I Feel Useless

[pax 0]

Well, the big move is in less than a month now, and obviously in some ways it's about damn time! I haven't seen Ewen since January and I miss him so very much. It'll be wonderful to be able to pick him up at the airport and not have to worry about saying goodbye after a week or two!

But he's got an awful lot on his plate right now, of course, and I feel, as the topic says, rather useless sitting here just waiting for him to get here. I'm trying to get the flat ready, read up on AOS and all that...but he's over there, trying to pack up his flat and have quality time with his mother and his friends, and I'm not really doing anything.

I suggested going over there for a weekend to help out (I don't have much vacation time accrued at work right now since my two trips over there), but we scuttled that suggestion, as it's a lot of money to spend for just two days or so when we probably wouldn't get much done anyhow. I know a lot of you have been able to be with your non-USC sweeties right up until the big move, but for those of you who were stuck stateside, how did you handle it? For the non-USCs who joined their sweeties stateside after doing the move solo, is there anything that your sweeties did that was especially helpful or supportive?

Thanks.

[canadalaura 0]

There's not too much you really can do... other that what you have already done Sit back and relax - enjoy your last few moment free to hang out with the girls whenever you want.

Oh, and it would have been a HUGE help if Dave had gotten all the AOS forms filled out to the point that it was possible to do this pre-move and pre-wedding - but I didn't expect it, which was good because it didn't happen!

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

How did I handle it? I slept a lot. She didn't have much time to talk since she was busy packing and typing up loose ends, so I used to come home from work and crash. I found it comforting .. the fact that the uncertainty was gone and I didn't have to worry anymore. And when I'm relaxed I sleep. A lot.

But then again I'm not the type who needs to feel useful. Useless is good in my books. Means the cosmos is taking care of itself and that's how it should be

Good luck with the wait.

[Mand 1]

Hi Abby

I remember reading a post about the USC having maps of their area for the non USC, bus routes, trains, nearby shops and stores, so they wouldn't feel so isolated during the day.

Also, is he bringing over DVD's? Can you pick up a multi regional DVD player...I think someone mentioned WalMart do them for a fairly reasonable amount. Plus, have an International calling card waiting for him, so he can call friends and family and talk away without worrying what it is going to cost.

And by the way, reading up on the AOS process is doing LOTS in my book

[raymaga 25]

I totally agree with the post about getting the AOS paperwork ready.

I am the non-US citizen, but I had the whole AOS package ready to go so that all I needed to add to it was the certified marriage certificate.

We got married on August 28, 2004 and we mailed the AOS package out on August 30, 2004. We got the certified marriage certificate on the morning of August 30th, and then added it to the package, and threw it in the mail. That way, we sure enjoyed our honeymoon without having to worry about getting the paperwork done when we got back.

Good luck.

Edited March 22, 2006 by raymaga

[Dixie_Peach 1]

Pax... it sounds like the AOS stuff you are doing is LOADS of work...

also, i think that the suggestions that you have received are absolutely great... bus routes, maps, etc...

loved the idea about the phone cards... that will be a tremendous help i think!

As you know... Jamal and I are waiting for our noa2 at the moment... so, I don't have a whole lot that I can share... but, this is some of what I have done so far...

I have clipped coupons to use when he gets here for shampoo... deodorant, toothbrushes, toothpaste...

I have bought up some arts supplies for him... and have even gotten in touch with a friend who is on the board for several arts museums throughout southern georgia...

I have started a third job that he could help do... or even do himself... delivering the sunday morning newspaper... something to help him feel useful...

I have also searched and found some missionary projects that he could work on here in southern georgia...

He loves jigsaw puzzles... so, I have bought a couple so that he can do those when he gets here...

And... I know that when he gets here, that I will help him to unpack and put things up... hehe... i am a tidy freak...

I will keep watching this thread tho... there may be ideas that I can use...

Wishing you all the best always...

Your friend,

Lynne

[Mand 1]

I totally agree with the post about getting the AOS paperwork ready.

I am the non-US citizen, but I had the whole AOS package ready to go so that all I needed to add to it was the certified marriage certificate.

We got married on August 28, 2004 and we mailed the AOS package out on August 30, 2004. We got the certified marriage certificate on the morning of August 30th, and then added it to the package, and threw it in the mail. That way, we sure enjoyed our honeymoon without having to worry about getting the paperwork done when we got back.

Good luck.

That's what we did too My parents were over and we didn't want that ickky paper-work hanging over us.

[pax 0]

Awww, thank you, everyone!

I did think about printing out the AOS forms before Ewen gets here so he can start working on them straightaway. And I've been working on a list of local "important places" like post offices, grocery stores, coffee shops, etc. with addresses and directions--all places he can walk to during the day if he wants. We're lucky in that there's quite a lot within walking distance of where we'll be living--even a mall (I work there part-time and can walk there in about 25 minutes)!

[Mand 1]

Right after we got married, we all went upstairs to get the official marriage cert...No waiting around here

[rejane 1]

I think it s good to start preparing AOS papers.

When i arrived in the US my now husband ... did make the placefeel like place home for me.

He did gave me some good placesto go during the dayand things to do while i wasn t working.

I left Ireland a week after than i got my visa... the last week in Ireland was hard for me... I had to get all things together say bye to my friends.

Well good luck

[Mand 1]

I meant to ask before rejane, where did you live in Ireland?

[rbhigday 0]

I would start on the AOS paperwork, most if not all the info will be a repeat from other paperwork just different forms. When Silvia came here I was in the process of retiring and Job hunting so I delayed it a few months, in hindsight that may have not been the best choice but we managed

[purplesneakers 0]

tick.. tick... you must be so excited!

there are some great suggestions here, especially phone cards, directions etc.

I think it would have been fantastic if my now husband knew how the AOS process went, however when he offered to help i rejected his offer because it was my little project and it filled in some days spent in the apartment alone, checking and then rechecking, getting it all in order.

This suggestion may sound obvious but space is important.. and i don't mean from you! I'd visited tom three times in the place we are both now living in and it didn't bother me then, but when i looked around the last time i lobbed here (to stay, for good!) I noticed I had no where to really put my stuff... it sounds stupid but my stuff just didn't have a home, and i ended up with a suitcase full of stuff just sitting there until after we were married... recently we bought as desk with lots of storage space in it and finally i feel like i have a little space carved out for my things... and me! but we're going to need something bigger than a desk when the rest of my things arrive at the end of april! 20 boxes!

[gimygirl 0]

awww abby!!! don't feel useless! you've done so much and you're at the end now!! i would just sit back and relax and use this time for some deep reflection!

personally, i wouldn't 'worry' about AOS stuff straight away. but geoff and i are both type B personalities, so it just wasn't that important to use to jump right back in to immigration paperwork.

my suggestion on this one is to follow ewen's lead once he gets here. i wouldn't try to plan too much or make too many lists (not sure if he would then feel that you think he's inept to make his way around) ... but of course, you know ewen best!

and give us a call if you want to meet up for a drink at a pub!! we'll be right over!

[giraffemd 0]

Abby

I am the non-USC, and let me tell you your guy will have his turn at feeling useless as I am right now waiting to get to work...so it all kind of evens out in the end. My guy was frustrated not being able to do much to prepare for me, but now that I have been here for 3 months, it's my turn. I feel bad every day that I cannot contribute, especially considering I could if I had the *** EAD, as I have a job. So it will all work out. We are so glad we aren't still back waiting for the K1 to be approved....every stage has a different challenge, but it is all so much nicer when you are together, so don't feel too useless, as it sounds like you are doing a lot to help things when he is here.

Maureen