3 years $$ support gone - 6 Years Waisted of a broken promised marriage

[Migueljoy 4]

This is more for a warning then a "looking for advise message".  Some of what you will read will either all , or most will apply.  But if all or most apply you better truly be ready.  If your lucky and you truly found the right person then none of this will apply.  
There are two things you will need to know if your filipina wife lived in far off islands and had a simple life and didn't work but shows expectations of wanting more in life, then she gets here and you only have a job, rent an apartment with no set time of advancing to get a house or a better job.  She will leave you once she gets all her paperwork in order. 

She will make your life a living hell when before in the Philippines she was the girl of your ultimate dreams.
You made major sacrifices to bring your filipina wife here to the US and the moment she got here she shows huge disappointments then heed the warning she will leave you.
If she didn't work in the Philippines and had no experience in anything other then helping at home and taking care of the family chores.  You bring her here will be a major overwhelming experience for her.  She will not know how to handle the change of a fast past life as the U.S.  Be warned when she realizes her full potential of what she can have, how pretty she is, she will leave you.  So you better work fast and advance financially quickly.  It also better be way more then she expects.
If after a small spat she lunges at you and begins to beat on you for no apparent reason to the point she starts going stark crazy and out of control.  You attempt to call the cops because clearly she is going insane, but pleads with tears not for you to have her arrested.  Clear sign things will get worse in the future.  How could she be this way if she just got here a few months ago. Do not be taken in by her sorrow.  She has no where to go.
If you caught her in the first year chatting to men or being on a dating site that is the warning she is planning to leave you once her paperwork is done.
If after the next year you guys are constantly fighting because she keeps picking on you for a fight for what ever reason and she just pushes you to want to hit her.  Don't do it.
If she finds a way to move out temporarily while you guys "take a brake", this is the second obvious sign she does wants to have her own life.
From a simple life you bring her to a city life in the U.S.  will over whelm her as well as if she is alone a lot, will drive her insane. 
Her only thing to do will probably be to have sex with you so she can sleep and be tired, or once you get home complain and insult you in every way she can.  If she seems to be soo sexual at times, she either maybe using it to keep you in control and enticed you enough to give her what she wants.  Becareful.  Very careful.  The sex maybe great and you may feel so connected to her, but it will come to an abrupt stop when she leaves  you.
If she never worked in her country and now she was willing to work but has been lazy enough not to take the initiative even though you have sat down and showed her, given her the information, called for her, even try to give her a start by paying for some classes and schooling.  Then she still treats you like garbage after being sweet with you.  She will leave you once all her paperwork is in.
If you express that you feel insulted or feel pain when she hits you and claims its love taps but those love taps get worse to the point they are leaving bruises.  Even though you express "You are hurting me".  She will leave you.
If she is expressing that she hates work even though she has not worked much in her own country and then when she is home she does nothing in the house.  You will find yourself doing the dishes, cooking, serving her, cleaning.  Maybe she does some cleaning once or twice a month.  She will leave you once all her paperwork is in.
If she begins to find friends online in your area an spends many hours texting chatting and when you spend time with them some how you are told that they do not want you there.  Clearly you have been written off.
If it seems that you try to have a normal conversation with her and she just smirks at you or insults you or say something such as the word..."obviously".  She is not happy.
If your expectations of a wife and partner was your goal to be together with her and build a life here in the U.S., then she gets here and she is the total opposite of not even thinking of your feelings of even wanting to hold your hand in public or does not even put pictures of the two of you in her fb or her wallet.  She will leave you once the paper work is in because clearly she is looking for a provider not a partner.  She will want to keep all her money she makes and spend all your money.
If every year she is a green card holder she is expressing that she hates her life but tries to cover it up saying its just a joke, but soon after awhile  the statement becomes something she is expressing in aggravation eventually.  She will leave you once her paperwork is in.
If she is embarrassing you in front of your kids and as well as does not even want to know your kids or talk to them.  She definitely is not planning to be part of your life so why make the effort.
If after now 5 years its clearly the same story, she insults you, hits you, tries her best to make you hit her, tries to want kids from you after learning about child support and alimony and just still she does not seem to want to get any close to you as a married partner or friend. She is definitely thinking of someone else who she sees a future with because she does not see that future with you.
If eventually you use to know her cell phone pin and then all of a suddent she is pulling away not for you to see anything about her phone.  I would check her phone records of the phone number she is most texting and calling...look it up on FB.  If you find a guys face show up, just one sole account.  Then she is already planning to leave you because she has all her paperwork done and its a matter of the right time to escape from you.
Please be aware it can be anyone from any country.  If love was so great in their country and then all of a sudden a selfish character comes up.  A total different person emerges because you are a lonely working class, apartment renting person with a little saving and a 401k and have your plans to get a house and advance in your job is taking to long.  You can rest assure this k1-visa marriage will end when all the paperwork is done.
Send them back because they do not love you as you think they do, they love themselves and their country and family (which is understandable) but does not need you in the picture.  Your purpose was done when they got their citizenship and drivers license.  Stop and send them back if you see many of the early warning signs, because once all the paper work is in, its too late.  Swallow the love in your heart and let them go.

[Kevo 69]

Sounds like one of my wife's distant cousins.  She married an older gentleman maybe 10 years ago and left as soon as she could. 

 

She's still in the US.   I met her once about 2 years ago, nice girl.  Can't blame her really - besides $ or GC there's not much a much older man can offer a young girl.  

 

 

[mrmvkjts 459]

Okay.....

First of all, I am sorry you‘re hurt and have to go thru this!

 

But I also want to say, I don‘t like it, that you‘re pointing out that she‘s filipina!

It most definitely can happen to ANYONE and from ANY country...and I find it a little knsulting towards somebody who is from the philippines and having all the right intentions!

 

unfortunately there‘s nothing you can do now but try to move on from this relationship from hell and live your life as best as you can. it‘ll take some time to heal and be able to trust any woman again I guess but there‘s not too much you can do now

[Chris Duffy 1,257]

It seems as if all the warning signs and red flags were there, and you overlooked them or simply ignored them.

 

Take this as a life lesson and move on, It will do you no good to harbor hate or ill will.

 

The best revenge a person can get is to live a happy and good life

 

 

[Migueljoy 4]

12 hours ago, Kevo said:

Sounds like one of my wife's distant cousins.  She married an older gentleman maybe 10 years ago and left as soon as she could. 

 

She's still in the US.   I met her once about 2 years ago, nice girl.  Can't blame her really - besides $ or GC there's not much a much older man can offer a young girl.  

 

 

I do understand...

[Migueljoy 4]

5 hours ago, Chris Duffy said:

It seems as if all the warning signs and red flags were there, and you overlooked them or simply ignored them.

 

Take this as a life lesson and move on, It will do you no good to harbor hate or ill will.

 

The best revenge a person can get is to live a happy and good life

 

 

There were and I did confront her oh so constantly about it, but well she always won my heart and I was fooled by it.  I will admit and lay my heart out there.  I have moved on but for those who do see the signs much early must decide if they are willing to go through the full extend of offering knowing and accepting they are not really here for a future with you but for a future for themselves.  The U.S. embassy is totally looking for that genuine love relationship.  But that person will have to fully decide if they are willing to accept the end results because using someone's heart to get into this country is very painful.

 

There is a better way and I have met many who do not use love to get into the U.S. but have went through other means.  This is the most hurtful way anyone should ever have to use to come to this country.  Love is a powerful thing can make you do so many things to find happiness, but this way can be a double edge sword.

 

My apologies if I offended anyone...

[Hank_ 9,174]

It is all about which head you were thinking with at the time ... 

 

 

 

[Chris Duffy 1,257]

This is much better

 

 

[Hank_ 9,174]

Guess my ages shows ...   

[Migueljoy 4]

On 4/17/2018 at 10:53 PM, Migueljoy said:

This is more for a warning then a "looking for advise message".  Some of what you will read will either all , or most will apply.  But if all or most apply you better truly be ready.  If your lucky and you truly found the right person then none of this will apply.  
 

My apologies if I pointed out Filipinos.  I happen to love the culture and the country and have visited this year and will be going back again in November and met many girls with better stabilities in their life then my ex was.  I have accepted what has happen but still the pain is there just not in the same degree.  I still know I need time.  But again my apologies of pointing out filipinas, but many of the filipinas I met there this year say this is a common practice from all foreign country especially in the poorer areas.  Funny thing my ex was not poor they were just irresponsible in handling their wealth. 

 

But yes it can happen from any country, so I do want to stand corrected on this that if you are going to marry someone from a foreign country truly think of what your getting into, it is a big cost to you at the end and lucky I did not have a child from her or owe her anything through a divorce.  Also someone mentioned age and yes age was something I understood, but now looking over, she really did not understand and many of these girls always say age does not matter, but they do not realize it truly does.

 

I can not apologies enough.  Some people can be immature of the whole issue and others are truly connected to the journey ... because together it is a journey and I just happen to have had it done to me in a bad way.  Good luck to everyone.   For idiots that responded to this... well  your time will come and I wish you well.

[Migueljoy 4]

On 4/18/2018 at 6:21 AM, Chris Duffy said:

It seems as if all the warning signs and red flags were there, and you overlooked them or simply ignored them.

 

Take this as a life lesson and move on, It will do you no good to harbor hate or ill will.

 

The best revenge a person can get is to live a happy and good life

 

 

So true... I don't harbor it because I feel that it is keep it,  it there and I have worked hard to let it go... I get PTs for it... but you are right about living a good life....  

 

Thanks

 

[John & Rose 7,239]

19 minutes ago, Migueljoy said:

So true... I don't harbor it because I feel that it is keep it,  it there and I have worked hard to let it go... I get PTs for it... but you are right about living a good life....  

 

Thanks

 

Thanks for sharing.  It isn't a bad thing to warn people to be wary.  What we are doing is meeting, falling in love, marrying and hopefully living a full life with someone from as far as half way around the earth.  Those warnings are good.  We all need to go into this with our eyes open.  I am sorry that happened to you.

[debbiedoo 2,339]

call me crazy but maybe .... just maybe .... if you spent the TIME to get to know the person, inside and out, and listened to warning signs.... you might not have gotten yourself in this situation. 

 

i do feel bad or you, i do, and it SUCKS, but you are making gross generalizations about an entire Country and Nationality. There are people all over this world that are looking for a green card. Keeping your eyes open and thinking with the head on your shoulders instead of the one beneath your belt. have HONEST discussions about your finances and living conditions.

 

This isnt amazon - you cant 'send it back'. You have to make good, informed decisions that are based on more than a pretty face.

[Hank_ 9,174]

You can send stuff back on Amazon!!????   How cool is that!  I will have to try that.     Thanks       

[Migueljoy 4]

18 hours ago, debbiedoo said:

call me crazy but maybe .... just maybe .... if you spent the TIME to get to know the person, inside and out, and listened to warning signs.... you might not have gotten yourself in this situation. 

 

i do feel bad or you, i do, and it SUCKS, but you are making gross generalizations about an entire Country and Nationality. There are people all over this world that are looking for a green card. Keeping your eyes open and thinking with the head on your shoulders instead of the one beneath your belt. have HONEST discussions about your finances and living conditions.

 

This isnt amazon - you cant 'send it back'. You have to make good, informed decisions that are based on more than a pretty face.

Thank you for your feedback,

 

I spent almost 2 and a half years knowing her ... we were inseparable before anything.  Talked about everything...  Funny I did remember the signs, but because I was not familiar in things like this I trusted both my heart and her.   Plus I did realize I did need to know her more if I was going to do this...the decision of us being together was not realized until 2 years that I knew her.

 

I have apologies before and I will continue to apologies.. you are right any culture and nationality can do this.  So my apologies, I love the culture and the country and I have visited there already this year and I am going back.  But my apologies for that you are right as is everyone else who has pointed it out.  I have met more beautiful girls both in spirit and heart there with sureness about their plans in life.   I just was immature about this.  I was in love.

 

in the 2 1/2 years that I knew her, we did everything on phone, cam, I visited her 3 times (staying 2 to 3 weeks each) before the 4th time I visited was her to come to the US.  I stood there 3 weeks.  We spoke about everything from finances to living arrangements, to future plans for us ... nothing was off the table and I made everything open to her.  I realized that this was a major decision for both of us and so every detail was necessary.   I supported her and all her decisions of what she wanted to do once she got here and I did my best to always show my love.  We always had open discussions on anything because I am a planner and wanted so much in my heart to grow with her.  I was thinking with my mind and heart ... not with my #######... lets get that straight out right now.  I wanted a life with her.   Everyone knew her in my family and I knew everyone in her family.  Everything was planned to the penny.  Please don't assume.  

 

What sometimes I think is that she held back on somethings and did not tell me.  For every time I saw an issue with her I asked and asked and tried and tried, .... nothing would of changed the course she wanted for her life.  Absolutely nothing.  She had her plans set already the minute she stepped off the plane.  For when she got here nothing should of been a surprise for her, but it was....   

 

The Amazon comment was not called for really... but thank you for your feed back, others will need to have this drilled in their minds to understand the level it takes to really be successful with this.  Unfortunately some people are not meant to be together even if one loves and the other doesn't.  I learned the level of acceptance to this, but emotions do not have a bottom and they can run very deep.  That is truly one of the lessons I have found from all this.