm planning for high cost colleges, and away from home (just in case they get into MIT or something). 

The beauty of a 529 is, NY has one of the best rated 529s. And 2,  the money can be used for everything related to school, like room and board, etc...

If you take from a 401 for education, the money can only be used for tuition. 

 

The older one already knows that my rule for college is, she must be at least 3 hours from home. 

 

I want them to enjoy their time. Be independent, meet people from all over, grow wings. I know I'll be the one to miss them more than they'll miss me. 

But that's what I want. And they'll thank me...

 

 

Edited August 21, 2018 by SAT

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

2 hours ago, Russ&Caro said:

 

My question concerning your question is... when you implement the plan to not pay for your kids' college education, what will you do when your kid(s) come to you as an adult and complain that your lack of financial support has made their life horrible? Will you be content if they cut themselves and their children off from you, in retribution? What if your decision becomes a deal breaker for them?

 

I'll tell them to grow up and figure out their own lives.  Where we live it is very doable for a college student to work and pay for their tuition, or a great deal of it.   The neighboring state tuition for a full year at my university is $7000.  That's it.  Versus where I grew up, where people (myself included) were gifted luxury cars as teenagers, the ones here work and buy their own cars.  

 

A consequence of my mother not making me work when I was in high school and propping up my living expenses as an adult, was that she continued to have way too much power into my adulthood and made it difficult to take a jump off into poverty land, which is what I should have done.

 

For me and my husband, who comes from a culture in which college is free and kids move out at 18, we both believe that 18/19 year olds need to spread their wings and figure it out themselves.  That is what makes men out of boys rather than the generation of basement dwellers that we've created.

 

2 hours ago, NikLR said:

This may be an unpopular opinion, especially in the USA, but why the heck are do people pay for their adult child's tuition?  They should be saving for their retirement.  They should be directing your funds towards themselves, not their adult child.  In the USA they have this thing where they feel like they have to pay for their kid's college education, but there are grants and loans.  Does it suck to start your working adult life in debt, SURE!!! But they are choosing to go to school.  I understand helping, like giving them a place to stay, helping buy books, food, or other necessities in life (which eventually they have to learn to pay for themselves too.) But I've never understood the compulsion for US (and even Canadian parents) to pay for their kid's continuing education.  I paid for mine.  I know veterinarians who have paid theirs off, several years out of school, but yet others who are still paying off the loans 10 years later.  That isn't stopping them from taking trips to Hawaii or buying new cars.  

 

Get it through heads, their kid isn't going to pay for their retirement.  Social security really doesn't pay for much.  In my state it doesn't even cover the cost of a place to live. 

 

If you can afford retirement AND tuition, by all means, help out!!  But don't pick a kid's tuition over your own retirement.  

 

We can't afford both, so we will be choosing retirement as not to be a burden on them in the future.

 

Well, that and I'm still paying for my tuition and then my own student loans.  There is a chance I'll still be paying off my student loans when my oldest starts college or trade school.  Her grandparents have told me they are paying for college for her.  I don't really agree with that.

 

[Ontarkie 14,325]

I have trust funds for my older 4 kids. Their father didn't sign it for them when they came to need it. The oldest got a small amount of loans only because he was  dumb and took useless classes to make friends happy. So his grants and scholarships didn't cover it all. The 2nd boy had grants and scholarships that payed for everything and when he was done the school actually owed him money.  My ex probably cashed in all that money I put into those trust funds. Boy number 3 has only had grants so far and pays a little extra out of pocket because labs puts him over. He still has 3 years left because he wants his bachelors for construction management. He wants to be the boss and run his own business later. 

 

Honestly I don't think many US kids are equipped to be on their own at 18. I was but also married with a kid at that age. My kids friends are pretty much clueless and I can see a huge difference between my kids and their peers because I don't raise useless kids   I'm pretty sure this is Nola's line of thinking too. 

 

As for if adult kids try the blame game. I believe that only happens if you raise self entitled brats that grow up into self entitled useless brats. Boy I can go on and on about some of the women I'm in a group with. 

 

But I'm fine with parents who want to pay for their kids college. I sure tried but too bad my ex is useless and can't even drop dead in a timely manner. 

 

My father made too much money for us to get student loans. We also couldn't get bank loans because we were too young and what ever the bank could come up with. I did go back to school after kid #4 and got loans but it would have been nice to go to school earlier. 

 

 

[SAT 9,609]

7 minutes ago, Ontarkie said:

 

 

Honestly I don't think many US kids are equipped to be on their own at 18. 

 

 

 

A lot of us didn't have a choice but to be on our own. 

 

That's why I have that rule for my kids. 

But the difference is, they'll have support, no matter where they are...

[Ontarkie 14,325]

25 minutes ago, SAT said:

 

A lot of us didn't have a choice but to be on our own. 

 

That's why I have that rule for my kids. 

But the difference is, they'll have support, no matter where they are...

Yes that is true.

 

That's the same thing for my kids. They are well equipped to be on their own and 2 have been. Mine had rules too, but a bit different then yours, but the idea is the same.  

[NikLR 13,230]

6 hours ago, Russ&Caro said:

Concerning the costs of education for children... I'd say these costs in addition to all of the costs associated with children scared me off from having children. I married relatively late in my life and La Colombiana has agreed with me in regards to having children. And even without children, although we've saved for retirement, it's not going to be any plush lifestyle in 8 or 9 years when I start drawing from my various retirement accounts. So, I definitely see your point.

 

My question concerning your question is... when you implement the plan to not pay for your kids' college education, what will you do when your kid(s) come to you as an adult and complain that your lack of financial support has made their life horrible? Will you be content if they cut themselves and their children off from you, in retribution? What if your decision becomes a deal breaker for them?

If your children cut you off because you didn't pay for their college tuition you did something wrong raising them to begin with. 

[TBoneTX 45,704]

12 hours ago, Ontarkie said:

It's boy #Many's Many'st birthday today

Age and rank of offspring #Many precised, si D ma'am.

10 hours ago, SAT said:

have a new baby

Finally, a sensible post from Steveklar.  Do it, D ma'am -- be re-fruitful and re-multiply, si D ma'am!   

[TBoneTX 45,704]

10 hours ago, N-o-l-a said:

The neighboring state tuition for a full year at my university is $Many,000.  That's it.

That's either a bargain or outrageous, whee or gee ma'am.

10 hours ago, N-o-l-a said:

spread their wings and figure it out themselves.  That is what makes men out of boys rather than the generation of basement dwellers that we've created.

Now tell us how you really feel, si Nola-B. ma'am.

10 hours ago, N-o-l-a said:

There is a chance I'll still be paying off my student loans when my oldest starts college or trade school.

Behave and you might eventually be invited into the filthy-lucrative POTS business, si ma'am.

 

Whoops, see man: Last Post on Page and unread, sorry ma'am.