I Feel Useless

[ddurkin 0]

i too recommend having AOS stuff ready to go...we didn't (getting married immediately wasn't our original plan, but we decided to go ahead and do it in an attempt to secure AP so D could attend my brothers May wedding in Mexico). well the AOS paperwork process needlessly turned into a big stressor which was no fun for either of us, and it doesn't look like his AP will arrive in time anyways.

If you do all your 864 stuff before he comes over it'll be much much smoother and you won't be running around like a lunatic when he does arrive. the other forms that he fils out are really very simple.

Organization, as always in this process, is key.

BUt do remember to enjoy yourself before he comes over too...you deserve it!!

Wish we'd thought ahead a bit more!!

[pax 0]

Thanks again, everyone!

My I-864 should be fairly uncomplicated; my income is well above the poverty levels and my taxes for 2005 are already finished, so I'll have a copy of the return to send in as well. All I need to get is an employer letter, and my boss turned it around in 24 hours when I needed it for the I-134, so that's no big deal. Right now we're undecided as to whether or not we want to file for AP; although it's unlikely we'll be back in the UK before the holidays, I'd personally rather have it done and dusted, just in case.

[pax 0]

Bump...

It's only 3 weeks left now, and he's so stressed out and seems so unhappy. It's not that I expect him to be jumping for joy; I know he surely has a lot of mixed emotions right now...I just don't know how to help him.

I can't possibly be the only USC in this boat, aye?

[gimygirl 0]

*hug* abby ...

has he been able to pinpoint exactly what he's stressed or unhappy about?

[pax 0]

Sheesh, what's there not to be unhappy about? He's trying to pack up/get rid of several years' accumulation of stuff in his flat, he's going to miss his mother, he's coming somewhere where the only people he knows are me and my friends and my family...I miss him so much and I wish he was here already, but I can't help but feel like he's not going to be happy to get here.

And I feel like a complete heel for putting him in this position, and I don't know how to make it better.

[Peggy 1]

Sheesh, what's there not to be unhappy about? He's trying to pack up/get rid of several years' accumulation of stuff in his flat, he's going to miss his mother, he's coming somewhere where the only people he knows are me and my friends and my family...I miss him so much and I wish he was here already, but I can't help but feel like he's not going to be happy to get here.

And I feel like a complete heel for putting him in this position, and I don't know how to make it better.

HUGS ABBY

Your not a heel Abby.

You didnt put him in any position that he wasnt willing to put himself in.

You both decided to spend the rest of your life together.

Dont beat yourself up about what he is feeling right now.

Anyone that has to move has felt those same feelings he is feeling.

He will be alright once he gets here and see's you again.

Sure he is going to miss home and his mom, but we all do.

All I can say is be there for him like you are, and listen to his feelings.

Things will be OK

[pax 0]

Thank ya, Peggy. Gah, I'm just so worried for him, and I can't stand this feeling of just nattering about here while he's got so much going on over there.

I just want him to feel, someday--not right away, not even after a few weeks or months, but someday--that it was worth it, and that we did the right thing. I wish I could feel sure of that right now.

[Cassie 8]

Sheesh, what's there not to be unhappy about? He's trying to pack up/get rid of several years' accumulation of stuff in his flat, he's going to miss his mother, he's coming somewhere where the only people he knows are me and my friends and my family...I miss him so much and I wish he was here already, but I can't help but feel like he's not going to be happy to get here.

And I feel like a complete heel for putting him in this position, and I don't know how to make it better.

HUGS ABBY

Your not a heel Abby.

You didnt put him in any position that he wasnt willing to put himself in.

You both decided to spend the rest of your life together.

Dont beat yourself up about what he is feeling right now.

Anyone that has to move has felt those same feelings he is feeling.

He will be alright once he gets here and see's you again.

Sure he is going to miss home and his mom, but we all do.

All I can say is be there for him like you are, and listen to his feelings.

Things will be OK

aye, what Peggy said! Oh, and don't take it personally or feel too guilty (I know it will be hard!) if all you hear for a while are the differences between here and there - -I found for me personally it took a while for everything to sink in, and I would talk about it a lot to Jerry. He realized it was a way for me to vent -- he knew I didn't hate the US.

I just want him to feel, someday--not right away, not even after a few weeks or months, but someday--that it was worth it, and that we did the right thing. I wish I could feel sure of that right now.

It happens, I promise!

[gimygirl 0]

Sheesh, what's there not to be unhappy about? He's trying to pack up/get rid of several years' accumulation of stuff in his flat, he's going to miss his mother, he's coming somewhere where the only people he knows are me and my friends and my family...I miss him so much and I wish he was here already, but I can't help but feel like he's not going to be happy to get here.

And I feel like a complete heel for putting him in this position, and I don't know how to make it better.

well i'm sure that you can understand where my line of questioning stemmed from. it's certainly hard to comment when you don't know what the main issue is. people experience unhappiness for different reasons when they move.

i think the first thing you should remember is to not take this personally. this is not a reflection on how he feels about you or your relationship in the least. i'm sure you're feeling a bit of nervousness as well as this will be the first time you've shared a place with a boyfriend ... there will be an adjustment period for both of you.

check out the stages of cultural adjustment. of course some experience these more than others. you know ewen the best but i'm sure that he has thought about this decision and is more than happy to come here and share his life with you. you are so in tune with how you feel and thinking about his feelings - this is a great starting point.

we're here for ya!

[pax 0]

I'm sorry, Monique, I didn't mean to come off like I was snapping at you. I was so tired and upset last night, but I know you're just trying to help.

I'll take a look at that link you posted...thanks.

[gimygirl 0]

I'm sorry, Monique, I didn't mean to come off like I was snapping at you. I was so tired and upset last night, but I know you're just trying to help.

I'll take a look at that link you posted...thanks.

hey that's ok!!! i kept everything in perspective! i'm sorry this is upsetting for you. i wish there was some magic phrase but only time helps things like this.

it sounds so weird to say but ... the minute you guys are reunited you will both know that this was all worth it! i absolutely know that i was one of the lucky ones because geoff couldn't wait to come home and there was never any adjustment period. his mum has already been here twice in 6 months!

i think you're doing an amazing job!!! did you clear out some drawers for him yet??

[pax 0]

Drawers? Hell, he has his own dresser! It's just a small one that I used when I was in college, but it is all his own. And he has half a closet, too (the bedroom closet takes up most of a whole wall).

[gimygirl 0]

Drawers? Hell, he has his own dresser! It's just a small one that I used when I was in college, but it is all his own. And he has half a closet, too (the bedroom closet takes up most of a whole wall).

well ... that's love right there!!!! a girl giving up half her closet space!!!!!

so ... does ewen like to cook? try stocking the freezer with some easy to microwave things for when you're at work during the day. is the library within walking/biking distance? he can go hang there once a week to read some magazines/newspapers.

[pax 0]

We're very lucky to have quite a lot close by and within 30 minutes' walking distance--everything from a post office and a branch of my (soon to be our) bank to a library and a mall. I've been putting together a list of addresses of and directions to a lot of these places for him so he can jet off during the day on his own, even without a car.

I guess I just have to remind myself that I'm doing what I can, even though I feel like I should be doing more. I'm just completely at a loss for what more there could be.

[TracyTN 237]

There is nothing worse than WANTING to do something and not being able to (I've kind of been in the same position with my dad and his surgery...he went in the hospital again yesterday with a 102 fever), but Ewen knows that your hands are tied, at least for this part of the transition.

I think you're doing what you can to keep busy and get things organized on this end, and he will appreciate that when he gets here.

Hang in there.