Going to difficult times

[cd37 229]

3 hours ago, sophia88 said:

Yes, he can remove conditions with divorce waiver, he knows that. I will let the lawyer tell him that too. However, I think that he worries about approving that our marriage is real. We didn't have wedding, we are over 30 and no kids, no joint property. (he was married before and divorced with one child). Also we don't have many pictures together, only one or two I think... although there are many pictures from before marriage.

Your first priority is to make yourself safe. Dont bother what he does with his conditional green card. Follow what your lawyer says.

[Unidentified 2,930]

Stop worrying about him and his immigration. Worry about yourself and your safety. Get out of there, stay with friends or family and get divorced. Don't be alone with him. 

[betelgeuse 5]

2 hours ago, Boiler said:

He has his GC.

You can't do ROC based on VAWA?

[Kim & Zak 195]

Your first priority is to stay safe. It might depend on the state, but as far as I'm aware, all you need for a restraining order is for someone to have threatened you (him almost hitting you, joking about throwing you out of a window, violent in arguments). While you don't have to provide evidence (at least in AZ.. which is a fairly conservative state so I can't imagine other states are going to make it much harder), he can contest it if he really wants to. I was granted a restraining order through this. Didn't have to provide evidence, wasn't even within the statue of limitations technically. You should kick him out and get a restraining order ASAP. Remember that in order for it to be valid, it must be served to him (hand-delivered by police). I keep my paperwork on me all the time, two years later, just in case.

Edited April 29, 2018 by Kim & Zak

[mushroomspore 3,044]

7 hours ago, sophia88 said:

Thanks everyone for your response. I am seeking a divorce now, I emailed a lawyer and waiting for response, will call the office on Monday.

 

I should've thought more before I got married. Every single time, I am not exaggerating, every time I say something he disagrees with, he would yell at me and tell me that I'm the worst person he ever known, he often say I should be ashamed of myself.

 

I feel that now he just wants to stay together so he can get the condition removed for his green card. It is very clear that he doesn't even like me, and the fact that he doesn't mention divorce makes me doubt him.

 

 

Firstly, don't beat yourself up. I understand telling yourself, "I should've thought this through more BEFORE marriage." However, please remember: it is NOT your fault. FYI, I'm a young lady and have seen too many friends - male and female alike - go through abusive relationships. They always blamed themselves and it kills me every time. It's not your fault, never was, never will be!!!

 

Secondly, you guys don't need to stay married for removal of conditions. Divorced people are allowed to apply as long as they provide the divorce papers. The only removal that needs to happen here is him out of your life.

[Scandi 4,166]

I have Chinese neighbors and customers straight from mainland China, and they yell. All the time, 24/7. Day and night. Husband and wife, grandparents and kids, grandchildren.. they all yell at each other. They yell even when they don't yell, it's very strange but seems to be a cultural thing. I guess they just like yelling, extremely loud people. Maybe your husband just likes to yell too, it's part of his culture? Yelling rude things on the other hand is a different matter.

Edited April 29, 2018 by Scandi

[Jane89 4]

1 minute ago, Scandi said:

I have Chinese neighbors and customers straight from mainland China, and they yell. All the time, 24/7. Day and night. Husband and wife, grandparents and kids, grandchildren.. they all yell at each other. They yell even when they don't yell, it's very strange but seems to be a cultural thing. I guess they just like yelling, extremely loud people. Maybe your husband just likes to yell too, it's part of his culture? Yelling rude things on the other hand is a different matter.

 Yes, it is very common at some parts of China, however it's mainly the older generation, younger people in 20s and 30s are usually more polite, but I guess not everyone, my husband yells too much, I can't have a normal discussion with him because of the yelling.

[Mark_712 126]

40 minutes ago, sophia88 said:

 Yes, it is very common at some parts of China, however it's mainly the older generation, younger people in 20s and 30s are usually more polite, but I guess not everyone, my husband yells too much, I can't have a normal discussion with him because of the yelling.

You don’t need to understand or make excuses for him. Love is not so ambiguous that  you can’t see or feel it. I know it hurts right now and you feel disappointed but understand this is something that you tried your best but just didn’t work out. Move on with your life and get past these feelings of remorse so that you can clear your head and find the real happiness that is destined for you. But it won’t happen if you don’t help yourself or if you persecute yourself for trying and not finding true love in this experience. You have your whole life ahead of you and you’re still young. Just follow your instinct, get away and be safe. You owe him nothing but you have a duty to yourself to be safe and open your heart to find true happiness. If you feel compelled to stay then seek counseling together and if he is not willing then there is your answer. Yes it hurts and it’s unfortunate, but life has so much more in stored for you but you need be open for it. Good luck and God bless and please be safe.

[Boiler 45,584]

6 hours ago, betelgeuse said:

You can't do ROC based on VAWA?

Correct

[betelgeuse 5]

2 hours ago, Boiler said:

Correct

Well that's even better

Good luck OP

[Rebecca & Kelvin 136]

5 hours ago, Scandi said:

I have Chinese neighbors and customers straight from mainland China, and they yell. All the time, 24/7. Day and night. Husband and wife, grandparents and kids, grandchildren.. they all yell at each other. They yell even when they don't yell, it's very strange but seems to be a cultural thing. I guess they just like yelling, extremely loud people. Maybe your husband just likes to yell too, it's part of his culture? Yelling rude things on the other hand is a different matter.

No, it is NOT a culture thing. It's understandable to discuss this issue against one person, however it's NOT ok to mention this at a country level. This is called discrimination! 

[Crazy Cat 41,922]

13 hours ago, Scandi said:

I have Chinese neighbors and customers straight from mainland China, and they yell. All the time, 24/7. Day and night. Husband and wife, grandparents and kids, grandchildren.. they all yell at each other. They yell even when they don't yell, it's very strange but seems to be a cultural thing. I guess they just like yelling, extremely loud people. Maybe your husband just likes to yell too, it's part of his culture? Yelling rude things on the other hand is a different matter.

As a former resident of Taiwan and the spouse of a person whose native language is Mandarin, I can testify that the language spoken in some parts of the world certainly sounds like yelling although it is not.  When I arrived in Taiwan, I would ask my wife, "are they angry"?  She would just laugh and say "No, that is normal conversation".......LOL.

[Crazy Cat 41,922]

13 hours ago, Scandi said:

I have Chinese neighbors and customers straight from mainland China, and they yell. All the time, 24/7. Day and night. Husband and wife, grandparents and kids, grandchildren.. they all yell at each other. They yell even when they don't yell, it's very strange but seems to be a cultural thing. I guess they just like yelling, extremely loud people. Maybe your husband just likes to yell too, it's part of his culture? Yelling rude things on the other hand is a different matter.

When I was beginning to learn a little Mandarin, my Brother-in-Law, who is Taiwanese, would say "pronounce it like you're angry"!.......

[Nevad@ 26]

I would not try to understand anyone being this aggressive towards his wife, no matter what culture or background the person is. Love is universal, and so are signs of respect. You deserve love and respect, and not tolerating an always angry husband, who threatens to throw you out of the window. Sorry this happened, but all you can do at this point is to not let it grow into something bigger and more dangerous. Divorce if you are not happy. 

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

This is advice for next time but don't start a live-in relationship in a studio apartment. You're designing for failure. If you live somewhere like NYC or LA or SF where anything other than a studio is prohibitively expensive, then move further out to the suburbs. The extra time you spend commuting can actually be a good thing, giving you both some extra time apart.